issue114 被公认的跑题文章

lovebrianUID: 157127

Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.


正文
—————————————————————————————
There is a common view hold by many people that humanity has little real progress over the past century or so, and the speaker claims that humanity is no better today since technology cannot change the condition of humanity.  However, in my point of view, humanity does make some progress though not apparent, and technology has a sound effect on the development of humanity.

To begin with, due to the development of new high technology, living conditions of human beings have been greatly improved; consequently, humanity has a chance to make progress correspondently.  As the pace of technology and the coming time of information explosion, people are turning more efficient and productive.  Thus, much more products, foods, and something others are being produced today than the past time.  Owing to the resources getting more and more abundant, people have more chances to improve their humanity and such actions are more affordable and practical.  For instant, more people today would like to donate goods such as foods, money, clothes and so on to the refugees suffering in a war or some disasters.  The case illustrates that people have a substantial base today to act out their humanity and to improve it in some sense, in that people who are suffering from hungry, homelessness or disasters would hardly pay their attention on the other people, by contrast, with the help of technology, many people are rich, especially rich for basic resources and money so that such ones could contribute to others if they like.  To be brief, it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make it a better one.

Secondly, humanity could not be improved to a rather sound level immediately since every course of changing costs a considerable amount of time and humanity is such a complicated one that it cannot be meliorated greatly in a short piece of time.  First, as is known to all, though the earth is usually described as an equal, beautiful and peaceful one, there are also evil actions even every day happening, such as violence and war.  Crimes as well as racial discrimination reflect the dark part of our humanity actually.  Mankind has not successfully and completely separate from the wild animal to some extent.  So people probably show some of their potential part of animal and get out of the control of sense all too often.  That is why there still are some undesirable things taking place.  Second, due to the distinction of different areas, some people are richer, while some are poorer.  Maybe most people of country could lead easy lives with little payment; meanwhile, most of another country are suffering form hungry and thirsty.  Such phenomenon should not be considered as the result of poor humanity.  On the contrary, many countries as well as UN have done a lot to help those whose people are living at a rather poor level and offer them a host of goods without any profit.  Though great efforts are made, people cannot easily change these situations.  On the one hand, to reduce the violent tendency, people require a rather long time to development since the revolution is much harder.  On the other hand, it is a quite huge project to solve the basic problems of all the human beings and the technological level is not high enough to accomplish this significant mission.  In a word, more time and more payment are required.

Furthermore, many other factors restrict the development of humanity.  For example, wars are set up mainly because the conflict concerning political factors.  If only the definition of country exist, the different interests might arouse the conflict between countries hold their owe interest, ultimately, a war break out.  People fight, kill, and die just for their responsibilities and enthusiasm toward their homeland.  Humanity, at that very time, seems too valueless to consider since the war with a justice name is an allowable action which is thought not to against humanity at all.  Accordingly, in order to make really and drastically improve of humanity, people should resolve many problems.

To sum up, although the progress of humanity has made is somewhat slight, people should never neglect the improvement of it.  At the same time, resulting from the technology, people’s humanity has a chance, a base, and ultimately an impetus to development itself thus people must not say that they could see nothing that the technology has done to our humanity.（743）


今天精神和身体状态都很差，本来说要去鼎钧踩点的~看来只能推到明天了~~sigh

apolloxpUID: 156355

狒狒起得好早，还是还没有睡
anyway，占座先

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

狒狒不要感冒了!!!严重警告
上次我感冒的时候的前兆就是精神和身体状态的下降
不要让它乘虚而入!!

xqmelissaUID: 140370

There is a common view hold by many people that humanity has little real progress over the past century or so, why you use “or so” in there? I think it is excrescent and the speaker claims that humanity is no better today since technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my point of view, humanity does make some progress though not apparent, and technology has a sound effect on the development of humanity.

To begin with, due to the development of new high technology, living conditions of human beings have been greatly improved; consequently, humanity has a chance to make progress correspondently. As the pace of technology and the coming time of information explosion, people are turning turn more efficient and productive 什么意思？. Thus, much more products, foods, and something others are being produced today than the past time. Owing to the resources getting more and more abundant, people have more chances to improve their humanity and such actions are more affordable and practical. For instant intance?, more people today would like to donate goods such as foods, money, clothes and so on to the refugees suffering in a war or some disasters. The case illustrates that people have a substantial base today to act out their humanity and to improve it in some sense, in that people who are suffering from hungry, homelessness or disasters would hardly pay their attention on the other people, by contrast, with the help of technology, many people are rich, especially rich for basic resources and money so that such ones could contribute to others if they like. To be brief, it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make making it a better one.
先说技术进步带动humanity发展，但是总是觉得说的不清楚，可能如果能事先定义一下humanity会好些吧？

Secondly, humanity could not be improved to a rather sound level immediately since every course of changing costs a considerable amount of time and humanity 句子不通 is such a complicated one that it cannot be meliorated greatly better in a short piece of time in a short time. First, 晕!上面刚一个Secondly,这儿又冒个First,改改吧 as is known to all as we know, though the earth is usually described as an equal, beautiful and peaceful one, there are also some evil actions even even? every day happening, such as violence and war. Crimes as well as racial discrimination reflect the dark part of our humanity actually. Mankind has not successfully and completely separate from the wild animal to some extent. So people probably show some of their potential part of animal  and get out of the control of sense all too often句子不通. That is why there still are some undesirable things taking place. Second, due to the distinction of different areas, some people are richer rich, while some are poorer poor. Maybe most people of country could lead easy lives with little payment句子不通; meanwhile, most of another country are suffering form hungry and thirsty. Such phenomenon should not be considered as the result of poor humanity. On the contrary, many countries as well as UN have done a lot to help those whose people are living at a rather poor level and offer them a host of goods without any profit. Though great efforts are made, people cannot easily change these situations. On the one hand, to reduce the violent tendency, people require a rather long time to development since the revolution is much harder. On the other hand, it is a quite huge project to solve the basic problems of all the human beings and the technological level is not high enough to accomplish this significant mission. In a word, more time and more payment are required.
天啊,看到最后才明白你是在说什么,说不清楚什么感觉,反正觉得有点乱,而且好象比较罗嗦.

Furthermore, many other factors restrict the development of humanity. For example, wars are set up mainly because the conflict concerning political factors. If only the definition of country exist, the different interests might arouse the conflict between countries hold their owe interest, ultimately, a war break out. People fight, kill, and die just for their responsibilities and enthusiasm toward their homeland. Humanity, at that very time, seems too valueless to consider since the war with a justice name is an allowable action which is thought not to against humanity at all. Accordingly, in order to make really and drastically improve of humanity, people should resolve many problems.
就看了TS,没往下看,觉得彻底跑了,和我上次犯的错误一样!怎么突然间抛开了技术谈上了humanity了呢?

To sum up, although the progress of humanity has made is somewhat slight, people should never neglect the improvement of it. At the same time, resulting from the technology, people’s humanity has a chance, a base, and ultimately an impetus to development itself thus people must not say that they could see nothing that the technology has done to our humanity.（743）

大致看了看,因为还有点发烧,没特别认真给你改,不过真的在语言上有进步啊,加油啊!
但是,觉得和我写的那篇一个毛病,跑题了,除了第一段说了句技术的问题,然后彻底抛开技术,谈上了humanity,去看一下我那篇被IMONG批的吧,一样的问题!
另外,你限时写的?写的这么多?

lovebrianUID: 157127

刚躺下 我又爬起来了……
谢谢阿波罗占座~~~~~谢谢九月mm，看来我感冒是完全由精神造成的~~~sigh……

To melissa~~~~跑题？不至于吧~~~我觉得控制的还好阿……莫非真得晕了~~~，btw写了一个小时的样子……
不行了~~~下线~~~~~
清醒了再回来吧

needleUID: 158900

占座：）

fishergirlUID: 152325

我也占！！

icyscorpioUID: 146659

114，我的跑题文章总是被大家分析的很细致的，有空去看看我那个贴，当然还有美丽杀的也经典。
感觉现在谁随便写什么都会被别人说成跑题：）
建议大家不要太敏感，虽然自己写时也需要十分注意。但别自己吓自己。

好运！！

needleUID: 158900

issue114 极度郁闷，睡前写的，超时……
Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.


正文
—————————————————————————————
There is a common view hold by many people that humanity has little real progress over the past century or so, and the speaker claims that humanity is no better today since technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my point of view, humanity does make some progress though not apparent, and technology has a sound effect on the development of humanity.

To begin with, due to the development of new high technology, living conditions of human beings have been greatly improved; consequently, humanity has a chance to make progress correspondently. As the pace of technology and the coming time of information explosion, people are turning more efficient and productive. Thus, much more products, foods, and something others [else] are being produced today than the past time. Owing to the resources getting more and more [more and more这个词组可以换成increasingly，很不正式的哦][资源变得越来越丰富了？从哪里得出的结论呢？违背现代人的常识了。生产能力的增强和资源更可能成反比。如果非要说这句话，应该给resources加上一些限定，至少不要误解为自然资源] abundant, people have more chances to [刚用完哦，it is easier for people to 怎么样] improve their humanity and such actions are more affordable and practical [可行的用feasible会不会更好，practical个人感觉“现实的，实际的”不如feasible准确，不确定:]. For instant [instance], more people today would like to donate goods [有这样的搭配吗？疑问中] such as foods, money, clothes and so on to the refugees suffering in a war or some disasters. The case illustrates that people have a substantial base today to act out their humanity and to improve it in some sense [怎么improve了？只讲了act out], in that people who are suffering from hungry, homelessness or disasters would hardly pay their attention on the other people [可是现在也照样有大量的人处在这样的状态，他们的humanity怎么讲？], by contrast, with the help of technology[ies], many people are rich, especially rich for [in] basic resources and money [rich in money…怪怪的。富足还可以说别的ample, affluent, sufficient, adequate, opulent, lavish, profuse…] so that such ones could contribute to others if they like [if they like非常重要，问题就在于到底他们like不like呢？有理由证明他们比以前更like了吗？怎么能说明他们的humanity进步了呢？如果不like，那更是个反证了]. To be brief, it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make it a better one.[这一段的论证顶多说了有了科技发展之后丰富的物质使人们容易实现humanity，而完全没有improve的迹象。狒狒再想想。]

Secondly, humanity could not be improved to a rather sound level immediately since every course of changing [指什么变更？技术？日新月异的技术水平提升，看不出到底什么是耗费时间以至于人性不能明显上升的。这句说的想当然了。] costs a considerable amount of time and humanity is such a complicated one that it cannot be meliorated greatly in a short piece of time. First, as is known to all, though the earth is usually described as an equal, beautiful and peaceful one, there are also evil actions even every day happening [happening even every day], such as violence and war [war一定就是evil的？]. Crimes as well as racial discrimination reflect the dark part of our humanity actually. Mankind has not successfully and completely separate from the [去掉the] wild animal to some extent. So people probably show some of their potential part of animal and get out of the control of sense all [overall] too often. That is why there still are some undesirable things taking place. Second, due to the distinction of different areas, some people are richer, while some are poorer. Maybe most people of [one] country could lead easy lives with little payment; meanwhile, most of another country are suffering form [from] hungry [hunger] and thirsty [thirst]. Such [a] phenomenon should not be considered as the result of poor humanity[这个second部分说贫富差异，没感觉到上面的论证和humanity有关系。人的贫富只是状态，和人性无关。也和上面总起的句子提到的变更过慢无关]. On the contrary, many countries as well as UN have done a lot to help those whose people are living at a rather poor level and offer them a host of goods without any profit [without any profit，说得太绝对了。]. Though great efforts are made, people cannot easily change these situations. On the one hand, to reduce the violent tendency, people require a rather long time to development [develop] since the revolution is much harder. On the other hand, it is a quite huge project to solve the basic problems of all the human beings and the technological level is not high enough to accomplish this significant mission. In a word, more time and more payment are required.[整个感觉，从second部分开始混乱，最后绕回到了humanity，但是中间部分跑了。总起句说到了变更的缓慢阻止人性明显进步，段内除了最后总结几乎没有提到慢的问题。而且，是什么样的变更缓慢？总结的时候说是针对暴力倾向的革命耗时长，这跟topic里面的技术一点关系都没有]

Furthermore, many other factors restrict the development of humanity. For example, wars are set up [这个搭配合适么？break out] mainly because [of] the conflict concerning [about/at/with] political factors. If only the definition of country exist, the different interests might arouse the conflict between [among] countries [which] hold their owe [own] interest, [and] ultimately, a war break out. People fight, kill, and die just for their responsibilities and enthusiasm toward their homeland. Humanity, at that very time, seems too valueless to consider [be considered] since the war with a justice name is an allowable action which is thought not to [be] against humanity at all. Accordingly, in order to make really and drastically improve [improvement] of humanity, people should resolve many problems.[factors在本段中只体现了一个，国家之间的矛盾引起战争，是不是少了点，而且与复数不对应]

To sum up, although the progress of humanity has made is somewhat slight, people should never neglect the improvement of it. At the same time, resulting from the technology, people’s humanity has a chance, a base, and ultimately an impetus to development [develop] itself [and] thus people must not say that they could see nothing that [去掉that，换成about what] the technology has done to our humanity（743）


今天精神和身体状态都很差，本来说要去鼎钧踩点的~看来只能推到明天了~~sigh

[狒狒这篇有点跑。题目限定了技术对人性进步的作用。Body1基本上说了技术和人性，虽然没有提到怎么improve，但body2和技术完全没有关系，body3也不够完美。这一篇狒狒要好好重新想过。

感冒了要好好休息。加油。]

lovebrianUID: 157127

谢谢needle姐姐~~~~
看来是跑了！

我再想想吧
晚点再上来

sniper613UID: 147372

Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.
743,不要告诉我你又控制不了字数了哈。我现在估计上600，就不再写了， 今天的那篇剩了5分钟检查，结果没检查到错误，在Word下到处是红线，郁闷死了

顺便说一下题目，我昨天问了嘛，humanity的理解，人性或者人类。我想了一晚上，有一个poverty和condition在里面，人性不可能包括贫穷吧，但是说成人类的状况没有进步，说到贫穷上就很合理了。我很有冲动打电话给ETS，让他们给个解释。讨论讨论？
正文
—————————————————————————————
There is a common view hold by many people that humanity has little real progress over the past century or so, and the speaker claims that humanity is no better today since technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my point of view, humanity does make some progress though not apparent, and technology has a sound effect on the development of humanity.

To begin with, due to the development of new high technology, living conditions of human beings have been greatly improved; consequently, humanity has a chance to make progress correspondently. As the pace of technology and the coming time of information explosion, people are turning more efficient and productive. Thus, much more products, foods, and something others别扭啊！other things are being produced today than inthe past time. Owing to the material resources getting more and more abundant, people have more chances to improve their humanity and such actions are more affordable and practical. For instant, more people today would like to donate goods such as foods, money, clothes and so on to the refugees suffering in a war or some disasters. 相互帮助，古代就有，现在也有，这是进步吗？The case illustrates that people have a substantial base today to act out their humanity and to improve it in some sense, in that people who are suffering from hungry, homelessness or disasters would hardly pay their attention on the other people, by contrast, with the help of technology, many people are rich, especially rich for basic resources and money so that such ones could contribute to others if they like. To be brief, it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make it a better one. 来看看逻辑：科技使人们有更多东西——人们把东西捐出来——所以科技使人性进步。很模糊，科技影响人性了吗？要从正面说，就得找一个直接的令人信服的例子，可惜我还没找到

Secondly, humanity could not be improved to a rather sound level immediately since every course of changing costs a considerable amount of time and humanity is such a complicated one that it cannot be meliorated greatly in a short piece of time. First, as is known to all, though the earth is usually described as an equal, beautiful and peaceful one, 地球是平等，美丽，和平的？很晕啊！ there are also evil actions even every day happening, such as violence and war. Crimes as well as racial discrimination reflect the dark part of our humanity actually. Mankind has not successfully and completely separate from the wild animal to some extent. So people probably show some of their potential part of animal instinctand get out of the control of sense all too often. That is why there still are some undesirable things taking place. Second, due to the distinction of different areas, some people are richer, while some are poorer. Maybe most people of country ？什么意思？ could lead easy lives with little payment; meanwhile, most of another country are suffering form hungry and thirsty. Such phenomenon should not be considered as the result of poor humanity. On the contrary, many countries as well as UN have done a lot to help those whose people are living at a rather poor level and offer them a host of goods without any profit. Though great efforts are made, people cannot easily change these situations. On the one hand, to reduce the violent tendency, people require a rather long time to development since the revolution is much harder. On the other hand, it is a quite huge project to solve the basic problems of all the human beings and the technological level is not high enough to accomplish this significant mission. In a word, more time and more payment are required. 最大的一个问题：科技跑哪去了？

Furthermore, many other factors restrict the development of humanity. For example, wars are set up mainly because the conflict concerning political factors. If only the definition of country exist, the different interests might arouse the conflict between countries hold their owe interest, ultimately, a war break out. People fight, kill, and die just for their responsibilities and enthusiasm toward their homeland. Humanity, at that very time, seems too valueless to consider since the war with a justice name is an allowable action which is thought not to against humanity at all. Accordingly, in order to make really and drastically improve of humanity, people should resolve many problems. 感觉不对劲啊。跑题倒没有。many problems 说清楚是什么。该怎么办。


To sum up, although the progress of humanity has made is somewhat slight, people should never neglect the improvement of it. At the same time, resulting from the technology, people’s humanity has a chance, a base, and ultimately an impetus to development itself thus people must not say that they could see nothing that the technology has done to our humanity.（743）
感觉你的第一段就把所有的问题说到了，又说科技又说人性。改改分论点，第一段说科技的好处，第二段说人性进步与否。第三段把两个东东联系起来一起说


送个PPMM给你，不要生病了哈

whk302UID: 150638

There is a common view hold by many people that humanity has little real progress over the past century or so, and the speaker claims that humanity is no better today since technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my point of view, humanity does make some progress though not apparent, and technology has a sound effect on the development of humanity.

To begin with, due to the development of new high technology, living conditions of human beings have been greatly improved; consequently, humanity has a chance to make progress correspondently. As the pace of technology and the coming time of information explosion, people are turning more efficient and productive. Thus, much more products, foods, and something others are being produced today than the past time. Owing to the resources getting more and more abundant, people have more chances to improve their humanity and such actions are more affordable and practical. For instantFor instance, more people today would like to donate goods such as foods, money, clothes and so on to the refugees suffering in a war or some disasters. The case illustrates that people have a substantial base today to act out their humanity and to improve it in some sense,(有了base, humanity就improve吗，太直接了) in that people who are suffering from hungry, homelessness or disasters would hardly pay their attention on the other people, by contrast, with the help of technology, many people are rich, especially rich for basic resources and money so that such ones could contribute to others if they like. To be brief, it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make it a better one。 逻辑不清晰，首先例子没有说得清楚，慈善家什么时候没有，仅仅是在工业时代？第二，直到最后一句才说了it is the development of technology that offers us a chance to improve our humanity, therefore, make it a better one，没有多大说服力

Secondly, humanity could not be improved to a rather sound level immediately since every course of changing costs a considerable amount of time and humanity is such a complicated one that it cannot be meliorated greatly in a short piece of time. First, as is known to all, though the earth is usually described as an equal, beautiful and peaceful one,大白话 there are also evil actions even every day happening, such as violence and war. Crimes as well as racial discrimination reflect the dark part of our humanity actually. Mankind has not successfully and completely separate from the wild animal to some extent. So people probably show some of their potential part of animal and get out of the control of sense all too often. That is why there still are some undesirable things taking place. Second, due to the distinction of different areas, some people are richer, while some are poorer. Maybe most people of country could lead easy lives with little payment; meanwhile, most of another country are suffering form hungry and thirsty. Such phenomenon should not be considered as the result of poor humanity. On the contrary, many countries as well as UN have done a lot to help those whose people are living at a rather poor level and offer them a host of goods without any profit. Though great efforts are made, people cannot easily change these situations. On the one hand, to reduce the violent tendency, people require a rather long time to development since the revolution is much harder. On the other hand, it is a quite huge project to solve the basic problems of all the human beings and the technological level is not high enough to accomplish this significant mission. In a word, more time and more payment are required.跑提了,论述人性不容易改变，可是这个观点和theme联系没有体现出来，可以这么说humanity难改变---technology还是其他东西都不起什么作用，所以no better 是理所当然的

Furthermore, many other factors restrict the development of humanity. For example, wars are set up（break out） mainly because the conflict concerning political factors. If only the definition of country exist, the different interests might arouse the conflict between countries hold their owe(own) interest, ultimately, a war break out. People fight, kill, and die just for their responsibilities and enthusiasm toward their homeland. Humanity, at that very time, seems too valueless to consider since the war with a justice name is an allowable action which is thought not to against humanity at all. Accordingly, in order to make really and drastically improve of humanity, people should resolve many problems.

To sum up, although the progress of humanity has made is somewhat slight, people should never neglect the improvement of it. At the same time, resulting from the technology, people’s humanity has a chance, a base, and ultimately an impetus to development itself thus people must not say that they could see nothing that the technology has done to our humanity.（743）
总的来说不太清晰，跑提，而且长句太多了，看的喘不过气，刚刚有高人指点，不要写长句，但求逻辑严密的短句
试列你的syllabus
1,technology advancement使humanity有改善
2，humanity  本来就不易改变
3 战争什么的阻碍humanity 进步
要是我就把2和3写在前，然后是1，

needleUID: 158900

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]顺便说一下题目，我昨天问了嘛，humanity的理解，人性或者人类。我想了一晚上，有一个poverty和condition在里面，人性不可能包括贫穷吧，但是说成人类的状况没有进步，说到贫穷上就很合理了。我很有冲动打电话给ETS，让他们给个解释。讨论讨论？[/B]

我审题的时候也犹豫了半天，但是好像这个词一般都是用来讲人性的....我拿不准。我写的也是当作人性理解的。

坏了，翻了一下书，新东方翻译的是人类。这么说我理解成人性来写完全跑题了？唉！还自以为进步点了...

又仔细看了题目.....应该做人类讲，狒狒和我都跑题了.

sniper613UID: 147372

我也是昨天看新东方的翻译才发现问题的

fishergirlUID: 152325

新东方的就一定是最合适的翻译吗？