求大神批改SAT作文

owenriderUID：3472292

求大神指点，批的越狠越好！感激不尽
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Does being content with the way things are prevent people from improving themselves and doing better?

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% U' v; d. ^8 s        A famous Chinese Scholar once said: “a soul that does not make progress is a dead soul.” What kind of soul is lively enough to make progress? A soul always content with the current social environment for sure is not. Contentment, though always praised by society as a merit of finding happiness, is in fact a deadly drug that undermines people by their innate laziness in a long term, devastating the development of human society. Did we ever have a soul laden with contentment, we would never have the ease of life we have today.

9 M" x( t/ X& D4 C: Y+ x          Once we lived in caves and earthen huts, and rode on animals’ back. Tempest and inefficient transportation made us suffer a great deal. However, a huge contrast, we are now living in manufactured houses and departments with perfect protection from sever weather and driving  automobiles, traveling around the world and seeking for enjoyment. All these are made possible by our soul which never contents with the current condition we have and is always on the quest toward perfection. Contentment, breeding laziness, would never serve as the passion that drives us to a better civilization.
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        A desire to improve is generated by one’s dissatisfaction to current condition. People such as Bill Gates and Steve Jobs who have drastically altered the life style of our human race, can never bear contentment. They both have a dream of changing the world. They know contentment is an ultimate flaw which can hinder their dream, but the aspirations of perfection—being critical and not satisfied, as they both embody, is the indefatigable force incessantly making them advance.
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        Even in the field of politics, a person who is critical and never content with the established legal system can better our society. Lyndon B. Johnson, the former president of the United States, could not bear the deprivation of the American precept of equality, pushing the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 through congress in an attempt to correct the immorality of racism. Though some senators stridently opposed such a bill, his dissatisfaction of the social atmosphere made him strive even harder to remain loyal the American belief: every one is created equal. Were Johnson content with the inequality prevalent in society then, we would not be able to have such a harmonious society today.
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        Human and society, either individually or as a whole, have been advancing under the pursuit of improvement. Contentment may in some degree be praised as a virtue, but never can a society or an individual develop under such state of mind. If we want to have a lively soul, let’s find the flaw in our life and take action to change it.

学习夹衣UID：3553314

改了一点。我个人觉得文笔不够straightforward. Too many run-on sentences. 改作文的老师不一定喜欢。

A soul always content with the current social environment for sure is not. Contentment, though always praised by society as a merit of finding happiness, is in fact a deadly drug that undermines people by their innate laziness in a long term, devastating the development of human society. Have we ever had a soul laden with contentment, we would never have the ease of life we have today.$ ?$ q( G' H! |6 v
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) M7 ]( C' |3 s3 t8 }          Once we lived in caves and earthen huts, and rode on animals’ back. Tempest and inefficient transportation made us suffer a great deal. However, a huge contrast, we are now living in manufactured houses and departments with perfect protection from sever weather and driving  automobiles, traveling around the world and seeking for enjoyment. All these are made possible by our soul which never contents with the current condition we have and is always on the quest toward perfection. Contentment, breeding laziness, would never serve as the passion that drives us to a better civilization., x7 b6 _/ ?8 o: b3 P
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) [0 D- I3 f: a) ?% o        A desire to improve is generated by one’s dissatisfaction to current condition. People such as Bill Gates and Steve Jobs who have drastically altered our lives, can never bear contentment. They both have a dream of changing the world. They know contentment is an ultimate flaw which can hinder their dream, but the aspirations of perfection—being critical and not satisfied, as they both embody, is the indefatigable force incessantly making them advance.& j: }0 s7 f1 N1 h! x2 J! ?1 D

$ q" j- ]/ R% Z+ P5 [        Even in the field of politics, a person who is critical and never content with the established legal system can better our society. Lyndon B. Johnson, the former president of the United States, could not bear the deprivation of the American precept of equality, pushing the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 through congress in an attempt to correct the immorality of racism. Though some senators stridently opposed such a bill, his dissatisfaction of the social atmosphere made him strive even harder to remain loyal the American belief: every one is created equal. Were Johnson content with the inequality prevalent in society then, we would not be able to have such a harmonious society today." {  q) R; @# A9 Y3 v+ \- c
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        Human and society, either individually or as a whole, have been advancing under the pursuit of improvement. Contentment may in some degree be praised as a virtue, but never can a society or an individual develop under such state of mind. If we want to have a lively soul, let us find the flaw in our life and take action to change it.