第一版个人陈述，恳请大家给出修改建议~~~~谢谢

何处是终点UID: 3545977

RT~~~~~我一直都说computer vision会不会不太好啊，万一教授觉得我只对computer ision感兴趣不要我怎么办，是不是最后加上：除了对computer vision 之外，对于computer engineering 中涉及的其他方向也有兴趣balabala..........的会好一些呢？800左右的字数应该不算多吧，像再精炼一点，但是又觉得没什么好删的了。。。sigh~~~



Personal Statement

As a fourth-year student with great interest in Computer Engineering, I decide to purse my mater degree in this filed. As for now, I want nothing more than an opportunity to be enrolled in Computer Engineering program at University of Alberta and I am assured I have what it takes to succeed.

In my undergraduate studies, I acquired a comprehensive knowledge of computer hardware and  software. The highly dedicated teaching staff of my school taught me various courses involved in the field of Computer Engineering. These courses gave me an initial impression on Computer Engineering and prompted me to pay close attention to it.

I take a keen interest in Computer Vision, and I never stop seeking opportunities to participate in related projects to expand my knowledge in this field. My experience in two projects is the essential factor to guide me to choose Computer Engineering as my major during my postgraduate study. In 2013, I participated in the “Intelligent Parking Lot Video Monitoring System” project and it was my first time to touch Computer Vision. In this project we use OpenCV to develop a video monitoring system, by which, cameras can realize the parking space detection and show this information on the screens. And my responsibility is to migrate the system into the embedded system. Lack of sufficient knowledge about Ubuntu, I felt difficult at the beginning, but after I read extensive technical manuals and documentation, my work finally went smoothly.

My interest in Computer Vision has been strengthened since I joined the Self-driving Car Research Team of Wuhan University in July, 2014. As the leader of computer vision group , I am responsible for using OpenCV and Visual Studio to develop the traffic sign detection and recognition system. During the research, I read dozens of related papers and studied the OpenCV library functions by myself. I also take the responsibility to compare influences of different samples and algorithms on traffic sign detection rate. I proposed that the combination of machine learning, especially deep learning based on big data, and traditional pre-processing methods can achieve higher detection rate. This new method was proved to be effective after several experiments. Due to my sense of achievement in these two projects, my decision to choose Computer Engineering as my major for my further study becomes more and more firm

In addition to my outstanding academic performance, I also lead a colorful life. Thanks to great convenience of MOOC, I can attend various online courses on Computer Engineering in my spare time. In order to understand more easily, I make great effort to improve my English listening skills and consult a lot of reference books to expand my knowledge. This practice, I believe, can help me to adapt to the English learning environment later. Besides, I take part in quite a few extracurricular activities. As the core player of my school basketball team, I helped our team to achieve the best result in the history. I was also in charge of the Organization Department in the Student Union. I organized several events in my school and these events not only widen my vision and activate my inspiration, but also improve my leadership.

As one of the best universities in Canada, University of Alberta is ideal for my graduate study. I feel confident that the staff and facilities in your university will provide me with an environment that encourage creativity and motivation. I am well aware of the demands of studying in the more competitive environment. I am certain that I am mentally and physically competent to succeed at your school. I am basically a hard working and a sincere person. My enthusiasm and urge to excel will help me to make the best use of every learning opportunity.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the knowledge gained from my major has provided me with a solid foundation. This will certainly help me in my desire to specialize in my chosen field. My country has a booming software industry and several Internet companies, especially Alibaba and Baidu has become world-class giant companies. I aim to study abroad and return with the skill and competence to find my mark and be a vital part of this booming, futuristic industry. I assure you of my sincerity, dedication and hard work. Thank you for your patience in reading my personal statement. I really look forward to your favorable consideration of my application.





Signature:______________________        Date:__________________________

我热爱大哥UID: 2398787

句式太單一，第一人稱做主語的太多，還有拼寫錯誤，比如master寫成了mater


2015UBC申請QQ群，本科群：264350845； 研究生群：308330202
入群請註明專業和入學年份，入群后請修改群名片：暱稱-专业-攻读的学位

vancouvernickUID: 3444924

我觉得更多的是内容和语气要改一下。。。

因为太长没有全部看完，我就用前几段作为例子吧。。。

As for now, I want nothing more than an opportunity to be enrolled in Computer Engineering program at University of Alberta and I am assured I have what it takes to succeed.

首先as for now...这句话我一读第一个想法就是，那是不是tomorrow你就不想读了。。。还有其实这句子本身就很废...你不想enroll这个school你就不会申请了对不对。。。


In my undergraduate studies, I acquired a comprehensive knowledge of computer hardware and  software.
既然你都有“comprehensive knowledge”了。。。那你还来读干嘛＝ ＝ 感觉楼主是中文［全面］直接翻译过来的。。。建议楼主查查字典：comprehensive＝complete; including all or nearly all elements or aspects of something. 所以从我的角度读，你这个句子就是I acquired [(almost) ALL] knowledge of computer hardware and  software....所以这个句子不单不正确还很自大。。。

非计算机专业的业余人士觉得正确的表达应该是：
During my undergraduate degree in Computer Engineering at WuHan University, I gained a wide range of knowledge in both hardware and software components of the computer system.

luborUID: 3396973

时态问题有点严重，注意过去时。还有一些语法错误。

我只看了中间两端research 相关的，估计也是prof感兴趣的

“I proposed that the combination of machine learning, especially deep learning based on big data, and traditional pre-processing methods can achieve higher detection rate”.

这个应该是你要表达的一个亮点。

问题是，compared with ？？？？

大概说一下，跟哪种方法比较，可能会更好些。

何处是终点UID: 3545977

我热爱大哥 发表于 2014-9-24 01:30
句式太單一，第一人稱做主語的太多，還有拼寫錯誤，比如master寫成了mater

句式单一和 第一人称太多的问题 ，用被动语态会好一点吗

何处是终点UID: 3545977

vancouvernick 发表于 2014-9-24 08:18
我觉得更多的是内容和语气要改一下。。。

因为太长没有全部看完，我就用前几段作为例子吧。。。

语句的问题确实还值得推敲一下  第一版嘛确实好多地方要在修改   谢谢建议

何处是终点UID: 3545977

lubor 发表于 2014-9-24 08:50
时态问题有点严重，注意过去时。还有一些语法错误。

我只看了中间两端research 相关的，估计也是prof感兴 ...

时态可能是有点混乱了  我注意一下

何处是终点UID: 3545977

何处是终点 发表于 2014-9-24 11:56
时态可能是有点混乱了  我注意一下

对于research 部分除了你提出的那一点   还有其他要修改的地方嘛  

bearzxUID: 3325401

话说PS需要写喜欢打篮球这类的兴趣么。。。

何处是终点UID: 3545977

bearzx 发表于 2014-9-24 15:43
话说PS需要写喜欢打篮球这类的兴趣么。。。

不需要的话 我就不写了。。。