距托福一站还有五天，求助大神看下我这篇作文是个多少分。

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

距托福一战还有五天，目标是100:(，无奈前期没怎么准备作文和口语，准备作文一篇独立写作裸考！！！这几天心发慌，刚计时写了一篇，麻烦众大神看一看能有多少分。无修改绝对无任何修改！！！！时间刚刚卡在最后一秒啊！！！！

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

Doing low pay job can give you such sense that you do not need to worry about whether you still at that company tomorrow or the life will completely change in the future. The truth is your life is just like a tedious book which is no fun no climax. So, high pay but high risk can be a vital stepping stone not only toward a money you get but to the joy you have.

Statistic indicate that more and more teenager want to choose a high par job with high risk rather than a low pay job without challenge after the graduation. They want to be hardworking for a while to get enough money than relax themselves and enjoy the life. In order their age, they are relatively no burden and no pressure. All the money they earned can be spent during the very short period. They do not need to deposit it. In the summer, my sister got an opportunity to be an intern as a surgeon. Everyday, she was very tired. A lots of patients waited for her treatment. She had to get up very early almost four o'clock. But she was very happy at the mean time and got a very good pay. After the 4 months, she didn't want to keep staying at that hospital any more. So, she quited and came back to home. However, the money she got can afford her for almost 3 months.

Experience is also a determinant factor in choosing a high risk job. When the job you are engaged in is very technical and advanced. The people you attach is definitely with high intelligence quality and expertise on the field. You can learn a lot from those people. The chief of big company named Huawei was just a normal student in the few years ago. He went to the thousands of big company to earn the opportunity of working. Many people think he was too young to work in such position he want to be. Finally, only one decided to give a shot. He was very hardworking and be humble toward everyone. He had learned a lot over a time. But one day, the big mistake let he quit this company. In spite of loosing job, he gathered his friends to erect the new company on his own. His great attitude with outstanding experience made his company thrive rapidly.

More risk the job is, more pressure you get. Whereas you can have a capacity which is to face any challenge with a good mental state. That mean a lot.

That is why I agree the statement that we should choose a high pay job with high risk. However, the low pay job can give you a life without any worry. That may be benefit for your health.

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

担心字数不够，例子全部瞎编

luketc3580UID: 3369182

最后两段结尾是啥意思？最后一句话说 low pay job的好处的观点可以放在倒数第二段让步一下，然后最后一段总结全文

感觉写得还可以，有一些用法的错误。估分的话很难说吧，我个人觉得有25的样子了，不过你最后两段写得我有点摸不着头脑哎

gjxwinUID: 3457128

感觉独立作文把例子说清楚就是高分，综合作文听懂然后用自己的话复述就是高分。详见寄托几篇经验贴https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... id%3D192&page=1和https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1612845-1-1.html
我作文纯裸，一篇没写过，最后29

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

luketc3580 发表于 2014-5-12 10:56
最后两段结尾是啥意思？最后一句话说 low pay job的好处的观点可以放在倒数第二段让步一下，然后最后一段总 ...

其实倒数第二段是准备第三个分论点的，无奈时间不够了。
最后一段纯属赶得，觉得还是考前去找个最后一顿的模板耍一耍!!!

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

综合写作到是蛮简单的，纯属听力听懂rewrite就ok了，练了两篇就觉得没问题了。

dolphin_wbyUID: 3408651

看了一遍，希望LZ不要玻璃心……我觉得语法错误用词错误真的非常多，已经很大程度的影响到阅读体验了，可能我属于有点强迫症，不知道考官会怎么看，不过应该会在这方面扣分。
另外你写作的逻辑，要想清楚举的例子要怎么支持分论点，比如第三段里的那个例子应该是主要突出experience的作用的吧，而experience是从事高风险工作的回报，我觉得例子就应该写chief的工作多么有挑战性，周围人又很优秀帮助他学习（扣你论点），最后这段宝贵的经历让他成功了，而你的表述中就不是很有重点。
建议利用剩下的几天坚持练习，然后找人批改，至少写完后要自己改一下，对于突击作文还是很有效的，还有不要掉以轻心哈~

sokillerUID: 3446082

看了下LZ的作文，说老实话，真的就是在看例子，我不知道我理解对不对，过多的描述例子我总觉有点儿冲淡主题的味道，有例子当然好，如果能将自己的观点、道理和事例有机的结合起来，我觉得才更好。甚至，你可能只有一个理由，但是，如果你能说的很好，说的通，事例能够很好的支持你的观点的话，我觉得就能得个不错的分，毕竟，rater看的不仅仅是你有多少个理由，而是说你能不能很好的证明你的观点agree or disgree。个人看法 欢迎交流。

charlesidUID: 3523371

写的有乱乱的感觉。。。可能我水平不够。。。努力学习

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

dolphin_wby 发表于 2014-5-12 16:10
看了一遍，希望LZ不要玻璃心……我觉得语法错误用词错误真的非常多，已经很大程度的影响到阅读体验了，可能 ...

太谢谢了！！！知道自己很差，想问一下，现在参加写作互改小组还有用处吗？？

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

sokiller 发表于 2014-5-12 18:19
看了下LZ的作文，说老实话，真的就是在看例子，我不知道我理解对不对，过多的描述例子我总觉有点儿冲淡主题 ...

恩恩，作文完全没有思路啊！！！因为是托福一战，后续是sat，所以之前听力和阅读准备的比较多。听说sat训练完了之后，托福作文就没有什么问题了。

dolphin_wbyUID: 3408651

戏子。点。 发表于 2014-5-13 05:43
太谢谢了！！！知道自己很差，想问一下，现在参加写作互改小组还有用处吗？？

不晚，有版友帮着看看问题挺有用的～我觉得不管是否参加，都应该认真改改逻辑结构，注意语法，觉得这是这篇文章的两大伤……加油哈～

戏子。点。UID: 3414866

dolphin_wby 发表于 2014-5-13 10:08
不晚，有版友帮着看看问题挺有用的～我觉得不管是否参加，都应该认真改改逻辑结构，注意语法，觉得这是这 ...

谢谢了！！！8月份二战！！！