issue121 （保护濒危动物）请指教

DriverEntryUID: 143979

121"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."

观点：花费大量人力、物力保护濒危动物是值得的
一、近代动物的灭绝大部分是由人类引起的，人们有责任和义务承当自己行为的后果
二、不保护濒危动物会对人类子孙后代的生存状况起到坏的作用
三、保护了，对人类有很多好处

Human being is not the only specie living on the Earth, but merely a part of whole biosphere. In ancient times, although our ancestors usually lived under the shades of some cruel animals, they also largely depended on many meek animals for food, clothes and so on. After Industrial Revolution, the situation changes, and predators seldom threaten the lives of human species, instead, they become preys of human beings and many species are in danger of extinction. Though to save endangered creatures might cost lots of money and jobs, we also have obligations to save them and could gain much benefit from doing so.

Since human being is the main cause to the extinction of most creatures, we have obligations to correct our mistakes and save endangered species. Whereas extinction of species has never stopped since old times, it becomes more and more dramatic and fast in nowadays. And this is undoubtedly attributed to mankind. With development of technologies and increase of population, human beings devastate forest; pollute water resources and atmosphere, fill lakes with soils for farm and so forth. All these efforts contribute to the aggravation of animals' habitats thereby lead to or accelerate their extinction. According to some statistics, the extinction speed of nowadays is many times faster than old times, and extinction of species is one of the significant problems in our society. Some people may argue that there are still many other problems such as poverty and energy crisis and so on, which we should solve first. However, this is not the reason for us to neglect the extinction of species. On the country, there are plenty of reasons to save endangered species.

Firstly, our children and grandchildren will suffer great disasters if we do not protect endangered animals now. It is known to all that nature, based on a subtle balance of all kinds of creatures, will punish them who break that balance. For example, in some grassland, the number of snakes is becoming fewer and fewer due to the hunting of people, hence the number of mice is becoming greater and greater. If this trend continues, the grassland will be totally destroyed. Moreover, once this happens, it will take a long period for the grassland to recover, and during this period, the grassland will almost like a desert and people there will get little food and other resources from it. To prevent such disasters, we should hunt fewer animals and carefully keep the balance of nature.

Secondly, to save endangered species will bring human beings many advantages. We all know that many endangered animals have great value in research. Gorilla is a case in point. Because the gorilla is very close to mankind in genes, it is a perfect research sample for many fatal diseases as a replacement of people. If all gorillas died, we could not find other animals to replace people for the research of diseases. What's more, many endangered species (such as panda) is valuable in research in zoology or botany, and many of them are sources for food, clothes and medicine. In a word, to save endangered species does not mean to completely prohibit hunting or using of these species, it means to utilize them more carefully, thus bring us substantial benefits.

All in all, to save endangered animals is human's obligation and could bring us a lot of advantages. It is worth of doing, although the cost is sometimes great. Otherwise, our world will become colorless and our children will suffer many disasters.

wglxhUID: 152604

原文
Human being is not the only表示"唯一"的词有好多,你这里又是not,又是but的,容易误会,建议改为uniquespecie living on the Earth, but merely a part 有几个可供替换的词恐怕会好一些，比如component, constituent,  ingredientof thewhole biosphere. In ancient times, although our ancestors usually lived under the shades of 兄弟，意图不错，可惜用的差太远了，正确而地道的用法是in the shadow of,不是shade,介词也不对some cruel用词不当，这词一般不指动物，改为fierce animals, they also largely depended on many meek animals for food, clothes and so on“so on”非常不好，原因在于读者不是很轻易就能想到你要省略的内容，所以一定要改，改为and other necessities. After Industrial Revolution, the situation changes, and predators seldom threaten the lives of human
species, instead, they become preys与前面那个词照应的很好，难得看到这里有人能用到好词，赞！ of human beings and 应该是THUSmany species are in danger of extinction. Though to save endangered creatures might cost lots of money and jobs, we also 这个词用的是个败笔，破坏了语气，改为dohave obligations to save them and 这两句话这么连对句子的意思可不好，应该用个类似“更何况”什么的东西，你看这么改如何：besides much benefit of doing socould gain much benefit from doing so.

开头意思不错，再多斟酌几遍。如果你能在规定时间内写成这样确实很不错了。一句题外话，这个题目让我想起曾经看过的一本书，强调批判性思考的那部分有这样一个例子：老师让孩子想一种濒危灭绝的物种，孩子想来想去说：爱滋病毒。哈哈哈。。。。所有的濒危物种都要保护么？嘿嘿！

DriverEntryUID: 143979

多谢大牛指点，发现值得推敲的地方确实很多。可能写的时候只求意思表达出来（虽然也没到位，SIGH），还没有对自己的用词进行更严格的要求。
另外这个开头也花了很长时间写的，中间还有一次想改成别的样子，呵呵
关于濒危物种的这个反面观点提的不错，下次我把它加进去。 ：）

奇瑞QQUID: 151418

Human being is not the only specie living on the Earth, but merely a part of whole biosphere. In ancient times, although our ancestors usually lived under the shades of some cruel animals, they also largely depended on many meek animals for food, clothes and so on. After Industrial Revolution, the situation changes, and predators seldom threaten the lives of human species, instead, they become preys of human beings and many species are in danger of extinction. Though to save endangered creatures might cost lots of money and jobs, we also have obligations (have obligations? We are under an obligation…更地道一点) to save them and could gain much benefit from doing so.

Since human being is the main cause to the extinction of most creatures, we have obligations to correct our mistakes and save endangered species. Whereas extinction of species has never stopped since old times, it becomes more and more dramatic and fast in nowadays. And this is undoubtedly attributed to mankind. With development of technologies and increase of population, human beings devastate forest; pollute water resources and atmosphere, fill lakes with soils for farm and so forth. All these efforts contribute to the aggravation of animals' habitats thereby lead to or accelerate their extinction. According to some statistics, the extinction speed of nowadays is many times faster than old times, and extinction of species is one of the significant problems in our society. Some people may argue that there are still many other problems such as poverty and energy crisis and so on, which we should solve first. However, this is not the reason for us to neglect the extinction of species. On the country, there are plenty of reasons to save endangered species. （承上启下，这样写不错，符合well-connected的标准）

Firstly, our children and grandchildren will suffer great disasters if we do not protect endangered animals now. It is known to all that nature, based on a subtle balance of all kinds of creatures, will punish them who break that balance. For example, in some grassland, the number of snakes is becoming fewer and fewer due to the hunting of people, hence the number of mice is becoming greater and greater. If this trend continues, the grassland will be totally destroyed. Moreover, once this happens, it will take a long period for the grassland to recover, and during this period, the grassland will almost like a desert and people there will get little food and other resources from it. （如果我写的话，会举一个已经发生的并且骇人听闻的例子，呵呵，环境污染的例子还是挺多的） To prevent such disasters, we should hunt fewer animals and carefully keep the balance of nature. （最后一句太抽象了，起不到一个概括延伸的作用）

Secondly, to save endangered species will bring human beings many advantages. We all know that many endangered animals have great value in research. Gorilla is a case in point. Because the gorilla is very close to mankind in genes, it is a perfect research sample for many fatal diseases as a replacement of people. If all gorillas died, we could not find other animals to replace people for the research of diseases. （这个例子比较有说服力）What's more, many endangered species (such as panda) is valuable in research in zoology or botany, and many of them are sources for food, clothes and medicine. In a word, to save endangered species does not mean to completely prohibit hunting or using of these species（应该是mean prohibiting…, 不是mean to）, it means to utilize them more carefully, thus bring us substantial benefits.

All in all, to save endangered animals is human's obligation and could bring us a lot of advantages. It is worth of doing, although the cost is sometimes great. Otherwise, our world will become colorless and our children will suffer many disasters. (如果有时间的话，conclusion也写深一点，不要简单的重复原题, ets的范文多半对简单重复原题的conclusion持否定态度)

[I]P.S. 如果有空也帮我看看作文好吗？我们可以互相“捏”[/I]

DriverEntryUID: 143979

多谢奇瑞QQ指点。待偶去看看你的文章。呵呵。