issue6 后附修改稿+xqmelissa点评

catcat000UID: 141317

issue6  
"The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."
了解当代文化最有效的方式是分析其年轻人的文化趋势"

自己已经改了很多，希望能得到大家的帮助！BOW！



Is it an effective way to analyze the trends of its youth in order to understand current culture of a country? That is really a question worth discussing. And in my opinion, the trends of the youth are just one part of the culture of the country or an area, so one cannot gain much by just analyzing it. I would like to cite two points to support my assertion that the approach is not so effective, although it would not take much time.

To begin with, study of the youth could just enable one to know the low culture of the country. Or, it is also possible that what one obtains, in that way, is even something that cannot be called culture. Before some detailed discussion, one should know definition or something of culture. Culture, including low culture and high culture, can be definite as the way people act, eat, play, and so on. Culture is something that can make you know what perfection is and why it is and still, why those youth would like to wear strange clothes. Therefore, what we could learn from the youth, in some sense, is just one part of the culture, in other words, part of low culture. If one really would like to make out something from a culture, it is unadvisable to overlook the high culture. To some extend, the high culture could present the features of a society rather than low culture. Low culture, like those one could conclude from the youth, can just provide people with information that what the society is like nowadays. But one cannot know why nations which are close to each other have different traits, and are there some further or historical reasons? And with the research into the high culture, people would get some facts or some traditions or even some religious custom which could be used to explain the superficial implication. So research just taken on youth would lead to an improper or false conclusion of the culture of the society.

Secondly, youth are only a small part of the society, whose behavior is easily affected by foreign ones. But on the contrary, people should know more about the larger numbers of the adults, who have more experience and know more about the customs of the country which has been examined by people and time. What they can present is something also important for one to understand the contemporary culture. For example, there are many youth who would like to wear Korean style clothes and act as the Korean youth usually do. I often find hard to choose which language I should use when talking to them, as there are so many Korean students in my college that I cannot tell them apart. What the youth can express is mostly the custom of the Koreans or other nations, which have assimilated the youth by their cultures, like Japan, Korea, or some other nations which lead the trends of the youth. So how can one know the contemporary Chinese culture just by analysis those youth like them?

After all, one still can obtain something really express the true thought of the youth by just analyzing them, as we all know that, the mass media are seized by the popular songs, actors and so on. It has caused a kind of tide, which still have utility and it may not take so much time and money.

To sum up, the approach to understand culture of a nation by examining the trends of the youth has its own advantages and basis. It will not take the researcher much time. But when it comes to the efficiency, It is not satisfactory because of the lack of accuracy and correctness. So it will be a considerable project to analyze a culture, and there is no short cut.

xqmelissaUID: 140370

嘿嘿，这个MM熟，曾经跟我一起杀11T的
来，这个我接了

等等给你改啊

catcat000UID: 141317

呵呵，好的  ^^
加油批~~欢迎砖头~~^^

xqmelissaUID: 140370

Is it an effective way to analyze the trends of its youth in order to understand current culture of a country? That is really a question worth discussing how about change it to “This is worthy question to be discussed”? I think there is grammar mistake in your sentence. And in my opinion just use “in my opinion” is enough, the trends of the youth are just one part of the culture of the country a country or an area, so one cannot gain much by just analyzing it. I would like to cite two points to support my assertion that the approach is not so effective, although it would not take much time.
I could find your opinion in this phrase clearly, good. But I suggest you change your model which is used by too many people, how about use another form to beginning? You could find something about how to write a beginning in 精华区

To begin with, study of the youth could just enable one to know the low culture what is low culture? I know your meaning, but it is not a good word to use in there, I think J the country. Or, it is also possible that what one obtains, in that way, is even something that cannot be called culture. Before some detailed discussion, one should know definition or something of culture. To tell the truth, I was confused about these two sentences, although I read it for many times L Culture, including low culture and high culture If you want to use these two words, maybe explaining them at the first of this phrase is better, can be definite as the way people act, eat, play, and so on. Culture is something that can make you know what perfection is and why it is and still, cut down the comma and “still” in there why those youth would like to wear strange clothes. Therefore, what we could learn from the youth, in some sense, is just one part of the culture, in other words, part of low culture. If one really would like to make out how about “know”, “understand”, “comprehend” or sth with the same meaning, I think these words are better than “make out” something from a culture, it is unadvisable do you want to say “inevitable” to overlook the high culture. To some extend, the high culture could present the features of a society rather than low culture. Low culture, like those one could conclude from the youth, can just provide people with information that what the society is like nowadays. 严重错误啊！不行了，我必须用中文说了！你的TS不是说只了解年轻人的文化不能理解当代社会的文化吗？但是这里你怎么说可以了？ But one cannot know why nations which are close these two clauses are too complex! You could just say “nations closed to---” to each other have different traits, and are there some further or historical it is not suitable to use these two words “further” and “historical” together, which have the different meaning reasons? And with the research into the high culture, people would get some facts or some traditions or even some religious custom which could be used to explain the superficial implication. So research just taken on youth would lead to an improper or false conclusion of the culture of the society.
In this phrase, you make a big mistake, right? J 鉴于曾经比较熟，我就严厉了呦，MM别哭啊，嘿嘿
There is also a big problem that what is “low culture” and “high culture”? the Issue has no these words, so I think they are words created by yourself, then you should define them at the beginning in order to let reader understand.
The last two sentences is a little mess, I nearly confused  J

Secondly, youth are only a small part of the society, whose behavior is easily affected by foreign ones. But on the contrary, people should know more about the larger numbers of the adults, who have more experience and know more about the customs of the country which has been examined by people and time. What they can present is something also important for one to understand the contemporary culture. For example, there are many youth who would like to wear Korean style clothes and act as the Korean youth usually do. I often find hard to choose which language I should use when talking to them, as there are so many Korean students in my college that I cannot tell them apart. What the youth can express is mostly the custom of the Koreans or other nations, which have assimilated the youth by their cultures, like Japan, Korea, or some other nations which lead the trends of the youth. So how can one know the contemporary Chinese culture just by analysis those youth like them?

After all, one still can obtain something really express the true thought of the youth by just analyzing them, as we all know that, the mass media are seized by the popular songs, actors and so on. It has caused a kind of tide, which still have utility and it may not take so much time and money.

To sum up, the approach to understand culture of a nation by examining the trends of the youth has its own advantages and basis. It will not take the researcher much time. But when it comes to the efficiency, It is not satisfactory because of the lack of accuracy and correctness. So it will be a considerable project to analyze a culture, and there is no short cut.


不好意思，我就仔细看了一下你的前两段，改的比较多，见谅啊！
今天你是我改的第5篇了，呵呵，没有一篇没被我狂批的  ：（

语言有点不是很近如人意，一些话说不明白，我觉得啊
引入IMONG曾经一直批我的话吧：简单句结构和简单从句结构使用的比较多，但是注意不要犯弱智错误。应该稍微多用一用插入语，分词引导从句，介词引导从句，比较，倒装，等等。前三个最重要。这样子sentence variety上面就多了一大块，现在这个样子不行。

思路呢，觉得有点跑，题目是针对是否应该通过研究年轻人的文化趋势来了解当代社会， BODY1的TS是仅仅研究年轻人的不够，that is good，但是你后面又犯了个大错误啊
BODY2呢，说什么年轻人的文化仅仅代表小部分的文化，没问题，不过觉得似乎就是BODY1的TS的一部分啊，你觉得呢？
BODY3有点乱了，你到底要说什么呢？

总体而言，我觉得可能是没把握好题目，今天我有点累了，一会还要写一个I，就先不想这个题目了，明天清醒的时候帮你想想吧，如果我忘了你可以PM我，提醒一句  ：）

另外，看你很少给别人改作文的，其实给别人改也是对自己的提高啊，没关系，不用担心自己水平不行的问题，其实大家都差不多的，是吧？
还有时间的，好好练习啊！

加油加油！

噢，还有啊，觉得你模版化的痕迹太重了

xqmelissaUID: 140370

啊，对了，还一句啊，是你的第二篇吧？
没关系，别灰心

那时侯我的前两篇被IMONG骂的都不行了，嘿嘿，刚开始都这样的

catcat000UID: 141317

恩，谢谢xqmelissa  呵呵，看到这么多中肯的意见，高兴还来不及呢~！只是觉得还是差很远的说，anyway，路还是要一部一部走，自己给自己加油~~~复制下来看~~再谢谢闹~~

catcat000UID: 141317

In the world today, when programs in the TV, always too often, are for youth, when hip-hop can be heard everywhere in the downtown, when some adults are also involved in the trends, it seems that the youth could embody the culture of a country. Then, some people point out that it is an effective way to study contemporary culture just by analyzing the trend of the youth. Yet in my opinion, the trends of the youth are just one part of the culture, or something could not be called culture, so one cannot gain much by just analyzing it. I would like to cite two points to support my assertion.

To begin with, if the researcher could maintain something just based on the analysis of the youth, it still need further study to identify whether the result is the pure culture of a country. In most cases, the youth hardly have any integral values, and they still need to be trained in the society. As a result, many of them are easily affected by foreign cultures. Thus, a research done in that way has the problem of incorrectness. A case in point, many Chinese youth nowadays would like to wear Korean style clothes and act as Korean youth usually do. I am confused, from time to time, by their appearance and feel hard to choose one language when talking to them, as there are so many Korean and Korean-like (?) students in my college. Accordingly, what the youth can express is mostly the custom of the Koreans or other nations, whose youth have assimilated the Chinese youth by their cultures, like Japan, Korea, or some other countries. Therefore, how can the researchers know the contemporary Chinese culture just by analyzing those youth like them?

Secondly, even the result is something of the culture of a country, yet it is just one part. Consequently, research done in this way is short of accuracy. Before some detailed discussion, one should know the definition of culture. Culture can be definited as the way people act, eat, play, and so on. Culture is something that can make one knows what perfection is and why it is, which could be called high culture. Also, one could understand why those youth would like to wear strange clothes. In the contrary, that is low culture. Therefore, what we could learn from the youth, in some sense, is just one part of the culture, in other words, part of low culture. If one really would like to comprehend something from a culture, it is inadvisable to overlook high culture. To some extend, the high culture could present the features of a society rather than low culture, which, for example, can just provide people with information that what the society is like now. But it fails to explain some further questions, like why people of two countries which are close to each other behave in different ways. In order to answer these questions, researchers have to collect many materials of corresponding fields. In that way, chance is larger for them to attain the answer. As a result, with the research into the high culture, people would understand some traditions and religious custom which will reveal the essence of the culture. On the contrary, researches, which just be taken on youth would possibly lead to an improper or false conclusion of the culture of the society.


To sum up, according to the points discussed above, people could find that the approach of understanding culture of a nation by examining the trends of the youth is not effective because of lack of accuracy and correctness.


改过了，觉得好点，希望大家给多点意见~！！谢谢！

xqmelissaUID: 140370

In the world today, when programs in the TV, always too often, are for youth, when hip-hop can be heard everywhere in the downtown, when some adults are also involved in the trends, it seems that the youth could embody the culture of a country. 这种表述看起来好乱啊！建议不行的话换成短句子吧 Then, some people point out that it is an effective way to study contemporary culture just by analyzing the trend of the youth. Yet However, in my opinion, the trends of the youth are just one part of the culture, or something could not be called culture, cut down this sentence, why you say this? You did not give an answer. so one cannot gain much by just analyzing it. I would like to cite two points to support my assertion.
The structure of first sentence is mess. But you give your position clearly, good J

To begin with, if the researcher could maintain maintain? 维持 something just based on the analysis of the youth, it still need further study to identify whether the result is the pure culture I suggest you do not use the word as “pure culture”, since it is so abstract and did not being given in the topic. How about add some definition of this if you want to use it? of a country. In most cases, the youth hardly have any integral values value, and the same question, what is “integral value”, and they still need to be trained in the society. As a result, many of them are easily affected by foreign cultures. Thus, a research done in that way has the problem of incorrectness. A case in point, many Chinese youth nowadays would like to wear Korean style clothes and act as Korean youth usually do. 嘿嘿，你的图片嘛，当时给我留下印象的不是你的ID，而是那两张图片 J 扯远了，继续 J I am confused, from time to time, by their appearance and feel hard to choose one language when talking to them, as there are so many Korean and Korean-like ? students in my college. Accordingly, what the youth can express is mostly mostly is the custom of the Koreans or other nations, whose youth have assimilated the Chinese youth by their cultures, like Japan, Korea, or some other countries. Therefore, how can the researchers know the contemporary Chinese culture just by analyzing those youth like them?
I do not think the example could explain your TS clearly, since you just say that the outside is influenced by other culture, but the culture is something inside. Maybe it is better that you could develop your example more.

Secondly, even the result is something of the culture something of the culture? I cannot understand it of a country, yet cut down “yet” it is just one part. Consequently, research done in this way is short of accuracy. Before some detailed discussion, one should know the definition of culture. Culture can be definited as the way people act, eat, play, and so on. Culture is something that can make makes one knows what perfection is and why it is, which could be called high culture. Also, one could understand why those youth would like to wear strange clothes. In the contrary, On the contrary that is low culture. Therefore, what we could learn from the youth, in some sense, is just one part of the culture, in other words, part of low culture. If one really would like to comprehend something from about a culture, it is inadvisable unreasonable to overlook high culture. To some extend, the high culture could present the features of a society rather than low culture, which, for example, can just provide people with information that what the society is like now. this sentence is a mess, change it to two separate sentences But it fails to explain some further questions, like why people of two countries which are close  to each other behave behaving in different ways. In order to answer these questions, researchers have to collect many materials of in corresponding fields. In that way, chance is larger for them to attain the answer. there are more chances to obtain the answer. As a result, with the research into the high culture, people would understand some traditions and religious custom which will cut down “will” and change it to “reveals” reveal the essence of the culture. On the contrary, researches, which just be taken on youth would possibly lead to an improper or false conclusion of the culture of the society.
可能差不多吧，不过现在脑子有点乱，整体感觉是好了许多呦

To sum up, according to the points discussed above, people could find that the approach of understanding culture of a nation by examining the trends of the youth is not effective because of lack of accuracy and correctness.

结尾段没给你看，今天实在太累了，不好意思！
不过就这些看来，好象好了不少  J   加油呦！

不过语言呢，还是昨天的话，需要加强练习啊！

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章可能有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照该帖：《在本版找前人作文的方法》http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthr ... hlight=%CC%E2%BA%C5

希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！我想你可能对自己的水平没信心，但是你只要参与别人的讨论，自己的思路也会打开，改变目前说理不透彻的情况。到目前为止你都是闷头写，几乎从来没有参与过别人的讨论，闭门造车行不通的，尤其对基础不是太好的同学。真的。