大家帮忙看一下哪个更好

bingxin1828UID：3572071

想问一下大家下面这两段哪个比较好，还是都不怎么好。这个PS里面关于竞赛的一段话。
个人觉得第二段说的有点啰嗦了，但是第一段是不是缺乏detail。
This subject is “Lane occupied effects on urban road capacity”. Specifically, we established two independent models, which are “Traffic wave model” and “Flow model”, to predict the traffic wave and to simulate the traffic flow respectively. Also, we used MATLAB to deal with the data from the video, which can save us a large amount of time because its efficiency. Furthermore, In February 2014, I participated in the Mathematical Contest in Modeling (MCM). Our project is “Research on traffic rule with different factors”. We established two models based on traffic flow dynamic equation and speed difference respectively. Moreover, we gave* the sensitivity analysis, which can evaluate the influence of variation of various factors.

This subject is “Lane occupied effects on urban road capacity”. Specifically, we established two independent models. The one is to predict the traffic wave. It can reflect the process of the road from jam to normal condition. We obtain the correlation among the length of vehicle queue, actual capacity and accident duration. The other model is a flow model. That is, we use flow to simulate the traffic flow. Through these two models, we obtained the final result. Furthermore, In February 2014, I participated in the Mathematical Contest in Modeling (MCM). Our project is “Research on traffic rule with different factors”, we established the first model based on the traffic flow dynamic equation to evaluate the effects on traffic flow of keep-right-except-to-pass rule. Then we established the second model based on the speed difference theory to evaluate the safety of the rule. Moreover, we gave the sensitivity analysis. Finally, we gave a comprehensive evaluation.

还有这个是推荐信里面的，鉴于该老师教我的课成绩都不是很高，我该不该写这一段
He got 85 in “Common Differential Equations” and 82 in “Modern Applied Mathematics Knowledge”, which are not excellent grades compared to his other courses since almost all scores of his major course are more than 90. However, his scores are relatively high compared to other students in these two course.

谢谢大家

苏梳眠UID：2717864

PS有个问题就是，你要么直说你参加过什么项目，要么只说你们项目做过啥，得到什么结果，但admission committee更想看的是你在这些项目里扮演的角色和解决的问题，这才是你应该着重写的~
至于推荐信里的成绩，就直接说相较于同级的rank啦~

bingxin1828UID：3572071

苏梳眠 发表于 2014-11-22 03:19
PS有个问题就是，你要么直说你参加过什么项目，要么只说你们项目做过啥，得到什么结果，但admission commit ...

我确实没有想过这个问题，多谢提醒。rank其实也不是很好，所以也没法写。