GRE作文6分教学博客

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

有版友提出语言表达的问题如何解决。这确实是很头疼的问题。一个基本的原则就是要多看好的句子、多模仿；与此同时要纠正自己随意写句子的习惯，只有见过的句型、用法才写，没见过的、自己生造的坚决不写。我会尝试设计一些造句练习，希望大家踊跃回帖参与，这样我才有动力继续。同时欢迎提出各种建议。

回帖时请将完整的练习、例句帖出来。



Issue 82

Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreign languages, international trade and comparative politics.  Yet, students in other fields such as national language and literature, history and archeology would find the requirement unnecessary.  Moreover, students with limited financial resources or abilities to adapt to the new environment may not benefit from the recommendation.  


I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreign languages, international trade and comparative politics.
句子的功能：针对题目的建议提出立场，指出这个建议对某个群体的学生是有益的。
同意转换：this recommendation would be beneficial for 如果改成benefit怎么写 如果改成students做主语又怎么写
语法结构：
students specialising动名词后置对前面的名词进行限定
disciplines作为一个概括性的名词后面跟such as及并列结构引出具体的例子

注意下面的两个句子也是表面立场，但是针对不同的学生群体，这个建议就可能不好

Yet, students in other fields such as national language and literature, history and archeology would find the requirement unnecessary. Moreover, students with limited financial resources or abilities to adapt to the new environment may not benefit from the recommendation.
这个句子里是如何表达不好的？这里为了避免词汇重复用了什么词？还可能用什么词？

练习
129) College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

尝试用上面的句型写出这道题的第一段
基本思路为
对于家境富裕的学生，这个建议没有好处，他们可以根据自己的兴趣来选专业
对于特别有才华的学生，这个建议也不好，因为他们应该根据自己的才华来选专业，将来总会有工作
对于经济压力较大的学生，这个建议很合适，因为对他们来说找到工作最重要

ikowUID: 3497152

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-5 23:36
有版友提出语言表达的问题如何解决。这确实是很头疼的问题。一个基本的原则就是要多看好的句子、多模仿；与 ...

Issue 82

Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreign languages, international trade and comparative politics.  Yet, students in other fields such as national language and literature, history and archeology would find the requirement unnecessary.  Moreover, students with limited financial resources or abilities to adapt to the new environment may not benefit from the recommendation.  


I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreign languages, international trade and comparative politics.
句子的功能：针对题目的建议提出立场，指出这个建议对某个群体的学生是有益的。
同意转换：this recommendation would be beneficial for 如果改成benefit怎么写 如果改成students做主语又怎么写
改写成benefit:  I agree that this recommedation would have benefit to students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreigh languages international trade and comparative politics.
students做主语： I agree that students specialising in certain disciplines such as foreign languages international trade and comparative politics would get benefit from this recommendation.

语法结构：
students specialising动名词后置对前面的名词进行限定
disciplines作为一个概括性的名词后面跟such as及并列结构引出具体的例子

注意下面的两个句子也是表面立场，但是针对不同的学生群体，这个建议就可能不好

Yet, students in other fields such as national language and literature, history and archeology would find the requirement unnecessary. Moreover, students with limited financial resources or abilities to adapt to the new environment may not benefit from the recommendation.
这个句子里是如何表达不好的？这里为了避免词汇重复用了什么词？还可能用什么词？
用unnecessary和not benefit来表达，避免重复用了requirement和recommendation,还可以用proposal，suggest，advise

练习
129) College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

尝试用上面的句型写出这道题的第一段
基本思路为
对于家境富裕的学生，这个建议没有好处，他们可以根据自己的兴趣来选专业
对于特别有才华的学生，这个建议也不好，因为他们应该根据自己的才华来选专业，将来总会有工作
对于经济压力较大的学生，这个建议很合适，因为对他们来说找到工作最重要
I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students in a poor economic conditions owing to the importance to find a job as soon as possible. Yet rich students would find the requirement unnecessary because they can rely on their interests to select profeesion. Moreover, students of great talent  may not benefit from the recommendation in that they should choose major by their gifts and will always find a right job.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ikow 发表于 2014-11-4 19:33
据说e-rater会根据字数限定分数，如果不超过500字，最多就是4分了
最后人评定的分数和e-rater误差在0.5分 ...

84楼更新了 请提意见

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ikow 发表于 2014-11-6 23:49
Issue 82

Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester ...

I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students in a poor economic conditions owing to the importance to find a job as soon as possible. Yet rich students would find the requirement unnecessary because they can rely on their interests to select profeesion. Moreover, students of great talent  may not benefit from the recommendation in that they should choose major by their gifts and will always find a right job.

修改
I agree that this recommendation would be beneficial for students under a poor economic conditions owing to the importance to finding a job as soon as possible. Yet rich students would find the requirement unnecessary because they have the financial freedom to choose fields that interest them. Moreover, students of great talent may not benefit from the recommendation in that they should choose major based on their gifts and will always find a right job.

max940623UID: 3559548

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-5 21:17
argument 118

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

目前有点不太明白Argument不同写作指导之间操作的区别，希望您能像Issue那样做一个指导。
下面是118到14的改写 因为不确定就只先改了两段看看是不是这么个意思
argument 118

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

以下是118的范文，请大家读完后，将它改写为argument 14

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
注意尽管题目要求不同但是结构和内容基本一致 只需要在措辞上进行调整

The article argues that companies should hire people who need less sleep because these employees are more likely to succeed based on a survey of 300 advertising executives.  A number of assumptions have been made about the generalisability of the survey result, the reliability of the reported need of sleep and other related issues.  We need to examine the assumptions carefully in order to assess the argument.  

To begin with, the assumption that the survey results can be applied more broadly may not hold true.  The subjects of the survey are all from a single industry, namely, advertising.  Maybe it is important for people in this field to burn the midnight’s oil to prosper.  But this rule may not apply to other industries, for example, insurance or manufacturing.  In addition, the survey only asks the executives who may have to work extra hours to lead the companies.  But for employees at lower level sleeping less may not be very helpful for achieving success.  

The article argues that companies should hire people who need less sleep because these employees are more likely to succeed based on a survey of 300 advertising executives. However the relevant evidence about the generalizability of the survey result, the reliability of the reported need of sleep and other related issues is lost. In order to assess the soundness of the argument, we should consider the influence of these evidence.

To begin with, there is no proof suggesting that the survey results can be applied more broadly.  The subjects of the survey are all from a single industry, namely, advertising.  Maybe it is important for people in this field to burn the midnight’s oil to prosper.  But this rule may not apply to other industries, for example, insurance or manufacturing.  In addition, the survey only asks the executives who may have to work extra hours to lead the companies.  But for employees at lower level sleeping less may not be very helpful for achieving success. Therefore, the author should present the evidence on the generalizability of the study, otherwise any reasoning based on this assumption is untenable

lisa_CUID: 2678347

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-2 22:44
在点评版友的提纲过程中发现经常有例子不切题的情况，这种情况会导致整篇文章的偏题，是需要避免的。为什么 ...

为了找这个思想实验把帖子都翻了，之前草草看过，再拜读又新学到不少

１.　首先是关于分类的问题，我之前自己分的时候总是容易纠结在三个ＴＳ合起来是不是全集，看完王老师的思路发现不用这么麻烦，举出几个领域说明就可以了。而且分类可以从对象分、从领域分、从社会个人分、从长短期分。

２.　再说说思想实验，ＧＴ一起准备，所以也对比了两个写作部分的风格。感觉Ｔ更注重语法和例子的specific，自己写的时候也有意去检查语法和举（或者编>_<）身边的例子；Ｇ的话之前看到不少经验帖子说最好是历史事件、名人事例、新闻等等比较有说服力，这些优于举某某邻居某某朋友什么的，所以比较少想到去给出someone。写过几个题纲又发现自己例子库实在贫乏，其实我觉得学到现在，脑子里面储备应该是够的，只是还没有有效调动出库存，时间短还不能打开思路的情况下，思想实验确实是好方法，可以把道理说清楚。

３.　关于例子之前有个误区，总觉得放一个TS放一个EXAMPLE就好了，没有中间的阐述和有机连结。看了之后觉得讲清道理本身比例子重要。

４.　关于切题的问题，写着写着容易忘记，楼内给出的几个题型大致写作结构很给力，那篇看了三遍。如果时间够多练习，能形成条件反射就太好了，至少切题这块容易犯错的点能避免。

５.　e-rater关于argument的批改，是不是说明用词和风格去靠近范文会有用呢？短时间内行文如果来不及靠近，去学一些高分范文里的常用高级词会不会有用？

chrishong119UID: 3412641

顶一个~~~

sangbsdkUID: 3483090

:lol
Thank you so much!

chrishong119UID: 3412641

王老师您好，很高兴您开通了这个小组，我自己感觉特别幸运能够无意中找到这个小组。我是十二月二战G的，上一次G作文3，托福作文25.
我按您的指导，列了argument31的提纲，写了全文，请您及各位G友指导，谢谢了。

14年秋季提纲互改小组-Argument31 提纲及全文
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3412641

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

The first sentence of each middle paragraph should fulfil two functions, to briefly remind the reader of the main idea from the previous paragraph and to summarise the main point for this paragraph. Writing the sentences this way can ensure the smooth transition across the paragraphs and help the readers to follow the argument effortlessly. Again we can look at the essay by Russell as an example.  



I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy.第一个分论点与主旨句呼应  I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what--at last--I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. 第二个分论点与主旨句呼应。注意这里的equal与上一个目标呼应 I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.

这里的equal passion实际上就是和上段的love相呼应 形成某种衔接



Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. 注意这里的承上启下与前两段实现衔接 But always pity brought me back to earth. 第三个分论点与主旨句呼应Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.

而这一段的首句就是对前面两段内容的总结和提醒


再来看一个我写的例子




Issue 5：

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.

Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

Due to the development of modern technology, many people are concerned about how to preserve their nations’ cultural traditions and promote their national identities for the new generations who have been exposed to globalised culture with little local flavour.  Since government resources are limited, it is argued that major cities should be the top priority for financial support because the cultural traditions are generated and preserved here.  While I agree that major cities are important for preserving and generating cultural tradition, other areas are equally important in many countries.  Since cultural programs in major cities can receive support from different financial sources such as advertising, donation of city residents and big corporations, government money should be invested to programs in small towns and rural regions where resources from private sectors are not available.

There is no doubt that major cities are important sites for preserving, generating and celebrating cultural traditions.  Take the well-known Statue of Liberty in New York City as an example.  This giant copper statue was a gift of France to the US and has become a popular icon for freedom and democracy inspiring people all over the world.  In late 19th century and early 20th century, Statue of Liberty had welcomed nearly 14 million immigrants who entered the United States through New York. For these immigrants and their descendants, the Statue of Liberty was a symbol of hope and freedom.  For the rest of the United States, the Statue of Liberty celebrates diversity and tolerance, the core values that define the cultural tradition of a young republic.

Despite the importance of major cities for cultural traditions, government funding should not be heavily invested here because there are other funding sources available.  The national park service that manages the Statue of Liberty in New York, for example, receive financial support in the form of admission ticket fares from thousands of tourists who come to visit everyday from all over the world.  Major corporations and private citizens also donated large amount of money to the private foundation built for the Statue of Liberty.  In addition, the cultural heritage site also attracts thousands of volunteers every year to donate their time to the daily operation of national park services for the Statue of Liberty.  Therefore, as this example adequately illustrates, cultural traditions in major cities are not the top priorities for government funding given all the alternative sources for funding and support.

On the other hand, other preservation programs for cultural traditions in small towns or rural areas should be supported by taxpayers’ money.  For example, the use of abacus in mathematical calculation, which has been listed as world intangible cultural heritage by UNESCO, is almost unheard of nowadays in major Chinese cities.  With the advent of computers, calculation tasks are performed by sophisticated financial management software in the stores and offices in modern cities.  Even schoolchildren are granted access to pocket calculators to do their math homework.  To preserve the art of using abacus, one has to visit the small towns and villages in China where people without access to computers still use abacus for calculation.  Since abacus has little value for advertising, it is unlikely that any program for promoting abacus would attract sponsorship from large corporations.  Therefore, the government should step in and provide necessary support to build programs that preserve the use of abacus as a traditional way of mathematical calculation.

In conclusion, as the two examples aptly demonstrate, government funding should be used to support culture preservation programs in small towns and rural areas and the cultural traditions in major cities will thrive with the funding and support from non-governmental sectors.

练习
请指出以下两句话如何做到承上启下的。


Despite the importance of major cities for cultural traditions, government funding should not be heavily invested here because there are other funding sources available.

On the other hand, other preservation programs for cultural traditions in small towns or rural areas should be supported by taxpayers’ money.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

31) The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.
In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend—the city-run public schools—comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools—even though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


这道题大概怎么写
首先结论是 Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do

注意结论里讲的是residents 而前面花钱是政府 政府和居民是不同的

事实： the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend—the city-run public schools—comes from taxes that each city government collects.

事实：The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools—even though both cities have about the same number of residents. 这个可以看做一个整体 后一句基本上是为前一句提供例证

上面这句话里有两点要注意
-P比B政府花的钱多一倍 这里已经排除了税收总量的差别
- 注意是居民人数相同 而不是在校学生的人数相同

所以这道题可以从三方面来讨论

首先是P比B政府花多一倍钱的原因是什么 以及是不是一直都这样 需要了解过去3-5年的记录以及未来几年的计划等等 也许今年比较特殊 有一些长期的投资 或者说非经常性的开支  总之仅仅看一年是不够的

其次要了解老百姓对政府这样花钱是否满意以及有没有足够的影响力 比如说制订预算的官员是不是民选的 他们的决定是否受欢迎 因为最终结论是关于居民对教育的态度 因此要看居民的态度和政府的行动之间的关系  
这里还可以顺便了解一下当地人对公共学校的其他形式支持  比如捐款、义工等等

最后要了解两地学生数量的对比 以及平均每个学生的投入

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 38

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


For all human beings, identity is a complex and perplexing issue. Some argues that, to answer the question “Who am I?”, we have to identify with different social groups.  While I agree that we need to participate in different social communities in order to construct our identities, interacting with our parents, partners and children in private relationships is also an essential aspect of our identities.  

One important identity marker is our nationality or citizenship.  Although our nationality was determined at the time we were born, we have to participate in a number of specific social activities in order to express our identities as a citizen of a particular nation.  One obvious thing is to speak the national language shared by all the people from that nation.  Through speaking the language fluently and write in that language competently we immediately identify ourselves with all the other fellow citizens of the nation.  In addition, we also support the Constitution of our nation and participate in the democratic processes such as electing the president and the Congressmen.  Such political acts we engaged in with other fellow citizens also define us as a member of the nation.  

At institutional level, we also define ourselves through getting involved in activities as part of different communities.  As university students, for example, we have to take courses at university level and complete assignments given by university professors.  The educational experiences at college level help us develop skills that only university students would have the opportunities to learn, e.g. conducting original researches based on library materials and field works.  Furthermore, we also specialise in specific disciplines, e.g. economics or electrical engineering.  The methodologies and theories unique to a particular discipline also enable us to look at the world from a particular perspective and our training in our major fields defines who we are as a researcher.  

Nevertheless, our identities are more complex than our memberships of different social groups.  We also define ourselves through intimate and private relationships with our family members.  When interacting with our parents, our partners and our children, we do not always follow any rules prescribed by any social groups and we do not need to perform in a way to meet the expectations of the larger community.  In the private domains of family, we have more space to express ourselves liberally without worrying about being stigmatised by any social groups.  The good time we spent with our families, the good food we shared and the emotional joy and pain we brought to one another all define who we are as private individuals.  It is fortunate that despite the different roles we have to play in society, we can still enjoy and celebrate our true selves with our family members who are willing to accept who we are regardless of any social rules.  

Overall speaking, it is reasonable to claim that we define ourselves primarily through participating in different communities or social groups while playing different roles following the prescribed rules.  Nevertheless, we still have the opportunities to define ourselves through building satisfying relationships with our family members for whom we may enjoy the freedom to be whoever we want to be.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

argument的1+3模型及提纲写法

和issue一样，写argument全文前，请先写提纲给我点评、修改稿经我认可。
具体写提纲的步骤如下：

1. 抄题包括argument和写作指引
2. 列出argument的结论和主要证据
3. 写完整的第一段（英语） 这段应包括两句话 第一概述原文的结论和主要论据 第二概述中间各段要写的几个方面  
4. 写出中间段的主题句（英语）用汉语解释主要讨论的点

提纲示范 （请严格遵循）


1 抄题
15) The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.
Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.


2 列出argument的结论和主要证据

claim或结论：Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers.



证据01 In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change.

证据02

Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead.Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.

3 写第一段
In the memo, the manager argues that replacing bitter with margarin would have little impact on the customers citing the evidence about the percentage of customers who complained. There are, in fact, different ways to interpret the facts with regard to complaints about the food in general and the replacement presented in the argument that may lead to alternative conclusions.

4. 写出中间段的主题句（英语）用汉语解释主要讨论的点

中间第一段
The manager believes that 98% of the customers are satisfied with the change given that only 2% of customers complained. Yet, there are different ways to explain the relatively small number of complaints.  
接下来用汉语解释如何展开本段 （略）

中间第二段
As far as the customers’ ability to distinguish butter from margarine is concerned, we can also explore other rival explanations.
接下来用汉语解释如何展开本段 （略）

中间第三段
We also look into explanation alternative to the usage of the term “butter”.

接下来用汉语解释如何展开本段 （略）

chrishong119UID: 3412641

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-13 01:54
31) The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.
In our regio ...

谢谢王老师的点评，我得多练提纲多思考了，谢谢王老师

qinjichunUID: 3544209

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-17 16:33
109. Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of th ...

老师这个题不是让你说你更同意哪个观点吗？ 而您说的却是这两种观点会分别被哪两类人认同，这样算不算呢是跑题？