无比羞愧来问问看AW2.5到底算是肿么回事？

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

感觉这里人气高，为了下一次考试豁出脸皮来问问看....= =
考过两次，第一次裸考就算了，第二次练了不少，是自己给自己改的
考场上字数肯定够，打错估计不多，例子感觉还蛮新鲜的（用不用的对就... .
再怎么错ARGUMENT至少也得给个3嘛......OTZ
写的时候自我感觉（囧）还挺好的....

这究竟是哪般 只求个3啊......
OTZ一坨屎到底想怎样！！！
除了大量做阅读积累素材，每天1A1S的打，还有什么可弥补的嘛
还有两周啊

crazyrobinUID: 2368627

发一篇你限时30min没有修改的习作看一眼

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

感谢robin大神！！！！！
忐忑搬出来了.....
不重拍窝下下周还将是个2.5 OTZ

ISSUE找了一篇和1019用的思路差不多的文章，素材也是用这里的，打错的单词改掉了其他都没动（不然斑竹会瞎双眼....)
原题应该是should government hold information from the public

A young former security officer in the NSA made this summer in 2013 unique from the common years. Edward Snowden, with numerous medias and countries caring about him-or his information, is now absconding from USA and looking forward to a new place to stay. Before this turmoil, I feel myself living in peace and safe. While it is time to ask myself, are our governors holding more and more information from us? Whether the answer is right or false, I will still oppose such opinion on which it is necessary for our political leaders to conceal information from our public. For us, a democracy situation is more important than a seemly harmonious political phenomenon. Thus, our governor should keep our privacy safe from being stolen, and keep our own voice being involved in the path of government.

To begin with, politic itself today is no longer a king of tyranny or oligarchy. Since our election has changed long before and the structure of government is affable for citizens, politics itself became democracy. In order to defend our freedom and rights, it is vital for political leaders to open the information in public. Otherwise, people will feel themselves being betrayed and harmed. The editor of the magazine The Economist once criticized the affair of Snowden, said that the governments's job is to protect people, while the protection is based on consent, not the blindness trust. If those in power can publicise the information in people, it is time to stand on a bridge of trust between them and us. Now, after this summer, we have to concern about if our privacy is being protected and if it is sensible to vote the same governor again. Withholding information sometimes means closing the possibility for us to trust.

Second, when talking about a country with high democracy, it reminds me of the issue that the Chinese government has built xiaonanhai dam over the Yangzi River recently. If political leaders always withhold the information from people, people cannot speak their own voice due to the opaque between political and common individuals and therefore threatens the harmony as well as social welfare. Taking China as an example, the consequence of building another dam would open a gate of floods.Though authorities have made much progress on evaluating the social and environmental impacts of dams, the emphasis of government leaders is still building them; even the damage is hard. Without the information opening to people in China, many scholars cannot give "no" voice to such action and we see political power trumped social awareness again. From the case we can discern that with no information from political leaders, people are simply being ignored and depressed, which individual would not want to witness in a democracy-or even in a modern country.

Finally, someone will ask me if there is little merit for political leaders to withhold information from us? I will say yes.  For political leaders themselves, it is beneficial . A myriad of political leaders concealing information from us and take advantage of such action to make progress. Nixon's water gate event is a good case. Then if someone asked me again, if I in favor of the idea to withhold information from public, I will still stand at an opposite direction. Nixon is a special case because he himself is a politic with talents. If alternatives are those fatous, it is better to open these information for the public. Because only when the information is beside our hands can we people speaking our own voice and being protected by our leaders.

====我没写完...====
===所以下面这句是我刚才临时打的===
In one word, under no circumstance will I agree with the idea that those in power are necessary to withhold information from the public.

---------------------------

ARGUMENT

题目是找杀虫公司的，全套模版用的是verbal advantage上的....OTZ

In the argument, the author concludes that the company should return to Buzzoff for all their pest control services in order to save money. The conclusion is based on the premise that there is $20,000 worth of food being damaged under Flay-Away Pest Control company while under B Company there is only $10,000. The author's recommendation seems reasonable at first glance while further consideration reveals that the argument is relying on several unsubstantiated assumptions and is therefore unpersuasive.

First of all, the author made the assertion that Buzzoff pest control company have an advantage over Flay-Away company, which is based on the statistics of food damage under their control. However, the author neglect some possibilities that would contribute to the discrimination between $10,000 and $20,000 loss of food. Perhaps in Plam City, where Flay-Away Company is operating, the total amount of the foods is twice more than that of Wintervale. For that matter, the ratio of the damage might nevertheless be low. Vise versa, even though the number of damage in W city is smaller, the percentage of damages might be higher. If so, the author cannot cite these statistics confidently in order to make any conclusion. Thus, the argument cannot be justified.

Second, even assumed that the total amount of food in the two pest control company is all the same, the author unfairly assumed that the food damaged by pests damage is due to the effectivity of the pest control company. While a high correlation is a strong evidence of a causal relationship, in itself it is not sufficient. It is entirely possible that Plam city has a severe pest disaster last month which caused thousands of damages of food in the city while in Wintervale there is not such a damage. Moreover, the author only refers to one month of food damage which is insufficient to draw any strong conclusion because perhaps in this single month Plam city has suffered from a huge pest disaster. Without ruling out these possibilities or giving us more evidence to explain the assumption, the author cannot persuade me.

Finally, when the author prefers Buzzoff pest control company simply because it has less food damage under its control, the author made a false assumption that the condition between the two company is all the same. However, the author overlooked many possibilities. Perhaps Plam city is in a circumstance where the temperature is lovely for pests to grow while Wintervale is always being covered by snow which will disturb the pest to thrive. The differences between the location of two companies will contribute to these differences of flood damage. For this reason, the author cannot fairly draw the conclusion that the B Company has advantages over F company.

In one word, the author's suggestion that the food company should choose B pest control company for their control services is untenable. To strengthen his assertion, the author should give more evidence. Such as the ratio of the damage in a total amount; the conditions of the two pest control companies and so on. Otherwise, I cannot be convinced by the argument.

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

crazyrobin 发表于 2013-10-27 17:35
发一篇你限时30min没有修改的习作看一眼

手太抖忘记引用了OTZ
1A,1S都在在板凳里
打错的单词修改过了（原谅我要面子OTZ），文章是限时的。
谢谢斑竹！耗了时间，麻烦了！！

afraleeUID: 3455576

浑浑之水 发表于 2013-10-27 17:58
手太抖忘记引用了OTZ
1A,1S都在在板凳里
打错的单词修改过了（原谅我要面子OTZ），文章是限时的。

很惊讶LZ的2.5.。。。因为我第一次裸考考过2.5，但当时的背景是，三四年没有写过英语作文，完全不知道GRE思路。。。。。后来二战其实也跟裸考一样，没复习GRE作文，但是是考完了托福作文去的，脑子里有些句型就三了。。。而我男朋友英语是完全渣的，托福作文没上20渣不渣，我觉得就是没有基本的语法结构，拼写全错的。。。。然后考G 前看了一小时argu模板，居然刷出来也是三。。。为此我还被他嘲笑了好几天。。。

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

afralee 发表于 2013-10-27 18:05
很惊讶LZ的2.5.。。。因为我第一次裸考考过2.5，但当时的背景是，三四年没有写过英语作文，完全不知道GRE ...

托福作文应该和G思路不一样的，托福我裸考的时候也有25，不过独立写作是fair（不过说不定分数全靠前面那篇拉的因为听和记录到很多东西
不过，谢谢，我突然感觉有希望了TAT

窝肯定是卡在G的哪块说不清的牛角尖里了....

小硕鼠UID: 3411565

扔掉模板，那个模板判的太厉害了

crazyrobinUID: 2368627

我没看你的argument，你的Issue最大的问题是用词不准
比如第一句

A young former security officer in the NSA made this summer in 2013 unique from the common years.

Common years指啥？
还有这句

For us, a democracy situation is more important than a seemly harmonious political phenomenon. Thus, our governor should keep our privacy safe from being stolen, and keep our own voice being involved in the path of government.

democracy和holding information有关系吗？和your voices heard 有关系？
另外你也没素材啊。
都是泛泛而谈， China building dam，基本都是大空话论证。
这作文3分，你得2分可能是你的拼写错误太多

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

crazyrobin 发表于 2013-10-27 18:23
我没看你的argument，你的Issue最大的问题是用词不准
比如第一句

多谢OTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
第一份批改破碎名为自我感觉之物真是太棒了
窝拿去不限时再写一遍

用词不准+没例子是因为肚子里没货了...【面壁
肚子里东西少又搬不出来的便秘感...

浑浑之水UID: 3372111

小硕鼠 发表于 2013-10-27 18:18
扔掉模板，那个模板判的太厉害了

好的！我还以为模版是万能3分。。。。OTZZZZ