issue64,考试之前的最后一篇issue了,请大家帮忙提些意见,我好最后再总结一下,谢谢

runnerioUID: 152251

Issue64  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：runnerio     共用时间：43分36秒     686 words
从2004年2月21日9时47分到2004年2月21日10时43分
------题目------
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------
A million times we have heard that some people, who once were very successful, bankrupt or fail in another competition, or lose respect from others for their inability to sustain their success. I wholly embrace the idea that many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.

I think I should first define the success and what is the best utilization of it. Success just means a worthy goal one desires has realized; and the best use of success, in my point of view, depend on two facets: one is to use the contemporary success for further development, the other to use it for serving the society. People, having already achieved an aim, if cannot exploit it to pursue future advance, or cannot put it into practical account for serving the populace, cannot be evaluated as having made the best use of their achievements.

Unfortunately, people these days are busily engaged in seeking success, however, without contemplating their potential usage of the success; in other words, they just blindly chase their aim. From primitive school, teachers and other people around an individual would tell one to be industrious, tenacious, honest, and so forth, just for pursuing success. Thus, nearly everyone know that, if one wants to be a successful person, one must cherishes these virtues and persists that in their process of seeking. Also one, who really inclines to be a cynosure in one's later life, will endeavor to accomplish such project via the social thinking way of success, namely exertion. And ultimately, one succeeds; one may possess large amounts of money, which can account for even  several of one's lives, own preeminent reputation, and extreme luxury, and so on. However, how to tackle these so-called success? Many people do not know and even think they have accomplished their mission all life, and the left thing is just to enjoy it. Thus they do not cogitate, do not try, do not continue their dream, and gradually lose their spirit to the higher goal. What a pity!

One who really knows how to make the best use of success must learn to utilize it for further development. Since every realization of an aim have, to some extent, improve the condition of an individual, in other words, these gradual success has offer a much higher pleatu for one's further pursuit. For example, if one wants to become a lawyer and then participate in the political field, and finally one successfully pass the examination of law; then the identity of lawyer will help one to further develop in the political realm. However, if one just satisfies his/her success and do not continue to endeavor, he/she nearly can never fulfills one's further dream to become a political leader.

Also, people should also utilize their success to serve the society, otherwise, they cannot regard to know how to make the best use of accomplishments. The interests of the international society actually consist of the benefits of every individual in it. If every person just pursue their own profits and let the society's interests alone, he/she may be too selfish to be a real successful person. Watt, for instance, who once create the first high-pressure steam engine via improving the old steam engine whose working efficiency is far inferior than the latter, and earns lots of money from the patents, do not know how to utilize his success and just busily protect his patents; especially in his later lives, he usually fights with others who invent some engines which may harm his patents; he even do not allow his disciples to touch his invention. Such person is obviously too selfish to pursue further development and later events proves this.

To summarize, success is no too difficult thing to seek, the real meaning of success is how to use it for one's further development and concurrently utilize it to serve the interests of the human beings in the world. Therefore, any person who wants to be a real successful person, please try to better utilize your success, which is even more significant than the pursuit of success itself.

dezhiUID: 156141

占个位置先
既然是最后一篇，尽力帮你看看，呵呵

Issue64 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：runnerio 共用时间：43分36秒 686 words
从2004年2月21日9时47分到2004年2月21日10时43分
------题目------
Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
------正文------
A million times we have heard that some people, who once were 顺序were once是不是更好？ very successful, bankrupt 此词动词意义是“使破产”，是否应该用become bankrupt更好？ or省略如何？ fail in another competition, or lose respect from others for their inability to sustain their success. 加个连词如何？ I wholly embrace the idea that many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it.
开头不错，简洁

I think I should first define the success the concept of success and what is the best utilization of it. Success just means a worthy goal one desires has realized觉得有些别扭，这个定语从句读不大通，从金山词霸上抓来如下定义：The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted; and the best use of success, in my point of view, depends on two facets: one is to use the contemporary这个词是不是有些大？用achieved如何？ success for further development, and the other is to use it for serving the society我觉得用and the other is to serve the society更好. People, having already achieved an aim, if cannot exploit it to pursue future advance, or cannot put it into practical account for serving the populace,觉得前面这句有些零散，这样如何：People, who cannot exploit their former success to pursue further advance or put it into practical account for the populace cannot be evaluated as having made the best use of their achievements.
下定义进行限定，不错，我还没有用过这种方式，学习:)

Unfortunately, people these days are busily engaged in seeking success, however, without contemplating their potential usage of the success这么说如何:　people these days who are ……. do not contemplate their ……; in other words, they just blindly chase their aim. From primitive school, teachers and other people around an individual是不是具体一点，学生？ would tell one to be industrious, tenacious, honest, and so forth, just for pursuing success. Thus, nearly everyone knows that, if one wants to be a successful person, one must cherishes these virtues and persists不及物！ that in their process of seeking个人觉得这里体现不出盲目追求来，坚持这些品德没有什么过错呀！. Also one, who really inclines to be a cynosure in one's later life, will endeavor to accomplish such a project计划？工程？ via the social thinking way of success, namely exertion. And ultimately, one succeeds前面的句子很散，这样如何：…..namely exertion, which ultimately leads to success; one may possess large amounts of money, which can account for even several of one's lives这么说如何：……money enough for even several generations, his or her own preeminent reputation, and extreme luxury, and so on. However, how to tackle these so-called success? Many太泛了吧，为什么不接着上面说？用These如何？ people do not know and even think they have accomplished their mission all life mission of life?, and the left thing the only thing left如何？ is just to enjoy it. Thus they do not cogitate, do not try, do not continue their dream有些罗嗦，这样如何：they do not cogitate, try ,  continue their dreams, and gradually lose their spirit to pursue the higher goal. What a pity!段末用不用再点一下TS?

One who really　already？？ knows how to make the best use of success must learn to utilize it for further development. Since every realization of an aim have, to some extent, improved the conditions of an individual, in other words, these gradual success has offered a much higher pleatu 拼错了：plateau for one's further pursuit. For example, if one wants to become a lawyer and then participates in the political field, and finally one去掉之 successfully pass the examination of lawsuccessfully pass the examination of law in the end如何？觉得finally和successfully连用有些不舒服; then the identity of lawyer will help one to further develop另一种说法：further one’s development in the political realm. However, if one just satisfies这么用不对吧？be satisfied with his/her success and do not continue to endeavor, he/she nearly can never前面的nearly can顺序不对吧？不如前面三个词改成：can hardly fulfills去s one's further dream to become a political leader问一句：前面可没说这个律师想成为政治领袖呀.这个例子举得不错

Also, 觉得有些生硬anywaypeople should also utilize their success to serve the society, otherwise,这个逗号有些多余吧？ they cannot regard to前面好怪呀，可能是我不知道regard to这个用法吧 know how to make the best use of accomplishments. The interests of the international society actually consist of the benefits of every individual in it. If every person just pursue their own profits and let the society's interests alone, he/she may be too selfish to be a real successful person. Watt, for instance, who once created the first high-pressure steam engine via improving the old steam engine whose working efficiency is was far inferior than the latter, and earns用过去时！ lots of money from the patents, do did not know how to utilize his success and just busily protect his patents; especially in his later lives, he usually fights with others who invent some engines which may harm his patents; he even do not allow his disciples to touch his invention. Such a person is obviously too selfish to pursue further development and later events proves this.例子时态完全错误！不过例子举得不错

To summarize, success is no 改成not a too difficult thing to seek不如：success is not too difficult to seek, and the real meaning of success is how to use it for one's further development and concurrently utilize it to serve the interests of the human beings in the world. Therefore, any person who wants to be a real successful person, please是不是太口语化了？ try to better utilize your前面还是any person，这里就变成you了？ success建议重新改改这句, which is even more significant than the pursuit of success itself.

dezhiUID: 156141

首先43分写出了686 words的这篇观点明确，条理清晰的文章，pfpf！
没什么太多要说的，用词也很丰富，又写了这么多字，水平比我强多了:)

提出一点我的建议：
1、有时间的话段末最后回应一下TS
2、注意一下时态，注意使用定语从句，不要过分依赖并列句（分号用的很多，呵呵），适当的时候多加一些连词

总结：这篇文章已经写得很不错了，而且是限时
建议楼主最后的复习时间用来想想思路，用不着过分纠缠于语法和个别词句是否合适
虽然我还没考，不过觉得还是思路最重要，而且考试的时候论证思路，例子是否合适才是最关键的，词句是第二位的

balabala这么半天，想说的意思就是：写的很好，相信自己！
先预祝考试顺利！

ps：希望更多的朋友来看看，提些建议，呵呵

runnerioUID: 152251

To dezhi:

看了你的批改,我差点哭了,真的很感谢你在自己都很忙的准备考试时还这么认真的批改我的文章, 而且这么仔细.(ps:自己也很惭愧,改了一下拼写错误就穿上来了,那么多语法错误,太麻烦你了)
我又看了一下.以下是我的反馈:
1."个人觉得这里体现不出盲目追求来，坚持这些品德没有什么过错呀！. "
    这里我写TS时本来想说有些人盲目追求成功,至于为什么要追求,成功之后又怎么样, 则完全不去考虑,可是写着写着就忘记了,只去说人们知道怎样获得成功去了,倒把盲目给忘了,应该再加一些内容,谢谢你,:)
2.我的句子及词汇都很简单(深感苦恼),错误又多,这现在也没的办法了,后天就要上战场了,5555~~~~~~~~
再次致以深深的谢意,bow,你什么时候考,等我考完试,天天来改你的作文，as long as 你写 and 贴上来,:)

chindychenUID: 157468

runnerio, 看了你的原文,也看了dezhi的批改, 觉得你写得很不错了,686个字我只能光打不想, 呵呵,表示一下敬意! bow.
dezhi说的比较有道理喔. 总的来说思路还是很清晰的, 但似乎文中透露着很强烈的情感,论述中还是稳一点,客观一点比较好. 段落的衔接也要多加注意, 要不然老外还是有点昏的( 要知道他们比较弱,呵呵)
不觉得你的词汇有什么问题, 反而, 我觉得你的分号用的太多,用关联词代替会好一点. 词汇还是比较高级的.
既然你要考了,也不能瞎骗你是吧,以上都是个人观点,但还是比较诚恳di.
祝考好啊!! 加油.

taftUID: 157217

由这样看来的话，还是把节奏放慢一点好，语言是形式啊，第一映象。内容是靠平时积累的，在上面不用担心。我觉得500~600字我就满足了呵呵

举到社会成功的body，我又想起微软的垄断了。他成功了，但严重阻碍了fair competition（很多issue我觉得都可以举微软的例子）.

写的不错，dezhi也改的很好。

最后好好总结一下，自己在语言上容易错的地方多暗示一下自己。

To sum up, God is blessing all of us!

runnerioUID: 152251

To chindychen:
谢谢你啊,:)我也觉得句子七零八落的, 写的时候完全顾不上什么从句呀, 连接词呀之类的, 想到什么就palapala的打了, 只能怪基本功不强,sigh,~~~~~~~
你也只有20来天了吧,+u,:)
杨叉湖还可以,偶觉得没有你说的那么荒凉呀,呵呵,:)

runnerioUID: 152251

To taft:
谢谢你,:)
偶写的时候没想什么节奏呀,字数呀之类的, 平时就这样子,估计改不过来了,考试时偶尽量留几分钟检查,呵呵.
"最后好好总结一下，自己在语言上容易错的地方多暗示一下自己。"
Yes, sir/girl, hehe,:)