Issue50, GITER给Davidjacky的详细修改

GITERUID: 138732

帮你把题目加上 :)
Issue50
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level. all faculties should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

David’s issue50 times:45mins words:458508
Increasingly influenced by the soaring proceeding of the education reform, the author asserts that all faculties at the university or college should be required to spending time engaging in a job in the society. Some critics of this idea argue that by doing so teachers might [U]ignore[/U]  the teaching schedule. As for me, however, I will contend that regardless of some side-effects in their teaching, all teachers or educators should participate in some professions relevant to their courses they teach in that work experience may not simply broaden their horizon but also improve the quality of instructions, both of which are beneficial to students and society as a whole.
偶觉得你每个开头思路都很清楚！有两个小问题：
1) in that好象的确是有表达因果关系的作用，不过好象不是很常用，而且你出现的频率非常高，建议可以变换一下！
2) 关于ignore和neglect用法
ignore:implies a failure, sometimes deliberate, to regard something obvious
neglect:implies giving insufficient attention to something that has claim to one's care attention.
也就是一个主动一个被动，我们一般Argument的时候ignore就应该甚用，我并不是说这里不能用，只是建议比较一下 :)  


To begin with, working in related jobs benefits teachers a lot because it will broaden their knowledge ken. As we all know, knowledge involved in all kinds of books is very limited [U]and while[/U] 两个连词了！后面有and, 这里可以保留while students are always creative and have the great ability of imagination. In order to answer a motley collection of questions from these students, teachers or educators should firmly master not only the knowledge from the books, but also some information from the real life. As a result, teachers or educators have widened their knowledge ken to some extent. For example, books never tell students the specific procedure and practical problem of a certain pharmaceuticals还真是用词专业化！~~, but teachers who are working in this company can easily address them to students in detail. Presumably, if they only depend on the books, the teachers are little possible to handle these questions. As a result, working outside of the academic field, they may enrich their horizon, mature their outlook, and make a good understanding of some specific knowledge.没什么问题，也没什么Highlight，可以举一些例子。比如一些管理类的经济类的课程，需要通过市场运转的实际操作和工作的经验来完善相关的知识。

In addition, working experience in the practical world also help teachers to test and ameliorate their courses according to the needs of the professional fields. One of the purposes of education is to maximize the students' knowledge. In modern society, however, what they students should learn is not stuffed with banal knowledge from some outdated textbooks, [U]but rather is predominately decided [/U] 不太顺by the professional requirements. Therefore, the teachers should usually have immediate concern on the needs of the specific career; being effective teachers they should always modify or adjust their courses to make students learn the most worthy and practical knowledge which greatly contributes to students and society as a whole.
按照我的思维方式，你body1主要强调的是老师的进修对自身素质的提高，Body2是在素质提高的同时对学生的培养。如果是这样的话完全可以，就是可能这两个内容在body1和body2之间有点交叉，可以再组织一下 :rolleyes:

Admittedly, devoting too much time to working outside the academic world, there will undoubtedly come some harmful consequence. The chief reason is that teachers will not have enough time and energy to prepare for their subjects in class, [U]let alone tutor their students after class[/U] let后面想说的是什么呀？至少应该有somebody或者什么的吧 :( . Consequently, we should take some effective actions to ensure a regular schedule in teaching.
这段有点haste generlization的感觉，而且TS的内容和后面consequence有点没关系。对教员参加相关的实践这个问题，时间上是一方面，对教员也要有一定的分类。对于the sheer natural science, 可能就是广泛的学术交流比参加实践更重要

In conclusion, due to analyses and reasons mentioned above,[U]I hope that teachers are required to engage in some jobs outside of the academic fields is necessary and indispensable at least for two factors-enriching their horizons and enhancing their teaching syllabus or specific contents. [/U]  句子一长就会出现一点小问题，necessary 和indispensable说的应该是requirement而不是teacher，I hope that the requirement for teachers to engage in some jobs outside the academic field.[U]With regard [/U] Regardingto some disadvantages, we should strive for a balance between teaching in school and working outside.
总体思路挺清楚的，这种文章很难写出什么深度，题目所限的原因嘛！~既然是教育类的，感觉就应该向自己的学科方向引一下，比如学 pharmacy相比化学的区别就是老师要带领学生金工实习，或者学习工程制图这种应用性强的课程，实际上也属于所教授科目的一些相关工作。

paisleyUID: 64183

GITER你改得好仔细呀！david他好象没看见？

davidjackyUID: 135962

对不起，我这几天忙着看argument不太把握的地方，今天才看见，谢谢你，GITER，我今天打印出来晚上好好看看在恢复你。

davidjackyUID: 135962

[QUOTE]最初由 GITER 发布
[B]帮你把题目加上 :)
Issue50 Thank you,很细心吗？请问是Gentlemen or Lady？不太礼貌，算了，email交流吧，这里只谈学习，就像我现在一样，只谈GRE，不谈恋爱，尽管爱恋某某某
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level. all faculties should be required to spend time ..
1）坦白的说，这里头很多变态句子是GRE阅读中我生搬硬套的，包括in that出现频率很高，这个我有数。
2）加个例子：when it omes to the students who are majoring in computer information and manangment system计算机信息管理专业 ，it is the same. Because of some practical process being unavailable to both teachers and students living in tower of ivory, teachers should serve some companies such as stock exchange, bank, and the like in order to horn their skills in real life and then share the precious experience with their students. Only -------
3）的确有交叉的嫌疑，不过这个保守的写法也是很无奈的，一方面强调自己的视野，另一方面改善课程，说实在的可以喝起来写，他说要老师提高教学质量，我已经同意了。提高自己改变自己！思维定势了。can you give me a hand when you are convenient。
4）Admittedly,段典型让不缎呀，你不写吗？按照你的意见扩充一下： devoting too much time to working outside the academic world, there will undoubtedly come some harmful consequence. The chief reason is that teachers will not have enough time and energy to prepare for their subjects in class, let alnoe tutoring their students after class. Again, as for some sheer natural science like physics, a comprehensive and thorough discussion, instead of participating in the career outside the college, will be largely preferred.
5）最后是这样写的I hope it has been shown that teachers are required to engage in some jobs outside of the academic fields is necessary and indispensable at least for two factors-enriching their horizons and enhancing their teaching syllabus or specific contents.少了it has been shown that这个结构，不好意思，不过你盖的也很好，我可以放到别的地方用engage很熟悉,想起来了,前几天劝个女孩嫁个我的时候用了,不过实在梦里. .With regard Regardingto some disadvantages, we should strive for a balance between teaching in school and working outside对了,你argument怎么写,还是模版吗?我每天晚上睡觉宿舍哥们说我背模版吵醒他们,我说坚持到45就安宁了.
7)有文章我可以帮你看看，大家互相学习，你是什么时候考忘了，也很快乐吧