3月AW作文互改+嘉宾点评小组招募中~3月杀G的同学请进

殇沫UID: 3345827

tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-17 18:25
改了没？

Issue 108.docx (13.08 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2015-2-20 23:26:27 上传

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issue

这是另一篇习作，请您帮忙看看。之前那个我再改改，就是自己觉得还比较单薄，想请教您有没有建议。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

殇沫 发表于 2015-2-20 23:26
这是另一篇习作，请您帮忙看看。之前那个我再改改，就是自己觉得还比较单薄，想请教您有没有建议。

你有空可以看看我的习作点评系列

kudoskiddoUID: 3462488

王老师，最近过完年，又写了几篇issue这是其中一篇，希望您帮忙看看提提意见~谢谢O(∩_∩)O

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

kudoskiddo 发表于 2015-2-25 21:00
王老师，最近过完年，又写了几篇issue这是其中一篇，希望您帮忙看看提提意见~谢谢O(∩_∩)O

一个基本的问题是你的段落太多 竟然有8段
一般应该写1+3+1 e-rater也是这样预期的
然后要有一个整合的观点 不要搞正反正之类的写法
What’s more, having a similar basis will make further cooperation and advanced discussion easily. However, without the contradiction, it’s also hard to take in inspiring thoughts from distinguishing aspects.
像这样一个however  你整篇的观点就矛盾了
由于段落太多 某些段落太短  所以建议你调整一下
可以看看我的习作点评系列

kudoskiddoUID: 3462488

tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-25 21:58
一个基本的问题是你的段落太多 竟然有8段
一般应该写1+3+1 e-rater也是这样预期的
然后要有一个整合的 ...

嗯，好的，我去看~

妄誩UID: 3566367

之前对正反合写法在逻辑上的严密性一直存疑，看了老师的习作点评系列收获很大。附上本人第一次的习作，欢迎老师和各位G友指教~另有一问，对于“更支持哪种观点”的instruction，是否一定要正反观点都旗鼓相当？还是说可以一方为侧重，另一方简单提及？

【86 题】Some people believe that government officials must carry out the will of the people they serve. Others believe that officials should base their decisions on their own judgment.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

我的基本思路是：
1立场：指出两种观点不必然冲突，但还是有保留地赞同第一种观点，即听从民意，即便需要运用个人判断也以民意为基础。
2论述听从民意的合法性以及运用个人判断的潜在危险
3回答听从民意的效率问题：但信息时代民意获取便捷，即便情况紧急也需要站在人民的角度思考
4论述听从民意的好处：政策更贴近人民的需要，且易于获得支持和拥护。例子：苏格兰公投
5让步：有时民众诉求多元，利益冲突，需要官员从大局着眼作出权衡判断
6总结：听从民意应该是基础的行事准则，运用个人判断应该基于民意。

When it comes to policy-making, people are divided over the role of public will and government officials' own judgment. It is important to point out that in a democratic society, these two aspects are not necessary mutually exclusive. Generally speaking, however, I agree that government officials should carry out the will of people. Only under the consideration of the interest of the people whom they represent are officials justified to exert their own judgment.

As it is formally known, "public servants" suggests that it is legitimate for officials delegated by the voters to delegate their people in the government, since the basic reason why people vote them is that their political views are recognized and that their capability to perform the public tasks are entrusted. Therefore, the moment officials are elected, they shoulder the will and interests of their voters. Since power is prone to corruption and arbitrariness, it is likely that officials may seek their own interests if this principle is surpassed by unchecked discretion.

One may argue about the inefficiency and impracticability of the principle if it were to be executed in daily public issues. How can the government run well when officials have to collect and analyze public opinions in every decision-making process? In fact, in a digital world where the public opinions are easily accessible through online polls, hearings and numerous surveys, listening to people’s voice is no longer a hard nut to crack. Even though the government encounters an urgent situation where adopting the public opinions is infeasible, officials are at least supposed to take the overall social well-being into consideration rather than make decisions out of their untenable preference.

Another advantage of carrying out people’s will is that the policy can be better accepted and easier to implement if it meets people’s demand. Going against the tide of public option may otherwise lead to social upheaval and other undesirable consequences. Consider the 2014 Scottish referendum. Had the central government ignored the heating contentions and suppressed the splittism, dissatisfactions might have fomented more violently. Instead, Britain respected the desire of majority of Scots and thus saved the national session crisis in a fair and convincing manner.

Admittedly, it is true that the interests of people are not unified as a whole and people may often take issue over a certain policy. Also people sometimes are inclined to think from their own perspective and overlook the holistic social impact. Under such circumstances, officials should grasp the overall situation and balance diverse interests with well-informed judgment.

In conclusion, if we were to choose a fundamental indicator for policy makers, the will of people should always be a priority, because it is both legitimate and beneficial to do so, especially when the government is faced with a significant turning relevant to the populace. The exertion of officials’ judgment should be limited and conditioned based on concerns over the public opinions.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

殇沫 发表于 2015-2-20 23:26
这是另一篇习作，请您帮忙看看。之前那个我再改改，就是自己觉得还比较单薄，想请教您有没有建议。

Issue 108-with-comments.docx (10.9 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2015-2-28 15:34:50 上传

下载次数: 3
comments

好像这已经是第二篇的点评了
希望你能修改后再写其他的
另外可否介绍一下你的情况
我的微信ID- tesolchina

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

殇沫 发表于 2015-2-12 20:52
贴一篇前几天的习作，30分钟完成，但是之前想过这个题目，构思过，并且完成后改了一些拼写和语句错误。
请 ...

Issue62-with-comments.docx (10.66 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2015-2-28 16:35:03 上传

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这个是issue 62的点评

殇沫UID: 3345827

tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-28 16:35
这个是issue 62的点评

好的！谢谢老师，我最近一直在读您issue练习帖的指导，马上就要把所有列出来的提纲都看一遍，并且思考整合。我尽快改完这两篇给您看下~
我3月15号第二次考g，两年半以前考过一次，156+170+3。上个月裸考了托福112，口语26，可是作文只有27…… 三年半以前初次考托福作文还考了满分，所以现在颇怀疑自己的写作能力…… 刚刚加了您的微信，也请您多指导，谢谢！

1365154133UID: 3595395

王老师，我写了1篇issue，希望您帮忙看看~谢谢！