GRE作文6分教学博客

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Use Corpus to revise your writing
Ho Simon Wang

When you revise your writing, you may be unsure about the correctness or appropriateness of a certain phrase or word collocation.  You may consult your teachers or friends more familiar with English usage. And you may look up a dictionary. Now with the help of corpus linguistics, you may also consult an online corpus to check if your phrases or expressions are acceptable.  

Here are some simple steps to follow:

1) Visit the COCA corpus http://corpus2.byu.edu/coca/

2) enter a phrase you are not sure about, e.g. “talk about jokes” “crack jokes”

3) You may get a page like this:

which means the expression you entered might not be appropriate in English.  

Alternatively, you may get a list of concordance lines that contain the phrases you entered.   




Then Congratulations! You may have used an English phrase correctly.  Please be reminded that locating your phrases in a corpus does not guarantee that you have used the phrase in a way appropriate to the context of your writing.  

4) In case you did not find your phrase in the corpus, you may check for the correct collocation for your word using the same interface here but click on COLLOCATES and put a * in the field.

You will get a list of words that are commonly associated with the word “joke” in the corpus and may consider using one of them in your writing:



I have just shown you some simple ways to use the COCA corpus for revising your writing.  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Are leaders created by demands placed on them? In most institutional settings, leaders are not created by the demands because a person can become a leader before meeting any demands if s/he masters strong communication skills, holds suitable qualifications and has extensive experiences. Nevertheless, in certain exceptional circumstances, usually in emergencies, ordinary people may become leaders in response to the demands.  

Without being tested by demands for leadership, people often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems. In the field of academic researches, for example, senior researchers have to communicate their research findings and the vision about how the discipline would advance clearly and persuasively to the fellow researchers in order to take up leadership positions such as editors of top journals and chairpersons of the academic societies. They also need to demonstrate their willingness to listen to other members of the research community and understand their ideas and concerns about the field.  Such strong communication skills would enable them to become leaders in the field and help others to meet the challenges.  

In addition to communication skills, leaders also have to receive relevant training to acquire the professional qualifications and expertise that are necessary for the leadership positions. Referring to the examples of leaders in academic research field again, it is clear that anyone interested in joining an editorial board of a top journal or becoming the chairperson of an academic association must, in addition to holding a PhD in relevant fields, have published influential papers in the field and accumulated extensive administrative experiences.  Usually with such publication records and relevant experiences, the person will be able to get the jobs as the leaders.  In other words, taking the leadership roles in an institution does not necessarily relate to the demands for leadership.  

On the other hand, there are exceptional circumstances in which ordinary people may become leaders while trying to address the demands at the moment.  On September 11, 2001, after three planes were hijacked and crashed to WTO twin towers and the Pentagon, the passengers of United Airline Flight 93 revolted against the hijackers and successfully diverted the airplane from the route to Washington D.C. where the hijackers planned to crash the airplane to the White House. We do not have details about the passengers’ heroic acts but it is safe to believe that some courageous passengers and crew members had responded to the emergency demands for leadership after knowing the terrorist attacks that had happened earlier that day.  These ordinary men and women became leaders of a historical anti-terrorist mission without any prior training and experiences. Their leadership was created by the demands placed on them and will be remembered in history.  

In conclusion, in most institutional settings, leaders are not created by demands but selected based on the candidates’ communication skills, qualifications and experiences. Nevertheless, under exceptional circumstances, ordinary people may become leaders in response to the demands for leadership.  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

最近几天一直在点评提纲，也有少量的全文。感觉全文中各种表达的问题还是很多，另外也有中间段写得太长的倾向。感觉英语的表达始终是一个大问题，相信也是很多人拿不到4分的主要原因。我想我要坚持做点评，这样做下去，一年之内就有可能覆盖整个题库。另外，还要更多的思考学生们的问题出在哪里，有针对性的设计一些练习。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

部分同学开始写全文，是在提纲修改之后写的，但是写中间段的时候暴露了一些问题。中间段要写好，首先应该有一个能支持主旨句的主题句，这个主题句除了要支持主旨句的其中一部分外，本身也要能被具体的例子支持  
以44楼的示范为例

主旨句
Do advances in scientific researches help us better understand the world we live in? Or are we increasingly perplexed by the new scientific knowledge constructed by the research community? The answers to these questions would depend on which groups of people we are talking about here. For the general public, science has provided solutions and resolved puzzles about the world we live in and enabled us to understand events in the world with confidence.  For the scientific researchers, however, science is far less certain and settled, creating more complex puzzles than anyone can possibly solve completely.  

中间第一段

1 There is no doubt that science has offered plausible explanations to many phenomena and events which used to confuse and intimidated people in the past.
2  Take germ theory for example.
3 Before the advent of germ theory, human beings did not understand why they got sick and often came up with bizarre theories and treatments which did more harm than good.
4 Germ theory has greatly advanced our understanding of how and why people caught different diseases and more effective therapies had been developed as a result.
5  Likewise, the discovery of relativity theories have enabled human beings to better understand how mass can be converted to nuclear energy.
6   Such insights not only helped us to learn more about how energy was generated in the sun.
7 They also created new opportunities for us to harness nuclear energy.  

第一句是讲一个道理，回应主旨句的前面一部分  For the general public, science has provided solutions and resolved puzzles about the world we live in and enabled us to understand events in the world with confidence.
第二句提出例子
第三句指出理论出现之前的情况 各种愚昧无知
第四句讲具体这个理论（作为science的例子）如何帮人们增长知识
第五句 举另一个例子 还是对第一句这个道理的解释
第六、七句 继续讨论第二个例子


接下来两段的分析 我想请版友做一下
主要关注如何通过例子来支持观点的  
分析一下下面两段每句话分别做了什么



1 In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about how the society worked.
2 Microeconomic theories, for example, have been developed to explain and predict human behaviours in a wide range of contexts.  
3 Through the quantitative analysis of a large amount of data about drivers’ behaviours before and after the introduction seatbelt laws, economists have learned that while seatbelt laws may provided extra protection for drivers and passengers, more pedestrians had been killed as drivers tended to drive less cautiously with the protection of seat belts.  
4 Such insights from social science carry important implications for the relevant social and legal policies and contributed to our understanding of the society.  


1 While theoretical insights from both natural and social sciences have greatly advanced the public understanding of the natural world and the human society, the frontier researchers in sciences are far less certain about the world as they know it.
2 When it comes to the cutting-edge research areas, the well-established theories may not be very useful in explaining the empirical observations.
3 For example, theoretical physicists have long struggled to unify the theory of general relativity that offers elegant explanation for the world at the macro level with the theory of quantum mechanics that is more applicable to the micro world.  
4 Economists also find it difficult to explain why free markets could fail soundly to rescue the developed world from periodic financial crisis and why less liberal economies such as China seem to be more robust than its more democratic counterparts like India.  
4 To explain the empirical observations that may challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly and be prepared to be challenged with even more empirical data.

maoerdwnUID: 3551290

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-28 13:53
部分同学开始写全文，是在提纲修改之后写的，但是写中间段的时候暴露了一些问题。中间段要写好，首先应该有 ...

1 In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about how the society worked.
2 Microeconomic theories, for example, have been developed to explain and predict human behaviours in a wide range of contexts.  
3 Through the quantitative analysis of a large amount of data about drivers’ behaviours before and after the introduction seatbelt laws, economists have learned that while seatbelt laws may provided extra protection for drivers and passengers, more pedestrians had been killed as drivers tended to drive less cautiously with the protection of seat belts.  
4 Such insights from social science carry important implications for the relevant social and legal policies and contributed to our understanding of the society.  

第1句，提出观点，将第一段的自然科学拓展到社会科学，还是回应主旨的前一部分，对于大众来说，科学解决过去的谜题。
第2句，提出例子：微观经济学，并说明它的作用，解释和预测人类行为（即解决谜题的具体相应表达）
第3句，第2句的具体例证，有安全带立法后的司机更大意，导致事故更多。
第4句，社会科学对法律政策和社会的贡献。

1 While theoretical insights from both natural and social sciences have greatly advanced the public understanding of the natural world and the human society, the frontier researchers in sciences are far less certain about the world as they know it.
2 When it comes to the cutting-edge research areas, the well-established theories may not be very useful in explaining the empirical observations.
3 For example, theoretical physicists have long struggled to unify the theory of general relativity that offers elegant explanation for the world at the macro level with the theory of quantum mechanics that is more applicable to the micro world.  
4 Economists also find it difficult to explain why free markets could fail soundly to rescue the developed world from periodic financial crisis and why less liberal economies such as China seem to be more robust than its more democratic counterparts like India.  
5 To explain the empirical observations that may challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly and be prepared to be challenged with even more empirical data.

第1句，引入对前沿科学家的讨论：他们并不因为既定的理论而对科学世界有更确知的认识，回应主旨段中最后一句： For the scientific researchers, however, science is far less certain and settled, creating more complex puzzles than anyone can possibly solve completely.  并照应和总结前两段：自然和社会科学促进大众理解。
第2句，继续阐述本段主题，前沿科学领域中，理论常并不能解释实验结果。
第3句，举例阐释。理论科学家很艰难地试图统一广义相对论和量子力学理论，宏观和微观。
第4句，再举例。经济学家很难从理论层面解释自由市场经济难以解决经济危机，而相对受宏观调控更多的中国比自由经济的印度经济发展更稳健。
第5句，提炼例子的核心，并解释本段中心：科学家就是不断根据不符旧理论的新数据和观察来建立新理论，而不是通过既定的理论来认识世界。

maoerdwnUID: 3551290

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-28 13:53
部分同学开始写全文，是在提纲修改之后写的，但是写中间段的时候暴露了一些问题。中间段要写好，首先应该有 ...

看了老师的几个帖子，感觉很感动很幸运。您在等待真正能吃苦能坚持的学生，我们又何尝不在寻觅一个真正愿意助我们提高的老师呢? 老师的例子举的非常牛气，受教了！

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maoerdwn 发表于 2014-10-28 19:56
看了老师的几个帖子，感觉很感动很幸运。您在等待真正能吃苦能坚持的学生，我们又何尝不在寻觅一个真正愿 ...

谢谢关注
目前的GRE写作已经陷入一种learned helplessness的窘境
大部分同学都只能拿到3-3.5 无论是努力的还是随意的
而大部分美国的大学也接受3-3.5的分数
因此 希望找到有一定基础 又愿意花时间准备的同学 还是需要一定的时间和运气的
不过林子大了 时间长了 总会遇到几只好鸟 :loveliness:

这几天一直在点评、批改、点评、批改
或者说过去10年我都在做这件事
但是对于怎样的点评是有效的 怎样的批改学生最受用
这么多年了 我还是没有很好的结论 或许我也需要更多的和学生交流
和少量学生建立较长久的互动指导关系  
希望在未来一年半的博士研究中可以在这方面有所突破

lisa_CUID: 2678347

maoerdwn 发表于 2014-10-28 19:53
1 In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about ...

主旨句
Do advances in scientific researches help us better understand the world we live in? Or are we increasingly perplexed by the new scientific knowledge constructed by the research community? The answers to these questions would depend on which groups of people we are talking about here. For the general public, science has provided solutions and resolved puzzles about the world we live in and enabled us to understand events in the world with confidence.  For the scientific researchers, however, science is far less certain and settled, creating more complex puzzles than anyone can possibly solve completely.  

1 In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about how the society worked.
2 Microeconomic theories, for example, have been developed to explain and predict human behaviours in a wide range of contexts.  
3 Through the quantitative analysis of a large amount of data about drivers’ behaviours before and after the introduction seatbelt laws, economists have learned that while seatbelt laws may provided extra protection for drivers and passengers, more pedestrians had been killed as drivers tended to drive less cautiously with the protection of seat belts.  
4 Such insights from social science carry important implications for the relevant social and legal policies and contributed to our understanding of the society.  

1. 第一句仍然是回应主旨句的前面一部分， For the general public, science has provided solutions and resolved puzzles about the world we live in and enabled us to understand events in the world with confidence。只是换了一个角度，上一段是讨论naturalscience,这里讨论social socience
2. 举微观经济学为例，指出微观经济学帮助人们理解和预测人们的行为。
3. 举出微观经济学下的具体例子，指出经济学家通过分析发现座椅安全带反而增加事故发生。
4. 对例子进行分析，说明经济学帮助我们促进对社会现象和法律政策的理解，呼应段首和主旨句前一部分。

1 While theoretical insights from both natural and social sciences have greatly advanced the public understanding of the natural world and the human society, the frontier researchers in sciences are far less certain about the world as they know it.
2 When it comes to the cutting-edge research areas, the well-established theories may not be very useful in explaining the empirical observations.
3 For example, theoretical physicists have long struggled to unify the theory of general relativity that offers elegant explanation for the world at the macro level with the theory of quantum mechanics that is more applicable to the micro world.  
4 Economists also find it difficult to explain why free markets could fail soundly to rescue the developed world from periodic financial crisis and why less liberal economies such as China seem to be more robust than its more democratic counterparts like India.  
4 To explain the empirical observations that may challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly and be prepared to be challenged with even more empirical data.

1.第一句说明了科学进步会带来的问题，回应主旨句第二部分，For the scientific researchers, however, science is far less certain and settled, creating more complex puzzles than anyone can possibly solve completely.  
2.对段落首句的解释
3.举出理论物理学家的例子，说明物理学研究艰深物理学家也难懂
4.再举出经济学家的例子，说明经济学理论有时也无法解释现象应用于实际
5.解决这一问题的困难和努力方向，说明现在的研究暂时不能解决问题，需要研究和经验数据分析的继续深入

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

lisa_C 发表于 2014-10-29 12:20
主旨句
Do advances in scientific researches help us better understand the world we live in? Or a ...

总结的不错
你觉得你以前写作文是这样写的么
你以后会考虑这样写么

lisa_CUID: 2678347

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-29 12:23
总结的不错
你觉得你以前写作文是这样写的么
你以后会考虑这样写么

自己写的时候废话比较多，想说什么说什么，条理性不足，段落臃肿，下次再写全文模仿试写一下这个结构

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Two years ago, radio station WCQP in Rockville decided to increase the number of call-in advice programs that it broadcast; since that time, its share of the radio audience in the Rockville listening area has increased significantly. Given WCQP's recent success with call-in advice programming, and citing a nationwide survey indicating that many radio listeners are quite interested in such programs, the station manager of KICK in Medway recommends that KICK include more call-in advice programs in an attempt to gain a larger audience share in its listening area.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The KICK manager suggests that the station should introduce more call-in advice programs in order to attract more listeners given the fact that WCQP has increased its share of audience after a similar move and a nationwide survey indicated that many listeners were interested in such programs. We need to answer questions about why WCQP achieved the increased share of audience, whether it is feasible to include more call-in programs for KICK and whether the call-in programs will attract more listeners for KICK.  

The first question we need to investigate is whether the inclusion of more call-in programs really caused the increase of audience share for WCQP. While it is true that WCQP managed to attract more listeners after more call-in programs were introduced, it does not follow that the introduction of such program directly caused the increasing popularity of WCQP.  There are other possible reasons why WCQP won more listeners. For example, maybe the quality of other programs of the station had improved significantly which was the real cause of the increase of the number of listeners. Also, maybe WCQP has recently hired a new DJ who was very popular and helped attract more listeners.  If WCQP attracted more listeners for reasons other than the call-in program, the recommendation would not help KICK to produce the desired effect.  

In addition, we need to know if it is feasible for KICK to include more call-in programs. For example, we need to know how many call-in programs KICK currently has and whether the station has enough staff to introduce more call-in programs.  If KICK already has many hours of call-in programs, it makes little sense to introduce more as it would take away the space of other important programs. Also call-in advice programs may require staff with specialised training in fields such as counselling. If KICK does not have enough staff with such training or cannot afford extra funding to hire such personnels, this recommendation may not work very well.

Finally, we need to ask whether KICK listeners would actually tune in for the call-in advice programs that would be added.  The nationwide survey results may or may not apply to the KICK listeners who are primarily residents in Medway.  We need to compare the demographic information about Medway listeners with the samples used in the nationwide survey to decide how useful the nationwide survey is for making the decision. Meanwhile, we need to know if the Medway residents interested in the call-in programs will actually listen to the programs.  Maybe when the programs are broadcast, the residents do not have the time to listen to the radio or find some other radio programs that are even more interesting than the call-in advice programs.  If that is the case, the recommendation would not be very helpful.

In conclusion, it is understandable that KICK manager is interested in following the example of WCQP to invest more time and efforts on call-in advice programs. But we need to collect more information to answer the questions discussed above in order to decide if the proposed move would help the station to attract more listeners.




  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Argument2、The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.



In this letter to the editor, the author claims that birth order has direct effects on the stimulation levels of infants and pregnant mothers as manifested in the levels of cortisol.  While being firstborn is correlated with high stimulation levels, there are a number of alternative explanations we need to take into account when evaluating the soundness of the argument.  

First of all, we may explain the high stimulation levels of firstborn infants in terms of their relatively older ages.  In both studies of monkeys and human infants, firstborn infants have to be compared with their younger siblings when being exposed to certain stimulating situations.  Maybe the firstborn babies responded to the stimulation more actively simply because they were older and with better cognitive abilities they were more sensitive to potential danger of an unfamiliar monkey or the excitement of a returning parent.  The higher level of cortisol could be the result of the intense emotional changes rather than being firstborn.  

Related to age is the relatively larger body sizes of the firstborn babies which may lead to higher levels of cortisol being released.  Assuming the amount of cortisol produced is proportional to the body size, the larger the babies are the more cortisol would be produced given the same level of stimulation.  Therefore, we need to control the body size if we want to better understand the effects of birth order on stimulation level.  

Although the siblings usually share similar genes, firstborn babies are not genetically identical to their younger brothers or sisters.  Therefore, the different levels of stimulation could result from the different genes of the infants.  Since the sample size was relatively small, it is possible that infants that are genetically geared towards releasing more cortisol happen to be firstborn.  Studies of larger random samples are necessary to tease out the effects of genes from the effects of birth order.  

As for the first-time expecting mothers, birth order may not be the direct cause of high level of stimulation.  Maybe the first-time mothers were more excited or nervous about being pregnant which lead to higher level of cortisol being released.  Or the pregnant mothers with children were too busy taking care of their children to feel excited or nervous.  Therefore the level of excitement or stress could be a better explanation for the level of stimulation.   

In conclusion, a number of alternative explanations may be advanced for the high level of stimulation observed.  Unless we could find concrete evidence to rule out such explanations, the argument is not very strong.  

singincloudUID: 3361137

老师，您贴的这是别人发给你的全文吗？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

singincloud 发表于 2014-10-29 21:48
老师，您贴的这是别人发给你的全文吗？

是我自己写的~~~

RachelyouzaiUID: 3570311

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-28 13:53
部分同学开始写全文，是在提纲修改之后写的，但是写中间段的时候暴露了一些问题。中间段要写好，首先应该有 ...

1 In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about how the society worked. 
2 Microeconomic theories, for example, have been developed to explain and predict human behaviours in a wide range of contexts.  
3 Through the quantitative analysis of a large amount of data about drivers’ behaviours before and after the introduction seatbelt laws, economists have learned that while seatbelt laws may provided extra protection for drivers and passengers, more pedestrians had been killed as drivers tended to drive less cautiously with the protection of seat belts.
4 Such insights from social science carry important implications for the relevant social and legal policies and contributed to our understanding of the society.  

第一句，还是针对科学来论述，上一段是自然科学，这一段是自然科学。回应主旨句前一个point。
第二句，以微观经济理论为例，观点是科学发现可以解释和预测人类行为
第三句，用具体的例子来支持第二句中的观点。驾驶人的行为受安全带法的影响。有安全带反而更大意，事故更多。回应第二句中的 explain 。
第四句，总结。科学发现可以给社会政策以启示，回应第二句中的 predict 。更好的理解社会。

1 While theoretical insights from both natural and social sciences have greatly advanced the public understanding of the natural world and the human society, the frontier researchers in sciences are far less certain about the world as they know it.
2 When it comes to the cutting-edge research areas, the well-established theories may not be very useful in explaining the empirical observations.
3 For example, theoretical physicists have long struggled to unify the theory of general relativity that offers elegant explanation for the world at the macro level with the theory of quantum mechanics that is more applicable to the micro world.  
4 Economists also find it difficult to explain why free markets could fail soundly to rescue the developed world from periodic financial crisis and why less liberal economies such as China seem to be more robust than its more democratic counterparts like India.  
5 To explain the empirical observations that may challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly and be prepared to be challenged with even more empirical data.
第一句，从普通大众的视角转换到科学家们的视角。回应主旨句的后面一部分。说明他们对科学世界有很多不确定。
第二句，提出例子，最前沿的技术领域的实践观测往往不同于已有的理论知识。
第三句，具体举例支持第二句。理论物理学家很难统一宏观的相对论和微观的量子力学理论。
第四句，同样具体举例支持第二句。经济学家很难解释为什么自由市场不能解决经济危机。比如相对自由的印度经济没有受控较多的中国经济稳固。
第五句，总结，科学家需要不断探索来解释未知。