issue30 咳，我要被自己气死了

雪夭UID: 142334

30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
要考试了，越写越烂，感觉都找不到，怎么办啊？555555

Does technological advancement increase people’s efficiency for more leisure time? The speaker asserts that productivity and relaxation are the main purposes of technology. I concede that the initial goal might accord with the statement, however, to some extent, advanced machines might reduce the leisure time because of rapid pace; moreover, the speaker oversimplifies the function of technology.

Theoretically speaking, technology is used to facilitate human life by improving the efficiency. With the development of society, human beings need various machines to follow the step of rapid pace so that some useful inventions come to communities. For example, in the past time, Columbus spent 6 months to travel from Portugal to America, however, recently, an airplane can circumaviate only for one day. Obviously, the transportation reduces the time in traveling what increase the productivity, especially for business. When it comes to computers, human beings can gain latest new and information from screen by Internet rather than spend a great deal of time in libraries, and most important is that a computer can deal with numerous data which have been finished by human beings for several days in a few minutes perfectly and memorize various information immediate. Considering those advantages, efficiency of life and work are really improved by using technology.

However, such rapid pace of society also draws problems, which is inversion of speaker's opinion of more leisure time. Actually, human beings are trapped in a rigid net in which have less private space, not to mention enjoy spare time. Although the existence of telephone helps people communicate with others conveniently, the grating ring usually disturbs leisure life so that sometimes people have to abandon the holiday to do what they dislike. Turn to the computer mentioned above. Recently, some companies use new software to support long-distance work, as a result, computer take up individual life, especially private time, no matter in airplane, at home or in traveling. Apparently, leisure time reduce obviously while the efficiency improve increasingly what confuse human life.

Another problem of the statement is that the speaker overlooks other aims of technological advancement because productivity and leisure time are by-products rather than main purpose. On the one hand, machine exists to satisfy human demand, such as enjoying life, understanding other nations and communicating. For example, television has a few effects on efficiency, however, watching TV widen people’s vision and it is also a way of communicating with others. Human beings pursue for comfortable and high standard life what can be achieved by using technology. On the other hand, some immediate social problems results from technology and they also need to be resolved by advance technology, Environmental pollution and energy crisis might be strong instances to demonstrate the view, because new technology can reduce the level of waste and exhaust and bring out energy-efficient facilities. Therefore, it is unwise to emphasize the purpose of technology on efficiency.


Understandably, advanced technology raises people’s efficiency and decreases spare time simultaneously because of rapid pace. Moreover, society should realize the real purpose of machine rather than consider only one part.

so猫UID: 148633

Does technological advancement increase people’s efficiency for more leisure time? The speaker asserts that productivity and relaxation are the main purposes of technology. I concede that the initial goal might accord with the statement,用; however, to some extent, advanced machines might reduce the leisure time because of rapid pace; moreover, the speaker oversimplifies the function of technology.不懂哦 好好的三句话 干吗硬塞在一个句子里面 我也不觉得它们之间关系那么紧密 还是好好写的分开吧~

Theoretically speaking, technology is used to facilitate human life by improving the efficiency. With the development of society, human beings need various machines to follow the step of rapid pace so that这个是引导目的的 但我怎么没有感觉到目的的说~~ some useful inventions come to communities. For example, in the past time, Columbus spent 6 months to travel traveling from Portugal to America,; however, recently, an airplane can circumaviate only for one day. Obviously, the transportation reduces the time in traveling what increase the productivity what increase the productivity是什么意思? 不懂~, especially for business. When it comes to computers, human beings can gain latest news and information from screen by Internet rather than spend a great deal of time in libraries, and most important is that a computer can deal with numerous data which have been finished by human beings for several days in a few minutes perfectly and memorize various information immediate. Considering those advantages, efficiency of life and work are really improved by using technology.关于例子的疑问 举了很多例子 但好象因为杂乱反倒掩盖了本来的侧重点-increase in efficiency建议把例子压缩 去掉不必要的一些修饰 比如哥伦布的那些 简单的说说 然后分析分析~~

However, such rapid pace of society also draws problems, which is inversion of speaker's opinion of more leisure time. Actually, human beings are trapped in a rigid net in which have less private space, not to mention enjoy spare time. Although the existence of telephone helps people communicate with others conveniently, the grating ring usually disturbs leisure life so that sometimes people have to abandon the holiday to do what they dislike. Turn to the computer mentioned above. Recently, some companies use new software to support long-distance work, as a result, computer take up individual life, especially private time, no matter in airplane, at home or in traveling. Apparently, leisure time reduce obviously while the efficiency improve increasingly what confuse human life.又是这个奇怪的what从句 还是不明白~
怎么说呢 觉得这段的例证一点都不convincing~自己从挑argu的立场上看看是不是有很多地方都没有把道理说清楚?!

Another problem of the statement is that the speaker overlooks other aims of technological advancement because productivity and leisure time are by-products rather than main purpose. On the one hand, machine exists to satisfy human demands, such as enjoying life, understanding other nations这也是human demands? 恐怕就是一个人的想法吧 改成curiosity也好点啊~ and communicating. For example, television has a联系后面的however来看 应该这个a不要吧~~ few effects on efficiency, however, watching TV widen people’s vision and it is also a way of communicating with others. Human beings pursue for comfortable and high standard life what终于明白了你的意思了 原来是定语从句啊 但是同学啊 定语从句的引导词是that & which啊~~~我汗啊~~ can be achieved by using technology. On the other hand, some immediate social problems results from technology and they also need to be resolved by advance technology, Environmental pollution and energy crisis might be strong instances to demonstrate the view, because new technology can reduce the level of waste and exhaust and bring out energy-efficient facilities. Therefore, it is unwise to emphasize the purpose of technology on efficiency.


Understandably, advanced technology raises people’s efficiency and decreases spare time simultaneously because of rapid pace. Moreover, society should realize the real purpose of machine rather than consider only one part.结尾太平淡了 完全的重复

这篇总的来看不算特别好
楼主是不是太紧张了
别着急 还有10天 好好努力可以有大的突破的
加油~~~

雪夭UID: 142334

可能真的是紧张了，状态一点都不好，思路混乱
我可能需要调节一下，把重点放在总结上
谢谢猫猫
再加油

fenghua8385UID: 137789

我也是，现在状态还没刚开始写时好了。

今天写的才440字。
郁闷中。。。。。。

雪夭UID: 142334

脑袋糨糊一团
我好去撞墙了
555555555555

crusadeUID: 149710

呵呵,用what引导的定语从句也是可以的,但要注意适用的方式地点.
我觉得雪夭你是过于紧张了,其实没什么的,GRE作文在申请中所占的比重很小的对吧,没必要看的那么重.
我也看了不少你的文章,感觉还是可以的,何必自我打击的那么厉害,最后几天其实保持一天一套的频率就可以了,我觉得你写的太多了,反而很累,效果不好.
这几天花点时间回顾一下自己写过的文章,对机井题和难题列一下提纲,想想思路就可以了,放轻松~~~~

雪夭UID: 142334

恩，主要是我不想读本科的经济，想转传媒，老师说作文会很看中
一直有点担心，但现在想想算了，大不了出去在转
现在重点放提纲上面先，熟悉比较重要
说实话，现在写的在考场上更本想不起来的：（
谢谢你的鼓励，come on，cheer up~~~~~~~~~~~