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73"In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."
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Without imagination, human society can not advance at all and will remain stagnant and bleak. Although knowledge play an important role in society, imagination may turn out to be more desireable(这个词用得不太好。而且拼写错误DESIRABLE) in this era of specialization.
On one hand, imagination enable people to be more creative and active in profession(是不是改用形容词?) fields.As we know, modern society is based on a(a删掉) high-level specialization. That will,unfotunately, inhibit human thinking as well. However, almost in any profession people(这个表达很别扭) need to discover and create new perspectives(发明和创造新的观点想法?也别扭) to meet newly-issuing desire of society and make one's own enterprise enhanced and prospered.Moreover,also thank to imagination, people can keep active thinking and activity to innovate unremittingly so as to maintain a favorable situation in more and more fierce competition.(前面这部分写得有些乱。that will 那一句显得多于且矛盾;而且as we know这句和Moreover这句我觉得其间的区分不是很明显,都是在讲active) In business, businessmen need to exhume(?消耗发掘?) the growth point(point好像不需要) of consumption so that they can be more profitable(profitable似乎只是做形容词。人做主语它做表语的情况好像很少见) and attain success. Consider, for example ,the invent of discman. One day a Japanese businessman suddenly figure out that there may be a way to make CD player portable just like walkman. And then he finally invented the discman,the portable disc player, through attempting. Now discman has been very popular in all layers of consumers.
这个例子对你论点的证明不充分。注意你所说的:newly-issuing desire of society and make one's own enterprise enhanced 还有active thinking and activity to innovate unremittingly
On the other hand, imagination also endue people with innovation spirit in academic fields. Academic work,featured freely-thinking, strongly require(单三形式) active and flexible innovation to break through existed system and framework more than other fields of work. Actually, any extant knowledge is formed from continuing accumulating of ever innovation in history. Without innovation, there will be not any development in science and technology.(这里的一致性差了点。Academic work一句讲imagination是破坏旧体制所必需的;可Actually一据又紧接着讲imagination是建立已有体系所必需的。但你在这里并不是在讲imagination的矛盾属性。读着有些费解。) Meanwhile, creation and innovation always derive from imaginative thinking,which inspire people to go beyond existed stuff. There is a case in point, Newton,the famous scientist,used his imagination and inspiration to discover the universial gravitation law just from the droping apple.(从树上掉下来的苹果想到了万有引力。这只是个传说而已,不可以乱用。而且就算是真的,这也和imagination关系不大吧?充其量只能算是association。)
整个这一段给人的感觉是有些在东拉西扯。句与句之间的连贯性和逻辑性差了些
In addition, imagination is conducible to shape a healthy mentality,even a healthy body. Imagination endows people with active thinking and hence vigor. Life full of active-thinking turns vivid, as help people to keep in an easy and happy mind.(这个as原因从句感觉站不住脚) Thus, odds are that people will be more healthy in mental and physical aspect. For instance, a study has shown that those who work in dull and inanimate environment tend to be fatigued and sick more than others. There is no doubt that those full of imaginative mind are more likely to be health and therefore work efficiently.
In conclusion, imagination is more significant than knowledge to some extent. Anyway, there is no denying that any advancement,including that of knowledge, can not be realized without imagination.
写得有些乱。
1 每一段,尤其是第二第三段中句子之间的关系没有把握好。
2 例子不够充实,造成了论证薄弱。每一段都有些头重脚轻。
3 没有突出题目的比较imagination&knowledge
仔细看看置顶的文章,再看看题库中的优秀习作。再加上坚持练习,会有很大进步的。
加油! |
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