ISSUE111 我的第2篇~

fenghua8385UID: 137789

111. "The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is seriously diminishing the differences among cultures."



The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements, in the past decades, has made it possible for people of different countries and of different cultures to get acquainted with cultural differences and to understand others better.

Television programs and advertisements bring the culture of one country into other foreign countries, and in turn, other countries' cultures go into that country as well. As a culture can be reflected in almost every aspects of people's daily life, such as music, clothing and diets, different countries with different cultures may have different tastes in the areas above. For instance, Western countries' pop music such as R&B, Rap, Country Music has now been pretty common and deeply-loved by many Eastern countries' people, and the traditional and classical Eastern music and musical instrument have been popular in the Western countries as well; many Western girls nowadays are keen on the Chinese Qipao and Japanese Kimono, so are the Eastern women's enthusiasm for mini-skirt and high-heel-shoes; it's quite convenient for the Westerners to enjoy Japanese Cuisine and Chinese Tea in their own countries, and it's not inconvenient for the Easterners to have a meal at the KFC with a cup of Coca-Cola. These aspects reflect the fact that television and advertisements have already contributed a lot in the communication between various cultures.

The communication between different countries and cultures can, undoubtly, increase the acquaintances and understanding of them. There has been, in these years, a "Chinese-craze" among millions of Americans. Seeing the films which present the Chinese kongfu, the Americans cannot suppress their interests of China, a country with 5000 years of history and full of mysterious color. Not only that, the Americans are now flowing into China to experience the Chinese culture themselves, thus boosts the understanding of Chinese culture among the Americans. Likewise, an increasing number of Chinese students are now planning to go to the U.S. to pursuit their studies due to the influence of the introduction and information of the American Universities provided by the mass media. Statistic show that, comparing with 10 years ago, there's a 64% increase of students intending to study aboard, and the majority of them say that they would like to take the chance for both study as well as experiencing the American culture.

However, it is of equally importance, if not more important, to insist on reserving one's own culture while absorbing the others'. As the saying goes, "One should not forget his own style when study from other's methods."(Remarked by Confucius, and I paraphrase)It would be more advisable to absorb the foreign cultures reservingly and use them to enrich one's own culture, not merely accepting without consideration, or even replace one's own culture with the foreign ones without carefully thought.

In conclusion, the worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is helping people to understand more of various cultures, and making them be able to use the foreign cultures to enrich and diverse their own ones.


1小时20分钟

请大家批改！

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

111. "The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is seriously diminishing the differences among cultures."

The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements, in the past decades, has made it possible for people of different countries and of different cultures to get acquainted with cultural differences and to understand others better.

Television programs and advertisements bring the culture of one country into other foreign countries, and in turn, other countries' cultures go into that country as well.
[这个TS有点冗长,其实前半和后半都可以合成一个句子...each other. TS贵在简单明了准确.我认为只要能说清,越短越好.] As a culture can be reflected in almost every aspects of people's daily life, such as music, clothing and diets, different countries with different cultures may have different tastes in the areas above. For instance, Western countries' pop music such as R&B, Rap, Country Music has now been pretty common and deeply-loved by[介词搭配有问题] many Eastern countries' people, and the traditional and classical Eastern music and musical instrument have been popular in the Western countries as well; many Western girls nowadays are keen on the Chinese Qipao and Japanese Kimono, so are the Eastern women's enthusiasm for mini-skirt and high-heel-shoes; it's quite convenient for the Westerners to enjoy Japanese Cuisine and Chinese Tea in their own countries, and it's not inconvenient for the Easterners to have a meal at the KFC with a cup of Coca-Cola. These aspects reflect the fact that television and advertisements have already contributed a lot in the communication between various cultures.[这些例子没有发挥好重点.重点不在于culture是如何地融合了,应是culture是如何在television and advertisements的作用下融合的.这些例子都在讲融合的现状,而重点应是融合的过程才对]

The communication between different countries and cultures can, undoubtly, increase the acquaintances and understanding of them. There has been, in these years, a "Chinese-craze" among millions of Americans. Seeing the films which present the Chinese kongfu, the Americans cannot suppress their interests of China, a country with 5000 years of history and full of mysterious color. Not only that, the Americans are now flowing into China to experience the Chinese culture themselves, thus boosts the understanding of Chinese culture among the Americans. Likewise, an increasing number of Chinese students are now planning to go to the U.S. to pursuit their studies due to the influence of the introduction and information of the American Universities provided by the mass media. Statistic show that, comparing with 10 years ago, there's a 64% increase of students intending to study aboard, and the majority of them say that they would like to take the chance for both study as well as experiencing the American culture.[和上一段同样的毛病,应该讲communication在增进了解方面的作用,而不是了解已经如何增进了]

However, it is of equally importance, if not more important, to insist on reserving one's own culture while absorbing the others'. As the saying goes, "One should not forget his own style when study from other's methods."(Remarked by Confucius, and I paraphrase)It would be more advisable to absorb the foreign cultures reservingly and use them to enrich one's own culture, not merely accepting without consideration, or even replace one's own culture with the foreign ones without carefully[careful] thought.

In conclusion, the worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is helping people to understand more of various cultures, and making them be able to use the foreign cultures to enrich and diverse their own ones.

嗯...文章脉络已经很清晰了.再注意把握一下文章的主题就行了.
加油

p.s.希望下次发能够在段与段之间空上一行.就像我这样一样.考试的时候也应该空的.因为你的每一段都是顶格.

fenghua8385UID: 137789

啊~~？我空了呀~？


那些例子，我是这样想的，点明了他们所导致的后果应该就能反应 他们对CULTURE融合的作用。
而且我想了一下，写他们所导致的后果比写他们如何促使CULTURE融合容易些。
我没想出来按你那样说的应该怎么写：（  好难啊~~~


COULD U PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO ADJUST？ ：）

fenghua8385UID: 137789

茅塞顿开！

jennyleileiUID: 113742

111. "The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is seriously diminishing the differences among cultures."



The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements, in the past decades, has made it possible for people of different countries and of different cultures to get acquainted with cultural differences and to understand others better.

Television programs and advertisements bring the culture of one country into other foreign countries, and in turn, other countries' cultures go into that country as well（and后可用vice verse，显得简洁些）. As a culture can be reflected in almost every aspects of people's daily life, such as music, clothing and diets, different countries with different cultures may have different tastes in the areas above. For instance, Western countries' pop music such as R&B, Rap, Country Music has now been pretty common and deeply-loved by many Eastern countries' people, and the traditional and classical Eastern music and musical instrument（instruments) have been popular in the Western countries as well; many Western girls nowadays are keen on the Chinese Qipao and Japanese Kimono, so are the Eastern women's enthusiasm for mini-skirt and high-heel-shoes; it's quite convenient for the Westerners to enjoy Japanese Cuisine and Chinese Tea in their own countries, and it's not inconvenient for the Easterners to have a meal at the KFC with a cup of Coca-Cola. These aspects reflect the fact that television and advertisements have already contributed a lot in the communication between various cultures.(最后的结尾段说了电视对文化交流的影响，但例子中只说了东西文化交流贯通，并没有指出是电视带来这样的交流的）

The communication between different countries and cultures can, undoubtly, increase the acquaintances and understanding of them. There has been, in these years, a "Chinese-craze" among millions of Americans. Seeing the films which present the Chinese kongfu, the Americans cannot suppress their interests of China, a country with 5000 years of history and full of mysterious color. Not only that, the Americans are now flowing into China to experience the Chinese culture themselves, thus boosts the understanding of Chinese culture among the Americans. Likewise, an increasing number of Chinese students are now planning to go to the U.S. to pursuit their studies due to the influence of the introduction and information of the American Universities provided by the mass media. Statistic show that（老毛病，最好指出是哪里的Statistic，这样更有说服力）, comparing with 10 years ago, there's a 64% increase of students intending to study aboard, and the majority of them say that they would like to take the chance for both study as well as experiencing the American culture.

However, it is of equally（equal） importance, if not more important, to insist on reserving one's own culture while absorbing the others'. As the saying goes, "One should not forget his own style when study from other's methods."(Remarked by Confucius, and I paraphrase)It would be more advisable to absorb the foreign cultures reservingly and use them to enrich one's own culture, not merely accepting without consideration, or even replace one's own culture with the foreign ones without carefully thought.

In conclusion, the worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is helping people to understand more of various cultures, and making them be able to use the foreign cultures to enrich and diverse their own ones.


个人觉得这篇文章有点跑题了，或者说是题目强调不够具体。
你只说了东西文化交流，但并没有如题目交流那样说是TV AD这些促成的文化交流。倒数第二段就是很明显的例子，HOWEVER开头笔锋一转说光毫无保留接受别人的文化不行，还要自己的。这和题目中的TV AD都没有关系。其实我觉得HOWEVER是个很危险的词，很容易让人跑题，虽然我10G之前也经常用它另起一段凑字数。呵呵：）