issue68 帮忙来拍拍，限时，未作改动

mcsweetieUID: 153655

issue68 "People make the mistake of treating experts with suspicion and mistrust, no matter how valuable their contributions might be."
Admittedly, with the rapid development of science and technology, experts in various fields have made great progress, due to which human beings have undergone extraordinary improvement of living, working and studying. Therefore, some people point out, because of experts' valuable contributions to society and even to the mankind, it is a mistake to treat them with suspicion and mistrust. Do some of us make such a mistake in treating them? Do we need to give up the rights to question and doubt because of these contributions? The answer, as at least it seems to me, is never in the affirmative.

Undeniably, the contributions made by experts certainly improve our physical living conditions that are far better than our ancestors, and many contributions are valuable not only to us but also to our desendents. It is those experts who invented the technique of cloning that can be used in treatment, like cloning a kidney to save a deading father, the dominant figure in the family. It is those experts who devised televisions, the most popular media in family to learn news, information, and knowledge.  It is those experts who constructed and still are constructing a electronic web connecting the whole world and transmitting immediate information in this global village. Without all these works of experts, it is extremely hard to imagine what our life will be. Living in a contained home with only newspaper from which we know the headline local news, we cannot see more colorful picture than that. We have eyes but see short, and we have ears but hear little. All the seeing and hearing is attributed to valuable contributions by experts.

However, do all these valuable contributions never  bring us a single trouble or problem and remain as perfect all the time since their birth? It is hardly, if ever, the truth, since value does not stand for absolute rightness, both morally and practically. What about the ethical questions aroused by cloning if it is human being that is cloned? A heartbroken mother, eager to save her daughter's life, advocates to clone a new baby whose organ will be used for the saving. Then, what about the second innocent child? Does he or she only an experimental instrument in this case whose rights to live and enjoy life will be deprived by his or her biological mother? When enjoying the happiness of watching fanciful pictures provided by televisions and Internet, we gradually and unconsciously turn into a passive receiver of all these great digital inventions, with diluting ability to think, to reason, and to analyze, but a growing dependence on accepting what others have prepared for us.

Quite certainly, all these valuable contributions grant us a lot, but they also take a lot away from us and make some ethical questions for us. Not all the great should we accept undoubtfully. The ability to think, to question, to suspect, and to judge is the precious treasure we have inherited from our predecessors, which differs us from other animals. Since nearly all the coins have their two sides, and all the contributions in contemporary world are two-edged weapons, science and technology in particular, it is always necessary, and even desirable to treat them with suspicion and mistrust.

Before holding suspicion and mistrust, respect is what should be indispensably put before them. This attitude makes sure that the fair judgement will be made, and that the thankful feelings are effectively conveyed to those brilliant experts who bring us all the greatness and both the positive and negative consequences of it.

Experts are admirable, and what they contributed and have contributed to us are valuable in the history of human development. However, it is us who need to judge the contributions prudently and impartially, in careful consideration of both pros and cons, before which justifiable suspicion and mistrust are the prelude.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

issue68 "People make the mistake of treating experts with suspicion and mistrust, no matter how valuable their contributions might be."

Admittedly(首段第一句就让步，感觉有点别扭), with the rapid development of science and technology, experts in various fields have made great progress, due to which human beings have undergone extraordinary improvement of living, working and studying. Therefore, some people point out, because of experts' valuable contributions to society and even（society 和 mankind 之间为什么是递进关系） to the mankind, it is a mistake to treat them with suspicion and mistrust. Do some of us make such a mistake in treating them? Do we need to give up the rights to question and doubt because of these contributions? The answer, as at least it seems to me, is never（最好避免使用绝对词，论调定下来了，后面还怎么写？） in the affirmative.
题引的一段立场比较清楚，但个人认为应该注意用于的严谨性

Undeniably, the contributions made by experts certainly improve our physical（为什么是physical?） living conditions that are far better than our ancestors, and many contributions are valuable not only to us but also to our desendents(descendents). It is those experts who invented the technique of cloning that can be used in treatment, like cloning a kidney to save a deading(dying) father, the dominant figure in the family. It is those experts who devised televisions, the most popular media in family to learn news, information, and knowledge. It is those experts who constructed and still are constructing a(an) electronic web connecting the whole world and transmitting immediate information in this global village.(三个强调句的并列想法很好，内容上也有新义) Without all these works of experts, it is extremely hard to imagine what our life(lives) will be. Living in a contained(contained想表达什么？) home with only newspaper from which we know the headline local news, we cannot see more colorful picture than that(这个that有点指代不清). We have eyes but see short, and we have ears but hear little. All the seeing and hearing is attributed to valuable contributions by experts.

However, do all these valuable contributions never bring us a single trouble or problem and remain as（remain） perfect all the time since their birth? It is hardly, if ever, the truth, since value does not stand for absolute rightness, both morally and practically. What about the ethical questions aroused by cloning if it is human being that is cloned? A heartbroken mother, eager to save her daughter's life, advocates to clone a new baby whose organ will be used for the saving. Then, what about the second innocent child? Does he or she only an experimental instrument in this case whose rights to live and enjoy life will be deprived by his or her biological mother? (不太理解这句话的意思)When enjoying the happiness of watching fanciful pictures provided by televisions and Internet, we gradually and unconsciously turn into a passive receiver of all these great digital inventions, with diluting ability to think, to reason, and to analyze, but a growing dependence on accepting（dependence on） what others have prepared for us.(句首最好加个连词，比如what’s more, in addition,etc.毕竟是两个例子)

Quite certainly, all these valuable contributions grant us a lot, but they also take a lot away from us and make some ethical questions for us. Not all the great should we accept undoubtfully（undoubtedly 是“毫无疑问地”，这里应该用unselectively or indiscriminately）. The ability to think, to question, to suspect, and to judge is the precious treasure we have inherited from our predecessors, which differs us from other animals. Since nearly all the coins have their（have） two sides, and all the contributions in contemporary world are two-edged weapons, science and technology in particular, it is always necessary, and even desirable to treat them with suspicion and mistrust.

Before holding suspicion and mistrust, respect is what should be indispensably put before them. This attitude makes sure that the fair judgement(judgement) will be made, and that the thankful feelings are effectively conveyed to those brilliant experts who bring us all the greatness and both the positive and negative consequences of it.

Experts are admirable, and what they contributed and have contributed to us are valuable in the history of human development. However, it is us who need to judge the contributions prudently and impartially, in careful consideration of both pros and cons, before which(before) justifiable suspicion and mistrust are the prelude（prelude of what?）.

鉴于是一篇限时之作，能取得这样的篇幅和内容已经是值得肯定的了。但就文章而言还是有些值得商榷的地方。

从语言上来讲，文章比较流畅，多数用词也很精当。可能是限时的原因吧，一些拼写错误和代词指代不清的问题如果多加注意会让文章上一个层次。

重点谈谈结构，作者的观点是“我们质疑专家的前提是先要肯定专家对社会进步做出的贡献”，这个立场很好。Body部分的两方面论述比较合理的使用了大量的问句，可惜自己并没有给出答案，看起来像是在启发而非论证。之后的三段事例有限，围绕着主题展开理论描述，不过我并没看出除了并列之外的逻辑关系。与其这样，不如直接结尾，或者站在其他角度更深入的论证。

以上纯属个人观点

mcsweetieUID: 153655

谢谢你的评论！
有一点我不太明白，什么叫“三段事例有限？”“或者站在其他角度更深入的论证”指的是哪里呢？

gdhdannyUID: 125843

最后三段文字没有发现具体的事例，是对论点的理论重复，感觉有点空洞。
与其这样，不如在想出一个论点，递进的阐述前面的分论点。

mcsweetieUID: 153655

嗯，可能我的分段分散了，倒数第三段和前一段并成一段，倒数第二段我本来要强调的是一个respect的问题，至于最后一段嘛，我不太来得及就作为总结了。：p

gdhdannyUID: 125843

明白你的意思了
就像你说的
倒数第二段如果充实起来
是很好的文章