issue150 第一次写，请多指教

caleUID: 150437

这是我正式写的第一片issue，写了很长时间，开始怕字数不够，等写完了一数，写了将近七百字，又有点长了，呵呵，请各位狠批!

150 “Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.”


It will not be strange that people's views about the issue of whether the worldwide connection media can make tourism out of date differs greatly, because of the inherent intricacy of this problem. The author argues that as a result of the prevalence of the television and computer networks, tourism will soon be obsolete, however, through further analysis, I find my view principally contradicting that of the authors'. In my opinion, the increasingly powerful media indeed allow us to know more about even all of the great places, it will never take the place of tourism.

On one hand, we have to acknowledge that the invention of the television and the computer networks make it possible for us to know the great places, which can only be learned about by verbal description or a trip to there, better than ever we can. It can tell us not only the story or history about the places, but also what they look like with less omission, which we depend most to decide whether it is desirable for a trip. In some way, the television and computer networks gradually become the major access for us to know the places of sight throughout the world. The program on TV or the Pictures on the web, provide to us a seemingly unlimited resource of the great places, on seeing them, it is likely that some of them really attract us, and we can get through them such a good knowledge about the places that we can conceive of an approximate picture about it.

On another hand, however, the vividity of the pictures on the Internet or the program on TV is not reason enough for the author's position. The quality of the picture has been improved a to the degree that everything can be displayed exactly, but what the picture shows is limited, with no changes. The same place will display disparate visions in different weather and from different angle of view, however, neither the picture nor the program can cover all of them. Furthermore, just imagine when we are visiting a certain place, there are far more things we can do apart from just sightseeing, such as go shopping to buy some souvenirs, go to the local restaurant to try the typical food there. People have a common habit that when they are enjoying their tour, they prefer to take some photograph of themselves as a symbol of once being there for the purpose that they can review the experience in a later time. But the pictures and the programs cannot give us the souvenirs, the taste of the food and the photographs contain our images, which is a strong support for my view.

In addition, tourism serving as a main source of income of the government can stimulate the development of the public works and the economics of a nation. Only abundant resources of tourism is not sufficient for a nation who wants to fully develop its tourism, the construction of the public facilities must be able to meet the need of the tourism. For example, a nation must has enough hotels and restaurants, providing satisfying service, to accommodate the tourists, which needs the government to continually improve the capacity of the hotels and the quality of their services, moreover, a nation also need to provide adequate knowledgeable touring guide who will help the tourists know the country better, which bring new problem to the nation's education system. Furthermore, the development of the tourism can offer more jobs to the people, which helps to moderate the problem of unemployment threatening every country, and apparently increase the financial income of the nation, which allows the nation to have more fund available to improve its public works, such as education, social welfare, and social facilities.

In sum, in spite of the vividity of the pictures and programs about the great places, we can easily conclude from my discussion above that the tourism will never be obsolete, for the reason that tourism allow us to know more aspects than pictures and programs do, and it will be conducive to the advancement of the public works and economics of the nation.

imongUID: 140258

写得还可以，作为第一次，问题也比较明显。

前两个body和主题还算关系比较密切，除了第二个body最后strong support那里是有点生扯过来的，不够smooth以外，都还算基本上中规中距。但是第三个body和主题有什么关系？说了一大段如何支持了你认为的“tourism will not be obsolete”？这一点我觉得不好，扯太远了。

语言上还可以，至少不是那种通篇小错误让人看不下去的文章。
It will not be strange that people's views about the issue of whether the worldwide connection media can make tourism out of date differs greatly, because of the inherent intricacy of this problem. 这样的句子头重脚轻。

The author argues that as a result of the prevalence of the television and computer networks, tourism will soon be obsolete, （这里的断句应该是句号了，不要统统用逗号，后面也出现了好几次，最近的流行病）however, through further analysis, I find my view principally contradicting that of the authors'.

前两段的段内分析叙述如果能再像一般认知顺序靠拢一些就是非常不错的两个paragraph了。不久之前就有人写过这个题目，自己可以去找一下然后比较比较。

作为第一篇写得算不错了。你现在可以开始给别人改改文章，共同提高，效率比较高的说。自己动手的“打击面”越广，自己的文章越容易成为“群殴”的对象哦。:)

imongUID: 140258

楼上指出的问题很到位。

caleUID: 150437

谢谢！