issue144 我都改了好几篇了，也希望被人改一下

银杏UID: 134344

144 "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." *a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

There is a statement that “it is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value." As far as I am concerned, I, fundamentally, do not agree with it.

Thanks to critics who enable us to know wonderful art works with lasting value as wisdom, sympathy and love. How much does a common person know about artists whose works such as novels, films, paintings are considered as immortal masterpiece? The answer may be that common people know little about great artists and art works. I guess, except a few experts on art, the interest of art of common people is no more than the attention they paid on a fancy car. The most cases may be when common people talk about great artists and art, our reaction may be: Yes, I know her. She is a great artist, but I have not much idea why she is so great. I know several famous works of her, however, I don’t truly understand the greatness of her works. The fact is that  art cognition of common people is very limited and superficial.

However, some people may wonder that how do we common people know about the names of great artists, if we have little knowledge about them?  That is because of great critics. Some people acclaim that masterpiece are made by artists, not critics. Therefore, artist  gives society something of lasting value. However, we must admit that lacking of necessary knowledge, common people have little connoisseur of a kind of art. Critics, with their expertise, struggle in searching for work of real value among numerous art works and finally reveal the greatest masterpiece to the world. Without those great critics, we may never know the greatness of a large mount of art work , thus many talents would be passing by without any fame. As clearing sands and finding gold, critics bring us to the world of lasting value: courage, love, sympathy, wisdom and so on.
There may be some doubt that if critics expose the masterpiece to common people. Why there are some artists, unknown to his or her contemporary people are considered as greatest artist today such as van Gogh, Bach, and Jane Austen. My explanation is that after all, truly great critics just take a small portion of the whole population. Most of common people have more interest in popular works, such as best-seller books, most of which will be forgotten very soon. However, great critics are very different from us. They appreciate him, savor him and discuss his great works, even though the artists who make them are gong. Due to the enduring passion of the great critics on masterpiece, critics enable art work the lasting value to the society, and their views of artists are finally accepted by the mass. Without critics, great artists won't have lasting fame and give society something of lasting value.

In conclusion, discussing art and artists, we should never minimize the efforts that critics made that enable us to realize and enjoy the beauty and spirit of great art works.

paisleyUID: 64183

这两天的确看见你给好多人改呢。少等，我正在改

paisleyUID: 64183

"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." *a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

There is a statement that “it is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value." As far as I am concerned这半句其实可以去掉, I, fundamentally, do not agree with it.

Thanks to critics who enable us to know wonderful art works with lasting value as wisdom, sympathy and love. How much does a common感觉用ordinary比较好 person know about artists whose works such as novels, films, paintings are considered as immortal masterpiece? The answer may be that common people know little about great artists and art works. I guess, except a few experts on art, the interest of art of common people is no more than the attention they paid on a fancy car. The most cases may be when common people talk about great artists and art, our reaction may be: Yes, I know her. She is a great artist, but I have not much idea why she is so great. I know several famous works of her, however, I don’t truly understand the greatness of her works. The fact is that art cognition of common people is very limited and superficial.这段说的不错，建议把I那些主观描述性的部分盖成第三人称的客观描述，增加说服力。

However, some people may wonder that（有how不需要that） how do（前面有people wonder, 后面不需要提前do到装，正常语序即可） we common people know about the names of great artists, if we have little knowledge about them? That is because of great critics. Some people acclaim that masterpiece are made by artists, not critics. Therefore, artist gives society something of lasting value. However, we must admit that lacking of necessary knowledge, common people have little connoisseur of a kind of art. Critics, with their expertise, struggle in searching for work of real value among numerous art works and finally reveal the greatest masterpiece to the world. Without those great critics, we may never know the greatness of a large mount of art work , thus many talents would be passing by without any fame. As clearing sands and finding gold, critics bring us to the world of lasting value: courage, love, sympathy, wisdom and so on.这里可以补充一点：批评家往往能看到常人看不到的地方，眼光独具，从平庸出挖掘美，从众人称赞中看出矫揉造作。

There may be some doubt that if critics expose the masterpiece to common people.这里应是逗号 Why there are some artists, unknown to his or her contemporary people are considered as greatest artist today such as van Gogh, Bach, and Jane Austen. My explanation is that after all, truly great critics just take a small portion of the whole population. Most of （ 少the）common people have more interest in popular works, such as best-seller books, most of which will be forgotten very soon. However, great critics are very different from us. They appreciate him, savor him and discuss his great works, even though the artists who make them are gong. Due to the enduring passion of the great critics on masterpiece, critics enable art work the lasting value to the society, and their views of artists are finally accepted by the mass. Without critics, great artists won't have lasting fame and give society something of lasting value.

In conclusion, discussing art and artists, we should never minimize the efforts that critics made that enable us to realize and enjoy the beauty and spirit of great art works.

写得不错啊，立意和语言都好呢。就是句式的变化感觉单调了些，下次可以像几个更漂亮的句子出来。

银杏UID: 134344

太谢谢Paisely了，以前有一篇作文被你改了之后，让我好好的反省了自己的写作。
谢谢Pasiely! :)

imongUID: 140258

我来补充两点：

b2的“with their expertise”最好至少能有更细致一点的描写 如果能再分析就更好不过 否则看上去很浅薄的样子 还是不能光一个with就给打发了

b3的话用There may be some doubt起手看起来未必舒服 把这个自问自答想办法换成更好的衔接吧~你的b3不是没话说呢 或者从另一个角度讲 是不是正是critic的努力使得Van Gogh， Bach的作品最终得到发扬呢？ 同样的内容 换个方式组织表达一下

b1的口气可以再客观些

语言方面小错误自己注意。

believe starUID: 187870

Thanks to critics who enable us to know wonderful art works with lasting value as wisdom, sympathy and love. (应该加上一个转折吧?如however)How much does a common person know about artists whose works such as novels, films, paintings are considered as immortal masterpiece? (下面这句有点唠叨，可以改为one may just have the impression of   five to six artists totally.并且把except a few experts on art,改为except for few genius in the history更好点）The answer may be that common people know little about great artists and art works. I guess, except a few experts on art, （我感到这个假设不太恰当，因为这个假设同样可以用来反驳批评家）the interest of art of common people is no more than the attention they paid on a fancy car. The most cases may be when common people talk about great artists and art, （应该用第三人称）our reaction may be: Yes, I know her. She is a great artist, but I have not much idea why she is so great. I know several famous works of her, however, I don’t truly understand the greatness of her works. （这么说可以吗without taking tremendous pains to approach art,literature, it is difficult for a ordinary people to understand the spirits and the idea of a piece of art or work,and most of the time ,the so-called understand is superficial, or greatest artists would not feel lonly in the world;)The fact is that art cognition of common people is very limited and superficial.

我是新手，我先改第一段吧，希望大家继续；

wuwei2668UID: 189816

为什么我的作文贴不上来

wuwei2668UID: 189816

10.Governments must ensure that their major cities recieve the financial support they need to thrive ,because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
  
   As opposed to this statement,i am inclined that the rural areas should get more attention from the governments.We do not have to go very far to see the truth that a nation's cultural traditions is better presvered and generated in rural areas than in major cities.
   First of all,due impact of globalization and new technological revolution,the cities of the world are being homogenized which resulted in cultural diffusion.Andre MALRAUX says"culture is the sum of all the forms of art,of love,andof the thought."However,latest development of communication technologies and intensive international economic trade speed up  the rate of social changes include cultural diffusion and cultural evolution,especially in major cities of a nation such as New York ,Tokyo and HongKong.As a result,styles of dress,food specialities and mode of thought in one continent or a nation is bringing incredible impacts on another one.For example,giving presents to lover on valentine's day has been a common custom not only in western societies but in many asian cities.on the contrary,the situation in rural areas is abolutely different.Comparing with modern cities ,the rural areas,alpine villages for example,tended to be cut off from globalization and modern civilization because of weak transportation and undevelopmented economy,where people still preserve their traditonal life styles,inherit their simple and initial faith in life and abide by old customs handed down from their remote ancestors.in some china villages,the saga of great emperors and warriors are still being handed down from one generation to another by storytellers,the descendants of confucius are still abing by the rules formulated by their wise ancestor.consequently,we could detect a nation's cultural tradition better from rural areas than major cities.
  Moreover,the trend of urbanization is threantening the survival of a nation's cultural traditions .Common sense tell us the characteristics that distinguish cities from rural areas include more freedom and more opportunities;highly specialized services of many types;a great variety of occupations.All the characteristics lead to the constant influx of people into cities from rural areas,and the rural population is continually decreasing.in that case ,the cultural traditions presvered in rural areas loose their inheritors.futhermore,in the struggle to attract corporations and jobs to improve lives more and more rural areas have been offerring "packages' to company which include free land,special services and cheap labor forces.Therefore,silent and beautiful scenes in rural areas will be ,and are being,replaced by monstrous edifices and of dark,narrow streets full of petrol fumes and txic gases,torn by the noises of taxicabs ,lorries and buses,and thronged ceaselessly by great crowds.Obviously,the cultural traditions will become water without source or a tree without roots in that case.The cultural traditions only thrive in the soil of initial cultural environment which can only be found in rural areas.
   From what has been discussed above,we may draw the conclusion that we cannot understand cultural traditions of a nation in major cities.And the rural areas will continue to be the most important segment of cultural traditions.in order to preserve cultural traditions ,the government should never and ever ignore the rural areas.
这是我的作文，您能不能帮我改以下，我不能发布新话题，不知道为什么，谢谢

xin320UID: 165608

看了首段和第一段和第二段的开头。从结构上提点建议，首先写成完全的驳论文不太好，这个主题写成正反论证似乎更合适一些，当然你也可以以反对为主。
另外，在正文的第二段的首句，你用了However，我本以为你的这段与上段是转折关系，可是后边看到的是与正文第一段是个递进的关系。这样写在阅卷时有可能会造成一种错觉，就是段间的关系不是很明确。
再看了一下你的正文的最后一段，总体说来还是个递进的关系。我个人认为，这样总体下来与题目的要求有点脱离了，这个题目总体说应该写成个比较论证过程，把评论家和艺术家进行比较，你这样完全倾向于一方的观点是不是有点过于绝对了呢？还是应该保持一点客观性的因素。我得建议很肤浅，说的有不对的地方多多包涵。：）