issue93,机经题，恳求大量拍砖

sniper613UID: 147372

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."



Different people have various opinions about the concept of individual responsibility. On one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view, I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.


In the first place, much determination is made by individuals in the society. It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's salaries should increase, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is not difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals and their determination would have effect on the society and other people.

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior. Take Enron Company for example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.


However, it is not deniable that people's behavior is largely determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do everything that they want. Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.


To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it result in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.

xqmelissaUID: 140370

恩?
没上课啊?
一会给你看吧,先要看几个题目,争取中午给你改啊,别着急,呵呵

sniper613UID: 147372

已经翘了n节课了，不在乎这两节了。~~~~~~

fishergirlUID: 152325

占一个先：）

xiangUID: 138532

No.1 issue93,机经题，恳求大量拍砖
Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."



Different people have various opinions about the concept of individual responsibility. On one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view,(in my point of view) I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.
开头观点明确，呵呵，典型的新东方特色
个别表达注意一下

In the first place, much determination is made by individuals in the society. It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's salaries should increase, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals and their determination would have effect on the society and other people.

本段主要采用例证，结构比较合理。但president的例子还有待斟酌，毕竟不是帝王时代，他们不可以一个人说了算。美国一向以民主标榜自己，这种观点ETS未必接受吧：）

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior. Take Enron Company for example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. （有点突兀，不明白为何应该CEO负责）Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.
仍然采用例证，呵呵，很厉害能想到那么多的例子，我的缺陷就是没有事情可以举例。
你的问题是没有把例子深入分析下去和主题很好的衔接，感觉比较突兀。


However, it is not deniable that people's behavior is largely（sometimes 会比较好，否则弱化了你前面的观点） determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do anything（？？everything?） that they want. Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.
与现实相结合，举例恰倒好处


To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it result in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.（最后一句建议   although sometimes people are influenced by the influence of the society . it is not the excuse for them to escape the responsibility for their own actions, for the determination made by them may have great effect on others ,and even the wellbeing of the whole society .这样可以加强你的观点，结尾比较有力）

谢谢你帮我看文章！

SRVUID: 157299

Different people have various opinions about the concept of individual responsibility. On one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted （没有这种用法吧？换成accountable） for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view, I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.


In the first place, much determination is made by individuals in the society. (这句TS有点太简单了吧，换一换形式)It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's salaries should increase（用被动语态）, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals（晕了。。你这段不是说很多决定都是由个人做的，这里怎麽又说difficult to see了？） and their determination would have effect on the society and other people.
我觉得这道题更多的是讲个体责任，个体的行为以及个体的决定受社会及其他因素的影响，而你这俩个例子虽然是由一些individual做的但是这些决定不是针对这些individual而是针对其他的individuals,是个体决定对社会及其他人的影响,我觉得与提干意思相反了。

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior. Take Enron Company for example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.


However, it is not deniable that people's behavior is largely determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do anything that they want.（这句说得太绝对吧） Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.


To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it result in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.

我觉得你的文章结构上有些问题，你的论点是though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.但是你花了大部分笔墨在though..上面，而主要的应该放在in fact..的论述上
是限时完成得吧？词汇略显单调了，不过时间紧，还是抓大局比较重要

一点浅见，供参考

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢xiang
to xiang
1.开头观点明确，呵呵，典型的新东方特色.       不好意思，我还没有用新东方的模版，不然更夸张，第一段就有150字
2。president的例子还有待斟酌。 我专门查了有关资料，派遣大使和提名法官的确是总统一个人搞定的事情。
3。你的问题是没有把例子深入分析下去和主题很好的衔接，感觉比较突兀。
   就是哈，限时作文，只有打字，根本没有时间去思考啊，郁闷的很

谢谢你啊

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢SRV
1。be accounted for 我记得我看过这句的啊，不确定了。
2。difficult to see忘了加not了，不好意思
3。这句说得太绝对吧。anything 应该是everything
4。你的论点是though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.但是你花了大部分笔墨在though..上面，而主要的应该放在in fact..的论述上
    我前两段是在说in fact, 后面一段让步一下说societies have effect on people when they make determinations。
限时的，时间刚刚够

fishergirlUID: 152325

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."



Different people have various opinions about the concept of individual responsibility. On the one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view, I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.


In the first place, much determination is made by individuals in the society. It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's salaries should increase, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals and their determination would have effect on the society and other people. 这一段要表达什么意思？

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior. Take Enron Company for example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.

However, it is not deniable that people's behavior is largely determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do anything that they want. Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are are usually determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.

To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it results in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.这句话很别扭啊

好像是狒狒同学说过，however表示的是一个很强的对于前面论述的否定，和对其后所说观点的肯定，可是我有看到很多人都喜欢在B3用这个词开头，现在有点混乱了，不知道谁可以给出一个比较明确的答案：）

另外，我觉得你的例子太多了，占了文章的大半，其实更重要的是你的分析，例子还是为你的思想和观点服务的。现在的感觉有点堆砌。

不过总的来说，还是不错滴！向你学习！

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢fishergirl
1。这一段要表达什么意思？ 就是说很多个人能做出决定，而不是集体
2。however   。 我觉得只要是和前面的意识相反就可以啊，并不一定是完全相反，转折就行
3。我觉得你的例子太多了，占了文章的大半。    是的，规定时间写，如果去分析还要组织与语言， 照顾前后逻辑，而且很容易被挑出毛病，所以我大量举例子，只要打字就可以了。
呵呵~~~~~~

xqmelissaUID: 140370

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."



Different people have various I think use “different” maybe better, since you just offer two opinions, while “various” means many. opinions about the concept of individual responsibility. On one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior human behaviors are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view, I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.
I think this beginning phrase looks alike in TWE. I suggest you give your position more clearly. 总觉得这种模版似的开头不是很理想

细节上的语言问题我没有改,你自己检查一下啊,还是有一些的.
In the first place, much determination is many determinations are made by individuals in the society. It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's workers’ salaries should increase, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make  a determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is not difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals and their determination would have effect on the society and other people.
这一段你说个人可以自己做决定,而不需要受社会的限制,但是我觉得例子有点牵强.比如,你说CEO做什么决定,是,他可以根据他自己的意愿走,但是他的想法如果不符合现实的话,是根本不可能通过的,所以,从某种程度上讲,他还是受实际状况的牵制的.同样的问题也存在于你总统的例子上.比如任命某个职务,如果人民都反对,一般来说,总统不会那么一意孤行吧?

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior behaviors. Take Enron Company for as an example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.
依旧是那个感觉,就是例子不是很贴切.比如安然公司的倒闭不是CEO的决定啊,哪个CEO愿意让自己的公司跨掉呢?是各种因素交织的结果.所以我觉得不是很合适的样子.

However, it is not deniable that people's behavior is largely determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do everything that they want. Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.
与总论点完全相反啊,你的POSITION是” I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.”没有提到还要受社会的影响啊.
这个毛病前两天我刚被IMONG批了,唉!现在心有余悸呢,呵呵,你也要注意啊.改改POSITION,做个让步会好些.


To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it result in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.

总体而言,就向各段后我的评论一样,我觉得不是很成功,可能是例子的问题.另外,开头写的不是很清楚,至少和你下文的论述不符.
呵呵,又说的很重,包涵包涵!不好意思啊!
最近我也被折磨的死去活来的,再加上前一周发生了太多让我难以接受的事情,所以也没准有点思维混乱的说.
大家一起讨论吧!

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢xqmelissa

1。与总论点完全相反啊,你的POSITION是” I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior.”没有提到还要受社会的影响啊.     我的重心在后面，我把我的提纲和思路说一下吧
1。个人有能力决定一些事情。 引用CEO和President为例子
2。重点：人们应该对对他们的所作所为负责。Enron公司的倒闭很大程度上的确是和领导人的决策有关。
3。让步：society对个人的确有影响。 以人们选择职业为例。

总的TS:hough the societies have effect on people when they make determinations,第四段。in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior 第三段。

是不是我应该把第四段和第二段的顺序换换？

xqmelissaUID: 140370

看完你的整篇文章后，我的感觉是你在说个人行为是受自己支配，而不是受社会的影响，对吗？
看你的中文提纲，我觉得最好还是把BODY2放在最前面，因为那是你要论述的重点，而剩下两段依据重要性排列吧。
其实，我觉得最大的问题还在于你的例子不是很好的证明了观点，就如每段下面我说的那样。要不咱们再看看？

发呆的小熊UID: 139071

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."



Different people have various opinions about(on) the concept of individual responsibility. On one hand, some people insist that they should be accounted for their behavior; on the other hand, others think that due to the social environment human beings' behavior are determined by forces not of their own making. In the point of my view, I think that though the societies have effect on people when they make determinations, in fact individuals should be responsible for their behavior(own behaviors).


In the first place, much（many） determination is made by individuals in the society. It is a common sense that many leaders and some people in some organizations and government have the power to make determination. For example, the CEO of the Microsoft Company can determine whether the company would develop a new product, how much money they would loan from banks, whether the worker's salaries should increase, and so on. Another instance is the President. The President of the United States can make determination who would be sent to foreign countries as the ambassador of USA government, who would be nominated to be the judger, and so on. Therefore, under this situation, it is not difficult to see that many important things are determined by some individuals and their determination would have effect on the society and other people. 我觉得这一段的例子应着眼于论述普通的个人在社会中有选择的权利，而不只是局限一些特殊人物比如总裁或者总统。这样的限制其实削弱了论述的力量。

Moreover, people should be responsible for their own actions. Otherwise, many problems may result from the lack of a sense of individual responsibility. Since some determination is made by some individuals, they should have responsibility for their behavior. Take Enron Company for example. In the beginning of 21st century, Enron Company, which was one of the most famous companies in the world, announced to be bankrupt. Many workers had to choose to leave this company and the price of the stock of Enron declined sharply. The CEO of Enron Company had to resign for his individual management to this company. It is easy to see that due to his individual failed leading of Enron Company, the CEO must be responsible for his past own actions. Another instance is Chun Doo Hwan, who was the former leader of South Korea. When he leaded the country, due to the lack of individual responsibility, Chun Doo Hwan committed the crime of corruption that was one of the most serious problems in the world. As a consequence, people should have a sense of responsibility for their determination and own actions.


However, it is not deniable(undeniable) that people's behavior is largely determined by the force of the society. As we know, people cannot do everything that they want. Further, they are largely affected by the force of society. For instance, when people choose their jobs, they usually are determined by the situation of the social economy. In the 1990s, people who worked in IT usually had relative higher salary than others. As a result, many young people chose to study the major of computer and information, which were the main classes of IT, in order to receive higher salary in the future. However, nowadays the situation of economy is not good, so fewer persons choose to work in IT. Thus, people's behavior is largely influenced by the force of society.


To sum up, individual responsibility has such a complicated nature that it result in debate among different people. In the world many individuals make determination, which can have effect on others, and people should be responsible for their own actions, though they are largely influenced by the force of society.
我觉得可以这样安排逻辑结构：
B1，承认个人选择受社会的影响，在许多情况下我们的选择是不得已而为之的，所以个人的成功和失败不能完全归结到个人的身上
B2，但是，在大多数情况下，个人有自由选择的权利，。
B3，既然个人有选择的自由，那么“个人责任”概念也并非是一个FICTION。因为自由选择权和个人的责任是成正比的，选择权越大，个人的责任也就越大，不可以推诿给社会。
一点意见吧！另外语言上也应该再加强一些。