Argument 7 Monarch Books

妄誩UID：3566367

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7. The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.

"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

思路：
1.        儿童比重下降---儿童图书不再流行：全国的人口调查是否适用于该地区？即便有代表性，儿童比重下降是否意味着数量也下降？
2.        咖啡馆能招徕更多顾客：客户对于书店内的咖啡馆的需求有多大？有可能他们只是买了书就走。咖啡馆建成后是否对书店环境造成不良影响？
3.        咖啡馆建成能更好地和Regal竞争：Regal的运营情况和营销优势是什么？如果不是因为咖啡馆，那么该提议就不相关。Regal的咖啡馆是否盈利？如果不盈利那么该提议就不可靠
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The Board of Directors of Monarch Books recommend that its bookstore open a cafe by replacing the children's books section that will probably be less popular due to population change. The speaker further argues that an in-store cafe will attract more customers and thus gain an edge in the competition with Regal Books which owns a cafe as well. However, the recommendation leaves a few questions unanswered which are crucial in assessing its validity, including the reference value of the census cited, customers' demand for an in-store cafe as well as the comparability of the two bookstores mentioned.

To begin with, it is unclear that the decline in population below ten shown in a national census is suffice to indicate a decline of popularity of children's book. The speaker should first make sure that the national census is representative of the population change in the region where Monarch Book locates. Otherwise the data cited is not supportive of the implication that the children's book will be less popular. Suppose that the census applies to the region well, the speaker need to answer the question that the decline in the percentage of children suggests a decrease of children population. In fact, it is highly possible that the number of children is increasing due to the expansion of total population. In this way, consumption of children's books may go up in the foreseeable future. If this is the case, the implication that children's books will be less popular cannot lead to the suggestion that the bookstore replace the children's book section with a cafe.

Another question left open is customers' potential demand for an in-store cafe and possible consequences brought by the change. It is likely that most current customers usually leave the store immediately after shopping. If this is true, then the opening of a cafe will probably not appeals to them. Furthermore, concerning that the bookstore is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects, the reduction of book sections may even cause loss of clientele, not to mention attracting more customers. Assuming that customers welcome the idea of an in-store cafe, the board still needs to take in account some possible disadvantages of this course of action. Perhaps the cafe might break the peaceful atmosphere that many bookstore penetrators value or decrease the comfort experience by making the store more crowded. The recommendation would be actually counterproductive if the said consequences are to occur.

In addition, the speaker needs to provide more information regarding the business condition of Regal Books before predicting that Monarch Books’ newly opened cafe will win it over its competitor. An overall analysis of Regal Books’ marketing strategy, target customers and the profitability of its cafe is helpful in evaluating whether the similar course of action will achieve desirable outcomes for Monarch Books. For instance, if Regal Books attracts customers mainly for its low price and friendly service, then following its example of opening a cafe can be irreverent for Monarch Books to surpass Regal Books. What’s worse, if Regal Books’ in-store cafe only generates insignificant margins or proves unprofitable, imitating its practice may be questionable or even injudicious.

In the final analysis, without answers to the questioned mentioned above, we cannot make a comprehensive assessment of the recommendation.

莲心~UID：3588178

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第一个是网友上传自己的习作 essayjudge的专业老师会点评。 第二个网站是gre作文的范文库，里面有很多优秀的文章~
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这两个链接分别是你写的这个题目的习作和范文~ 也许你会用得上~

莲心~UID：3588178

当然第一个网站的作文水平参次不齐， 但老师的评语还是很受用的 比如文章存在何种错误。

妄誩UID：3566367

莲心~ 发表于 2015-3-3 14:22
当然第一个网站的作文水平参次不齐， 但老师的评语还是很受用的 比如文章存在何种错误。

谢谢推荐的网站~虽然第二个范文站点貌似是老G的，但一些论点还是可以借鉴的~

殇沫UID：3345827

7. The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.

"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

思路：
1.        儿童比重下降---儿童图书不再流行：全国的人口调查是否适用于该地区？即便有代表性，儿童比重下降是否意味着数量也下降？
2.        咖啡馆能招徕更多顾客：客户对于书店内的咖啡馆的需求有多大？有可能他们只是买了书就走。咖啡馆建成后是否对书店环境造成不良影响？
3.        咖啡馆建成能更好地和Regal竞争：Regal的运营情况和营销优势是什么？如果不是因为咖啡馆，那么该提议就不相关。Regal的咖啡馆是否盈利？如果不盈利那么该提议就不可靠
-------------------------------------------------------------
The Board of Directors of Monarch Books recommend that its bookstore open a cafe by replacing the children's books section that will probably be less popular due to population change. The speaker further argues that an in-store cafe will attract more customers and thus gain an edge in the competition with Regal Books which owns a cafe as well. However, the recommendation leaves a few questions unanswered which are crucial in assessing its validity, including the reference value of the census cited, customers' demand for an in-store cafe as well as the comparability of the two bookstores mentioned.

reference value 是“参考值”的意思？好像用在这里不太合适
觉得第一段写的很清晰。


To begin with, it is unclear that the decline in population below ten shown in a national census is suffice to indicate a decline of popularity of children's book. The speaker should first make sure that the national census is representative of the population change in the region where Monarch Book locates. Otherwise the data cited is not supportive of the implication that the children's book will be less popular. Suppose that the census applies to the region well, the speaker need to answer the question that the decline in the percentage of children suggests a decrease of children population. In fact, it is highly possible that the number of children is increasing due to the expansion of total population. In this way, consumption of children's books may go up in the foreseeable future. If this is the case, the implication that children's books will be less popular cannot lead to the suggestion that the bookstore replace the children's book section with a cafe.


第一句decline in population还是改成decline in percentage of population或者其他表达吧，这样说感觉和作者的假设一致了。
Suppose that the census applies to...  感觉写成Even if... 逻辑上更通顺
the speaker need to...  应为the speaker needs to...
answer the question that...  这里用whether可能更通
最后一句有一种同意了implication的感觉，毕竟这一段都是在质疑less popular，总结的时候还是要说If so, the implication that... cannot stand and will not lead to the suggestion...


Another question left open is customers' potential demand for an in-store cafe and possible consequences brought by the change. It is likely that most current customers usually leave the store immediately after shopping. If this is true, then the opening of a cafe will probably not appeals to them. Furthermore, concerning that the bookstore is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects, the reduction of book sections may even cause loss of clientele, not to mention attracting more customers. Assuming that customers welcome the idea of an in-store cafe, the board still needs to take in account some possible disadvantages of this course of action. Perhaps the cafe might break the peaceful atmosphere that many bookstore penetrators value or decrease the comfort experience by making the store more crowded. The recommendation would be actually counterproductive if the said consequences are to occur.


penetrator用的不太合适，换成customers吧
comfort应改为comfortable


In addition, the speaker needs to provide more information regarding the business condition of Regal Books before predicting that Monarch Books’ newly opened cafe will win it over its competitor. An overall analysis of Regal Books’ marketing strategy, target customers and the profitability of its cafe is helpful in evaluating whether the similar course of action will achieve desirable outcomes for Monarch Books. For instance, if Regal Books attracts customers mainly for its low price and friendly service, then following its example of opening a cafe can be irreverent for Monarch Books to surpass Regal Books. What’s worse, if Regal Books’ in-store cafe only generates insignificant margins or proves unprofitable, imitating its practice may be questionable or even injudicious.


win it over换为win即可。win over含义不同
irreverent可能是笔误吧，这个词意思不合适用这里


In the final analysis, without answers to the questioned mentioned above, we cannot make a comprehensive assessment of the recommendation.

questioned改为questions


整体还是挺清楚的，可能时间紧张有一些小错误哈~
另外感觉中间段的段内逻辑可以更清晰一点，基本上都是递进在说的，一种可能性，一种结果，即使这个可能性不成立，还有一种可能性，一种结果。有时候看得有点乱……因为那几点并不一定有递进或者让步的关系，不如换种方式写…… 而且你确实用长句比较多，没有短句穿插其中，逻辑上又没有明确联系的话，容易不清楚。不过也可能是个人的习惯不同哈，总体还是挺好的！

妄誩UID：3566367

殇沫 发表于 2015-3-3 14:52
7. The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.

"We recommend ...

谢谢这么仔细的评改！

确实我的typo有点多，还有些表达不清影响理解。比如reference value我本来是想说参考价值的；patronizer 误打成penetrator，irrelevant等也是，谢谢指出。

关于中间段的逻辑确实有点杂，感觉最好一段一个意思既好写也会清楚些，会再改下的~

莲心~UID：3588178

妄誩 发表于 2015-3-3 14:48
谢谢推荐的网站~虽然第二个范文站点貌似是老G的，但一些论点还是可以借鉴的~

真聪明~哈哈 是这样的 但是我issue很多时候没有点子 所以还是用的上的~