Juliet写作贴

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

希望得到老师的点评，特此发帖


Issue：The best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parents is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.  2楼，已指导修改1次                                                                                 


Issue: Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.

9楼，请老师指导

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

Issue：The best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parents is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

文章：The speaker suggests that praise is the best way of education and parents or employees should ignore misbehavior. Though it is not without merit, it overlooks the circumstance under which too much praise and the ignorance of misbehavior may cause bad results.
  The praise to some extend will stimulate students and employers action to strengthen their achievements. When I was young, one announcement of my first ranking score broadcasting in school will give me much impulse to improve myself and want to achieve more. For employers, they will be motivated by some praise from senior people and this will create a pleasant working environment.
  While praise has its positive effects, this action should carry with it certain caveats. First, praise might be given in a partial way because of educators own preference for one student. A supervisor still needs to pay much attention to the possible discrimination in workplace. Secondly, praise may cause some extravagant and dissipated behavior of employers who never appreciate other but attribute all to themselves. If all of this happens, then this praise will become poison for the whole education and employment system.
  As for ignoring the negative action, I agree that minor mistakes can be overlooked. Students may put forward many interesting questions and their parents should never not refuse to answer these seemly stupid ones. They may even do some naughty things just because they are curious about many things around them so at this time parents should guide them to explore the world instead of criticize their bad performance. Joule, one of British greatest physicist, like physics very much when he was still young. Once he went to the suburbs for a short trip, he found a horse and asked his brother to pull the rope attached to the horse. He then electrified the rope to test the reaction of the horse. The horse raised its hoof so high that it hit Joule’s brother. However, his parents didn’t criticize him but praise his curiosity of knowledge so he was more appealed to the physics and finally found the energy conservation law. Therefore, teachers and parents should not rebuke their faulty questions and misbehavior if they resulte from their good purpose such as seeking knowledge.
  However, education without criticism is incomplete and weak when the mistakes are huge and collide with basic value and the norms of human beings. Parents should not turn a blind eye to their child’s behavior if it encroaches on the right of others especially their life and safety. We can see some bloody incidents happen in the college such as the student who put poison into the drinks of his roommate in Fudan University and Ma Jiajue killed three other roommates just because of trivial things. All of this astonished us that those students with high education should do such cruel things and their parents’ education methods were called into question by many people. It was too much tolerance that destroyed them. On the other hand, employees should not permit employers behavior that will undermine the interest of whole company.
  To conclude, the speaker’s recommendation is not proper because it overlooks to what extent praise can be used and the indispensable criticism. These two methods must be handled appropriately and evenhanded administrated, otherwise they will cause terrible results.
  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Julietfighting 发表于 2015-5-11 22:23
Issue：The best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parents is to praise positive ac ...

谢谢参与5月的互改活动
首先请抄录写作指引 根据写作指引来写作是非常重要的
可参考我的博客55楼

另外你的文章基本沿袭了正-反-合的写法 这种写法是很不靠谱的 直接导致全文没有整合的观点

如果你要跟我学 就请先仔细看看我的博客里的1+3模型 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1822791-1-1.html
以及我写的文章  

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

老师指导后按照“3+1”模式更改：

The speaker suggests that praise is the best way of education and parents or employees should ignore misbehavior. Though it is not without merit, it should be judged based on different situations. Whether praise is the best way to teach depends on how students react to the praise, how employees distribute the praise and how parents balance between praise and criticism.

看了你的主旨句会觉得你后面三段分别写
how students react to the praise
how employees distribute the praise
how parents balance between praise and criticism.
但是后面没有看到how employees distribute the praise  也不知道你这个点想说啥

The best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parents is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.
题目说的是best way to teach
整篇没见到你讲teach  


你还是没有抄写作指引   

  For educators, whether praise will have much influence on students depends on how they react to the praise. Praise can somehow stimulate students to strengthen their achievements. When I was young, one announcement of my first ranking score broadcasting in school will give me much impulse to improve myself and want to achieve more. Compared to that, if a student is arrogant, then the teacher should not give him too much praise in order to teach him to be humble.

  As for parents, I agree that minor mistakes of their child can be overlooked. Students may put forward many interesting questions and their parents should never refuse to answer these seemly stupid ones. They may even do some naughty things just because they are curious about many things around them so at this time parents should guide them to explore the world instead of criticizing their bad performance. Joule, one of British greatest physicists, liked physics very much when he was still young. Once he went to the suburbs for a short trip, he found a horse and asked his brother to pull the rope attached to the horse. He then electrified the rope to test the reaction of the horse. The horse raised its hoof so high that it hit Joule’s brother. His parents didn’t criticize him but praise his curiosity of knowledge so he was more appealed to the physics and finally found the energy conservation law.

  However, education without criticism is incomplete and weak when the mistakes are huge and collide with basic value and the norms of human beings. Parents should not turn a blind eye to their child’s behavior if it encroaches on the right of others especially their life and safety. We can see some bloody incidents happen in the college such as the student who put poison into the drinks of his roommate in Fudan University. It was too much tolerance that destroyed them.

  In a company, the extent and frequency of praise will decide its effect. Employers will also be motivated by some praise from senior people and this will create a pleasant working environment. While praise has its positive effects, this action should carry with it certain caveats. First, praise might be given in a partial way because of employee’s own preference for one employer. A supervisor still needs to pay much attention to the possible discrimination in workplace. Secondly, praise may cause some extravagant and dissipated behavior of employers who never appreciate other but attribute all to themselves. If all of this happens, then this praise will become poison for the whole employment system.

  To conclude, the speaker’s recommendation is not proper because he overlooks how praise can be used and how worse the result is. For educators, parents and teachers, praise and criticism must be handled appropriately and evenhanded administrated, otherwise they will cause terrible results.

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

Issue：The best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parents is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

根据老师的提示仔细研究了写作指导，反思自己的错误：
1. 没有明确点题
2. 阐述有点拉杂，没有抓重点

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

1

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Julietfighting 发表于 2015-5-13 18:20
Issue: It is the art not the critic who gives society something of lasting value.

Write a respons ...

这是老G的题目  
你居然配上一个新G的指引 请问你是从哪里抄来的题目？  

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-13 21:22
这是老G的题目  
你居然配上一个新G的指引 请问你是从哪里抄来的题目？

不好意思，可能我在网上下的资料不太对。。。。我重新找一下，抱歉

JulietfightingUID: 3594717

之前一篇因为网上资料没找对，没有注意是老G，所以重新写了一篇。望老师赐教，谢谢

Issue：
Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

TS:
Whether a good leader should continue to follow his principles and objectives is discussed by many people who have divergent opinions on this. The essential qualities of a good leader definitely include consistently committing to one goal, but this should be judged based on different situations in business, political and social-spiritual realm.

TS1：
Politicians always demonstrate a strong image of being consistent for political purpose, but this is not always a good thing for a nation. When the politician’s decision is really useful and helpful to the hard circumstances under which the nation cannot survive and go through current difficulties, a good principle and objective is necessary. For example, Roosevelt, the one saving America from the depression, insisted on his decision to use micro regulation to adjust the market economy. On the other hand, considering the examples of Stalin, Mao and Hitler, we can hardly contend that this is always a good quality for a leader. Hitler implemented many cruel policies and launched the Second World War regard less of helpless calls from desperate people and unsatisfying soldiers. Similarly, the Cultural Revolution caused by Mao’s irrational judgment to eliminate the capitalists was a huge disaster for China. Many tragedies teach us how serious results commitment to one principle will cause, especially in long term, if principles are not in accord with the historical trend.

TS2：
In the business realm, the effectiveness of this quality lies in which interest entrepreneurs pursue. For the interest of a company, shareholders and other stakeholders will supervise the management of this company, so every action leaders take will be discussed carefully by all shareholders and they will possibly take all factors into consideration to reach an agreement on principles and objectives. It will be better if a leader can adhere to the principle they set. However, this is a totally different situation in social duty. Business leaders will maximize their owen interest and minimize the social duty such as protecting employees’ interest and reducing environmental harm. Only by committing to their principles cannot reach a balance between society and companies, government should regulate something to force them to protect the environment.

TS3：
Social-spiritual leadership always relates to certainty. Only when they show confidence and commitment can their followers respect and believe them. Had Mahatam Gandhi been persuaded by his close advisor that they should take some violent protest to effectively confront government, the influence of his civil disobedience would not be so profound on many people because he himself first broke the rule and other people would not follow him. In short, the social-spiritual leader should not disobey his principles, otherwise he will lose the credibility.

In sum, strict adherence to principles and objectives are basic quality for a leader but we should listen to other people’s opinions sometimes based on different situations in business and political realm, and as a social-spiritual leader, he should never eat his words to protect his reputation.


  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

请注明issue 题号 另外 你加我微信没 啥时候考？

covan834UID: 3580369

看看  ~~~~~