ISSUE166,拜托大家帮我改一下,谢谢!

sniper613UID: 147372

Issue166. "Over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable."

For a long time, people in different occupations in the world have been discussing whether the most significant contribution of technology has made people's lives more comfortable or not. Different people have different opinions owing to their different experiences and backgrounds. On one hand, some people hold the view that more comfortable lives of people result from the important contribution of technology; on the other hand, other groups of individuals do not think so. Because the nature of the topic is complicit, it is necessary to considerate it on a case-by-case basis and in the specific situations. In my point of view, I think that technology does bring convenient and comfortable lives to human beings, though it makes some negative effects. In the following discussion, I would like to present valid evidences to substantiate my standpoint.


In the first place, people in the world could not deny that technology does make human convenient and comfortable. There are numerous examples to prop up the ideas of my statement, and I shall illustrate some cogent ones of those instances. Airplane, by which human’s dream of flying in the sky came true, was invented in the twentieth century. During nearly one hundred years airplane has made great process. Meanwhile people’s lives have been more convenient by using airplane. Before plane was invented, people living in UK had had to go to USA by sea, which would cost nearly one month. However, in modern times it usually takes people in UK only three to four hours to arrive in USA by air. Another well-known instance is air-conditioner, which changes people’s world into a more comfortable one. During the summer, people do not need to bear the hot weather, and they can comfortably work or have a rest in a cooler room. Under this situation, it is not difficult to see that the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people not only more convenient but also more comfortable.


In addition, another significant contribution of technology is to greatly increase the productivity. In order to understand the gist of this point of view, it is necessary to see an example. In the ancient time in China, farmers usually worked hard in their fields to produce more food. Unfortunately a large number of people starved due to the shortage of food from time to time. However, with the development of agricultural technology, including some new seeds of plants, some modern machines, and some new compounds and so on, the average productivity of agriculture has been greatly raised. The amount of food of an acre is increase from about 300 kilograms to about 800 kilograms in China. From this example, the conclusion can be reached that human’s productivity has been greatly raised by technology.


Meanwhile, although technology does have positive effects, including making people’s lives more convenient and comfortable and increasing the productivity, it also brings some negative effects. For instance, fridge, which is a modern method to preserve food for people, should be responsible for the decline of ozone. As people known, most fridges made in the twentieth century usually contain a chemical material named ELEF. Due to the scientists’ work, people on the Earth get the knowledge that ELEF makes the ozone decrease. As the result of the decline of ozone, people’s health is hurt by ultraviolet ray. Thus, technology should be responsible for some negative effects.


Consequently, attributable to the logical analysis, valid reasons, and convincing examples mentioned above in this article, which is more cogent and persuasive as an entire body than any single one of them, it is naturally safe and sound to conclude that though technology brings some negative effects, the most important contribution of technology is to make human’s lives more comfortable.

rukawaUID: 156277

Issue166. "Over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable."

For a long time, people in different occupations in the world have been discussing whether the most significant contribution of technology has made people's lives more comfortable or not. Different people have different opinions owing to their different experiences and backgrounds. On one hand, some people hold the view that more comfortable lives of people result from the important contribution of technology; on the other hand, other groups of individuals do not think so. Because the nature of the topic is complicit, it is necessary to considerate it on a case-by-case basis and in the specific situations. In my point of view, I think that technology does bring convenient and comfortable lives to human beings, though it makes some negative effects. In the following discussion, I would like to present valid evidences to substantiate my standpoint.
（就我而言，我觉得这样的开头虽然没有什么大的错误，但是不会给人太深刻的印象，太正规了，可以把开头弄的吸引人一些吧）

In the first place, people in the world could not deny that technology does make human（觉得后面应该有点什么） convenient and comfortable. There are numerous examples to prop up the ideas of my statement, and I shall illustrate some cogent ones of those instances. Airplane, by which human’s dream of flying in the sky came true, was invented in the twentieth century. During nearly one hundred years airplane has made great process. Meanwhile people’s lives have been more convenient by using airplane. Before plane was invented, people living in UK had had to go to USA by sea, which would cost nearly one month. However, in modern times it usually takes people in UK only three to four hours to arrive in USA by air. Another well-known instance is air-conditioner, which changes people’s world into a more comfortable one. During the summer, people do not need to bear the hot weather, and they can comfortably work or have a rest in a cooler room. （空调是两用的吧）Under this situation, it is not difficult to see that the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people not only more convenient but also more comfortable.


In addition, another significant contribution of technology is to greatly increase the productivity. In order to understand the gist of this point of view, it is necessary to see an example. In the ancient time in China, farmers usually worked hard in their fields to produce more food. Unfortunately a large number of people starved due to the shortage of food from time to time. However, with the development of agricultural technology, including some new seeds of plants, some modern machines, and some new compounds and so on, the average productivity of agriculture has been greatly raised. The amount of food of an acre is increase from about 300 kilograms to about 800 kilograms in China. From this example, the conclusion can be reached that human’s productivity has been greatly raised by technology.


Meanwhile, although technology does have positive effects, including making people’s lives more convenient and comfortable and increasing the productivity, it also brings some negative effects. For instance, fridge,（是不是写错了） which is a modern method to preserve food for people, should be responsible for the decline of ozone. As people known, most fridges made in the twentieth century usually contain a chemical material named ELEF. Due to the scientists’ work, people on the Earth get the knowledge that ELEF makes the ozone decrease. As the result of the decline of ozone, people’s health is hurt by ultraviolet ray. Thus, technology should be responsible for some negative effects.
（例子提出后，总是马上就结束好象不太好，应该再讲几句）

Consequently, attributable to the logical analysis, valid reasons, and convincing examples mentioned above in this article, which is more cogent and persuasive as an entire body than any single one of them, it is naturally safe and sound to conclude that though technology brings some negative effects, the most important contribution of technology is to make human’s lives more comfortable.
（总的感觉是太按模式写，是不是不太好啊）

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢 rukawa,
开头和结尾我都是按照模板写的,所以会这样的感觉
我现在觉得最难的就是例子引出来之后无话可说,你能教教我吗?