issue222 revised by crusade & linak

egg2000UID: 111631

I222"Learning for learning's sake is an outdated concept. Today, education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals."

Nowadays, it is delighted that people are increasingly aware of the significant of education. And people begin to consider the goal of education. some people, just like sperker, claim that learning for learning's sake is outdated concept, and that education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals. I agree with the claim by and large.

At first, any event should must set up its ulterior purpose. Certainly, education failed to make an expection. One said in PRICIOUS GIFT, which is one of bestsellers in America, that one never reach the destination without knowing his or her direction. Before doing everything, the plan must be set up to ensure the direction against the interference of others. The situation of lack of the aim is just like the situation that a ship sailing in the sea floats with the wind. Wind blows west, the ship goes west; wind blows east, the ship goes east. The line of the ship is not decided by itself, but by wind. Apparently, the attitude of ship is undersiderable.And what’s more education is associate with the development of society. So education must establish its ulterior purpose.  

At the same time, everything should have its clear short-term goals besides ulterior purpose. To realize the ulterior purpose,which is the long-term,large-scale plan, must be divided into some shor-term programs. It is difficult to fulfill the ulterior purpose without short-term goals. Still take the sailing ship as an example. The line starts from A port to B port, which passes by C port as a midway stop port on its way. It is possible that the distance of A port to B port is so far that it is easy for ship to go astray. But the adding of a midway port, C port, comparatively facilitates adjustment of directions of ship, which ensure arriving at B port. The C port is a short-term goal in the fulfilling the ulterior destination. From this case, we can draw the conclusion that the clear short-term goals facilitate the realization of ulterior purpose. So education should be directed by planned clear short-term goals.

Admittedly, the idea of "leaning for learning's sake" does not conflict with education's pursuit of the above purpose. The sake of learning for many people is just learning, because they like learning. Though these men haven't actively contributed to society, their achievements can be utilized by others, in turn can be serve society indirectly. So this attitude of learning isn't harmful to society, and on the contrary, sometimes that still can exert active effect.

In sum, in order to improve education,  education must build up its own ulterior purpose and clear goal to serve. As for the sake of learning, everyone has his or her plan, so the unified motive cannot completely be required as long as he or she endanger the society.

linakUID: 155465

偶又来顶一下，明天看hoho

egg2000UID: 111631

linak你每次都帮我顶！多谢了！

可是怎么人给我改改呢！大家发扬发扬精神嘛！

crusadeUID: 149710

I222"Learning for learning's sake is an outdated concept. Today, education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals."

Nowadays, it is delighted that people are increasingly aware of the significant of education. And people begin to consider the goal of education. some people, just like sperker, claim that learning for learning's sake is outdated concept, and that education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals. （原封不动的抄题目不太好吧，最好变一下）I agree with the claim by and large.

At first, any event should must set up its ulterior purpose. Certainly, education failed to make an expection. One said in PRICIOUS GIFT, [U]which is [/U]（去掉）  one of bestsellers in America, [U]that one [/U]  （去掉）never reach the destination without knowing his or her direction. [U]Before doing everything, the plan [/U]（主谓一致吗？）  must be set up to ensure the direction against the interference of others. The situation of lack of the aim is just like the situation that a ship sailing in the sea floats with the wind. Wind blows west, the ship goes west; wind blows east, the ship goes east. The line of the ship is not decided by itself, but by wind. Apparently, the attitude of ship is undersiderable.[U]And [/U]  （去掉，为什么老把and做句首？）what’s more education is associate（+d） with the development of society. So education must establish its ulterior purpose. （这段比喻不错）教育的终极目标是什么？还是没指出，孙远工具箱里有不少论述，如Rousseau的话，加上去或许更有说服力，当然，个人意见。

At the same time, everything should have its clear short-term goals besides ulterior purpose. [U]To realize the ulterior purpose,which is the long-term,large-scale plan, must be divided into some shor-term programs. [/U]  （这句好像是病句啊，主干是to xxx, must be xxx？）It is difficult to fulfill the ulterior purpose without short-term goals. Still take the sailing ship [U]as an [/U] （for） example. The line starts from A port to B port, which passes by C port as a midway stop port on its way. It is possible that the distance of A port to B port is so far（far distance？是不是像fast speed一样有点...？） that it is easy for ship to go astray. But the [U]adding of [/U] （去掉，不地道） a midway port, C port, comparatively facilitates adjustment of directions of ship, which ensure arriving at B port. The C port is a short-term goal in the fulfilling the ulterior destination. From this case, we can draw the conclusion that the clear short-term goals facilitate the realization of ulterior purpose. So education should be directed by planned clear short-term goals.

Admittedly, the idea of "leaning for learning's sake" does not conflict with education's pursuit of the above purpose. The sake of learning for many people is just learning, because they like learning. Though these men [U]haven't[/U] （别缩略） actively contributed to society, their achievements can be utilized by others, in turn can [U]be [/U] （去掉） serve society indirectly. So this attitude of learning isn't harmful to society, and on the contrary, sometimes that still can exert active effect.

In sum, in order to improve education, education must build up its own ulterior purpose and clear goal [U]to serve[/U] （去掉）. As for the sake of learning, everyone has his or her plan, so the unified motive cannot completely be required [U]as long as he or she endanger the society[/U]（？？只要威胁了社会？不懂的说）
全文只用一个比喻来贯穿论证，首先承认很有新意，但是否显得不够有力？比喻要有共同点，教育和航船有什么共同点？或许有，但你没论证到，这就比较危险。这类题目比较抽象，最好就是化虚为实，比方说具体阐述什么是终极目标，什么是短期目标，什么又是sake of learning，但我感觉你就是在逃避这些key words不谈，还有那个outdated也是可以入手的，这些都不说就显得你在泛泛而谈，有点空洞。当然，这只是我的个人意见。 :p

linakUID: 155465

I222"Learning for learning's sake is an outdated concept. Today, education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals."

Nowadays, it is delighted that people are increasingly aware of the significant of education. And people(前面用逗号，and that people…) begin to consider the goal of education. some people, just like sperker,(我觉得你这里这样说好像反而更绕了，你就直接The speaker claims that还好些吧。Btw：这里speaker写错了哦，没用word检查啊^_^) claim that learning for learning's sake is outdated concept, and that education must serve an ulterior purpose and be directed toward clear goals. I agree with the claim by and large.第一段开始从背景说起，还好。不过你要是真的感觉时间很不够的话，还是最好就简短开头，节约时间，也不一定吧，有个background还是好，就看时间了。另外，摆出论点的时候是照抄题目，好像不太好吧，最好换换词什么的，比如ultimate这些，呵呵

At first, any event should must？？怎么同时出现should和must啊！还是should吧 set up its ulterior purpose. Certainly, education failed to make an expection？exception吧. One said in PRICIOUS GIFT, which is one of bestsellers in America, that one (can) never reach the destination without knowing his or her direction. Before doing everything, the plan must be set up to ensure the direction against the interference of others(everything! must!这样的词似乎太绝对了，师姐给我说过，很容易引起argue的,用一些副词almost之类的会更好吧，或者people is more likely  to achieve success to set up a plan…都要好些吧，你觉得呢) . The situation of lack of the aim is just like the situation that a ship sailing in the sea floats with the windwithout a direction. Wind blows west, the ship goes west; wind blows east, the ship goes east. The line(总觉得这个词不太好，course怎么样呢) of the ship is not decided by itself, but by wind. Apparently, the attitude of ship is undersiderable. And what’s more，这里用what’more好像…，一下跳不过去吧^_^而且and 也不该要的 education is associate with the development of society. So education must establish its ulterior purpose. 这段的列子还勉强，但是好像总结就不太好，列子是为论证服务的嘛，但是你最后这里没怎么说好

At the same time, everything should have its clear short-term goals besides ulterior purpose. To realize the ulterior purpose, which is the long-term, large-scale plan, must又来了，换吧 be divided into some shor-term programs. It is difficult to fulfill the ulterior purpose without short-term goals. Still taketakingthe sailing ship as an example. The line starts from A port to B port, which passes by C port as a midway stop port on its way. It is possible that the distance of A port to B port is so far that it is easy for ship to go astray. But the adding of a midway port, C port, comparatively facilitates adjustment of directions of ship, which ensure arriving at B port. The C port is a short-term goal in the去掉 fulfilling the ulterior destination. From this case, we can draw the conclusion that the clear short-term goals facilitate the realization of ulterior purpose. So education should be directed by planned clear short-term goals.这段还不错，也有很复杂的句式，不过词语的重复好像太多了，适当替换一下吧，呵呵

Admittedly, the idea of "leaning for learning's sake" does notnecessarily conflict with education's pursuit of the above purpose. The sake of learning for many people is just learning, because they like learning. Though these men haven't actively contributed to society, their achievements can be utilized by others, in turn can be去之 serve society indirectly. So this attitude of learning isn't harmful to society, and on the contrary, sometimes that still can exert active effect.这段的让步很好，不过如果说得更深刻一些就好了，估计是没时间了吧^_^

In sumIn summary, in order to improve education, education must build up its own ulterior purpose and clear goal to serve(这个ulterior好像从始到终就没换过吧). As for the sake of learning, everyone has his or her plan, so the unified motive cannot completely be required as long as he or she endanger the society最后这个句子没怎么看懂，不知道你要表达的是什么意思
总的说来写得还是很好的，只是语言有些地方变化少了些吧，句式也很多重复的，anyway，还是很好拉，就要考了，继续努力吧，呵呵。不知道为什么好像考了作文后作文水平就狂降了啊，只能这样拍两下了吧，水平有限了呵呵.

ps：你的文章我怎么可能不顶呢，呵呵。大家也都给她改改吧，这个JJ真的是很好的说

Fun_Yuan_23UID: 157022

感觉论证似乎有些抽象,
语言有点重复, 变化较少

个人观点, 不知合适否*_*

egg2000UID: 111631

大家说的都正是我的软肋呀！
我要反思反思！
可是我改如何提高呢！
具体如何做呢？