Issue53 第一次敢贴出来的PP3摸考作文

coniUID: 137677

Issue 53
" College and university education should be free for all students, fully financed by the government."

提纲：
1．        为什么对所有人开放 教育的重要性；每个人有受教育的权利；的确有因为贫穷而上不了学的事例。
2．        光用政府不行
3．        应该靠社会

The speaker asserts that advanced education should be available to all students, fully subsidized by the government. I strongly agree with the speaker insofar as all students should be provided an access to higher education, however, in my opinion, the responsibility of financing the education should be shoulder by the entire society other than the government itself.

       First and foremost, we have to realize the importance of education, especially higher education. Next in importance to freedom and justice is education, without which neither freedom nor justice cannot be permanently maintained. On one hand, it is justifiable to compare universities and colleges to the engine of the society, because the future contributor of the country is cultivated there. On the other hand, as a citizen of the country, every individual has the right to hold his or her dream and realize the dream by the education provided by universities, regardless of his or her family background, social stage, religious belief, and finance condition. Equality should be the base of the society, and many people who are in poverty have a much stronger passion to learn than others. In china, many excellent students who live in the villages which are impoverished and cut off from the modern civilization by high mountains are very diligent and clever and obtain a very high grade in the College Entering Exam, but have to give up the opportunity to realize their yearly dreams just due to the fact that they don't possess enough money to pay for the education fees. Consequently, there is an urgent need for us to establish a efficient system to help those students who have difficulty in education fees.

       Some people claim that the government should assume this responsibility without hesitation. I admit that as the leader structure of the country, settling down the problem is indeed one of the tasks of the government, yet, does it mean that the government should fully finance the higher education? Even though assume that the government has the will to shoulder this problem, can it have the ability to budget a large amount of money to cope with the problem? We clearly know that the government has many other matters to concern about such as the housing problem, environmental pollution, agricultural problem, public health care and so on, None of which is of less importance than education and maybe everyone of which needs more finance support than education. As a result, I don't think asking the government to take over financing higher education fully is a wise and feasible option.

        Now the question facing us is who can assume this responsibility? individually, it is advisable for the government to encourage some social groups or some famous enterprise to donate some money to deal with the problem. In China, and all cross the world, has many successful examples. In my university, there are two scholarships which are subsidized by famous companies. For international enterprise or famous companies, financing higher education can not only contribute to the country and the world, but also can be conductive to themselves to establish a good image of enterprise citizen and attract some excellent students to enter their companies. Hence, motivating companies and social groups to help develop higher education is a two-win strategy both for the government and for the companies and social groups.

In sum, the future of the country and the world depends upon higher education. It is every citizen's responsibility to help the career of higher education, and social groups and enterprises should be the main force.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

The speaker asserts that advanced education should be available（free和available还是有区别的，再想想） to all students, fully subsidized by the government. I strongly agree with the speaker insofar as all students should be provided an access to higher education, however, in my opinion, the responsibility of financing the education should be shoulder（shouldered） by the entire society other than the government itself.
这段不错

First and foremost, we have to realize the importance of education, especially higher education. Next in importance to freedom and justice is education（这句没太明白，请教）, without which neither freedom nor justice cannot（三重否定，很绕的说，而且你的意思是不是在这里应该用without…neither…nor…can?） be permanently maintained. On one hand, it is justifiable to compare universities and colleges to the engine of the society（把什么比做什么不应该用compare吧，如果说对比，engine of society又指什么？）, because the future contributor of the country is cultivated there. On the other hand, as a citizen of the country, every individual has the right to hold his or her dream and realize the dream by the education provided by universities, regardless of his or her family background, social stage（status）, religious belief, and finance condition. Equality should be the base of the society, and（感觉涌plus或者in addition好些） many people who are in poverty have a much stronger passion to learn than others. In china, many excellent students who live in the villages which are impoverished and cut off（这个并列感觉上是are impoverished from and are cut off from） from the modern civilization by high mountains are very diligent and clever and（同样的问题，加个they） obtain a very high grade in the College Entering（Entrance） Exam, but have to give up the opportunity to realize their yearly dreams just due to the fact that they don't possess enough money to pay for the education（tuition） fees. Consequently, there is an urgent need for us to establish a（an） efficient system to help those students who have difficulty（difficulties） in education （tuition）fees.
这段的论证我觉得有偏差。每个人有受教育的权利，或者有些人交不起学费为什么能说明教育的重要性？你的TS写得很好啊，谈到了公正和自由与教育的关系，后面就应该紧跟着写教育给前两者带来的方便，没有教育产生的后果，你说呢？

Some people claim that the government should assume this responsibility without hesitation. I admit that as the leader structure（这个structure是不是group of people的意思？） of the country, settling down the problem is indeed one of the tasks of the government, yet, does it mean that the government should fully finance the higher education? Even though assume（assuming） that the government has the will to shoulder this problem, can it have the ability to budget a large amount of money to cope with the problem? We clearly know that the government has many other matters to concern about such as the housing problem, environmental pollution, agricultural problem, public health care and so on, None of which is of less importance than（to?） education and maybe everyone（each） of which needs more finance（financial） support than education. As a result, I don't think asking the government to take over financing higher education fully is a wise and feasible option.（展开的不错）

Now the question facing us is who can assume this responsibility? individually, it is advisable for the government to encourage some social groups or some famous enterprise（s） to donate some money to deal with the problem. In China, and all cross the world, （主语呢？）has many successful examples. In my university, there are two scholarships which are subsidized by famous companies. For international enterprise（s） or famous companies, financing higher education can not only contribute to the country and the world, but also can be（but also be） conductive to（for） themselves to establish a good image of enterprise citizen（这里的citizen指什么?） and （这个并列的主语在哪里？financing higher education已经用not only but also 连起谓语了）attract some excellent students to enter their companies. Hence, motivating companies and social groups to help develop higher education is a two-win strategy both for the government and for（for both the… and the…） the companies and social groups.
论证好

In sum, the future of the country and the world depends upon higher education. It is every citizen's responsibility to help the career of higher education, and social groups and enterprises should be the main force.
整体还不错，第一段论证我觉得有问题，后面想法都很好。
加油！

在提醒你一次，标题Issue后面不要加空格。被斑竹看见有得挨骂了

harrison_baiUID: 142136

本人是新手，今天试着评一下

感觉文章第2，3段论述得不错，把题目中的意思引出来，并做出了回答，但是第一段有点跑题，每个人是否上大学和教育的重要性没什么关系，事实上这两个都应该作为政府加大教育投资的原因。

文章一些词语还要再考虑考虑，比如the future contributor of the country is cultivated there比较便扭，我认为改成students cultivated in universities will make great contribution to our country in future.

imongUID: 140258

标题我改过来了。楼上的做得不错。:)

coniUID: 137677

“Next in importance to freedom and justice is education, without which neither freedom nor justice cannot be permanently maintained” 的确是我写错了，应该把cannot改成can


In china, many excellent students who live in the villages which are impoverished and cut off from the modern civilization by high mountains 这句话是有歧异， 我已经改成了“In china, many excellent students who live in the villages which are impoverished settlements cut off from the modern civilization by high mountains”

For international enterprise（s） or famous companies, financing higher education can not only contribute to the country and the world, but also can be（but also be） conductive to（for） themselves to establish a good image of enterprise citizen（这里的citizen指什么?） and （这个并列的主语在哪里？financing higher education已经用not only but also 连起谓语了）attract some excellent students to enter their companies.
在上面的句子中， a good image of enterprise citizen 指的是建立一个良好的企业公民的形象，有关于“企业公民”的概念是我上次去领索尼奖的时候，索尼公司的人说的，他们说他们资助奖学金的目的就是为了在中国树立一个好的企业公民的形象。
另外我查了就是be conductive to
并列的主语是 to establish a good image ….. and (to) attract some excellent….

第一段的论证是有问题，我已经改了，你再看看吧

第一段提纲： 1 教育的重要性  A . in terms of freedom  B. in terms of justice
2． 现在的确有因为贫困而上不了学的现象。

First and foremost, we have to realize the importance of education, especially higher education and to realize the fact that many people cannot afford to education. Next in importance to freedom and justice is education, without which neither freedom nor justice can be permanently maintained. On one hand, if some people cannot receive education, the survival skill of those people will be limited to a relatively small scope. They don’t know how to operate a computer, how to finance a budget, how to express their ideas effectively. This deficiency is amount to deprive them of the freedom to choose their future career. On the other hand, as a citizen of the country, every individual has the right to hold his or her dream and realize the dream by education, regardless of his or her family background, social stage, religious belief, and finance condition. Equality should be the base of the society. If we refuse some people to enter university only due to their poverty, the societal justice is overridden. In china, many excellent students who live in the villages which are impoverished settlements cut off from the modern civilization by high mountains are very diligent and clever, and they obtain a very high grade in the College Entrance Exam, but have to give up the opportunity to realize their yearly dreams just due to the fact that they don't possess enough money to pay for the tuition fees. Consequently, there is an urgent need for us to establish an efficient system to help those students who have difficulties in tuition fees.

coniUID: 137677

对不起，刚才那条应该有个标题to gdhdanny