issue178, 唉，怎么没有什么新东东？[闲聊]

杀青UID: 140733

178 "It is possible to pass laws that control or place limits on people's behavior, but legislation cannot reform human nature. Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts and minds."

In all ages, the authorities primarily con control or limit people's behavior by ways of passing laws. Laws are imperative regulations supported by regime and ensure the normal running of the whole society. Owing to its obligatory nature, every one should obey the norm of laws. Accordingly, it is no doubt that laws do well in its function controlling people’s behavior and making human society order. Yet, let alone the good effect of laws, we can not deny the fact, as the speaker assert, that legislation can not change human nature in reality, in other words, people's hearts and minds are still in the control of ourselves.

The reason why laws are founded is just because that there are many weaknesses on human being, which call for laws to confine or limit. Generally speaking, Human beings are born flawed with selfishness, avarice and frightfulness. According to the Bible, Adam and Eve were banished from Eden Garden for the sake of stealing the apples and Judas betrayed Jesus for the sake of amount money. In nature, every one is born with original sins and only does for himself. While the human communities came into being, members of communities tried to find out a proper tool to suppress everybody's bad side at all times. As a result, they found laws as the best tool, which determine the norm of right and wrong of people's behavior, punish mistaken behavior, such as robbery, rape, in order to make the society develop orderly and healthily. Laws control people's behavior systematically and restrict stigmas in people's characters. Imagine if one live in a society without laws, everyone can perform freely and do what they want, without doubt, the society will quickly fall into a state of chaos.

However, legislation can not reform human nature. What is human nature? It is hard to define it in several words, but human nature is unlovely in essence out of question. From ancient time, though there are morality guiding people in emotion and laws controlling people in legal system, there are still numerous criminals commit the original sins, just like Judas betraying Jesus. Therefore, , laws are generally considered as the tool to reduce sins, those of human nature can not be replaceable, even with the help from the effect of morality.

Although legislation can not change what is in human being's hearts and minds, it can lead people into the right way. Consider the flowing of river from high to low, if people use banks to guide it, it will flow following the guidance of bands. River is still the river, with the help of bands; river follows the way without becoming harmful flood. Similarly, human nature is still the human nature. by using laws as banks, human nature are leaded to the brighter side .

Without laws, people's behavior becomes uncontrollable and eventually society involves into a mess. Though laws can do nothing on human nature, laws can inevitably channel off human beings into an order and developable world.

杀青UID: 140733

唉，没有人看，自己顶一下

paisleyUID: 64183

"It is possible to pass laws that control or place limits on people's behavior, but legislation cannot reform human nature. Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts and minds."

In all ages, the authorities primarily con （应是can）control or limit people's behavior by ways of passing laws. Laws are imperative regulations supported by regime and ensure the normal running （中文的味道太重）of the whole society. Owing to（别扭，还是due to好） its obligatory nature, every one should obey the norm of laws. Accordingly, it is no doubt that laws do well in its function（少of） controlling people’s behavior and making human society order（应是orderly）. Yet, let alone（这个短语的意思是“更不要说”，这里应该是despite） the good effect of laws, we can not（cannot要合写，以下还有好几处不一一指出） deny the fact, as the speaker assert（少s）, that legislation can not change human nature in reality, in other words, people's hearts and minds are still in the control of ourselves.

The reason why laws are founded is just because that there are many weaknesses on（不如用in） human being, which call for laws to confine or limit. Generally speaking, Human（human应小写） beings are born flawed with selfishness, avarice and frightfulness. According to the Bible,（这半句可以去掉，你说到亚当和夏娃大家就都知道来源是哪里） Adam and Eve were banished from Eden Garden for the sake of stealing the apples（他们不是偷了苹果而是偷吃了苹果） and Judas betrayed Jesus for the sake of amount money（犹大背叛JESUS不是亚当夏娃被赶出去的原因，这个应该在另一句话当中说，不要跟这句混在一起）. In nature, every one（everyone要合写） is born with original sins and only does for himself（后半句什么意思？）. While（while后面一般只跟进行时态，或者表示对比，你这里两者都不是，应该用when） the human communities came（这里为什么突然用过去时了？导致全段时态不统一） into being, members of communities tried to find out a proper tool（way比较好） to suppress everybody's bad side at all times. As a result, they found laws as the best tool, which determine the norm of right and wrong of people's behavior, punish mistaken behavior, such as robbery, rape, in order to make the society develop orderly and healthily（别扭，不如说in order to maintain a orderly and healthily society）. Laws control people's behavior systematically and restrict stigmas in people's characters. Imagine if one live（少s） in a society without laws, everyone can perform freely and do what they want, without doubt,（无须逗号） the society will quickly fall into a state of chaos（in a state of 可省略）.

However, legislation can not reform（不妥，应是transform） human nature. What is human nature? It is hard to define it in several words, but human nature is unlovely in essence out of question（人性本恶还是人性本善是古今中外多少哲学家争论的话题，你怎么能这么断然地下结论呢？这需要你花费一段笔墨来论述，而不是轻松地逃避过去。这才是全文的关键所在）. From ancient time（少s）, though there are morality guiding people in emotion and laws controlling（应是control） people in legal system, there are still numerous criminals commit the original sins（原罪是sin，而不是original sin。另外，原罪是与生俱来的，不是通过犯罪而来的。这里有概念的混淆，建议下次不要随便用你不熟悉的概念，否则反而自暴其短）, just like Judas betraying Jesus. Therefore, , laws are generally considered as the tool to reduce sins, those of human nature can not be replaceable（或者说cannot be replaced,或者说are not replaceable，你这样搭配就错了。另外，“罪”是改正的（原罪除外，原罪不是人类自己可以救赎的，要靠上帝来救，这是基督教的基本思想），而不是“替代”的，你这个词不妥）, even with the help from the effect（？） of morality.

Although legislation can not change what is in human being's hearts and minds, it can lead people into the right way. Consider the flowing of river from high to low, if people use banks to guide it, it will flow following the guidance of bands. River is still the river, with the help of bands; river follows the way without becoming harmful flood. Similarly, human nature is still the human nature. by using laws as banks, human nature are leaded to the brighter side .这段偏题了，我认为没有必要写。还不如把写这段内容的时间拿出来好好补充完善上面的论述。

Without laws, people's behavior becomes uncontrollable and eventually society involves（不妥，不如ends up with a mess） into a mess. Though laws can do nothing on human nature, laws can inevitably channel off human beings into an order and developable world.

文章的中文味道比较浓，我没法给你一一改正，只是改了明显有错误和不合适的地方，不是说许多用法就是好的。如果你时间充裕的话，尽量多看native speaker写的文章，多多揣摩他们的用词，使你的用词准确些而不带中文思考的味道.

另外你的思维能力还不是很强，缺乏比较理性的思考。许多地方都是想当然，而且相应的知识结构也不够。建议你多看些人文社科方面的书充实一下。如果时间来不及，尽量在写作时把一点说充分，另外使用举例子的方法使文章丰满一些。

建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。还有这篇文章里讲的思路，非常值得学习。https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD


你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章可能有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！我想你可能对自己的水平没信心，但是你只要参与别人的讨论，自己的思路也会打开，改变目前说理不透彻的情况。