ISSUE23 期待你的砖头。：）

sydUID: 151948

ISSUE【23】Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
提纲：1,现代技术带来的大量的细节信息使人们可以更好的了解所关注的事物，是人类的进步。
2，过分的重视细节会影响人们的大局观，无法从全局来考虑问题，失去方向，没有重点。
3，在对于全局有好的把握的基础上，利用现代技术可以使人们在正确的方向上关注细节问题。

It seems to the author that contemporary technology can be both a blessing and a course with respect to the perspectives that people look into the issues they concern. However, whether people become over-focused on fragmental information and at the same time lose their general view on certain problems calls for further discussion; in the following paragraphs I would like to weigh between the advantages and disadvantages that modern technology has brought in to the way that modern people observe different things and matters.

Admittedly, with the progress in developing micro devices, modern technology makes it possible that people could better understand the things they concern than before. When getting access to detailed information, scientists can now discover the attribute of their research objects. One needs look no further than the invention of Laser technology. With the breakthrough of Quantum theory, scientists began to view classical phenomenon with the quantum perspective. Thus they realized that the micro-world is quantized with the concepts of atoms and quantum. It is the fore stated concepts and perspectives generated by modern quantum physics that made the invention of Laser possible as a beam of laser is produced by the amplification of self-stimulated light quantum. From this case we can obviously see that detailed information facilitates the progress made in modern society.

However, over-focusing on detailed but fragmental information can cause the loss of the larger picture. Modern activities, no matter in the field of science, business or politics, require a holistic view in order to maintain the right track when making efforts to achieve certain purposes. In addition, the general view could differentiate the most important aspects to the less important ones in the process of striving for progress. Holistic idea serves as an orientation to specified activities. In business field, SEGA Corporation once presented a kind of game set DREAMBOX, which represents the advanced technology application in the electronic entertainment business.However, the information focusing on technology advancement is useful but fragmental. Tragically the corporation was extremely focused on the technology advancement but ignored the market need analyses. This eventually led to the failure of this game set in the game device market. It reminds us the importance of a thorough assessment to the matters we are dealing with.

Finally, as it is detrimental to focus on fragmented information while this relatively detailed information can also benefit our lives, a solution, which can balance the two features, is required. According to my personal view, a two-steped approach can perfectly solves this problem; as a result make the most efficient use of our modern technology. Simply put, one should first have a bird view of the things he concerned and then look into specific matters using detailed but fragmental information. Only in this two-steped way could we find harmony between the conflicts introduced by the author.
48mins 460 words written in PP3.

第一次在PP3中限时摸考，自己都不是很满意，我3月30号考试，还望诸君结合本文的问题给出参考意见和改进方向，欢迎砖头。 :D

coolwitsUID: 149150

ISSUE【23】Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
提纲：1,现代技术带来的大量的细节信息使人们可以更好的了解所关注的事物，是人类的进步。
2，过分的重视细节会影响人们的大局观，无法从全局来考虑问题，失去方向，没有重点。
3，在对于全局有好的把握的基础上，利用现代技术可以使人们在正确的方向上关注细节问题。

It seems to the author that contemporary technology can be both a blessing and a course with respect to the perspectives that people look into the issues they concern. However, whether people become over-focused on fragmental information and (at the same time有点多余) lose their general view on certain problems calls for further discussion; in the following paragraphs I would like to weigh between the advantages and disadvantages that modern technology has brought in to the way that modern people observe different things and matters.

Admittedly, with the progress in developing micro devices, modern technology makes it possible that people could better understand the things they concern than before. When getting access to detailed information, scientists can now discover the attribute of their research objects. （说更好地discover科学些）One needs look no further than the invention of Laser technology. With the breakthrough of Quantum theory, scientists began to view classical phenomenon with the quantum perspective. Thus they realized that the micro-world is quantized with the concepts of atoms and quantum. It is the fore stated concepts and perspectives generated by modern quantum physics that made the invention of Laser possible as a beam of laser is produced by the amplification of self-stimulated light quantum. From this case we can obviously see that detailed information facilitates the progress made in modern society.
这段不该这么长，和主题关系不大

However, over-focusing on detailed but fragmental information can cause the loss of the larger picture. Modern activities, no matter in the field of science, business or politics, require a holistic view in order to maintain the right track when making efforts to achieve certain purposes. In addition, the general view could differentiate the most important aspects to the less important ones in the process of striving for progress. Holistic idea serves as an orientation to specified activities. In business field, SEGA Corporation once presented a kind of game set DREAMBOX, which represents the advanced technology application in the electronic entertainment business.However, the information focusing on technology advancement is useful but fragmental. Tragically the corporation was extremely focused on the technology advancement but ignored the market need analyses. This eventually led to the failure of this game set in the game device market. It reminds us the importance of a thorough assessment to the matters we are dealing with.
觉得例子不好。
technology advancement 怎么能说是信息碎片呢？这是一个整体概念。题目是说技术使我们看到的，以前没有这些技术看不到的， 事物具体的细微之处。

Finally, as it is detrimental to focus on fragmented information while this relatively detailed information can also benefit our lives,（这半句话很别扭，自己读读） a solution, which can balance the two features, is required. According to my personal view, a two-steped approach can perfectly solves this problem; （不能用分号，否则后面没主语）as a result make the most efficient use of our modern technology. Simply put, one should first have a bird view of the things he concerned and then look into specific matters using detailed but fragmental information. Only in this two-steped way could we find harmony between the conflicts introduced by the author.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

It seems to the author that contemporary technology can be both a blessing and a course（curse?） with respect to the perspectives that people look into the issues they concern. However, whether people become over-focused on fragmental information and at the same time lose their general view on certain problems calls for further discussion; in the following paragraphs I would like to weigh between the advantages and disadvantages that modern technology has brought in to the way that modern people observe different things and matters.

Admittedly, with the progress in developing micro devices, modern technology makes it possible that people could better understand the things they concern（with） than before. When getting access to detailed information, scientists can now discover the attribute of their research objects. One needs look no further than the invention of Laser technology. With the breakthrough of Quantum theory, scientists began to view classical phenomenon with the quantum perspective. Thus they realized that the micro-world is quantized with the concepts of atoms and quantum. It is the fore stated concepts and perspectives generated by modern quantum physics that made the invention of Laser possible as a beam of laser is produced by the amplification of self-stimulated light quantum. From this case we can obviously see that detailed information facilitates the progress made in modern society.
对于用laser作例子，我有点不同看法。量子理论确实是微观领域的内容，但它是不是就是题目中说的small pieces of factual information呢？

However, over-focusing on detailed but fragmental information can cause the loss of the larger picture. Modern activities, no matter in the field of science, business or politics, require a holistic view in order to maintain the right track when making efforts to achieve certain purposes. In addition, the general view could differentiate the most important aspects to the less important ones in the process of striving for progress. Holistic idea serves as an orientation to specified activities. In business field, SEGA Corporation once presented a kind of game set DREAMBOX, which represents the advanced technology application in the electronic entertainment business.However, the information focusing on technology advancement is useful but fragmental. Tragically the corporation was extremely focused on the technology advancement but ignored the market need analyses. This（, which） eventually led to the failure of this game set in the game device market. It reminds us the importance of a thorough assessment to the matters we are dealing with.

Finally, as it is detrimental to focus on fragmented information while this relatively detailed information（this relatively detailed information换成this details,是否更好？） can also benefit our lives, a solution, which can balance the two features, is required. According to my personal view, a two-steped（two-step） approach can perfectly solves this problem; as a result（which?） make(makes?) the most efficient use of our modern technology. Simply put, one should first have a bird view of the things he（性别问题） concerned（with） and then look（looks） into specific matters using detailed but fragmental information. Only in this two-steped （two-step）way could we find harmony between the conflicts introduced by the author.
48mins 460 words written in PP3.

看到30号考的都开始模考了，我这个1号的现在写一篇还用1个多小时，真是郁闷。 :(

语言上的问题不多，注意concern的用法。另外最后一个body可能是时间不够或是什么原因，出现了主谓一致问题。

君之文章素来立意精深，本文也不例外 :D 。特别是世嘉的例子用的实在经典。第一段的laser问题希望听听你的出发点。

sydUID: 151948

很感谢，真的 很感谢两位的批评和鼓励，说实话，这篇文章写完我就想跳楼，整个寒假都在死一样的忙来忙去，一边复习考G，一边做光电的项目，看着周围的人都在休息，自己知道不能但是心里那个累啊，我很少抱怨，但是今天把帖子贴上来后快40MIN 都没有响应，开始猜测是否是大家都认为烂的不想改了， 其实这是我两天的第2片ISSUE ，上一篇写完了刚放到WORD里，谁知一脚踢到电线。。。 :(
闲话少说，其实写完就知道第一个论点 的论证不是很好，我主要攻击的是题目的 SMALL INFORMATION ，相对于大范围的来说的，但是激光的例子说服力的确不强。量子理论是微观的，但是SMALL 是另一回事，HOWEVER，如果加上一句，WITH THE SMALL PIECES OF INFORMATION WE CAN BETTER LOOK INTO THE MICRO WORLD 可能会好些。
第2段是针对的 FRAGMENTAL。我认为SEGA 只看到了技术优势，（因为技术的领先使他们局限 在技术领域 而 忽略了市场 调查，）所以可以支持 我 的论点， 即 局限于 片面的 信息而失去了 通盘的 考虑， 并且 这种现象 是由于 SEGA  的技术 优势而 造成的。
结尾的确是没有时间了，看着PP3的 到计时 ，开始 紧张 然后就是胡敲 一起。。。
总的来说，十分感谢两位的 修改，我自己觉得 很  失败，3分吧，自己打个分。 :(
PS：顺劝gdhdanny 兄，一定要在PP3 里练习啊，感觉完全不同·！希望可以结成 互助 小分队。 :D

gdhdannyUID: 125843

syd言重了
一来这篇文章不止你说的那个分数，laser的问题解决了，是很好的；
二来让你等那么就实在过意不去，其实我是下线改的，所以慢了些。

pp3一定要弄得，只是觉得现在还得在思路和语言上过了关，所以……