issue152,关于经济类的总不如艺术类的来得顺，大家帮忙改啊！

wondermakerUID: 143503

152. The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.

We do adore some people, especially those who could earn themselves a lot of money. As every one of us is a member of this money-centered society, we imagine one day we could be VIPs by earning enough money, building our empire in this fanatic economic world. But those corporate executives might not think so, as some one says they treat it their sole responsibility to make as much profit as possible for their companies.

It could possible be right in connection with the simple rule we obey in this competitive and realistic business world, the only standard to measure whether you are a capable executive is your company’s economic performance. Increase in sales, rise in stock prices, more consumers and larger percentage of occupation in the market, all these are indicatives to show your excellence in leading the company. To the contrary, if one fails to cut the revenues and compensate for the loss, he is at the risk of losing his title. It is rather fair and cold-blooded of the market under whose pressure no executives would deny his responsibility of earning money.

There are many business elites who are perfect at this; such were Bill Gates and Rockefeller. However, after thorough study and careful consideration, we might change our original opinion. Their greatness not only owns a lot to their talent in gathering capital, but also lies in their broad sight and sensitive mind. Rather than put all their energy in making money, they decided to do something more constructive such as making the company a blueprint of the future, extending their business into new areas, establishing their own centers for technical innovations and re-arranging the company’s structure for higher efficiency. Although these efforts they made will not be rewarded at once, in the long term, the company will be abundantly paid back.

In fact, the constructive work is more important to an executive. What might be more significant is to set up the culture of the company, establishing a comfortable surrounding for its employees and eventually make the company a famous brand, with its success both in economics and social impact. For example, we are familiar with Nike its logo “Just do it”, and it is not strange that Nike changes many people’s minds, their perspectives and their attitudes towards life. I must admit that the CEO of the Nike Corp. must be smart and excellent in attaining this.

As you see, other than making money for the company, our executives have many tasks to undertake. Thus, stop calling them money earner but title them the business sculptor.
(430words)

so猫UID: 148633

不当之处请多指教~~~
152. The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.

We do adore some people, especially those who could earn themselves a lot of money. As every one of us is a member of this money-centered society, we imagine one day we could be VIPs by earning enough money, building our empire in this fanatic economic world. But those corporate executives might not think so, as some one says they treat it their sole responsibility to make as much profit as possible for their companies.

It could possible（could和possible重复了吧 而且possible也应该是possibly吧） be right in connection with the simple rule we obey in this competitive and realistic business world, the only standard to measure whether you are a capable executive is your company’s economic performance. Increase in sales, rise in stock prices, more consumers and larger percentage of occupation in the market, all these are indicatives to show your excellence in leading the company. To the contrary, if one fails to cut the revenues and compensate for the loss, he is at the risk of losing his title. It is rather fair and cold-blooded of the market under whose pressure no executives would deny his responsibility of earning money.

There are many business elites who are perfect at this; such were（用were吗？） Bill Gates and Rockefeller. However, after thorough study and careful consideration, we might change our original opinion. Their greatness not only owns a lot to their talent in gathering capital, but also lies in their broad sight and sensitive mind. Rather than put all their energy in making money, they decided to do something more constructive such as making （for）the company a blueprint of the future, extending their business into new areas, establishing their own centers for technical innovations and re-arranging the company’s structure for higher efficiency. Although these efforts they made will not be rewarded at once, in the long term, the company will be abundantly paid back.
这段的论证很不错的说~~~~~

In fact, the constructive work is more important to an executive. What might be more significant is to set up the culture of the company, establishing（用原型） a comfortable surrounding for its employees and eventually make the company a famous brand, with its success both in economics and social impact. For example, we are familiar with Nike its logo “Just do it”, and it is not strange that Nike changes many people’s minds, their（their不要） perspectives and their（their不要） attitudes towards life. I must admit that the CEO of the Nike Corp. must be smart and excellent in attaining this.

As you see, other than making money for the company, our executives have many tasks to undertake. Thus, stop calling them money earner but title them the business sculptor.
(430words)
感觉上用we和you 的方法太多 显得文章不是很客观
字数也不是很多~~~
结尾的那一段好象是有话没有说完的那种 而文章真正的结尾没有呀~~~
楼主加油~~~