Issue136 choice 觉得很重要所以没限时间而且超字数了

雪夭UID: 142334

issue 136The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare

写了好长时间超了不少字，总觉得写不清楚，因为这个题目出现次数太多了，所以有点担心，请砸砖头

1、机会是多了
2、个人和社会的局限限制机会
3、人们忽视和人性导致机会的丧失

I fundamentally agree with the statement that absence of choice is a rare circumstance. It is true that with the development of society and advanced technology, people really have more right and opportunities to make choice; nevertheless, our society establishes a special environment and human beings make decisions in such particular circumstances, consequently, sometimes, people might be controlled by external condition and individual ability, and sometimes they might yield to human nature.
       
Granted, economic and democratic progresses have greatly contributed to people's freedom of choices in term of consumption, right and politics. In the material level, the rapid pace of social improvement provides various products to enrich and facilitate human life, such as healthy food, sports appliances, vehicles and computers. Unlike dull and similar community in ancient time, people make choices among those abundant commodities according individual demand and economic condition in order to enjoy a comfortable and distinctive life. In the right level, people gain more choices and human rights to do what they like and what they want by abolishing out of date theories and laws. To illustrate the pointe clearly, here are examples that are persuasive. Recently, most counties have abolished slavery for its cruelty and prevalent humanism so that those people can chose their own life and operate individual task, and other group, such as women, have been permitted to participate in social activity rather than prohibited in the past time which also enrich women's life. In the politics level, the principle of democracy means more choice and freedom. By making decisions, citizens chose presidents whom they trust and supported, also, they reflect suggestion related to social interest and participate in political programs what have effects on the public. Faced with those obvious changes, choice really exists in every corner and satisfies people’s livelihood.

However, under some circumstances, the frame of society and the limited ability determine the choice so that human beings' ideas might be far from the true situation and direction. On the one hand, apparently, different societies impose various values and ethic on citizens so that people have few choices to choose their moral standard and politic belief. For example, the social characteristic and government result in difference between America and China by which restricts people in their own place rather than purchase others life style. In addition, every person has his or her own circle, generally speaking, it is hard for a person to break the limitation and make choice out of the circle. On the other hand, choice sometimes is created and controlled by individuals rather than provided by destiny. George Bernard Shaw, a British dramatist said:" The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them.” When comes to the of success in Rousseau, it is important to realize that lacking the intelligence and internal ability, the great person would never achieve his dream, although his success really came out by accidents. Admittedly, choices become common and plenitude, but if the person fails to master and utilize them, the choice might out of the sight.

Also, people usually overlook or give up those choices which might change their life because of human nature. In most cases, making choice requires courage and confidence, after all, any choice might bring out a new environment and problems to the person, however, unfortunately, human beings inured to be chose rather than choose in that they feel secure and satisfied about recent situation, as a result, some choice might disappear for the ignorance. As the proverb said:" God helps those who help themselves." If a person pays no attention to the opportunities, no choice will exist again. For example, an effective businessman should analyze the market and choose a plan according to data and information; on the contrary, a poor executive might wait for the consumers rather than cater for them actively. Actually, choice is an illusion, if a person fails to seek for and control it, countless choice might equal to no choice. Therefore, to be a successful person, he or she should make choice correctly and lead following things developing according to individual will.

Understandably, improved society and individuals provide numerous choices, however, limited ability and human nature impede the utilization of them so that some choice are forced to disappear eventually. To better use those opportunities, a person should learn to create and control choice rather  than overlook them。

imongUID: 140258

我觉得总的主线虽然不是特别完美(这一点有缺憾),文章还是不错的.

语言方面的问题我实在不想再重复叙述了,把wglxh的帖子重新翻一遍吧.

一部分长句子写的不够小心.most counties have abolished slavery for its cruelty and prevalent humanism so that those people ....例如这个
还有第一段的最后一句
自己再想想.

这道题最怕写成泛泛的列举现象,这篇文章应该说还是不错了.也看看前人的文章吧.

还是请你看看公告.尤其是关于发帖格式.现在大家帖子标题随便写,等到大家考完试斑竹们整理作文帖子的时候会被累死的.希望能够理解一下.

雪夭UID: 142334

不好意思了，可能是因为成习惯了，所以发帖子不是很注意啊
这篇文章说实话已经被写烂了，我的同学在去年10月抽到了这题目，可是到现在为止居然还是高频题目，题目越简单越难写，觉得抽象，而且没有概念。

说到语言就急啊，老是这边丢那边忘，现在还是在复习中，到了考试就更完蛋了
主谓一致！动宾一致！指代一致！修饰一致！时态一致！单复一致！
希望我考试的时候记得你的签名！！！！！

主线上面主要觉得缺陷在哪里呢？是不是应该重点在机会，而不是把握在“人”上面啊

imongUID: 140258

我说不太好
主要是这道题和其他题目不太一样
不容易沿着一条特别明显的清晰主线走下来

除非对choice本身这个概念理解的比较深入
恐怕不容易写出彩

不过这篇文章应该还是不错了.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

这题确实不容易写好。

老外280里这篇范文值得一读，强烈推荐，主要是从哲学角度挖掘论据，很有深度。

雪夭UID: 142334

老外那篇也在你的大礼抱里吗？哲学我觉得实在是~~~~~~我晕

猫咪meUID: 155478

issue 136The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare

写了好长时间超了不少字，总觉得写不清楚，因为这个题目出现次数太多了，所以有点担心，请砸砖头

1、机会是多了
2、个人和社会的局限限制机会
3、人们忽视和人性导致机会的丧失

I fundamentally agree with the statement that absence of choice is a rare circumstance. It is true that with the development of society and advanced technology, people really have more right and opportunities to make choice; nevertheless, our society establishes a special environment and human beings make decisions in such particular circumstances, consequently, sometimes, people might be controlled by external condition and individual ability, and sometimes they might yield to human nature.（这个句子连接了几个主谓结构而没有连接词，是不对的。其次第一段，我觉得逻辑不清：首句是fundamentally agree,但是后面的论述却是与这个相反的。即使是有让步转折，但是转折后并没有明确的提出相反的作者的观点，这样的不清晰是很不好的。）我读完后再来看这段，我觉得你的观点在第一段表述的标较混乱。你可以直接用一个转折就行了，简单清晰。详细的到每个段中再去讲。

Granted, economic and democratic progresses have greatly contributed to people's freedom of choices in term of consumption, right and politics（我觉得这样用不地道）.（granted是表示让步，但是后面没有转折。） In the material level（是用in吗？我也不是很清楚，但觉得是on）, the rapid pace of social improvement provides various products to enrich and facilitate human life, such as healthy food, sports appliances, vehicles and computers. Unlike dull and similar community in ancient time, people make choices among those abundant commodities according(加上to ) individual demand and economic condition in order to enjoy a comfortable and distinctive life. In the right level,(可以用as for the rights,) people gain more choices and human rights to do what they like and what they want by abolishing out of date (这个短语最好不要做前置定语，不易让人理解，做后置定语好些，或者用outdated这个形容词)_ theories and laws. To illustrate the pointe clearly, here are examples that are persuasive（这样的表达                            太罗嗦直接用a case in point）. Recently, most counties have abolished slavery for its cruelty and prevalent humanism so that those people can chose their own life and operate individual task, and other group, such as women, have been permitted to participate in social activity rather than prohibited in the past time which also enrich women's life. In the politics level, the principle of democracy means more choice and freedom. By making decisions, citizens chose presidents whom they trust and supported, also, they reflect suggestion related to social interest and participate in political programs what have effects on the public. Faced with those obvious changes（face 的主语是choice吗？）, choice really exists in every corner and satisfies people’s livelihood.

However, under some circumstances, the frame of society and the limited ability determine the choice so that human beings' ideas might be far from the true situation and direction. On the one hand, apparently, different　forms of societies impose various values and ethic on citizens so that people have few choices to choose their moral standard and politic belief. For example, the social characteristic and government result in difference between America and China by which restricts people in their own place rather than purchase others life style. In addition, every person has his or her own circle, generally speaking, it is hard for a person to break the limitation and make choice out of the circle. On the other hand, choice sometimes is created and controlled by individuals rather than provided by destiny.   George Bernard Shaw, a British dramatist said:" The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them.” When comes to the of success in Rousseau, it is important to realize that lacking the intelligence and internal ability, the great person would never achieve his dream, although his success really came out by accidents. Admittedly, choices become common and plenitude, but if the person fails to master and utilize them, the choice might out of the sight.

Also, people usually overlook or give up those choices which might change their life because of human nature. In most cases, making choice requires courage and confidence, after all,(这是副词)  any choice might bring out a new environment and problems to the person, however, unfortunately, human beings inured to be chose rather than choose in that they feel secure and satisfied about recent situation, as a result, some choice might disappear for the ignorance. As the proverb said:" God helps those who help themselves." If a person pays no attention to the opportunities, no choice will exist again. For example, an effective businessman should analyze the market and choose a plan according to data and information; on the contrary, a poor executive might wait for the consumers rather than cater for（是cater to） them actively. Actually, choice is an illusion, if a person fails to seek for and control it, countless choice might equal to no choice. Therefore, to be a successful person, he or she should make choice correctly and lead following things developing according to individual will.

Understandably, improved society and individuals provide numerous choices, however, limited ability and human nature impede the utilization of them so that some choice are forced to disappear eventually. To better use those opportunities, a person should learn to create and control choice rather than overlook them。
总体来讲，我觉得内容是很不错的，很充实很饱满，但是在语言文字上错误不少阿，改到后面，语法错误和用词的错误我就没有再仔细看了。逻辑上我觉得是有点问题的，为了理清逻辑，我建议每段都写TS，且最好简洁明了，能让读者把握住你的思路。

猫咪meUID: 155478

还有一点，我觉得有点偏题，题目说得是absence of choice，你说的是opportunity 的多少，至多你后来讲的也是“丧失机会”，但是这并不等同于“不能选择”。两者是部、一样的，我觉得题目还在说只有一个choice的情况和能选择的情况。我们讨论讨论吧。
斑竹，你怎莫看的？

猫咪meUID: 155478

还有斑竹说的泛泛列举的现象，个人认为抽相类题目，是应该类举例子的，当然还得有说理。
这篇文章，我明天也写一篇，但是我和你的思路有点不同。

雪夭UID: 142334

这里的granted是和第三段转折的
In the material level（是用in吗？我也不是很清楚，但觉得是on），迷惑中，on没见过，见的多的是at啊，可是东方老师好象用in
outdated， 说的很对，勇气来舒服
To illustrate the pointe clearly, here are examples that are persuasive（这样的表达 太罗嗦直接用a case in point）.这个套用了老师给的句子，主要是我平时一来就forexample什么的，所以就换了一个，但我也觉得这是废话
, after all,(这是副词) 可以表示因果的啊，前后都是两个句子，应该问题不大的饿
cater to 收到

练习的时候的却需要写TS，可是真要一上来就写，我就常常会有点乱，虽然都列过提纲，可是这个思维老是和以前的时候不一样，这篇写的时候我也看过提纲，一写又不知道跑去哪里了，我郁闷啊
语法以后一定注意！！！！！1
谢谢

雪夭UID: 142334

我的观点立在选择是被社会和人限定的， in other words， 人创造机会让自己选择，人要靠自己的能力选择，就好象god help those who help themselves。
当初老师还用了lincoln的例子，说的就是人要把握，社会也给予机遇。当然也是选择了，有前途的人当总统，没戏的人就这样过日字啊，我后两段的意思就是这样。
应该来说，立意要高与题目， 我只这么理解的

猫咪meUID: 155478

嘻嘻，其实从你的立意也是可以的，只是和我想的不一样，于是就“大放厥词”了，
你不要介意才好啊。
after all是副词，正是因为连接的是两个句子，所以要用句号，若是用逗号，则只能是连词。
level那个东东，我是感觉，没有根据的。呵呵。

雪夭UID: 142334

那可能是我没注意啊，我打分号的，都是打字的错啊
郁闷死