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19(91). "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."
This assertion is too general. In fact, the relation between reason and values is very complicated; and from different angles we can see the different scenes.
To any individual living in a given society or group, the formation of values has little to do with reason. To him [+or her, in order to avoid blame as sexism. Perhaps the rater of your issue will be an black woman who is very sensitive to sexism and racism.]["To..." again? Repeated phrases.], what is valuable depends on many factors, especially his own desire and emotion. Only when his passions to pursuit valuable goals are translated by choice into action, reason begins to enter the picture. In other words, rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends which are not themselves determined by reason.[The latter half of this sentence can be omitted, unless you really think it necessary to emphasize this iteration of the former half.] This instrumental conception of choice can be found even in the philosophers in Ancient Greek.[This sentence can be omitted, too.] As Aristotle ever said: “Choice is deliberate desire”, but [but->yet?] in this sense, no comment can be more insightful than David Hume's:" Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions."[The two quotes from famous philosophers are very suitable.] Value is what we prefer; choice is what we do; and reason connects choice to value.[Very concise and cogent. But so what? What does this truth contribute to the issue?] For instance, happiness is valuable, and we should employ reason to optimize our limited resources to be happy.[I've never seen such an instance. It's more likely to be just a 套用 of your assertion, which actually cannot prove your assertion.]
[To Americans, one round of reasoning is logics; two rounds philosophy; three, however, a sealed book. Your showy metaphysical will dangerously be above the rater's comprehension. After all, AWA is just a writing test. Just think simply and write clearly. Let your rater be able to appreciate your articulate and cogent writing.]
On the other hand, to any society or group, the formation of values, or moral codes[+,] is the result of evolution in rational behavior, that is[+,] the result of rational choice. For instance, in many societies, respecting the elder is considered as a virtue. Because in pre-modern society, the elder's experiences were crucial to accumulate and impart knowledge, therefore respecting them was rational for the sake of the survival and development of a group.[Then how do you explain the respect for the elder in modern societies? Or do you reckon that such respect will decline?] Another example involves the loyalty to spouse, which is valuable in many cultures. But we all know that the monogamy did not appear in the dawn of civilization. Instead, its establishment was also the result of rational choice due to its huge advantage in cultivating next generation and preventing STDs[What's this?].
[What conciles your two bodies above? They still looks contradicting each other. An individual chooses value for his or her desire, and why doesn't a society do the same? If so, what do the two "on ... hand"s mean?]
In sum, we should not analyze the relation between values and reason in a single, static framework. Also, we should resist the temptation to draw a simple conclusion on such a complicated problem.
["In sum" heralds your readers that you are to draw a clear conclusion, and you let them down closely after the comma. There are many topics like that of this issue. Will you say the same about all of them? Of course, a simple and even extreme conclusion drawn by ignoring evident opposing facts seldom makes a good issue. Usually, a balance should be achieved.]
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It's really too short. 600 words is the bottom line of a 6-mark issue, as far as I know.
I advise you to read some model issues and see how they make reasoning, although simple and childish at first glance, step by step. Moreover, do not to hasten to criticize them before you have assimilated the essences of them.
I uploaded an edition of a collection of model issues, which I had made for easy reading(if you have seen the original edition, you will understand what I mean). Here's the URL for download below.
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=165457 |
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