【独立写作】zbcd016作业贴

zbcd016UID: 3445586

水平很差,刚开始写作,思路找不多,大多都是东拼西凑的。希望同学们见谅

10.2 spend money on the children\'s education rather than university.doc (20 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2013-10-2 23:28:19 上传

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9.11 Individual&environment.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2013-9-13 15:09:05 上传

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ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

10.2-revised by mo.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-10-4 00:11:31 上传

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问题很多进步也会很快的，加油~

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-4 00:11
问题很多进步也会很快的，加油~

怎么寄托回复没提醒的，好的我看看

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 12:20
怎么寄托回复没提醒的，好的我看看

你需要点前面“接收回复通知”每次回复才会有提醒的

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 12:59
你需要点前面“接收回复通知”每次回复才会有提醒的

看完版主给我改得作文，很详细！很感激，非常感谢。
但三观已毁，目测我928的作文分可能会很可怕。。。
对作文突然有点迷茫。。。一方面这篇作文我写的比较随意。。。另一方面语法问题貌似好严重。。

迷茫了突然。。。

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 13:08
看完版主给我改得作文，很详细！很感激，非常感谢。
但三观已毁，目测我928的作文分可能会很可怕。。。
...

sigh。。所以有时候我就觉得改得太极端了会不会给人造成影响orz其实托福作文要求没那么高，我这个里面很多话都比较苛刻==不用太担心928作文，想来在考场上如果没有办法生硬模仿别人的句子，你自己的表达反而会比较顺畅的。。这篇作文显得比较吃力是因为你用的很多句子你还不熟悉吧？
你这个之所以能让我找出这么多问题是因为你基础本来就不太好，还没写多少==。。。等你跟着小组写过十篇作文了再来看你的第一篇作文就知道什么叫天差地别啦。。
语感都是多写多读练出来的，可以多看看范文之类的，但是最重要的还是自己要多练习，不要担心神马的错误太多，反正都是可以进步可以改正的哈，不过只是一场考试而已，付出了努力肯定会有很好的效果的
不过我刚刚去看了你的贴，才发现我还是第一个回的，晕。。你的目标是90？是学校的要求还是你自己定的？总之单词好好背至少阅读能多提分，听力和口语尽量不拖后腿，作文不用难句和复杂词也没关系，把道理说清楚说明白了比叠加一堆长难句但是逻辑混乱要好得多。

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 13:50
sigh。。所以有时候我就觉得改得太极端了会不会给人造成影响orz其实托福作文要求没那么高，我这个里面很多 ...

100离我太遥远了。。我不敢想啊。。。。
我的听力好差呢。。。。。。。
什么都好差。。。。。。
不过阅读的努力进步是挺明显的。。。。。。。。
现在大概能23-25分吧。。其他真的不敢想- -。。。。。。。
对的好多句子其实我自己都不怎么熟悉。。。。这都被你看出来了。。。赤裸裸

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 14:29
100离我太遥远了。。我不敢想啊。。。。
我的听力好差呢。。。。。。。
什么都好差。。。。。。

阅读还是不错了哈，其实听力提高的话单词也是重要的一块~
就是因为你用得不熟，所以很多应该变的地方没有变，一下就看出来了。。就算这样还是得多学学好句子
唔还是可以去看看水平差不多的同学的经验贴哈，下一次什么时候？

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 14:35
阅读还是不错了哈，其实听力提高的话单词也是重要的一块~
就是因为你用得不熟，所以很多应该变的地方没有 ...

下一次在11月2号。没啥时间了呢，同学经验贴大多都是大牛。。
版主趁你再我想问下，虽然贫困地区的教学设施很落后，但在贫困地区还是有很多大牛出现。

For instance,the facilities of schools in the poor areas were outdated because the government have no excess money to upgrade them.But under these conditions,many successful people were still from the poor area.

这样写对吗。。。哎，好郁闷。。想了半天。又怕错

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 14:38
下一次在11月2号。没啥时间了呢，同学经验贴大多都是大牛。。
版主趁你再我想问下，虽然贫困地区的教学设 ...

excess money？这是经济学中的超额货币。。你指的是extra money？或者直接enough money吧。。
建议把后面的were still from改为many people from these poor areas still become successful。
很多句子你直译成中文就会觉得别扭了

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 14:44
excess money？这是经济学中的超额货币。。你指的是extra money？或者直接enough money吧。。
建议把后面 ...

哇！你这么一改。。我立马就舒服了。。
我自己纠结了好久。。。就是想不出来你这通顺的句子。。。郁闷啊
可能还是要多写多看吧。。时间好紧凑。。我其他三项又得花时间~~
求一天48小时。。

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 14:49
哇！你这么一改。。我立马就舒服了。。
我自己纠结了好久。。。就是想不出来你这通顺的句子。。。郁闷啊 ...

噗，只能说明写少了，多看看多写写自然就好了
时间少啊我也觉得==没事抓紧吧，一个月还是能做很多事的

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 15:04
噗，只能说明写少了，多看看多写写自然就好了
时间少啊我也觉得==没事抓紧吧，一个月还是能做很多事的

有多几个像你这样的高人相助。。我相信我能行
我在改这个作文。。有点怕改完还是一堆红

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

zbcd016 发表于 2013-10-5 15:52
有多几个像你这样的高人相助。。我相信我能行
我在改这个作文。。有点怕改完还是一堆红

哈 我也不确定我说的都是对的 总之自己改改吧~
加油加油~

zbcd016UID: 3445586

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-10-5 16:00
哈 我也不确定我说的都是对的 总之自己改改吧~
加油加油~

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To achieve successful
development of a country, a government should spend more money on young
children’s education rather than on universities.

1.虽然一个人的品质都是从小时候开始塑造的，但儿童教育无需用到大量的资金，更多的是   个人的努力和天分
2.大学的教学需要更多资金，例如生物和物理学，需要大量金钱去构建实验室，购买实验设备，还能研究出很多东西直接回馈社会，相比儿童教育要10,20年后才能收到报酬，这更直接

The education plays an indispensable role in the development of a country.But there is still much discussions revolving whether a government should spend more money on young children’s education rather than on universities.Indeed,The future of a people is based on the young children’s education.However,spending more money on universities has often turns out to be the better decision.In the essay,I will compare two typical views regarding the issue.

It’s evident that the successful development of a country is based on the the success of citizens.Admittedly,The young children’s education contributes greatly to a successful life.But unlike universities,it does not need a lot of funds.As we know,the facilities of primary schools in poor areas were outdated because governments have no enough money to upgrade them.Under these conditions,many people from these poor areas still become successful.For instance,Newton used to study in the primary school of a little village at his childhood.The size of the school is very small.It has few buildings and few teachers.But with these circumstances,Newton still became successful.As he grew up,he was sitting under an apple tree,an apple dropped on his head.Inspired,Newton discovered gravity,formulating a theory to explain many phenomena.It was a big step on the physics of his country,even the world.What can we learn from this example? the successful people never failed to contribute to a successful development of a country.But How much money the school has can’t determine people’s success, other factor such as intelligence and hard work can determine it.

Because you can see outcomes of the young children’s education only after serval decades,spending funds on young children’s education always be less inefficient than on universities.Spending money on universities can obtain many achievements more quickly than spending money on the young children’s education.Many innovation products was invented by universities.The innovation products always benefits to the society directly.Such as the electric car,which is environment-friendly and energy-saving that invented by the labs in the universities.Many countries reduced the amount of gas emission because many people began to use electric cars,which operated by the clean fuel.It also solved the problem of resource exhaustion.More importantly,universities needed more funds than the young children’s education.The labs in universities need money to do researches,upgrade the facilities and hire professors.The funds is enormous,so it need the government’s help.It's worth the Government to do.Because In contrast to the young children’education,pay money on the universities is really more efficient.

To sum up,with a close look,one can conclude that spending more money on young children’s education rather than universities is not the better choice,but the opposite is.