issue41 机井题 爆炒狒狒ing...

xqmelissaUID: 140370

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
一些非主流的领域，如占星、算命以及偏执在社会中扮演着非常重要的角色，它们满足了人们的那些主流科学满足不了的需要



With the development of technology, science areas, technology is one part in science area, so it is unsuitable for you putting them together the mainstream areas which instill I know your meaning, but I do not think this is a good verb using there, how about change to “affect” or others? people's daily lives, have played a considerable role. In my point of view other nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are also quite indispensable for they are supplementary ways which could do much to people's mental fields.

First, such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. As is known to all, As we all known science, a modern measure with high objectivity, is like a strict friend who may tell you the right direction to go, the wrong things you have done, and the highway to success. how about change it to “who may tell you where is the right way, what is right and wrong, and which is the way access to success.”? Thus, however, such a friend may neglect one's feeling and emotion I think “feeling” and “emotion” nearly have the same meaning, maybe you could just use one, but I am not very sure J which are even more important than those rational factors. For example, Phil Jackson, a famous coach in NBA, takes astrology as an instrument in his basketball matches in that, for him, this instrument could tell the main direction of the play during that night and may decide the play's destiny or fate use one of these two words since they have the same meaning. He is one of the best coaches in NBA undoubtedly for he has gained nine NBA final championships, this is a misunderstanding, I think the subject of this sentence should be “his team”, since his team gain champion, not him. So maybe you should divide this sentence into two or more sentences. though his measure of astrology seems unconvincing for most people. As far as I am concerned, the future told by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light and could protect the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. To a larger extent, such nonmainstream areas pay more attentions to human's mental fields which are neglected by mainstream science.
I think this TS is not good. Because it is the topic of the ISSUE, I do not agree that use topic as a TS in one phrase. In my view, you should express your position whether you agree or disagree this topic in the beginning phrase, and other bodies should explain your position, so all TSs is serviced for your position which in this ISSUE is “such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science”.
In your phrase, you discuss how nonmainstream science inspires people’s emotion, especially your example could reflect this meaning.
As a result, maybe change your TS will be better.  :)

Second, these nonmainstream ways to deal with human's mental factors pass down from one generation to another in that they have got their historical position, consequently they could not extinct even these days when high technology used widely. So to speak, I am not sure whether you could use as this. “Generally speaking” things maybe things is not a good choice in there, I suggest you change it to “knowledge”? which have a long history always have strong lives in that they have got stable statuses in people's deep minds; these nonmainstream areas are not the exceptions. Take astrology as an example. As a traditional method to tell forecast the future future, it has got nearly a thousand-year-history just “a thousand-year” is enough and is still useful these days to in some races and clans 又一次同义词重复  :( whose people believe in their Gods or Goddesses 又一次同义词重复  :(   in their very very? Why you add this word in there? religions. And the future told by such old manners what is such old manners”? I do not know your meaning is thought to be the directions given by their Gods; thus these words play an indispensable role in the special organizations as words of Gods. The case illustrates that such so-called nonmainstream areas are not merely instruments comparable comparing with science in that through the long history they have got their special significant meanings even religion positions. This is the reason why they cannot extinct even the modern times.

Admittedly, some negative points have been brought by such nonmainstream areas how about “there are also some negative points about nonmainstream areas”?; and even some evil organizations play against the peace world as 以他的名义，是用”as”吗？我不确定啊，就是觉得读着别扭，嘿嘿 the name of them. For instance, some evil religions encourage the believers believers to suicide for a host of reasons made by the so-called leaders. They suicide, then they could go to the heaven without any pains, they could make it a better life for the next life, they could escape from the big disasters, and they could make their relations live with great happiness. 拆成几个句子说吧，排比不是这么用的，你这种用法，句子中N多主谓宾结构了！嘿嘿，说法轮功呢吧？ People's beautiful willing becomes the hands of Satan which destroyed many people's lives and leaves 前后事态不对啊！ many people crying lonely in the big world. I know your meaning, but I think this sentence is just translate from Chinese into English, and I do not think American could understand your meaning. I suggest you change it. Government should destroy such evil organizations, however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions.

To sum up, these nonmainstream areas care people's mental lives more than mainstream science and have their historical and special positions thus live with strong power. People may gain better lives from these areas while people must take great alert of Satan.


晕了晕了！最近心情不好，加上又忙G又忙老板的项目的，真有点晕了，结尾段没给你看啊。

第一次改你的作文，呵呵，竟然用了1个小时，哭！ :mad:

语言呢，我觉得一般，差不多能表达清楚你的意思了，除了一些明显的中文痕迹太深的句子外。但是，长句太多，不断地出现插入语，让人读的很累。要学会调节长句和短句出现的频率和彼此的参差。不要老用长句。句式的变化也要多学学优秀习作和范文。

第一段的TS我觉得不是很好，你看呢？
后面呢，你依次阐述：非主流科学存在的原因和政府应该禁止不好的非主流科学。但是我怎么觉得和题目的关系不大啊？

咱们来看一下题目啊：一些非主流的领域，如占星、算命以及偏执在社会中扮演着非常重要的角色，它们满足了人们的那些主流科学满足不了的需要。
而你的主旨是同意题目，那么你下面是不是就应该围绕为什么扮演重要角色？为什么满足了人们的需要上讲呢？我理解就是一个存在的原因问题，如果说你的BODY2还可以挂上钩的话，那么我觉得BODY3似乎有点偏离了，你觉得呢？

晚上我也想想这个题目吧，不过现在必须做老板的项目去了， 3万字的文章，马上要交活了，还没动手呢。   :mad:

绞尽脑汁UID: 143951

呵呵，melissa还真忙啊

lovebrianUID: 157127

瓦~~~~好多人占座位哦~~~~先感谢一下大家了~~~~~！！狒狒狂bow中……
现在来仔细看看我的这篇破文还有大家的经典评判~~~嗯！

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 绞尽脑汁 发布
[B]As far as I am concerned, the future told by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light and could protect the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. 总结的不错（只是protect这个词。。。）
[/B]

这个词是有问题~~用得太随意了~~应该是保持维持的意思吧~~
感觉可以替换成keep

最初由 绞尽脑汁 发布
[B]看完了。
总的说来写的还不错拉，尤其是在这么艰苦的环境下finish的，呵呵，厉害
一点看法：Government should destroy such evil organizations, however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions.
这个句子需要一个连接词和上面的部分衔接
另外，however后面的部分可不可以移到下一段，since it has nothing to do with body3？
Again,个人意见
[/B]

body3写到后来思维混乱了，突然想加一个转折，就加了这么一句~~其实有引入新意群的感觉，再多写一段就对了~~~这个大错误！不该这样！唉~~还是语言表达思想时存在障碍。我的衔接还有很弱~~嗯！指出的很对阿~~呵呵~~
谢谢绞尽脑汁同学~~说我厉害实在是不敢当~~

最初由 kavent
发布
[B]说说我的看法：
这篇issue立论用的是“vital role”，那如果支持这个观点的话，立场应该非常鲜明！
第一段写对mental field的作用？但到底是什么作用呢？从文章中看来是激励和鼓舞，但没有明确点出，而且还可以更加深入。
第二段有点勉强，说这些东西不应该消失，这个观点显然与论题的vital有一定距离了。
第三段的让步我是觉得没有必要，理由和上面一样，讨论的是vital而不是应不应该存在。

语言很流畅，没什么问题，很见基本功  
就是论证我觉得值得考虑考虑


[/B]

Kavent提出的问题正是我自己感到的问题，写完了连个提纲都没敢总结，脑子里一片空白（为什么会这样！？）body1还是差一点点深入进去，尽管是三个body里面下笔墨较大的一段
到后面看来是越写越跑~~~~没有联系上vital role 。body3是想说这些东西的负效应，负效应也是能体现它的vital role，毕竟有人去死，我是这么想的。还是表达的跟想得有差距！
我的语言没什么基本功了 :( ，老毛病，长句子一大堆~~胡乱插入语~~xqmelissa已经指出来了~~  :cool:
非常感谢你~~呵呵~~~~~说的问题很到点子了

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]
I think this TS is not good. Because it is the topic of the ISSUE, I do not agree that use topic as a TS in one phrase. In my view, you should express your position whether you agree or disagree this topic in the beginning phrase, and other bodies should explain your position, so all TSs is serviced for your position which in this ISSUE is “such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science”.
[/B]

这个说得很对！！郁闷了，当时怎么会没写出个ts来呢！而且这片文限时失败~~！sigh....
melissa更说了整体文的写法~~~嗯！！好思路~~~借鉴之~~嘿嘿

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]
拆成几个句子说吧，排比不是这么用的，你这种用法，句子中N多主谓宾结构了！嘿嘿，说法轮功呢吧？
[/B]

这个排比~~有点晕~~看来我当初怀疑用的不对是果真不对了~~~得研究一下下~~btw我可没说法论功哦~~~ :D   不知道老美是怎么认为法论功的~~所急也建议大家不要用法论功！

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]语言呢，我觉得一般，差不多能表达清楚你的意思了，除了一些明显的中文痕迹太深的句子外。但是，长句太多，不断地出现插入语，让人读的很累。要学会调节长句和短句出现的频率和彼此的参差。不要老用长句。句式的变化也要多学学优秀习作和范文。

第一段的TS我觉得不是很好，你看呢？
后面呢，你依次阐述：非主流科学存在的原因和政府应该禁止不好的非主流科学。但是我怎么觉得和题目的关系不大啊？

咱们来看一下题目啊：一些非主流的领域，如占星、算命以及偏执在社会中扮演着非常重要的角色，它们满足了人们的那些主流科学满足不了的需要。
而你的主旨是同意题目，那么你下面是不是就应该围绕为什么扮演重要角色？为什么满足了人们的需要上讲呢？我理解就是一个存在的原因问题，如果说你的BODY2还可以挂上钩的话，那么我觉得BODY3似乎有点偏离了，你觉得呢？

[/B]

以上引用的大段话~~很赞成地说~~！ :eek:
我的句子看来还是太长~~~上次写了个90多词儿的句子已经被人骂了~~~~唉~~~我得解决这个老毛病！

题目~~阿~~~  我再好好审审~~  我等一下~~写个outline上来 是有毛病！

你说的那个句子有中文痕迹~~~我还真没觉出来啊~~  :p  嘿嘿

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]
第一次改你的作文，呵呵，竟然用了1个小时，哭！
[/B]

哎呀~~辛苦了辛苦了~~~费了你这么多时间~~

不过拯救一只圣狒狒也是值得的阿~~ :D


谢谢同学们的修改~~感激ing………………

狒狒再次狂bow中…………

sniper613UID: 147372

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."




With the development of technology, science areas, the mainstream areas which instill people's daily lives, have played a considerable role. In my point of view other nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are also quite indispensable for they are supplementary ways which could do much to people's mental fields.(同意立场)

First, such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. As is known to all, science, a modern measure with high objectivity, is like a strict friend who may tell you the right direction （to go多余）, the wrong things you have done, and the highway to success. Thus, however, such a friend（总觉得比喻的手法意义不大，Erator这头变态的猪是看不懂的） may neglect one's feeling and emotion which are even more important than those rational factors. For example, Phil Jackson, a famous coach in NBA, takes astrology as an instrument in his basketball matches in that, for him, this instrument could tell the main direction of the play during that night and may decide the play's destiny or fate. He is one of the best coaches in NBA undoubtedly for he has gained nine NBA final championships, though his measure of astrology seems unconvincing for most people. As far as I am concerned, the future told by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light and could protect the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. To a larger extent, such nonmainstream areas pay more attentions to human's mental fields which are neglected by mainstream science.（觉得有点混乱，到底是想谈科学还是非科学？Phil Jackson有是为了说明什么，是非科学好呢？你又说了seems unconvincing）

Second, these nonmainstream ways to deal with human's mental factors pass down from one generation to another in that they have got their historical position, （谈历史地位？）consequently they could not extinct even these days when high technology used widely. So to speak, things which（换个that吧） have a long history always have strong lives in that they have got stable statuses in people's deep minds; these nonmainstream areas are not the exceptions. Take astrology as an example. As a traditional method to tell future, it has got nearly a thousand-year-history and is still useful these days to some races and clans whose people believe in their Gods or Goddesses in their very religions. And the future told by such old manners is thought to be the directions given by their Gods; thus these words play（played） an indispensable role in the special organizations as words of Gods. The case illustrates that such so-called nonmainstream areas are not merely instruments comparable with science in that through the long history they have got their special significant meanings even religion positions. This is the reason why they cannot extinct even the modern times.(并没深入涉及historical position啊)

Admittedly, some negative points have been brought by such nonmainstream areas; and even some evil organizations play against the peace world as the name of them. For instance, some evil religions encourage the believers to suicide for a host of reasons made by the so-called leaders. They suicide, then they could go to the heaven without any pains, they could make it a better life for the next life, they could escape from the big disasters, and they could make their relations live with great happiness. People's beautiful willing becomes the hands of Satan which destroyed many people's lives and leaves many people crying lonely in the big world. Government should destroy such evil organizations, however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions.（太夸张了吧，nonmainstream areas成了邪教。觉得有些跑题）

To sum up, these nonmainstream areas care people's mental lives more than mainstream science and have their historical and special positions thus live with strong power. People may gain better lives from these areas while people must take great alert of Satan.


我觉得可以从几个方面来谈
1．        nonmainstream areas的原因。
2．        科学的不足使得人们相信nonmainstream areas
3．        随着科学的发展，nonmainstream areas越来越没有市场了
但是和你的TS就完全反了啊。供你参考参考吧

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B] 觉得有点混乱，到底是想谈科学还是非科学？Phil Jackson有是为了说明什么，是非科学好呢？你又说了seems unconvincing
[/B]

主要想说明非科学的一定作用~~菲尔的例子~~是说占星术的应用哦~~unconvincing针对most people，我有写哦~

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B] 并没深入涉及historical position啊[/B]

的确~~被我回避了~~~这方面的例子一时没想起来

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B] 太夸张了吧，nonmainstream areas成了邪教。觉得有些跑题[/B]

是啊。。指到了邪教的发展~~但我并不是说非主流就是邪教阿~~
只是举了个消极的例子啊
body3 大家都说跑了哦~~~呵呵~~~

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]我觉得可以从几个方面来谈
1． nonmainstream areas的原因。
2． 科学的不足使得人们相信nonmainstream areas
3． 随着科学的发展，nonmainstream areas越来越没有市场了
但是和你的TS就完全反了啊。供你参考参考吧
[/B]

嗯！虽然和我的意见相反~~但很明显~~你这个提纲好出内容~~好写哦~~


呵呵~~再次感谢sniper兄啦~~~~~~~

happymichelleUID: 154082

给狒狒改的，不妥处见谅阿
41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

With the development of technology, science areas, the mainstream areas which instill people's daily lives, have played a considerable role. In my point of view other nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are also quite indispensable for they are supplementary ways which could do much to people's mental fields.

First, such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not（hardly, not太绝对） addressed by mainstream science.（是说nonmainstream对人的emotion和feeling的关注,hehe,挺好的） As is known to all, science, a modern measure with high objectivity, is like a strict friend who may tell you the right direction to go, the wrong things you have done, and the highway to success. Thus, however, such a friend may neglect one's feeling and emotion which are even more important than those rational factors. For example, Phil Jackson, a famous coach in NBA, takes astrology as an instrument in his basketball matches in that, for him, this instrument could tell the main direction of the play during that night and may decide the play's destiny or fate. He is one of the best coaches in NBA undoubtedly for he has gained nine NBA final championships, though his measure of astrology seems unconvincing for most people.(总觉得这个例子不是太合适，鼓励士气固然重要，但是科学的训练方法才是连续9次夺冠的原因吧，不过是在没有更好的例子，这个也行) As far as I am concerned, the future told by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light and could protect（regain） the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. To a larger extent, such nonmainstream areas pay more attentions to human's mental fields which are neglected by mainstream science.

Second, these nonmainstream ways to deal with human's mental factors pass down from one generation to another in that they have got their historical position, consequently they could not extinct even these days when high technology used widely. （就是说有一些部落还在用这种传统的nonmainstream解释）So to speak, things which have a long history always have strong lives in that they have got stable statuses in people's deep minds; these nonmainstream areas are not the exceptions. Take astrology as an example（again）. As a traditional method to tell (the)future, it has got nearly a thousand-year-history and is still useful these days to some races and clans whose people believe in their Gods or Goddesses in their very(special) religions. And the future told by such old manners is thought to be the directions given by their Gods; thus these words play an indispensable role in the special organizations as words of Gods. The case illustrates that such so-called nonmainstream areas are not merely instruments comparable with science in that(不要总用in that 表示因果关系，很多比如due to , because, since etc) through the long history they have got their special significant meanings even religion positions. This is the reason why they(they指代不明) cannot extinct even（in） the(the去掉) modern times.

Admittedly, some negative points have been brought by such nonmainstream areas; and even some evil organizations play against the peace world as the name of them.(应该解释一下有些邪教是在利用nonmainstream 而不是其本身的错) For instance, some evil religions encourage the believers to suicide for a host of reasons made by the so-called leaders. They（hold strong beliefs that …） suicide, then they could go to the heaven without any pains, they could make it a better life for the next life, they could escape from the big disasters, and they could make their relations live with great happiness. People's beautiful willing(willing是adj.用will) becomes the hands of Satan which destroyed many people's lives and leaves many people crying lonely in the big world. Government should destroy(destroy不合适，prohibit&control&monitor是不是好点) such evil organizations, however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions.

To sum up, these nonmainstream areas care(care不合适，常用于否定，疑问take care of) people's mental lives more than mainstream science and have their historical and special positions thus live with strong power. People may gain better lives from these areas while people must take great alert of Satan(最好来个破折号，别人不太明白)

happymichelleUID: 154082

最初由 fishergirl 发布
[B]呵呵，我也要占一个！

PS：happymichelle是医学生吗？ [/B]

呵呵~
是的，我觉得论坛上学生物的，医学的XDJM不少阿

happymichelleUID: 154082

最初由 lovebrian 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 happymichelle 发布
[B]可以解释许多科学不能解释的现象
In addition, besides the function of entertainment, non mainstream areas still play an vital role in explaining phenomena which cannot elucidated by mainstream science. Before the time when medicine had come into being, our ancestors cannot understand why people get ill, and also why people going to die at last. In the absence of basic knowledge of ailment, it is natural for them to seek help from fate-telling necromancer to explain the cause that people's illness and death are due to the obsession of a ghost. Not only do people from the past time turn to non mainstream areas for help, but, people today, also explain(interpret) something that cannot explained by science in an fortune-telling way. For example, when two lovers telling about their love story, the most frequent words are the "magic" and "serendipity". It seems that they are doomed to meet each other and fall in love because all of these have already been determined by fate. Thus we could conclude that non mainstream areas sometimes could satisfy people's curiosity about the unknown world.
论点立得不错~~论证不太好。前面的例子明显是非主流的负应用，已经被证伪了。而后面这个感觉是偷换概念~~~只不过是人们夸张的形容手法而已，人们习惯讲缘分~~但是跟非主流稍远了~~
以下省略...... [/B]

我觉得题目不是看nonmainstream是否科学，而是看是否有用
就像你body2中的很多clans也在用一样，nonmainstream无论在历史上还是今天都是存在且是必要的
see what I mean?

lovebrianUID: 157127

嗯！！改得不错~~呵呵~~

语句上的问题还是太多哦~~~我得好好努力了~~谢谢michelle mm 嘿嘿
你那篇我在楼上改了~
btw我是学生工的~~呵呵

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 happymichelle 发布
[B]我觉得题目不是看nonmainstream是否科学，而是看是否有用
就像你body2中的很多clans也在用一样，nonmainstream无论在历史上还是今天都是存在且是必要的
see what I mean?
[/B]

是的~~我也在论证是否还在用~~是否有用的问题~
可是你那个例子~~~我还是觉得不太合适地阿~~~~

dezhiUID: 156141

我把修改的一些细节贴在上一页的那个"占位"的帖子上了,嘿嘿

如果是我写,我的观点和楼主的观点正好相反
我感觉论证思路有些问题,尤其是二三段，body2有些迁强，body3的让步也不太合适，如果要让步的话，你的开头就要改一改了。总之，我觉得你订的这个Topic不太好写

再就是，插入语有些多，写从句很好，但要写的清楚，意思表达顺畅，不要写的太长

个人感觉，胡言乱语，批判地继承了

另外，发现楼上的诸位的点评都很好，尤其是kavent的。
我也要好好学习一下，感觉自己的思路一直都非常浅，不深刻，总有写跑题的趋势，faint~~~

狒狒继续努力！

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 dezhi 发布
[B]占个位置先，呵呵
现在没时间，今天晚上之前帮你看看:)

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

With the development of technology, science areas, the mainstream areas which instill people's daily lives有问题,以下是我从金山词霸上抓来的一个句子: The nursery teacher instilled the need for kindness into my children.看出问题来了吗?这么说如何:which are instilled into people’s daily lives, have played a considerable role. In my point of view other nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are also quite indispensable for they are supplementary ways which could do much to people's mental fields这句话可以精简一下,我写了一个,参考:are also quite indispensable in providing supplementary ways to promote mentality of people.
（instill看出来了~~汗~~  嗯 这几个句子改得漂亮哦）

First, such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. As is known to all, science, a modern measure措施?（方法阿）还是测量方法?这个词用的好吗? with high objectivity, is like a strict friend who may tell you the right direction to go, the wrong things you have done, and the highway公路?（孙远书里的用法哦）approach如何? to success. Thus, however前面这个Thus和however连用,觉得真别扭呀（写的时候我就纳闷过~~）, such a friend may neglect one's feeling and emotion变复数如何?（啊） which are even more important than those rational factors. For example, Phil Jackson, a famous coach in NBA, takes astrology as an instrument in his basketball matches in that, for him, 我觉得楼主的插入语用的太随便了,过多过零散反而不好（收到！）this instrument could tell the main direction of the play during that night一定是晚上吗?哈,我好像在鸡蛋里挑骨头（哈哈 厉害！） and may decide the play's destiny or fate. He is one of the best coaches in NBA undoubtedly这个词放句首感觉更好 for he has gained nine NBA final championships, though his measure of astrology seems unconvincing for most people. As far as I am concerned, the future told predicted/foreseen如何? （恩！好~）by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light别扭 and could protect 这个词不好吧?保护自信?用maintain如何?（我也想到maintain了~~当然是后来） the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. To a larger extent, such nonmainstream areas pay more attentions to human's mental fields which are neglected by mainstream science.

Second, these nonmainstream ways to deal with human's mental factors pass down 是否该用被动语态? from one generation to another in that they have got their historical position, consequently they could not go extinct even these days when high technology is used widely. So to speak我没见过这种说法!（意思是：也就是说）, things which have a long history always have strong lives in that they have got stable statuses in people's deep minds; these nonmainstream areas are not the exceptions. Take astrology as an example. As a traditional method to tell the future, it has got nearly a thousand-year-history 是不是应该这样:a one-thousand-year history? and is still useful these days to 用for如何? some races and clans whose people believe in their Gods or Goddesses in their very religions. And the future told by such old manners is thought to be the directions given by their Gods; thus these words play an indispensable role in the special organizations as words of Gods. The case illustrates that such so-called nonmainstream areas are not merely instruments comparable with science in that through the long history they have got their special significant meanings and even religion positions. This is the换成another吧? reason why they cannot extinct even in the modern times.
这个段落是说非主流学科对某些信仰宗教的人的不可缺少的作用,那为什么不在TS(第一句)中明确点明呢?（这就是没写提纲造成的~）

Admittedly, some negative points have been brought about by such nonmainstream areas; and前面用了分号,这里的and就多余了（哦~~） even some evil organizations play against the peaceful world as the name of them别扭,什么叫as the name of them?（我想说以他们的名义~~大家都认为这样不对阿~~FT）. For instance, some evil religions encourage the believers to commit suicide for a host of什么叫a host of? reasons made by the so-called leaders. They suicide, then they could go to the heaven without any pains, they could make it a better life for the next life, they could escape from the big disasters, and they could make their relations live with great happiness. People's beautiful willing becomes the hands of Satan which has destroyed many people's lives and leaves many people crying lonely in the big world我突然想起了Song:A big big world,faint~~~（倒~）. Government should destroy such evil organizations, however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions既然这一段落是让步,最后这个结尾又让步了回去,是不是弱化了论证?还是不要旁生枝节为上.（我掺杂意群了~~）

To sum up, these nonmainstream areas care about people's mental lives more than mainstream science and have their historical and special positions thus这么用不太好吧?这样如何:have their historical and special positions which deserve survival with strong power live with strong power. People may gain better lives from these areas while people must take great alert of 有这个词组吗?（自造的~）Satan我觉得这么说有些让人摸不着头脑.
[/B]

呵呵~~~dezhi兄来看语法~~~~~没得说了！强~~~
多谢拉~~ :cool:

我要狂努力了~~ :mad:

小狗圆圆UID: 155823

With the development of technology, science areas, the mainstream areas which instill people's daily lives, have played a considerable role. In my point of view other nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits are also quite indispensable for they are supplementary ways which could do much to people's mental fields.

First, such nonmainstream areas could satisfy human needs (这个是中心吧,我按照这个看的) that are not addressed by mainstream science. As is known to all, science, a modern measure with high objectivity, is like a strict friend who may tell you the right direction to go, the wrong things you have done, and the highway to success. Thus, however, such a friend may neglect one's feeling and emotion which are even more important than those rational factors. For example, Phil Jackson, a famous coach in NBA, takes astrology as an instrument in his basketball matches in that, for him, this instrument could tell the main direction of the play during that night and may decide the play's destiny or fate. He is one of the best coaches in NBA undoubtedly for he has gained nine NBA final championships, though his measure of astrology seems unconvincing for most people. (前半句好像有点多余,呵呵,这样说可以吗?虽然对别人unconvincing,但是satisfy his own need, that is to tell the fate. 是不是更严密一点) As far as I am concerned, the future told by the astrology could motivate the players' passion when it directs light and could protect the confidence when they lose during a basketball match. (which are also in need)To a larger extent, such nonmainstream areas pay more attentions to human's mental fields which are neglected by mainstream science.

Second, these nonmainstream ways to deal with human's mental factors pass down from one generation to another in that they have got their historical position, consequently they could not extinct even these days when high technology used widely. So to speak, things which have a long history always have strong lives in that they have got stable statuses in people's deep minds; these nonmainstream areas are not the exceptions. Take astrology as an example. As a traditional method to tell future, it has got nearly a thousand-year-history and is still useful these days to some races and clans whose people believe in their Gods or Goddesses in their very religions(这个逻辑好像有点问题呀,应该说即使科技是我们更了解宇宙的客观规律,但是我们仍然在寻求一种astrology的暗示.是文明却迷信,你说的好像是蒙昧(clans)而迷信哟). And the future told by such old manners is thought to be the directions given by their Gods; thus these words play an indispensable role in the special organizations as words of Gods. The case illustrates that such so-called nonmainstream areas are not merely instruments comparable with science(好像表达的不太对吧,ts好像说他们是共存的呀) in that through the long history they have got their special significant meanings even religion positions. This is the reason why they cannot extinct even the modern times.

Admittedly, some negative points have been brought by such nonmainstream areas; and even some evil organizations play against the peace world as the name of them. For instance, some evil religions encourage the believers to suicide for a host of reasons made by the so-called leaders. They suicide, then they could go to the heaven without any pains, they could make it a better life for the next life, they could escape from the big disasters, and they could make their relations live with great happiness.( 是邪教的观点吧,说明一下是不是更好,初读起来不知道,还以为是在论述,挺突兀的) People's beautiful willing becomes the hands of Satan which destroyed many people's lives and leaves many people crying lonely in the big world. (偶喜欢这句话)Government should destroy such evil organizations (把政府的职能扯进来好像显得比较散,惊醒一下世人就够了吧), however, the proper nonmainstream areas should not be interrupted and even be protected for their great contributions.

To sum up, these nonmainstream areas care people's mental lives more than mainstream science and have their historical and special positions thus live with strong power. People may gain better lives from these areas while people must take great alert of Satan.(总结的很漂亮呀!)

果然是牛人的东东,挑毛病很难耶
怎么改作文还要占座呀,不好意思,小妹先顶一顶,见笑了!

狒狒是学生物的吧,^_^!加油哟!

小狗圆圆UID: 155823

不会吧,才一会儿功夫,顶的这么快,还用强的!
火暴场面,难得一见!
sigh~