issue30 [color=#0000ff]今天的野鼠~~~拿砖的来~~欢迎占座

lovebrianUID: 157127

作者：lovebrian     共用时间：47分54秒     638 words
从2004年3月1日13时10分到2004年3月1日13时47分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.


With development of technology, people's efficiency is increased.  And the speaker claims that the main goal of technological advancement is to make more leisure time for people ultimately.  As far as I am concerned, the development of technology does improve the efficiency of human beings, but no more leisure time is produced and people today is even much busier.

On the one hand, with help of new high technology, people's productivity improve greatly thus people can do more things than before within the same time limitation.  To illustrate this point, here are some convincing examples.  First, after the invention of personal computer (PC), one can deal with a great amount of documentaries within a short period of time.  Especially with the software Microsoft office, one can edit text document, make a PowerPoint file and a complicated diagram.  Such jobs might cost people lots of time during the past while today, after several minutes, one can get what he/she wants.  Second, another example is that the usage of E-mail.  People send E-mail with many topics--commerce, greetings, questions and answers, and just common communications--and such a type of mail is widely used the entire world since it just costs a few seconds on the way sending.  It is much faster than the written-letter and does save lots of precious time.  Undoubtedly, people are getting more and more efficient due to the development of new high technology.

On the other hand, although people's efficiency is increased, there is not more leisure time for the modern person but a more competitive and busier life is waiting for him/her.  Surely more time is saved by the increasing of efficiency, but why do people get busier?  There are several actual reasons to interpret the case.  For one thing, most modern people have stable goals to achieve in their lives; therefore, with the time saved they want to work more, learn more and gain more.  Just like one of my professors, Prof.Hu, he is the leading one in his field at our University and of course, he have many classes to teach, however, Mr.Hu takes a job in a company outside the school and works there just after his class.  So to speak, the leisure time it should be, but it become another piece of work time.  For another, with the high efficient work, many people have formed a habit that they cannot stop working until the weekend comes.  It is reliable that many people often feel upset and unhappy when they have nothing to do, which is the consequent of the formed modern habit.  Accordingly, even more time is saved; people always want to change it into busy one.

Moreover, it is not to say the increasing of efficiency prevent people's livings from being more light-hearted and colorful.  On the contrary, at the right and proper time people do enjoy more relax and leisure time.  For example in China, there are several golden weeks of tourism result in that there are several long holidays for people to relax and enjoy their lives.  During the May olden week, more and more people begin to go out even go abroad to spend their long holiday.  One can enjoy rather colorful and comfortable leisure time only if one would have.  Also the common weekends are changing now.  People begin to treasure their weekend time to do something joyful and significant to spend such a leisure time instead of just sleeping at home.  In a word, people do have leisure time when it is proper.

To sum up, people would like to lead busy lives since they take it granted to do so for their aims though the efficiency is increased greatly by the development of technology.  Also, people do not lose their leisure time and enjoy their livings happily on the time deemed leisure one.

eaglezhouUID: 156651

先

eaglezhouUID: 156651

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

当中很多地方觉得有必要加the,但不是很确定
With (the) development of technology, people's efficiency is increased（这句话怎么有点唐突之感啊！）. And the speaker claims that the main goal of technological advancement is to make more leisure time for people ultimately. As far as I am concerned, the development of technology does improve the efficiency of human beings, but no more leisure time is produced and people today is even much busier.

On the one hand, with(the) help of new high technology, people's productivity improve greatly thus people can do more things than before within the same time limitation. To illustrate this point, here are some convincing examples. First, after the invention of personal computer (PC), one can deal with a great amount of documentaries within a short period of time. Especially with the software Microsoft office, one can edit text document, make a PowerPoint file and a complicated diagram. Such jobs might cost people lots of time during the past while today, after several minutes, one can get what he/she wants. Second,(secondly，不过我觉得既然写了another example就不需要secondly,前面的first 也觉得有点多余) another example is that the usage of E-mail. People send E-mail with many topics--commerce, greetings, questions and answers, and just common communications--and such a type of mail is widely used the entire world since it just costs a few seconds on the way sending. It is much faster than the written-letter and does save lots of precious time. Undoubtedly, people are getting more and more efficient due to the development of new high technology.

On the other hand, although people's efficiency is increased, there is not more leisure time for the modern person but a more competitive and busier life is waiting for him/her. Surely more time is saved by the increasing of efficiency, but why do people get busier?（感觉和本文第一句意思有重复） There are several actual reasons to interpret the case. For one thing, most modern people have stable goals to achieve in their lives; therefore, with the time saved they want to work more, learn more and gain more. Just like one of my professors, Prof.Hu, he is the leading one in his field at our University and of course, he have many classes to teach, however, Mr.Hu takes a job in a company outside the school and works there just after his class. So to speak, the leisure time it should be, but it become another piece of work time. For another, with the high efficient work, many people have formed a habit that they cannot stop working until the weekend comes. It is reliable that many people often feel upset and unhappy when they have nothing to do, which is the consequent of the formed modern habit. Accordingly, even more time is saved; people always want to change it into busy one.

Moreover, it is not to say the increasing of efficiency prevent people's livings from being more light-hearted and colorful. On the contrary, at the right and proper time people do enjoy more relax and leisure time（和开头的绝对论点有矛盾）. For example in China（In China, for example）,(黄金周的例子不好) there are several golden weeks of tourism result in that there are several long holidays for people to relax and enjoy their lives. During the May olden week, more and more people begin to go out even go abroad to spend their long holiday. One can enjoy rather colorful and comfortable leisure time only if one would have. Also the common weekends are changing now. People begin to treasure their weekend time to do something joyful and significant to spend such a leisure time instead of just sleeping at home. In a word, people do have leisure time when it is proper.

To sum up, people would like to lead busy lives since they take it granted to do so for their aims though the efficiency is increased greatly by the development of technology. Also, people do not lose their leisure time and enjoy their livings happily on the time deemed leisure one.

lovebrianUID: 157127

多谢eaglezhou~~~这是初稿~~维持了限时的原貌（除了拼写~）
你提的几点都不错~~
关于最后那个矛盾~~应该不算吧~~让步而且加了限定~~~

再次感谢~~！

sniper613UID: 147372

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.


With development of technology, people's efficiency is increased. And the speaker claims that the main goal of technological advancement is to make more leisure time for people ultimately. As far as I am concerned, the development of technology does improve the efficiency of human beings, but no more leisure time is produced and people today is even much busier.（呵呵，你的模版？）

On the one hand, with help of new high technology, people's productivity improve greatly thus people can do more things than before within the same time limitation. To illustrate this point, here are some convincing examples. First, after the invention of personal computer (PC ETS应该知道吧，呵呵~~), one can deal with a great amount of documentaries within a short period of time. Especially with the software Microsoft office, one can edit text document, make a PowerPoint file and a complicated diagram. Such jobs might cost people lots of time during the past while today, after several minutes, one can get what he/she wants. Second, another example is that the usage of E-mail. People send E-mail with many topics--commerce, greetings, questions and answers, and just common communications--and such a type of mail is widely used the entire world since it just costs a few seconds on the way sending. It is much faster than the written-letter and does save lots of precious time. Undoubtedly, people are getting more and more efficient due to the development of new high technology.（中规中矩）

On the other hand, although people's efficiency is increased, there is not more leisure time for the modern person but a more competitive and busier life is waiting for him/her. Surely more time is saved by the increasing of efficiency, but why do people get busier? There are several actual reasons to interpret the case. For one thing, most modern people have stable goals to achieve in their lives; therefore, with the time saved they want to work more, learn more and gain more. Just like one of my professors, Prof.Hu, he is the leading one in his field at our University（呵呵，ＣＵＭＴＢ？） and of course, he have（ｈａｓ） many classes to teach, however, Mr.Hu takes a job in a company outside the school and works there just after his class. （再解释一下为什么没有Ｌｅｉｓｕｒｅ　ｔｉｍｅ，　因为人们的生活节奏的加快）So to speak, the leisure time it should be, but it become another piece of work time. For another, with the high efficient work, many people have formed a habit that they cannot stop working until the weekend comes. It is reliable that many people often feel upset and unhappy when they have nothing to do, which is the consequent of the formed modern habit. Accordingly, even more time is saved; people always want to change it into busy one.

Moreover, it is not to say the increasing of efficiency prevent（ｓ） people's livings from being more light-hearted and colorful. On the contrary, at the right and proper time people do enjoy more relax and leisure time. For example in China, there are several golden weeks of tourism result in that there are several long holidays for people to relax and enjoy their lives. During the May olden week, more and more people begin to go out even go abroad to spend their long holiday. One can enjoy rather colorful and comfortable leisure time only if one would have. Also the common weekends are changing now. People begin to treasure their weekend time to do something joyful and significant to spend such a leisure time instead of just sleeping at home. In a word, people do have leisure time when it is proper.

To sum up, people would like to lead busy lives since they take it granted to do so for their aims though the efficiency is increased greatly by the development of technology. Also, people do not lose their leisure time and enjoy their livings happily on the time deemed leisure one.


审题：你犯了一个和我一样的错误，先来看看题目：The primary goal of technological
问的是科技的目的，你的第一段提到了目的是提高效率，但是后面两段就偏了。
把你的分论点重写一下，不是后果，是目的。

lovebrianUID: 157127

嘿嘿 sniper兄不愧是经常在一起改文章的！这个问题偶写的时候就知道了~~
只是固执的将自圆其说贯穿到底~~~~  看看大家有什么反应~~ 当然不是故意这么做的~~因为目的上面切题比较难~~没有头绪~~就想找个捷径了

开头……不是魔板也快写成魔板了~~老这么写
那个教授是瞎编的`~瓦哈哈哈
多谢~~

sniper613UID: 147372

My syllabus:

1. 科技的目的：两个方便和高效，不是增加休闲时间
3。但是现在人们的休闲时间更少，分析原因

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]My syllabus:

1. 科技的目的：两个方便和高效，不是增加休闲时间
3。但是现在人们的休闲时间更少，分析原因 [/B]

嗯？！2呢？
另外3也是跟目的无关阿

sniper613UID: 147372

把1拆成两段写
3好歹跟leisure time挂了钩，所以不算偏题吧

lovebrianUID: 157127

哦~~~roger that！

我现在很想找找非典跑题的范文~~~考试还真怕出了问题

fishergirlUID: 152325

eagle复出了吗？呵呵！

现在占座还有效吗？如果有，我就吃完饭再来看，^_^

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 fishergirl 发布
[B]eagle复出了吗？呵呵！

现在占座还有效吗？如果有，我就吃完饭再来看，^_^ [/B]

哈哈 有效期一年~~ :cool:

kaventUID: 154493

偶正在对比几个版本的I98……

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 kavent 发布
[B]偶正在对比几个版本的I98…… [/B]

坑你挖了~~罚你去看我的阿狗~~ :D  :D
不是第一篇哦~~是将要发的~~时间待定 :rolleyes:

fishergirlUID: 152325

With development of technology, people's efficiency is increased. And the speaker claims that the main goal of technological advancement is to make more leisure time for people ultimately. As far as I am concerned, the development of technology does improve the efficiency of human beings, but no more leisure time is produced and people today is even much busier.

On the one hand, with the help of new high technology, people's productivity improves greatly thus people can do more things than before within the same time limitation. To illustrate this point, here are some convincing examples. First, after the invention of personal computer (PC), one can deal with a great amount of documentaries 请教，和documents有什么区别啊 within a short period of time. Especially with the software Microsoft office, one can edit text document, make a PowerPoint file and a complicated diagram. Such jobs might cost people lots of time during the past 这里好像忘了断句？ while today, after several minutes, one can get what he/she wants. Second, another example is that the usage of E-mail. People send E-mail with many topics--commerce, greetings, questions and answers, and just common communications--and such a type of mail is widely used the entire world since it just costs a few seconds on the way sending. It is much faster than the written-letter and does save lots of precious time. Undoubtedly, people are getting more and more efficient due to the development of new high technology.

On the other hand, although people's efficiency is increased, there is not more leisure time for the modern person but a more competitive and busier life is waiting for him/her. Surely more time is saved by the increasing of efficiency, but why do people get busier? There are several actual reasons to interpret the case. For one thing, most modern people have stable goals to achieve in their lives; therefore, with the time saved they want to work more, learn more and gain more. Just like one of my professors, Prof.Hu, he is the leading one in his field at our University and of course, he have many classes to teach, however, Mr.Hu takes a job in a company outside the school and works there just after his class. So to speak, the leisure time it should be, but it become another piece of work time. For another, with the high efficient work, many people have formed a habit that they cannot stop working until the weekend comes. It is reliable that many people often feel upset and unhappy when they have nothing to do, which is the consequent consequence of the formed modern habit. Accordingly, even more time is saved; people always want to change it into busy one.

Moreover, it is not to say the increasing of efficiency prevent people's livings from being more light-hearted and colorful. On the contrary, at the right and proper time people do enjoy more relax and leisure time. For example, in China, there are several golden weeks of tourism result in that there are several long holidays for people to relax and enjoy their lives. During the May olden golden week, more and more people begin to go out even go abroad to spend their long holiday. One can enjoy rather colorful and comfortable leisure time only if one would have. Also the common weekends are changing now. People begin to treasure their weekend time to do something joyful and significant to spend such a leisure time instead of just sleeping at home. In a word, people do have leisure time when it is proper.

To sum up, people would like to lead busy lives since they take it granted to do so for their aims though the efficiency is increased greatly by the development of technology. Also, people do not lose their leisure time and enjoy their livings happily on the time deemed leisure one.

感觉没有太多可说的。这个题目很恼火。