Issue169 新种的椰树，政治和道德

fishergirlUID: 152325

最初由 lovebrian 发布
[B]你的第六条偶不同意~~~在很多sample 6都见过~~~ 比如阿狗的claria(是这么写吧？)6 的~~一个body全是问句

另外第二条的标准是什么？什么算多？ [/B]

这是我昨天晚上在太傻上面看到的，其实也并不一定，比如第六条。看各人的驾驭能力和全文的风格而定了。至于"be"动词怎样算多，呵呵，看看我的那篇Issue169，你就知道了。 :D

kaventUID: 154493

needle的进步确实很快呢，pfpf
特别是这篇的词汇用得很活啊，有什么经验啊？

提一个意见：
这篇issue的题目更侧重是讨论怎样对待道德和政治，
你一直在讨论道德和政治的关系，也讲得很清楚了，
如果最后再回到怎样对待他们这点上，是不是更好些？

Ps。什么是打外围？偶们没上过新东方的菜鸟不懂得说……

复活UID: 160964

最初由 needle 发布
Body3改过了结构和一些语法、词汇错误，删减添加了一些句子，大家看看对于加强论证有没有帮助。非常非常感谢apolloxp的启发！


In addition, although morality has some extent independence, usually, it can be and has been influenced by politics deeply. First, morality sometimes could exist against politics. For example, even though Bush’s government of the United States launched the war against Iraq one year ago, and wants to force the mass to agree with it, the morality sense of the US people motivated them to go onto the streets and hold numerous processions against the war. But second, when the fact is taken into account that morality is not invariable and it surely changes along with the change of society, especially at the same rate of politics, morality would not be regard as an insular social concept. For instance, when England was still in feudal society, morality sense in people's mind would make them treat devoice as immoral. Oppositely, it is commonly accepted today and even to be considered a sign of feminine liberation. That is because of the advance of politics from feudalism to democracy, making more moral standards open. However, when the flagrant regime Taliban was ever in charge of Afghanistan, democratic morality had to suffer from a big backslide, under which females would never be admitted to have educations there in that they treat it as out of chastity.Somehow, morality is closely based on the situation of a society and then could not be apart from politics.

nod nod 这样的确是清晰多了 HOHO :rolleyes:

needleUID: 158900

最初由 kavent 发布
[B]needle的进步确实很快呢，pfpf
特别是这篇的词汇用得很活啊，有什么经验啊？

提一个意见：
这篇issue的题目更侧重是讨论怎样对待道德和政治，
你一直在讨论道德和政治的关系，也讲得很清楚了，
如果最后再回到怎样对待他们这点上，是不是更好些？

Ps。什么是打外围？偶们没上过新东方的菜鸟不懂得说……[/B]

“对待“这个意见前面狒狒也给指出了。。。//shy

我也问一个吧，对待这个点怎么个写法？是不是我加上一些类似one should realize....之类的句子，就可以表明对待了呢？

打外围。。我也说不好，让狒狒给你解释。他要是不说我也不知道我这个叫打外围。

用词，名词的使用来源于充分的时间和一定量的查字典：）
动词和句式，不知道，可能来源于对重复用词的敏感和厌恶吧！

我感觉自己写的时候一般不会刻意注意到自己要特别的去用什么不一样的词，可能还是习惯。

谢谢kavent的鼓励！我要是今晚上能在1个小时种出来一棵就好了。每一篇都要用1个多小时呢！要是限时就死菜了。

fishergirlUID: 152325

最初由 kavent 发布
[B]如果最后再回到怎样对待他们这点上，是不是更好些？[/B]

我想一两句话在最后提及应该就可以了吧？

PS：首先来个让步，然后再重点说联系的写法，我觉得很好。不过这样，文章就会拉的很长了，绝对上700，考试的时候真的能打这么多字啊？

needle的这篇真的很不错的说，把结构调整一下，推荐进入优秀习作区咯！ :D