求改作文~~悬赏49祝你4个9

铁心奔北欧UID: 3519713

题目：剑桥7 p31 Test1 writing task2(关于天赋)


正文：Talents provide a close link into gene which runs in family in someone’s opinion, while others believe anyone is potential to become a sport star or a well-known musician. However, it’s widely accepted by most that talents play a crucial role in people’s career. Also, I give all my support to this idea.
To be specific, in increasingly fierce competitions of sports and music, there is only a small number of persons are proved to be top stars. It’s not uncommon to see some of these people whose parents used to achieve highly in these areas. Most of these top stars had been famous ever since they were very young. If there were not talents impacting on these stars, they would never have easy access to success. Furthermore, especially in recent years, advanced technology narrows the gaps between excellent coaches and the decent ones, thus putting talents at significant place. Even the measures of training have been no longer different to each others to large extent. Actually, coaches are willing to choose gift players instead of others.
It’s true that hardworking is a perfect supplement to their talents. Nevertheless, without talents, continual training becomes neither productive nor meaningful in terms of music and sports. Besides, excessive training would also increase the risks of physical or mental problems. Once they don’t get desired results, they would be under too much pressure, which is of negative-impact.
In conclusion, talents lay a solid foundation for the cultivation of sports or music skills. Genius are more likely to be stars.   

purple_kiteUID: 2810391

隨便改了些grammatical errors，思路沒法改，有的地方看不懂要表達什麼，5.5-6分這樣。

In some people’s opinion, talents provide a close link into genes which run in family, while others believe anyone is potential to become a sport star or a well-known musician. However, it’s widely accepted by most that talents play a crucial role in people’s career. Also, I give all my support to this idea.

To be specific, in increasingly fierce competitions of sports and music, there are only a small number of people who are proved to be top stars. It’s not uncommon to see the parents of some of these people used to achieve highly in these areas. Most of these top stars had been famous ever since they were very young. If there had not been talents impacting on these stars, they would never have had easy access to success. Furthermore, especially in recent years, advanced technology narrows the gaps between excellent coaches and the decent ones, thus putting talents at significant place. Even the measures of training have no longer been different to each other to a large extent. Actually, coaches are willing to choose gifted players instead of normal ones.

It’s true that working hard is a perfect supplement to their talents. Nevertheless, without talents, continual training becomes neither productive nor meaningful in terms of music and sports. Besides, excessive training would also increase the risks of physical or mental problems. Once they don’t get desired results, they would be under too much pressure, which is of negative impact.

In conclusion, talents lay a solid foundation for the cultivation of sports or music skills. Geniuses are more likely to be stars.   

铁心奔北欧UID: 3519713

kaywoo 发表于 2014-08-04 15:14
隨便改了些grammatical errors，思路沒法改，有的地方看不懂要表達什麼，5.5-6分這樣。

In some people’s opinion, talents provide a close link into genes which run in family, while others believe anyone is potential to become a sport star or a well-known musician. However, it’s widely accepted by most that talents play a crucial role in people’s career. Also, I give all my support to this idea.

To be specific, in increasingly fierce competitions of sports and music, there are only a small number of people who are proved to be top stars. It’s not uncommon to see the parents of some of these people used to achieve highly in these areas. Most of these top stars had been famous ever since they were very young. If there had not been talents impacting on these stars, they would never have had easy access to success. Furthermore, especially in recent years, advanced technology narrows the gaps between excellent coaches and the decent ones, thus putting talents at significant place. Even the measures of training have no longer been different to each other to a large extent. Actually, coaches are willing to choose gifted players instead of normal ones.

It’s true that working hard is a perfect supplement to their talents. Nevertheless, without talents, continual training becomes neither productive nor meaningful in terms of music and sports. Besides, excessive training would also increase the risks of physical or mental problems. Once they don’t get desired results, they would be under too much pressure, which is of negative impact.

In conclusion, talents lay a solid foundation for the cultivation of sports or music skills. Geniuses are more likely to be stars.   

因为不清楚所以5.5到6?

铁心奔北欧UID: 3519713

kaywoo 发表于 2014-08-04 15:14
隨便改了些grammatical errors，思路沒法改，有的地方看不懂要表達什麼，5.5-6分這樣。

In some people’s opinion, talents provide a close link into genes which run in family, while others believe anyone is potential to become a sport star or a well-known musician. However, it’s widely accepted by most that talents play a crucial role in people’s career. Also, I give all my support to this idea.

To be specific, in increasingly fierce competitions of sports and music, there are only a small number of people who are proved to be top stars. It’s not uncommon to see the parents of some of these people used to achieve highly in these areas. Most of these top stars had been famous ever since they were very young. If there had not been talents impacting on these stars, they would never have had easy access to success. Furthermore, especially in recent years, advanced technology narrows the gaps between excellent coaches and the decent ones, thus putting talents at significant place. Even the measures of training have no longer been different to each other to a large extent. Actually, coaches are willing to choose gifted players instead of normal ones.

It’s true that working hard is a perfect supplement to their talents. Nevertheless, without talents, continual training becomes neither productive nor meaningful in terms of music and sports. Besides, excessive training would also increase the risks of physical or mental problems. Once they don’t get desired results, they would be under too much pressure, which is of negative impact.

In conclusion, talents lay a solid foundation for the cultivation of sports or music skills. Geniuses are more likely to be stars.   

草率两个字用繁体怎么打?

purple_kiteUID: 2810391

铁心奔北欧 发表于 2014-8-4 18:14
因为不清楚所以5.5到6?

我按照我自己考试拿6.5的标准来评的。这篇低级语法错误不少，单复数、主谓一致、拼写等；高级错误就是表意不清，逻辑联系不强。