Issue136, 第一篇，另请版主看看

kidnirvanaUID: 132052

Issue136 “The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.”

Life is a procedure of choice, “to be or not to be, that is a question”, as Hamlet said. People always have to face to various kinds of choices, which determine their behaviors and values throughout their lives. Therefore, choice is so significant and extensive to everybody that the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.

In my point of view, there are two kinds of choice: one is positive choice that a personnel chooses something or choose to do something; the other is negative choice that a personnel is chosen by something or someone. Undoubtedly, each kind is suffused in our lives and society.

First, people have to choose what they desired among all the possibility and directions presented to them. With the grow up of a person, questions of positively choosing raised continuously, including choosing foods to eat, selecting an appropriate school or a college to enter, finding a lover and even electing a President to lead the country, etc. In our democratic society, every citizen has an equal power and opportunity to choose what he/she considered is right to do. Especially, with the development of modern science and technology, the fact that we can get more information than ever brings a new freedom to us. Thus, the freedom of choice signs that our society is the most democratic and flourishing one in the history. Take the Negro slaves for example: they have no human right including the right to choose anything, since they are oppressed. After they rebelled in order to get the right, whole society advanced. Thereby, we can reach the conclusion that the abundance of positive choice is an improvement of modern society and the more choices the better.

On the other hand, there are plenty of negative choices, which is inevitable in our daily life. As everything has two sides, when we choose someone, someone choose us. Both commonsense and concrete examples show that negative choice has a tremendously large number. For example, when a man wants to find a job after graduated, he first gathered sufficient information of several companies, then he select some to send his resume and express his interest. On the other side, the company then will make a choice from the applicants. As the example illustrate, choice process is an interrelationship, which is consist of positive and negative aspects. This relationship is truly an important impetus to the society.

However, we cannot easily claim that there is no circumstance that absent of choice. Under some extremely special conditions (such as the battlefield and the prison of the criminal), people may find that no choice to the certain situation. But why they lose their rights? In fact, in this way, our society protects and enhances the rights of majority to choose, to live, to develop. So the seldom absence does exist and play a significant role.

To sum up, I strongly agree with the state that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. Furthermore, we should encourage more people to choose unrestrictedly because our society needs this power that has benefited us in human’s long history.

写了很长时间，自己看看感觉很差，但又不知道怎么提高。
TO 斑竹， 很同意你们要大家互相修改的精神，可是看了别人的文章有不知怎么该，是不是自己水平不够啊

imongUID: 140258

这道题就是不太好些，很容易沦为简单的现象陈述：罗列一大堆choice出来。可以尝试分析一下WHY there is rarely any circumstance in which choice is not available, and HOW? 其实第三段body的内容完全可以展开，先分析的确存在没choice的情况，然后集中笔墨去contrast，分析为什么这样的情况是极端少数，是由什么因素决定的，这样的话写起来更深刻一些。

改文章的话，只要有想法就不妨提出来，交流越多，提高越快。主动出去给别人提意见，别人也会回来照顾你的文章的。

木耳UID: 123036

Issue136 “The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.”

Life is a procedure of choice, “to be or not to be, that is a question”, as Hamlet said. People always have to face to various kinds of choices, which determine their behaviors and values throughout their lives. Therefore, choice is so significant and extensive to everybody that the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.（最后这句话有些问题。没有这样的因果关系）
前面几句写得还不错。

In my point of view, there are two kinds of choice: one is positive choice that a personnel chooses something or choose to do something; the other is negative choice that a personnel is chosen by something or someone. Undoubtedly, each kind is suffused in our lives and society.

这样的定义很大的拓宽了写作空间。

First, people have to （have的意思是不得不，用在这里不好）choose what they desired among all the possibility（用复数） and directions presented to them. With the grow（growing） up of a person, questions of positively choosing（这个词组搭配有问题） raised continuously, including choosing foods to eat, selecting an appropriate school or a college to enter, finding a lover and even electing a President to lead the country, etc. In our democratic society, every citizen has an equal power（power 用an 修饰不好，而且这里似乎应该用right,表示权利） and opportunity to choose what he/she considered is right to do.（有些别扭） Especially, with the development of modern science and technology, the fact that we can get more information than ever brings a new freedom to us. Thus, the freedom of choice signs that our society is the most democratic and flourishing one in the history.（后面这个例子可以证明你的论点吗？) Take the Negro slaves for example: they have no human right including the right to choose anything, since they are oppressed.(注意时态） After they rebelled in order to get the right, whole society advanced. Thereby, we can reach the conclusion that the abundance of positive choice is an improvement of modern society and the more choices the better.（没有恰当的论据支持，最后的结论也有些牵强）

这一段写得有些乱。首先是两层意思分得不太明显，其实是第二层的论据不合适

On the other hand, there are plenty of negative choices, which is（用复数） inevitable in our daily life（还是复数，以后不再单独指出了）. As everything has two sides, when we choose someone, someone choose us.（这个someone用得不好。we也欠妥。） Both commonsense and concrete examples show that negative choice has a tremendously large number.（has a tremendously number?还不如用个There be 句型顺） For example, when a man wants to find a job after graduated（graduation), he first gathered sufficient information of several companies, then he select some to send his resume and express his interest(express his interest?). On the other side, the company then will make a choice from the applicants.(注意单复数） As the example illustrate, choice process(The process of choice) is an interrelationship, which is consist of positive and negative aspects. This relationship is truly an important impetus to the society.这样的结论来得没有道理，你有任何论据证明吗？前面大学生找工作的事例只是说明了有这样的一种选择。

However, we cannot easily claim that there is no circumstance that absent of choice(语法错误）. Under some extremely special conditions (such as the battlefield and the prison of the criminal), people may find that no choice to the certain situation.（no choice to make/choose in certain situation) But why they lose their rights? In fact, in this way, our society protects and enhances the rights of majority to choose, to live, to develop. So the seldom absence does exist and play a significant role.简单的讲为了大众的利益似乎不太合适。就比如你说的战争：在敌人的侵略下，人们最基本的人身权利都丧失了。可这是为了保证大多数人的利益吗？你的意思我可以领会到一点，但你的语言表述还是缺乏准确严谨

To sum up, I strongly agree with the state that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. Furthermore, we should encourage more people to choose unrestrictedly（？） because our society needs this power that has benefited us in human’s long history.

整篇文章写得有些乱。我总的感觉是你没有就为什么没有选择的情况是很少的做很明确的解释。
大部分笔墨是再说选择的重要性。严重点说这有跑题的嫌疑。

还有一点就是论据的问题。通篇似乎都没有一个很合适的例子。

还有不少语法错误。一些句子读起来有些别扭。

你关于选择的主动和被动的定义很有新意，以前没见有人这么写过。

第一篇总是问题比较多。继续加油，一定会有收获的！

木耳UID: 123036

其实早就改好了，一直没有发上来。