ISSUE46 galaxysong点评

ValentinerUID: 121676

ISSUE 46
While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.

The controversy focuses on the classic dilemma between competition and cooperation. People are eager to defeat their rivals in the competitions, while in cooperation they try their best to accord with others. The speaker claims that when cultivating young leaders, it is better to instill them a sense of cooperation than competition. I fundamentally agree with the speaker, besides, I argue that competition also plays a key role in the success of a future leader.

Firstly, as far as politics is concerned, what a political leader usually does is to make every section in the government work harmoniously, which calls for a great ability of cooperation. The political affairs, such as the abolition or establishment of a policy, the allocation of financial funds, and the bills of a new law, etc., involve in a number of sections working together. An effective leader should reconcile all the sections to function well in order to serve the government efficiently. Besides, cooperation with other countries is also an indispensable part of a political leader's life. The great ability of a political leader will not only enhance his/her own reputation, but also improve the status of the country in the international society. A case in point is Deng XiaoPing in China, one of the great leaders in the world history. Without his policy of reforming, which encourages the cooperation with the developed countries, China would not be so prosperous today. What's more, thanks to his great ability of cooperation and communication, Kong Kang and Macao were able to come back to their motherland China.

Secondly, as for sports, an excellent athlete should have a great responsibility for his/her team more than fierce aggressiveness to the opponents.  Take Michael Jordan, one of the greatest players in NBA, for example. When playing in Bulls, Jordan always played as the leader of the team. Admittedly, he excels at basketball, but it was his team spirit rather than his outstanding skills that conquered all his rivals. Encouraged by his team spirit, all the players in Bulls held on together during every game. Therefore, sports call for the spirit of teamwork rather than the sense of competition, for teamwork can embody the significance of the sports more efficiently and present more active passions with the players.

Finally, in the industry field, cooperation may create more profits rather than competition. As we all know, market economy put too much emphasis on competition, however, it is more important to cooperate with others, for all the enterprises have their own advantages and disadvantages. It is through work together with others that an enterprise can develop and improve, then make more profits. The combination of Yusai and Oreal is a good case in point. After the combination, the sales of the company have increased by 13 percent, for the cooperation between the two absorbs the essence of the both.

To sum up, cooperation and competition, however, are not mutually exclusive, therefore it is totally possible to reconcile the two in order to enjoy more fruits. The headmaster of my university has said that the key to success is either dependence or independence, but the interdependence, which is embodied by both cooperation and competition. Competition can make people more ambitious while cooperation can develop the ability to harmonize with others. In a word, when cultivating a future leader, his competence of cooperation may come the first, while the spirit of competition should also be taken into account.

caoxuUID: 153957

结构清晰，把提目所给资源利用的很好，值得借鉴．
语言，我水平有限，不敢误人，只是觉得有很多长句有问题，如：After the combination, the sales of the company have increased by 13 percent, for the cooperation between the two absorbs the essence of the both.
还有，我觉得第一段句邓小平的例子用的不好，而且有原则性错误，把香港，澳门的回归与
his great ability of cooperation and communication联系有点牵强附会．
另外，题目虽没说，单我认为加上科技方面论正，更好（and other areas attribute ），这里边有很多例子．
总体，４５分完成很不容易，
加油

flyappleUID: 154698

我觉得，文章的开头和结尾都点到了copetition也是很重要的，和cooperation是不排斥的，因此文章种应该对competition的重要性也论述一下，这样在开头和结尾的观点才不会突兀。
我的个人看法，水平不高，见谅

galaxysongUID: 152834

ISSUE 46
While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.

The controversy focuses on the classic dilemma between competition and cooperation. People are eager to defeat their rivals in the competitions, while in cooperation they try their best to accord with others. The speaker claims that when cultivating young leaders, it is better to instill them a sense of cooperation than +of competition. I fundamentally agree with the speaker, besides->. Besides, I argue->maintain that competition also plays a key role in the success of a future leader->in successful leadership.

Firstly, as far as politics is concerned,即然后有political，前面这句未免多余。 what a political leader usually does isa political leader usually strive to make every section in the government work harmoniously, which calls for a great ability of cooperation. The political affairs, such as the abolition or establishment of a policy, the allocation of financial funds, and the bills of a new law, etc.,我以为这些与论证无关，只会dilute your essay，最好去掉。 involve in a number of sections working together. An effective leader should reconcile all the sections to function well in order to serve the government efficiently跟上文重复，没有新东西。. Besides, cooperation with other countries is also an indispensable part of a political leader's life市长也如此？. The great ability of a political leader will not only enhance his/her own reputation, but also improve the status of the country in the international society. A case in point is Deng XiaoPing in China, one of the great leaders in the world history.A case in point is Deng XiaoPing, one of the great leaders in the China's history.世界伟大领袖的称号恐怕得不到老外认同。原句还有wglxh说过的指代不明的问题。 Without his policy of reforming, which encourages the cooperation with the developed countries, China would not be so prosperous today. What's more, thanks to his great ability of cooperation and communication, Kong Kang and Macao were able to come back to their motherland China.以上两个例子尽管提及合作，但实际上没有真正说明邓小平是怎样合作的。

Secondly, as for sports, an excellent athlete田径？ should have a great responsibility for his/her team more than fierce aggressiveness to the opponents.->an excellent player usually fight together with his or her teammates against their common opponents. Take Michael Jordan, one of the greatest players in NBA, for example. When playing-playing in Bulls, Jordan always played as the leader of the team. Admittedly, he excels at basketball, but it was his team spirit rather than his outstanding skills->it was effective teamwork rather than his own outstanding skills that conquered->has beaten all his rivals. Encouraged by his team spirit, all the players in Bulls held on together during->through every game. Therefore,-Therefore, sports call for the spirit of teamwork rather than the sense of competition, for teamwork can embody the significance of the sports more efficiently and present more active passions with the players.Need revising!

Finally, in the industry field, cooperation may create more profits rather than competition. As we all know, market economy put过去时？ too much emphasis on competition, however,另起一句！ it is more important to cooperate with others, for all the enterprises have their own advantages and disadvantages.“取长补短”这么关键的话你在这居然没说。 It is through work together with others that an enterprise can develop and improve, then make more profits. The combination of Yusai and Oreal极其有名吗？我从未听说过。 is a good case in point. After the combination, the sales of the company哪个？ have increased by 13 percent, for the cooperation between the two absorbs the essence of the bothChinglish?补短是为了扬长，更好地发挥各自的核心竞争力(core competency).

To sum up, cooperation and competition, however, are not mutually exclusive, therefore it is totally possible to reconcile the two in order to enjoy more fruits后半句要改，逻辑和语法都有毛病。. The headmaster of my university has said that the key to success is either dependence or independence->neither...nor...超级失败。, but the-the interdependence, which is embodied by both cooperation and competition后半句是不是你自己加的？. Competition can make people more ambitious不对吧？ while cooperation can develop the ability to harmonize with others也没说在点子上。. In a word, when cultivating a future leader, his competence of cooperation may come the first, while the spirit of competition should also be taken into account.
这一段的让步很勉强。本来应当得出一个偏向balance的结论，最后却仍旧不讲道理地声称合作第一，而对于竞争仅仅需要考虑一下，显得两者地位悬殊。

作为限时作文，全文很不错。但问题也很明显。你采用了“方方面面”的模式，对于这种有一定辩证深度的题目不太合适。且不提你举的三个例子中有两个不起作用，你对竞争与合作的关系几乎没有讨论，而一味地强调合作的重要性，似乎竞争和合作是可以分离的。从“an excellent athlete should have a great responsibility for his/her team more than fierce aggressiveness to the opponents.”可以看出，你隐隐约约知道：合作适用于团队内部，而竞争则主要对外。实际上，合作是为了更好地竞争。没有竞争，哪有合作？为什么个性极强的球星能相互协调乃至忍让？为什么昔日的竞争对手会结成战略同盟？想想吧。要我说，竞争永远是第一位的、基本的，只不过合作的重要性在不断提升。所以不能只讲竞争，以至于连内部都斗个不休。