GRE作文6分教学博客

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

zyuanxia
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1882660-1-1.html

对于作文分数，我自己也很意外，因为几乎没有怎么准备（私以为对硕士申请不太重要），就看了看那个6分博客，结果上场的时候真的有思路比较重要，有了思路，没啥名人例子貌似也没关系（一己之见，也许我只是运气比较好~~~前辈们不认同还望轻拍）

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

今天将入门系列帖子里隐藏可见取消了  节省版面的空间和大家的时间  
目前正在分析我自己写的范文 希望能有一些成果出来  
另外之前指导的过程中的反馈也在分析中
因此这段时间没空指导版友
希望接下来能建立更好的指导模式

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

我读本科时也上过计算机课写过一些代码。当时印象最深的就是代码写完之后要交给编译器编译，而且经常会出各种错误，等把错误都修复了，运行程序，结果memory leak。然后就呵呵了......

我想写文章也应该像写代码一样，想象有一个编译器，检查文章是否符合语法，有没有完成一些规定动作。比如观点是否清晰、中间段的主题是否明确、例子是否切题等等。编译器的作用是将代码转化成机器能读懂的机器码。同样的，我们写文章也要确保符合读者的预期。GRE作文的阅卷是e-rater和人工混合阅卷。但即使人工阅卷也有相对固定的程序。因此，我们应该像写代码那样按照一个适当的程序去写文章，这样写出来的东西才能让erater和人工阅卷员满意。

这是一个不太成熟的想法。但基本的理念就是我们在写作时要像写代码一样给自己设置更多的规范和要求，这样或许写出的文字会更加靠谱。

starrywalkUID: 3656178

老师，我有一点困惑...就是比如说issue89，您用一段在写法律的重要性，可是我感觉这一段对整个论证的作用不大，（因为论点是支持claim，否定reason嘛）所以这样写不算跑题吗~？
不好意思..刚深入接触GRE作文 这个问题是不是很没水平啊~辛苦老师啦..谢谢您！！！！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

starrywalk 发表于 2015-10-2 19:52
老师，我有一点困惑...就是比如说issue89，您用一段在写法律的重要性，可是我感觉这一段对整个论证的作用不 ...

这道题有全文么 麻烦你把相关文章贴出来吧

starrywalkUID: 3656178

哦哦！！就是本楼366层~

Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system. Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

========================================================
According to the prompt, laws and the legal system cannot solve many social problems in today’s world because it is impossible for the system to change how people feel or think.  While we need to acknowledge the usefulness and importance of the legal system in solving a great many problems for individual members of the society on a daily basis, it is true that the current legal system is less effective when it comes to solving social problems at large scale.  Nevertheless, as I will illustrate with my examples, the inefficency of laws mainly results from the complexity of the social problems rather than the reason stated in the prompt.

To begin with, it is important for us to recognize the essential roles played by laws in our daily life as we rely on the laws to solve many problems confronting the individual citizens. Take the simple example of traffic laws. The only reason why we can safely cross the streets is that the drivers of all vehicles usually obey the traffic laws, i.e. (e.g.) stop when the light is red or at a stop sign.  The traffic laws also make sure that drivers who are engaged in dangerous behaviors, e.g. drink and drive or hit the red light, will be punished.  The prospect of getting published serves as an effective deterrent for the drivers (usage about deterrent) to follow the laws most of the time. As a result, we enjoy a safe environment as pedestrians and passengers most of the time.

  On the other hand, we have to admit that laws are far from effective in addressing a number of widespread social problems in out (our) world today.  One of the most poignant examples is the seemingly widening income gap and the resulting poverty many people have to suffer.  The government has introduced different legislative measures to address the problems of poverty and income gap such as the compulsory education for children and the progressive income tax system.  Through compulsory education, it is hoped that children from the lower socioeconomic classes can also benefit from education and move upward in the social ladder with more employable skills.  Likewise, the tax money from the middle and upper class is used to provide basic services and welfare for the poor.

Unfortunately, however, the laws that intend to solve one social problem may lead to another social problem, which may further complicate the original one. For example, the law of compulsory education has kept many adolescents in schools who have neither interests nor talents to pursue their academic studies. By the time they leave the schools, they do not have the skills that the schools should help them develop and become unemployed right away.  Meanwhile, the progressive income tax system may discourage the middle and upper class from working hard or make more purchases, thereby harming the overall economic development.

Based on my analysis of the laws that may help us as individuals but may not solve social problems, it is clear that laws may create incentives or disincentives to change people’s behaviors and solve problems at individual level. Nevertheless, for more complicated social problems such as poverty, laws may be less useful because there are too many factors involved in the problems and the laws intended to solve one problem may lead to another even more severe one. The effectiveness of laws depends on the extent to which they can change people’s behaviors as well as the complexity of the social problem.  It has nothing to do with people’s thoughts or feelings.

照搬过来您的~^-^

xueqianUID: 3469950

老师好！本人菜鸟一枚，之前考G作文得过3和3.5，托福作文24，看了老师的博客后觉得醍醐灌顶，也想求老师指导，不知道写好的提纲应该发到哪里。。。

pprjUID: 3583152

感谢

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

starrywalk 发表于 2015-10-2 21:12
哦哦！！就是本楼366层~

Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the le ...

你还是看我的考场回忆吧 这篇习作可能写得不是很好

starrywalkUID: 3656178

tesolchina 发表于 2015-10-4 15:52
你还是看我的考场回忆吧 这篇习作可能写得不是很好

好~谢谢老师！！！

您的语言真的太好了T T一边拜读一边拿小本抄中~~~近距离膜拜下！！！！

qimiaohaoUID: 3598686

王老师您好，我现在才刚刚开始准备gre作文，大家都推荐您的博客。我还没看完，但是觉得确实很有帮助。版主说准备作文要自己写一下给高人改改，所以我就自己写了一篇。想请您如果有空的话稍微看看。第一次写，写的很烂，想问问出现的问题，以及以后怎么加强！写的是issue9，题目是：
in any field of endeavor, it's impossible to make a significant contribution Without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field

我的作文是如下，其中括号是自己修改的一些想法和一些疑问
  In order to make a significant contribution we should pay respect to the past achievement, but cannot be limited by their achievements
Just as the Newton said, he is standing in the shoulder of giant. Most new achievements are based on the previously achievements. The reason account for this phenomenon is that most time we can make a new achievement which will make a significant contribution in the condition of acquire the past achievement. (似乎并没有解释)Just like climbing the mountain(句式变换一下), we cannot reach a high altitude at the beginning. Only by climbing step by step can we reach a new high level. Every step we take is the achievement of the previous people, so we should pay attention to the past achievement.
In the most circumstance, only by widely acquiring the fundamental knowledge of this filed can have some new achievements in some field. Otherwise, it’s wouldn’t be very comprehensive if we just make these achievement only by ourselves without taking consideration of past achievement.( 头重脚轻)( 这里要不要再扣回主题)
Although most great contributions are based on the past achievements, it doesn’t mean making a significant contribution(我重复是为了扣题，要不要换一种表达) is absolutely impossible without influenced by the past achievement. For example, when the math princess Gauss is a normal young student in the university, he worked out a very difficult problem without knowing it even cannot be settled by the present famous mathematician. After working out the problem, Gauss said he maybe cannot solve it, if he know this problem is so difficult that so many famous people cannot work it out before. Without knowing the past achievement, Gauss still make a great contribution. On the contrary, if he was influenced by the past achievement, he may felt feared and not had enough confidence to overcome difficulty and cannot make such contribution.
Furthermore, influenced by past achievement, our own creativity are more likely to be limited. The further we follow the road of previous people, the more difficult for us to jump out of this road. But this road had been explored very clearly by the previous people, so it’s difficult for us to make a new significant contribution.( 问一下，gre的作文对于逻辑链条会不会很看重！比如我要论证it's impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field。对于反面论证，我的观点是从前人的思想很可能会束缚自己的创新想法，因此束缚做出重大的贡献。然而似乎并不扣题，因为文章说的是不参照前人的achievement不可能做出大贡献，难么反面论证应该是不参照前人的也可以做出大的贡献！而我论证的是参照前人的会限制做出大的贡献！如果和高考作文一样只是抓关键词past achievement的话其实说的过去，但是不知道gre作文是很严谨的扣题的逻辑还是没那么严格？ )
Above all, if we want to make a significant contribution, we should know the past achievement of this field, but not limited by it. By learning the past achievement, we can know the present situation of this field, the difficulty and fundamental knowledge which is mostly necessary for our own new contribution. But we will lost if we consult too much previous achievement and loss our own thought. So only by compromising learning the previous achievement and having our own thought can we make a significant contribution.

再次谢谢您！

546397607UID: 3578505

后排占个楼感谢王老师，顺便说下自己的情况
920的G，8月初报的考试开始准备，在家背了两天单词发现背不进去就放弃了，期间断断续续看了一点王老师的范文。8月20号到学校开始全天复习，一个月150+170+3.5，正好卡到了我理想的分数。
作文的复习只看了王老师的范文和一篇叫“简单暴力写好argument”的文章，练习的话issue和argument各写了大概全文5篇左右，提纲issue可能有10多篇，argument少一点。我是看王老师某个帖子里回帖的一个台湾机经网站上统计的作文考的次数，把所有考过2次以上的作文看了一遍然后自己整理了提纲。后来考的是那个网站上面没有统计到的。另一个朋友也说那个网站不是很可靠。
总地来说，复习得很仓促，英语水平也没有得到提高，但是想要的分数还是拿到了。作文这一块大概一共用了5天左右的时间。效果不错，基本是王老师的功劳。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

qimiaohao 发表于 2015-10-4 21:42
王老师您好，我现在才刚刚开始准备gre作文，大家都推荐您的博客。我还没看完，但是觉得确实很有帮助。版主说 ...

一个基本的问题 你的观点是什么  
thesis statement在哪里 有没有1+3？
如果你是刚开始练的话 建议先多看几篇我的范文 学习一下思路 比自己拍脑袋想要靠谱一些

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

546397607 发表于 2015-10-4 21:50
后排占个楼感谢王老师，顺便说下自己的情况
920的G，8月初报的考试开始准备，在家背了两天单词发现背不进去 ...

恭喜你取得理想的分数  你issue写的哪一篇 大概怎么写的  
有些同学用1+3去考托福 好几个作文拿29分的 你也可以试试

546397607UID: 3578505

tesolchina 发表于 2015-10-4 22:10
恭喜你取得理想的分数  你issue写的哪一篇 大概怎么写的  
有些同学用1+3去考托福 好几个作文拿29分的 你 ...

issue我大概记得是这样
一个领域是beginner重要还是experts重要
我分了三个领域写，第一个领域写的好像是scientific research，专家重要，因为beginner可能提出的理论比较模糊或者只是猜想，要很多experts去做工作
第二个领域好像是policy making，写的是roosevelt新政的经济政策，也是专家重要，总统提出政策专家来实施细节
第三个是艺术，实在想不起例子自己编了一个……
托福已经考过也不打算（没时间）再考了，托福作文只有22，可以说进步还是挺大的。本来觉得3.0就满足了，3.5真是惊喜了。
再次感谢一下王老师！