ISSUE79 谁帮我改一篇，我帮他/她改一篇，我是不是态卑鄙了？

persistence79UID: 149195

ISSUE79 "Major policy decision should always be left to politions and other government experts, who are more informed and thus have better judgement and perspective than do members of the general public."

  There is a Chinese proverb"The officer who doesn't make wise dicision for his citizens should goes back home to sell patato". The above argument sounds resonable that major policy shoud be decided by the politions other government experts. It seems doubtless for they are more informed and thus have better judgement and perspective than members of the general public. However the argument have failed in concerning some major points of the democrat of a government.

  First of all, a democratic goverment is elected from general public. That is to say, they are generated from general public. In a hierracial society, the officers of the government are considered nobleman.The general public feel the officers have higher stastus than them. But now we live in a democratic society, a society in which background should not be used to distinguish its citizens. So everyone should have the chance of being elected to take a political responsibility. Considering the discussion above, it is rush to say the poticians have better perspective than ordinary members of our society.

  Secondly, it is the responsibility of our government to make policy according to the interest of the general public. A government is constructed to make the society more harmonious, more comfortable to live, more efficiently to run. For most matters concerning the interest of the public, it is indispensible to take into account the advise and claim of the general public when the government make dicisions. The elected government members may be more informed. But the public affairs are more than a mathematics question, there are many aspects of an issue, so the government would probably make a false decision if they fail to consider some of the public interest. Man is born with laziness and contribution to comfort, therefore, without the pressure and supervisement of the public the government would tend to make dicision undutifully or in their own interest instead of that of the general public.

  Moreover, every members of our society have the duty to improve our society. Another Chinese proverb tell us that"Everyone is responsible for the improvement of our country."  A false idea is that the public are not concerned with major policy decisions. We need safety, eqaulity and in our society, anyway we should not depend a little group of the government members taking those before us. That is impossible.The emancination the American negroes was the result of struggle of millions of the Americans, of which there was the great president who even devoted his life for it. The same is in the ordinary public affairs including the city construction, anti-polution, and some economic affairs.

  It should take all our citizens leading by a democratic government to make major policy decisions. And a government "of the people, by the people, and for the people", as the great Abraham Linkin had defined.

genie05UID: 30358

帖子我编辑了一下,每段空行容易看一点，希望以后可以注意
呵呵，祝你早点找到PARTNER:)

crusadeUID: 149710

我试着看看，你可不一定要改我的欧  :p  
There is a Chinese proverb（引用最好加I paraphrase）"The officer who doesn't （不要缩写）make wise dicision for his citizens should goes back home to sell patato"（好搞笑，不如回家卖红薯？不知老美看得懂吗？不过说不定一乐给你个高分也有可能 :D ）. The above argument （statement）sounds resonable （是不是要加个表原因的连接词？）that major policy shoud be decided by the politions （漏了什么？）other government experts. It seems doubtless for they are more informed and thus have better judgement and perspective than members of the general public. However the argument have failed in concerning （去掉吧）some major points of the democrat of a government.
（开头有些怪，感觉像argu的开头，个人觉得这样不太好）
First of all, a democratic goverment is elected （elect government？有这样的搭配？）from general public. That is to say, they are generated from general public. In a hierracial （什么意思？）society, the officers of the government are considered nobleman.The general public feel （+that）the officers [U]have higher stastus [/U] （觉得搭配不当） than them. But now we live in a democratic society, [U]a society [/U]（去掉）  in which background should not be used to distinguish its citizens. So everyone should have the chance of being elected to take a political responsibility. Considering the discussion above, it is rush to say the poticians have better perspective than ordinary members of our society.（感觉没说清楚，你只说官员从平民中产生，因此未必更高瞻远瞩，但这个结论不够厚道，既然是选举出来的，必有过人之处，你凭什么还把人家等同于一般人呢？）

Secondly, it is the responsibility of our government to make policy according to the interest（+s） of the general public. A government is constructed to make the society more harmonious, more comfortable to live, more efficiently to run. For most matters concerning the interest of the public, it is indispensible to take into account the advise （advice）and claim of the general public when the government make dicisions. The elected government members may be more informed. But the public affairs are more than a mathematics question, there are many aspects of an issue（以上3个短句到是可以连起来，选好连接词就行，单独的这样读起来不紧凑）, so the government would probably make a false decision if they fail to consider some of the public interest. Man is born with laziness and [U]contribution to comfort[/U]（不通）（另外这个论述下的唐突） , therefore, without the pressure and supervisement of the public the government would tend to make dicision undutifully or （？？）in their own interest instead of that of the general public.

Moreover, every members of our society have the duty to improve our society. Another Chinese proverb tell us that"Everyone is responsible for the improvement of our country." A false idea is that the public are not concerned（这个词用的太多哟） with major policy decisions. We need safety, eqaulity and（后面的能和前面并列吗？） in our society, anyway we should not depend （on）a little group of the government members [U]taking those before us[/U] （没看懂的说）. That is impossible（这样就一句啊？到底想说什么？）.The emancination（拼错+of） the American negroes was the result of struggle of millions of the Americans, [U]of which [/U]  （？？）there was the great president who even devoted his life for （好像是to）it. [U]The same [/U]  （不地道）is in the ordinary public affairs including the city construction, anti-polution, and some economic affairs.（你想说的是平民也应参与决策吧，但怎么写成了社会进步也要依靠平民？这两个不是一回事）

It should take all our citizens leading （led）by a democratic government to make major policy decisions. And a government （谓语哪去了？）"of the people, by the people, and for the people", as the great Abraham Linkin had defined.

总体感觉词语搭配上有不少问题，读来不太爽，另外最好在word里先查一下拼写错误。
论述还算可以，但总觉差一口气，说不到点子上。
本人水平just so so, 你参考着先。

coniUID: 137677

There is a Chinese proverb"The officer who doesn't make wise dicision (decision) for his citizens should goes back home to sell patato (potato)". The above argument sounds resonable (reasonable)that major policy shoud (should)be decided by the politions (politicians and)other government experts. It seems doubtless for they are more(better) informed and thus have better judgement (judgment)and perspective than members of ( members of 可以不要)the general public. However the argument have failed（为什么用现在完成时） in concerning some major points of the democrat of a government.

First of all, a democratic goverment (government)is elected from(by the) general public. That is to say, they are(it is 是不是想指代政府？) generated from general public. In a hierracial (hieratical)society, the officers of the government are considered nobleman .The general public feel the officers have higher stastus (status)than them. But now we live in a democratic society, a society in which background should not be used to distinguish its citizens. So everyone should have the chance of being elected to take a political responsibility. Considering the discussion above, it is rush (hasty)to say the poticians (politicians)have better perspective than ordinary members of our society.
（我认为仅仅说领导是人民选出的就说“领导不一定有better perspective”还是没有什么根据的）
Secondly, it is the responsibility of our government to make policy according to the interest of the general public. A government is constructed to make the society more harmonious, more comfortable to live, more efficiently to run. For most matters concerning the interest of the public, it is indispensible (indispensable)to take into account the advise and claim of the general public when the government make dicisions (decisions). The elected government members may be more informed. But the public affairs are more than a mathematics question, there are many aspects of an issue, so the government would probably make a false decision if they fail to consider some of the public interest. Man is born with laziness and contribution to comfort, therefore, without the pressure and supervisement (supervison)of the public the government would tend to make dicision (decisions)undutifully or in their own interest instead of that of the general public.

Moreover, every members of our society have the duty to improve our society. Another Chinese proverb tell(s) us that"Everyone is responsible for the improvement of our country." A false idea is that the public are not concerned with major policy decisions. We need safety, eqaulity (equality)and in our society, anyway we should not depend (on) a little (small) group of the government members taking those before(for) us. That is impossible .The emancination (emancipation)the American negroes was the result of struggle of millions of the Americans, of(of 是干吗的？) which there was the great president who even devoted his life for it( in which a great president even sacrifice his life) . The same is in the ordinary public affairs including the city construction, anti-polution (anti-pollution), and some economic affairs.  美国黑人解放的例子和你这段的论点没什么关系吗，你要说的是大众的作用，其实黑人解放运动和美国国内战争是经典的强调领导者的例子。
It should take all our citizens leading by a democratic government to make major policy decisions.(这句有语法问题) And a government "of the people, by the people, and for the people", as the great Abraham Linkin (Lincoln) had defined （这句没有谓语呀！）

总体来说，第一个感觉是 单词的拼写和语法错误还是比较多的。

虽然我明白你是想先论证 把所有的决策权交给领导者后会带来一些问题，然后在论证人民有能力对重大的决策做出判断。但是这两个部分的论证都不充分。

persistence79UID: 149195

很惭愧的说
拼写错误这么多，以后一定word检查完毕在法上来。
谢谢：秋日的私语、虫、crusade  coni,   我哪儿还敢改你们的文章呀
不过 可不一定呀呵呵

爱玲UID: 101761

呵呵，那你加油帮其他有需要的同学改改吧：）

祝水平越来越高！

persistence79UID: 149195

饮水思源的道理俺是懂得的