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[经典批改讨论] Issue233 科技+学习 大家来看看 [复制链接]

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荣誉版主

发表于 2004-3-21 08:16:12 |显示全部楼层
233"Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning."

Nowadays there is a growing concern about the role that innovations have played in the field of learning. While most people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways, different opinions arise that these technology advancements actually distract students from real learning. On balance, according to my personal observation, whether innovations can be beneficial or detrimental to real learning depends on the students and the teachers, not on these innovations themselves.

To begin with, technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. With the aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can be shorter and easier than before. For instance, if a student want certain published papers of an academic discipline, he/she may look through considerable catalogs to find the ones he/she needs. However, with the help of Internet innovation, at present most of these papers are published online. Consequently, to find certain paper the procedure is much easier and shorter, the students just type the key words and other information of the paper, and then the system will search the database, and the papers are there waiting for them. As this new approach can save a lot of time for the students, he/she could have more time reading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than checking and looking for the papers that could be a waste of his/her time. This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited the students and their learning process.

Secondly, while innovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important that the central role of the pursuit for knowledge and wisdoms are maintained. What real matters is not the approach but the purpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied to the learning process than in the US and other developed countries, still a lot of distinguished students achieved their academic goal with their hard work and desires to knowledge. In the US, where the software engineering students are given the   most advanced facilities and apparatus for their learning and research, however, it is wildly accepted that they are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students of software, who may share computers in groups. From this comparison we can see that the real and core push of learning is the desire for knowledge, not the help of innovations.

In addition, if not guided properly, the technology advancement might inhibit learning. In other words, innovation can distract the students from real learning than helping them. It is obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculate mathematical equations but can also be used for recreation such as net surfing or computer games. It is highly possible that these students can spend more time and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer. Thus, learning is inhibited. Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictions are needed to ensure the right use of innovations for learning, or the consequence may be on the contrary to the students and teachers' desire.

To conclude, technological innovations are beneficial to learning in many ways, but when using these technologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning and remember not to be distracted for other usages of these innovations that are irrelevant or detrimental to learning. On balance, innovation here serves as a double-edges sword, and its right use is dependent on the students and the teachers.
39 mins :eek:  561words in pp3.

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发表于 2004-3-21 08:46:12 |显示全部楼层
233"Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning."

Nowadays there is a growing concern about the role that innovations have played in the field of learning. While most people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways, different opinions arise that these technology advancements actually distract students from real learning. opponents contend that......On balance, according to my personal observation, whether innovations can be beneficial or detrimental to real learning depends on the students and the teachers, not on these innovations themselves.开头段不错,观点鲜明

To begin with, technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. With the aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can be shorter and easier than before. 我觉得不仅是简单和容易,还有更便捷更丰富多彩For instance, if in the past a student want certain published papers of an academic discipline, he/she may look through considerable catalogs to find the ones he/she needs. However, By contrastwith the help of Internet innovation, at present most of these papers are published online. Consequently, to find certain paper the procedure is much easier and shorter, the students just type the key words and other information of the paper, and then the system will search the database, and the papers are there waiting for them. As this new approach can save a lot of time for the students, he/she could have more time reading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than checking and looking for the papers that could be a waste of his/her time. This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited the students and their learning process.

Secondly, while innovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important that the central role of the pursuit for knowledge and wisdoms去掉s are maintained. What realreally matters is not the approach but the purpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied to the learning process than in the US and other developed countries, still a lot of distinguished students achieved their academic goal with their hard work and desires to knowledge. In the US, where the software engineering students are given the most advanced facilities and apparatus for their learning and research, however, it is wildly accepted that they are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students of software, who may share computers in groups. From this comparison we can see that the real and core push of learning is the desire for knowledge, not the help of innovations.感觉这个例子不太有说服力,印度和美国比较要在其他的方面都相同的基础上才能得出结论.就是说有其他的原因解释这个现象,呵呵有点象argument

In addition, if not guided properly, the technology advancement might inhibit learning. In other words, innovation can distract the students from real learning than helping them. It is obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculate mathematical equations but can also be used for recreation such as net surfing or computer games. It is highly possible that these students can spend more time and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer. Thus, learning is inhibited. Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictions are needed to ensure the right use of innovations for learning, or the consequence may be on the contrary to the students and teachers' desire.

To conclude, technological innovations are beneficial to learning in many ways, but when using these technologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning and remember not to be distracted for other usages useof these innovations that are irrelevant or detrimental to learning. On balance, innovation here serves as a double-edges sword, and its right use is dependent on the students and the teachers.
总的说来语言不错,错误较少,尤其是考虑到这么段的时间写出来,比我强多了.我现在还不能限时完成
有空看看我的https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175620
莫听穿林打叶声,
何妨吟啸且徐行,
竹杖芒鞋轻胜马。
谁怕!
一蓑烟雨任平生。


料峭春风吹酒醒,
微冷。
山头斜照却相迎。
回首向来萧瑟处,
归去,
也无风雨也无晴。

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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主

发表于 2004-3-21 11:22:21 |显示全部楼层
Nowadays there is a growing concern about the role that innovations have played in the field of learning. While most people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways, different opinions arise that these technology advancements actually distract students from real learning. On balance, according to my personal observation, whether innovations can be beneficial or detrimental to real learning depends on the students and the teachers, not on these innovations themselves.
漂亮的开头

To begin with, technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. With the aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can be shorter and easier(感觉用两个被动语态的并列似乎好些,shorten and simplified compared with the past) than before. For instance, if a student want(wants) certain published papers of an academic discipline, he/she may look through considerable catalogs to find the ones(those) he/she needs(这一句少个时间壮语吧,不然后面的转折感觉怪怪的). However, with the help of Internet innovation, at present most of these papers are published online. Consequently, to find certain paper the procedure(句子成分问题) is much easier and shorter, the students just type the key words and other information of the paper, and then the system will search the database, and the papers are there(感觉and和there用的都不是特别好) waiting for them. As this new approach can save a lot of time for the students, he/she could have more time reading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than checking and looking for the papers that could be a waste of his/her time. This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited the students and their learning process.
分析得不错

Secondly, while innovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important that the central role of the pursuit for knowledge and wisdoms are maintained. What real(really) matters is not the approach but the purpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied to the learning process than in the US and other developed countries, still a lot of distinguished students achieved their academic goal with their hard work and desires to knowledge. In the US, where(where可以引导非限定性定语从句么?) the software engineering students are given the most advanced facilities and apparatus for their learning and research, however, it is wildly accepted that they are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students of software, who may share computers in groups. From this comparison we can see that the real and core push of learning is the desire for knowledge, not the help of innovations.(怎么说呢,我感觉说美国学生比印度人far less outstanding有点牵强。不能否认的是印度的软件业的确走在世界前列,但单凭这一点,就否定了美国人有点没有道理。毕竟在计算机领域,占统治地位的还是老米,印度人也好,中国人也罢,陪太子读书的一位更浓些。)

In addition, if not guided properly, the technology advancement might inhibit learning. In other words, innovation can distract the students from real learning than(看看than前后的词性) helping them. It is obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculate mathematical equations but(not only在哪?) can also be used for recreation such as net surfing or computer games. It is highly possible that these students can(can太多了)spend more time and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer. Thus, learning is inhibited. Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictions are needed to ensure the right use of innovations for learning, or the consequence may be on the contrary to the students and teachers' desire.
不错不错!

To conclude, technological innovations are beneficial to learning in many ways, but when using these technologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning and remember not to be distracted for other usages of these innovations that are irrelevant or detrimental to learning. On balance, innovation here serves as a double-edges sword, and its right use is dependent on the students and the teachers.

写得非常不错的说。
让人读完印象比较深的是论证的层次感,提出问题-〉分析问题-〉解决问题。层层推进,看起来实在过瘾,开头和结尾都很漂亮,再接再厉啊!
There is nothing lost

That may be found

If sought

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发表于 2004-3-21 11:46:31 |显示全部楼层
thanks for danny's courage 的确说印度的时候好像为了加强论证,夸大了,汗一个。
I will go on 的说!
thanks to parajohns I have checked yours already.

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发表于 2004-3-21 12:45:01 |显示全部楼层
Nowadays there is a growing concern about the role that innovations have played in the field of learning. While most people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways, different opinions arise that these technology advancements actually distract students from real learning. On balance, according to my personal observation, whether innovations can be beneficial or detrimental to real learning depends on the students and the teachers, not on these innovations themselves.(论点鲜明,句子用得也漂亮)

To begin with, technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. With the aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can be shorter and easier than before. For instance, if a student want (wants)certain published papers of an academic discipline, he/she may look through considerable catalogs to find the ones he/she needs. However,(我觉得没有转折的意思) with the help of Internet innovation, at present (我觉得nowadays更好)most of these papers are published online. Consequently, to find certain paper the procedure is much easier and shorter, the students just type(in) the key words and other information of the paper, and then the system will search the database, and the papers are there waiting for them. As this new approach can save a lot of time for the students, he/she could have more time reading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than checking and looking for the papers that could be a waste of his/her time. This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited(benefits) the students and their learning process.

Secondly, while innovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important that the central role of the pursuit for knowledge and wisdoms are maintained. What real matters is not the approach but the purpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied to the learning process than in the US and other developed countries, still a lot of distinguished students achieved their academic goal with their hard work and desires to knowledge. In the US, where the software engineering students are given the most advanced facilities and apparatus for their learning and research, however, it is wildly accepted that they are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students of software(in the field of software), who may share computers in groups. From this comparison we can see that the real and core push of learning is the desire for knowledge, not the help of innovations.

In addition, if not guided properly, the technology advancement might inhibit learning. In other words, innovation can distract the students from real learning than helping them. It is obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculate mathematical equations but can also be used for recreation such as net surfing or computer games. It is highly possible that these students can spend more time and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer. Thus, learning is inhibited. Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictions are needed to ensure the right use of innovations for learning, or the consequence may be on the contrary to the students and teachers' desire.(我觉得照第一段的安排,不如把这一点提到第三段)

To conclude, technological innovations are beneficial to learning in many ways, but when using these technologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning and remember not to be distracted for other usages of these innovations that are irrelevant or detrimental to learning. On balance, innovation here serves as a double-edges(double-edged) sword, and its right use is dependent on the students and the teachers.

(看过你前两天写的文章, 觉得你进步好快啊.)

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发表于 2004-3-21 13:26:48 |显示全部楼层
谢谢tinyscintilla
段落是可以调换一下的说。

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发表于 2004-3-21 13:44:41 |显示全部楼层
提供一个论证:
火,如果用地不好会造成人祸,而在坏人手里会用来害人.但我们不能因次就说火是有害的.我们难到可以离开火而生活吗?关键是谁使用它,怎样使用.THE SAME APPLY TO TECHNOLOGY

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发表于 2004-3-21 18:16:36 |显示全部楼层
233"Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning."

Nowadays there is a growing concern about the role that innovations have played in the field of learning. While most people think that innovations benefit learning process in various ways, different opinions arise that these technology advancements actually distract students from real learning. On balance, according to my personal observation, whether innovations can be beneficial or detrimental to real learning depends on the students and the teachers, not on these innovations themselves.

To begin with, technological innovations do help teaching and learning in various ways. With the aid of these technologies, the process of teaching and learning can be shorter and easier than before. For instance, if a student want certain published papers of an academic discipline, he/she may look through considerable catalogs to find the ones he/she needs. However, with the help of Internet innovation, at present most of these papers are published online. Consequently, to find certain paper the procedure is much easier and shorter, the students just type the key words and other information of the paper, and then the system will search the database, and the papers are there waiting for them. As this new approach can save a lot of time for the students, he/she could have more time reading the papers and absorbing the knowledge rather than checking and looking for the papers that could be a waste of his/her time. This example aptly illustrates how technology advancement benefited the students and their learning process.论证很清晰阿,现来一个比较,然后阐述优点,在总结,进步大大地说,介绍介绍经验

Secondly, while innovations can help learning in various ways, it is more important that the central role of the pursuit for knowledge and wisdoms are maintained. What real matters is not the approach but the purpose of learning. In India, where modern technologies are less applied to the learning process than in the US and other developed countries, still a lot of distinguished students achieved their academic goal with their hard work and desires to knowledge. In the US, where the software engineering students are given the most advanced facilities and apparatus for their learning and research, however, it is wildly accepted that they are far less outstanding compared to the Indian students of software, who may share computers in groups. From this comparison we can see that the real and core push of learning is the desire for knowledge, not the help of innovations.

In addition, if not guided properly, the technology advancement might inhibit learning. In other words, innovation can distract the students from real learning than helping them. It is obvious that a computer can help students of science to calculate mathematical equations but can also be used for recreation such as net surfing or computer games. It is highly possible that these students can spend more time and energy on recreations rather than learning when using a computer. Thus, learning is inhibited( 这句好,欣赏). Under this circumstance, guidance and restrictions are needed to ensure the right use of innovations for learning, or the consequence may be on the contrary to the students and teachers' desire.

To conclude, technological innovations are beneficial to learning in many ways, but when using these technologies, one should not forget the real purpose of learning and remember not to be distracted for other usages of these innovations that are irrelevant or detrimental to learning. On balance, innovation here serves as a double-edges sword, and its right use is dependent on the students and the teachers.
39 mins  561words in pp3.
两天没见,换了个人啊
39分钟,太强了,我怎么就没那么多话可讲呢,有什么秘诀吗 ??????
做题目~~~
    一题两题三题四题望着天
      对答案 错一个两个三个连成片
       背背背 默默许下心愿
       看远方的星是否听得见

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发表于 2004-3-21 19:37:52 |显示全部楼层
哇,过誉了
感觉主要是题目不BT,所以有话说。
前几天郁闷的时候去踢了次球,进了4个,好好发泄了一下,而且听取了DANNY的建议,写的时候只想表达自己的意思,总结了写作的模版,就是:
一个典型的PARA展开:
开头段 评论题目+ 自己立场
中间段: 1 TRANSITION WORDS( TO BEGIN WITH ,FIRSTLY等)2 TS 3 关于TS的展开剖析 4 引出例子 5 例子 6总结例子,照应开头
结尾段 总结上文+照应开头
差不多就是这样了,一点个人想法

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RE: Issue233 科技+学习 大家来看看 [修改]

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