Lily 的七月作文练习(借eestone帐号用下哈)

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

ee_stone 发表于 2015-6-3 22:57
补交 昨天的作业，多谢 老师 的耐心

小结 ：

谢谢 老师的 点评，我要 好好 学习 下 老师 的 结尾 ，谢谢 ：）

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

因为一边写提纲，一边弄表格，时间比较久，如果老师觉得提纲过关，我就再限时写全文。谢谢。

Issue 113
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.        
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.        

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

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句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
What makes a great nation?  In my view, a great nation can be measured in terms of its impact on the public affair or its impact on the progress of human society.	定义great nation
From this perspective, the welfare of the nation, which might be closely related to its own national resource and domestic policy regarding the well-being, might not be a proper measurement for a great nation or not.	不同意reason	你对welfare的理解确实有些失误 不是福利而是福祉
While the great contribution to the world peace made by the political leader of a nation or the boundless benefits brought to the human society by the great scientists’ invention could be the surest indicator of a great nation.	表达支持的观点		while不能引出主句
As for the welfare of the nation, it can surely tell whether its people lead a good life but can hardly tell whether it’s a great nation or not.	主题句
For example, Saudi Arabian, with boundless natural resource in energy, is best known for its high-standard welfare policy offered to its people.	举例		Saudi Arabian词性
Its people don’t even need to work hard since the government offers enough financial subsidies. And they don’t need to worry about the high medical expense either, since the government will pay the bill	叙述它的good welfare
It seems a good nation for its people but this nation has little impact on the middle-east peace, seeing its neighboring countries fighting in the war.	反驳
It’s hard to name this kind of nation as a great nation in spite that it can offer high-standard welfare to its people.	结论		n spite that- despite the fact that

可以说一下沙特的领导人在男女平等等问题上缺乏作为 等等  关于中东和平这类问题 感觉是大坑 最好别跳

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78) The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


写得不太顺， 又超时了。。。

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
In the memo, the vice president recommended to change back to Buzzoff, holding that Buzzoff can offer better pest control services than Fly-Away based on the comparison of food loss in the warehouse they serve.	对题目概括
However, we need more information about the loss in terms of proportion, any other special cause of the pest damage leading to the difference result, as well as the cost analysis on switching from Fly-Away back to Buzzoff.	主旨句
Without these information, we can not guarantee whether the recommendation can work out or not.			guarantee这个词用得不太好 With such information we can then evaluate the argument.
To begin with, we need to get more details about food loss due to the pest damage in these two warehouses, in order to validate whether Buzzoff offered the better pest control services or not.	主题句1
Although the worth of food loss last month in the warehouse in Palm City was much more than that in Wintervale, we have no idea about the total value of the food in those two warehouses.
Maybe the total value of the food in the warehouse in Palm City is much more than that in the warehouse in Wintervale, then the percentage of loss in the warehouse in Palm City could be much smaller than that in Wintervale. In that case, we can't say the Buzzoff has done a better job.	探讨可能性		much higher
Moreover, we need to know whether there is any unusual cause that happend last month impacting the performance of Fly-Away.	主题句2
Otherwise, it's unfair to make the conclusion only based on one month's data. Maybe there happened an unexpected large-scale disaster of a new kind of pest in Palm City last month, and the Fly-Away company may have already tried its best to reduce the damage to the minimum level. As we don't have the data of other months, we can't exclude that possibility. And we have no idea about other similar food warehouses in the same city. We don't know whether the situation such as the climate environment is the same between Palm City and Wintervale last month. Since those factors could also have an impact on the difficulties in pest control.	探讨可能性
Without these information, it's unfair to compare these two company's performance only based on one month's data.		这段写得ok	this information
Additionally, we need more information about the specific financial data comparison if to switch from Fly-Away to Buzzoff, in order to validate whether it can save more money by doing that.	主题句3		if to switch from Fly-Away to Buzzoff 语法
We need to know how lower the price charged by Fly-Away in comparion to the Buzzoff. Maybe the difference is much more than the loss difference. And we have no idea whether there will be any penalty fee if we early expire the contract with Fly-Away. If so, then we have to take that into account for comparison as well.	探讨可能性		how lower the price charged 语法   early expire the contract- terminate the contract earlier
Hence, we'd better collect all those financial data for an integrated comparison. Otherwise, the VP's recommendation might lead to much more cost instead of saving more money.
In conclusion, we need to know more information about the issues disscussed above. Otherwise, the recommendation can not be warrated based on the comparion of only one month data.	结论

基本思路、结构都ok
表达的问题只有慢慢订正吧

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

ee_stone 发表于 2015-6-9 22:45
78) The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with foo ...

谢谢王老师指正，哎，表达是个大问题 ，超时写是更大的 问题，但在这些问题中从老师这里学到了 很多。真的 很感谢！

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

学识太浅，无法像老师那样驾驭那么多高大上的科学理论。最后决定通篇就用了一个例子。。。不知道老师会怎么看。。。辛苦老师了



Issue 33
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Do things become more comprehansible or more complex and mysterious when we aquire more knowledge ? In my view, the answer depends on our expectation and application of the knowledge we acquire. （提出我的观点）As the ordinary people, the more general knowledge about the things we acquire, the better we comprehend and respond. As scientists or experts, the more knowledge we acquire in this field, the more complex and mysterious for us to find out the truth. （主旨句）
depends on which groups of people we are concerned with
As the ordinary people这里有一个misplaced modifer的问题 就是as后面的内容和主语内容不一致




For ordinary people, the more general or basic knowledge acquired, the easier to find a way to handle that thing based on the knowledge. (主题句1） People are often panic or puzzled when they face the unknown thing. Once they can know what it is and how to handle it , things are no more mysterious but comprehensible for them. Take the frequent earthquake in Japan as an example. （例子）Japanese start to learn the basic knowledge of earthquak from the primary school. They are well informed what is earthqualke like and what might happen after earthquake. Based on those knowledge, they set up the emergency service and practice the regular drills to get them well prepared in case of the real earthquake. （分析）Their quick recovery from the large earthquake has proved the more knowledge they get, the better they understand and handle the earthquake.（总结）

主题句的语法有问题  
panic是动词  
这个例子相当一部分内容都在说对灾难的具体准备 已经不局限于知识  而结果是better preparedness而不是better understanding 因此我觉得这个例子用在这道题是不太合适的  例子需要能够将原命题的思路具体展开 这里的思路是

对某件事人们的理解曾经是有限的或者不理解 - 人们获得了新的知识- 因此事情变得更能理解了

你的例子应该严格按这个思路展开

For scientists or experts, the more they know, the more complex things become. (主题句2）Take the study of earthquake as an example.（还是地震的例子） To understand the earthquake, scientists have to understand the seismic wave, the magnitude, the gravity, the geographic features of the location, and even the impact on the animal behavior change or meteological change, which makes the earthquake more complex for them to understand. Unlike ordinary people, they have to understand the mechanism and impact of the earthquake, then they can explain that in simple and lucid language for ordinary people to understand.（分析 ）But for scientists themselves, things do not become more comprehensible but more complex when they study in that field.（总结）

同样的 你需要指出科学家如何获得更多关于地震的专业知识 而这些知识却导致事情变得更复杂 甚至更神秘  
我觉得从多角度来探讨同一个例子是很不错的做法 能提升文章的整体性 但是 你的例子必须按照原命题的思路展开

Unfortuantely, things could even become more mysterious when scientists get to acquire more knowledge about them.（主题句2） Let's take a further look into the example of the study of earthquake.（依旧是地震的例子） One of the most important purposes for the study of earthquake is to work out the tool that can precisely predict the earthquake. However, the earthquake is still one of the most uncertain disasters for the humanity. （分析）For seismologists, predication on earthquake is so risky since there are still much more unknown about the inner structure of the earth and what set of the earthquake is still mysterious.


同上  没有具体说acquire了什么知识 导致事情更神秘
汗 回头看我写的 似乎也没有完全按照原命题的思路展开
但是道理应该是这样的



In summary, whether more knowledge acquired make things more comprehensible or more complex and mysterious, depends on the purpose for the application of the knowledge. For ordinary people who just want to know the basic facts, the more kowledge acquired,the more comprehended. For scientists who want to find out the root cause of the thing, the more they know, the more questions they need to handle.

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

ee_stone 发表于 2015-6-12 00:12
学识太浅，无法像老师那样驾驭那么多高大上的科学理论。最后决定通篇就用了一个例子。。。不知道老师会怎么 ...

恩 ，老师分析的 对 。我 的确 由于对这个问题了解的 仍然 很浅显，所以没能展开讨论 。让我 周末好好再 想一下，谢谢老师的及时 点评 。辛苦 了

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28)The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.        

Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.        

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

29分钟完成，第一段还是耗时太久，中间段考虑到时间有限，做了些取舍和放弃。正如老师说的，如果一时想不到如何表达，索性就先放弃，先写下面的。这样至少限时完成了。会继续努力的。 谢谢老师。

对 限时完成是王道

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
The arguer assumes that the use of Salicylates as favor additives for foods will further reduce the average number of headaches of the residents on Mentia, based on several assumptions stated or unstated. .	对题目概括		flavor
In order to validate the argument, we need to examine whether it is warranted or not for the following assumptions: the medical effect of Salicylates, the causal relationship between the use of Salicylates in food preservatives and the declined number of headaches in the participants of a study, as well as the expected declined number of headache with the application of Salicylates as food flavor additives.	引出主旨句		it is warranted or not to make the following assumptions about the ...
To begin with, the arguer assumed the Salicylates has the same medical treatment as aspirin since they belong to the same chemical family.	主题句1
However, there is no mention about the details of the chemical family. Maybe the chemical family is categorized according to the modecule structure or other chemical features rather than medical treatment.	探讨可能性	这个对chemical family de 理解有待商榷 不过应该问题不大
Without these information, we can not assume that Salicylates can also treat the headache as aspirin.		你需要讨论如果不能treat对结论的影响	结论
Assuming the salicylates can treat the headache as aspirin, the arguer made the further assumption that the rise in the commercial use of salicylates is the reason why the average number of headaches reported in a twenty-year study has been declined.	主题句2	Assuming the salicylates can treat the headache as aspirin- 这是你的assume还是什么？   就说 In addition, ...
The arguer assumed those participants have been eating the processed food for the past twenty years, and it is the salicylates in the food they ate that has cured their headache. However, there is no details about those participants' eating behavior. Maybe they don't eat any processed food and they prefer the home-made food. In that case, this assumption can not stand as it is.	探讨可能性	这里还可以讨论一下其他导致头疼减少的原因   感觉集中讲salicylate 和上段有重复
Additionally, the arguer assumed that the food company will adopt Salicylates as food favor additives, which will further reduce the number of headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.	主题句3
However, in the arguement, we only know that the food company has found that Salicylates can be used as flavor additives for foods but no other details about the follow-up of the food company. We have no idea whether it will be executed by the food company or not considering the cost effectiveness compared with the current food flavor additives. If the cost of Salicylates is much higher than the current one, the food company is very likely to give it up.	探讨可能性	还有人们会否吃这些食品 以及报告头疼是否准确 这两个点你都漏掉了 建议和我的范文比对一下	argument it will be executed 指代不明
In that case, the expectation of the further decline number of headache suffered by the average residents of Mentia will be groundless.	结论
In summery, we have to get more details to validate whether the assumptions made by the arguer is warranted or not. Otherwise, we can not assume the application of Salicylates as food flavor additive can further reduce the headaches suffered by the residents.	结论

ee_stoneUID: 3573213

issue 65
65) Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

这篇对我来说 还是 很有难度，有超时 完成了 ，看来issue的 时间是个 大难题，关键还是我自己没有事先 理清思路吧
辛苦老师 了


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句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Law is enacted to ensure a safe, orderly and organized society for people. .	定义Law
In my view, every individual has a responsibility to obey the law in the first place. As for the justification of the law, the judgement could be varied for pepole with different group interest or cultural background, there should be legitimized channel for people to raise the concern on the unjust law in their view.	主旨句		断句
Law is enacted with power requiring all the people to obey it, otherwise, law itself can't ensure the safe and orderly social life in the first place.	主题句	这里的例子似乎是针对just law 你的主题句应该区分just 和 unjust law	断句
Take the law forbidding the drunk driving as an example. Every year, we can see the news about people arrested after drunk driving, causing the traffice accidents with injuries or even death as a result. The violation of the law has not only induced the tragedy to some families but also highly increase the risk for driving or walking on the way. Although there is a law forbidding the drunk driving, if people don't have the sense of the responsibility to obey this law restrictly, there will be unremitting traffic accidents induced by drunk driving and more people's life will be at a risk.	举例
Therefore, every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey the law to ensure a safe and orderly social life.
As the law is enacted by certain government at certain point of time, it could be regarded as just or unjust by people with different interests or cultural background. However, we should not let the personal judgement be the criteria to decide whether to obey the law or not.	主题句	这部分可以强调是有争议的法律 和前面没有争议的正义法律区分开来
In that case, the law will be powerless and the society will be in a chaos,  since every individual can hold different view and there will be endless social conflicts.
Take the China law on the family planning and birth control as an example. Some people hold the law is unjust as it deprives the personal liberty rights to choose how many children s/he wants to have. In order to follow their own will, they disobey the law and migrate from one place to another to give birth to more children to avoid the law punishment or supervision. However, due to the frequent migration, the illegal borned children might not be able to go to school or even work without authorized citizen ID. There has been more and more social problems with those illegal borned chilldren as a result of their parent's violation of the law.	举例	你这个例子本来是可以写的 但是你后面说因为不能拿到ID 这就不对了 因为拿不到ID不正是计划生育政策造成的么
However, for the law that is unjust in the view of some people, there should be a legitimized channel for them to raise their concern to the law department for consideration.	主题句
Take China as an example, there is political consultive conference yearly held for deputy of the people to voice out the different opinions about the existing policy and laws. During the conference, people can discuss the unjust law as well as the possibility of amendment. As for the law on the family planning and birth control, after years of discussion, there has been some amendment to this law, allowing more people to have the second child based on some conditions met.	举例
The law might be unjust, as long as there is legitimized channel to raise that concern, the law can be amended or even repealed in a peaceful and legal way.
In sum, whether the law is just or not is a personal judement, which can't be the criteria for people to decide whether they should obey the law or not. As law is enacted by the government with power, people has the responsibility to obey it in the first place to ensure the safe and orderly social life. But there should be a legitimized channel provided to people to voice out their opposing views to ensure a democratic society as well.

第一个和第二个主题句要修改一下 后面的内容也要调整

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argument 15

15) The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.
Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
可能是对于今天的题型不熟悉, 今天的这篇又超时了,37分钟才完成. 有待改进…
谢谢老师的点评

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
In the memorandum, the manager of HPH restaurants made the conclusion that the recent replacement of butter with margarine has little impact on the customers, based on his explanations on the percentage of customers who complained about this change as well as the customers' on-site reaction to the change .	对题目概括		可略写为memo
However, in order to validate the conclusion , we need to explore whether there is any other alternative explanations about the issues mentioned above.			there are
To begin with, the manager interpreted the 2 percent of customers who have complained about the replacement of butter with margarine as the little impact on the customers.	切入点1
However, before the replacement of butter with margarine, there might be no complaint about the butter. Hence, for the section of butter, the complaints have been doubled with this change. Besides, if that 2 percent is the data of the second month and has been increased from 1 percent of the 1st month after the replacement, this could be interpreted as a fast growing rate of complaints regarding this replacement.	其它可能性解释	动作分析应该以句子为单位 however这句的内容不太靠谱 而且double也不对 0-2不是double啊   感觉整段纠结于数字上不太靠谱 建议参考范文切入点
In terms of these alternative explanations, the 2 percent of customers complaining can't be interpreted as little but large impact.	结论	其实原题中的事实是只有2%投诉 而提出的解释是另外98% 满意 你得针对这样一个fact-explanation来提出其他的explanation   感觉这是写这类题的基本套路
Additionally, the manager interpreted the 98 percent of customers who have not complained about the replacement as being happy with the change, which needs to be further explored any other alternative explanations.	切入点2		which needs to be further explored any other alternative explanations.句子结构问题严重
Since there is no other data obviously indicating that those 98 out of 100 people are happy with that change, those who have not complained might complain by their foot, choosing not to come back anymore. Or maybe those who have not complained on site due to the more important dating with their friends, who do not want to ruin the special time with the stressful complaints.	其它可能性解释	这里的因果关系有问题   dating这个概念太具体了	feet dating?
We need to collect more data from the reviews of restaurant on the internet or magazine in the following months to varify which explanation of the non-complained customers' real feeling about the change.	结论		verify
Moreover, the manager interpreted the customers' non-immediate complaining about the change on site as the ignorance or confusion about the different between the butter and margarine.	切入点3		non-immediate complaining 表达
However, there could be alternative explanation about this response if we can get more details. Maybe those customers do not want to be rude to complain to the server on site. Or maybe those customers are in rush and have no time to complain to the server.	其它可能性解释		more details about what
If that is the case, we can't interpret their non-complaining as the ignorance or confusion about the butter and margarine.	结论
In summary, with the limited evidence given in the argument, there could be several alternative explanations discussed above leading to a different conclusion. We need more details about the complaints to verify whether the manager's explanation can stand or not.	总结

请参考最新范文比对切入点  

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issue 122
122) The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
As per the definition given by sociologists, the character of a society should be the shared character struction of its people. Then here comes the question: Will it be the best way to study the charactor of a society by exploring the character of the heroes or role models chosen by its people? As someone may argue that to save the effort and time, the heroes or role models could be the best sample to suty the character of the society. In my view, it might not since some heroes or role models are chosen for their outstanding achievement in certain fields , or some unconventional rather than common character. With the big data analysis brought by the information age, it seems the best way to understand the character of the society is to collect the big data of its people in all kinds of activity and then summarize the character mostly shared as per the data. .	主旨句    动作分析应该 落实到具体的句子	感觉你回应挑战 的篇幅太长	有不少拼写错误 seems that
As heroes are often chosen for their excellent performance or ground-breaking inventions, which might represent the finest characters mostly expected by the majority rather than the most common character of the society. 举例刘翔 ，他是因为出色的 赛事表现 成为中国人的 偶像 ，而并非因为他的character 代表了 中国社会的 特质 ，所以很难从他 身上 了解中国当代社会的 特征 。	主题句	你这里需要具体指出是什么特点   以及为什么不能代表	句子结构问题
Also, some role models are chosen by the people for their uncoventional character which has aroused public interest rather than echo the core character of the society. 举例 李宇春，3.5million 的选票 成为 supergirl, 拥有众多粉丝 ，被时代杂志报道， 中国 新一代的偶像， 但她的 中性打扮和性格 ，只能说和 中国的 典型女生形象差异太大 ， 并不能 代表中国社会大多数女孩的 特性 。	主题句	那么这里的例子能算是role model么 这段的观点和上段的区别在哪里
It is true that it will be much more easier to take the heroes or role models as the sample to study the character of the society. Without the invention of the big data, it's very hard to study the charcters of all the people of the society. However, with the help of high-tech development, we can collect the data of people's activities in all fields. 例举 各种信息社会的 数据追踪 ，从而分析 结论大多数人共有的 特征 。	主题句	这几句话没有说清楚 一开始应该说some people may argue that ... 然后再说没有互联网的时代 这个说法是对的 但是现在... 你要注意这几个句子之间的连贯 组合在一起表达一个整合的思路 请参考范文的相关段落

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Argument 84 示范
84) The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.
Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

半夜写的,不知道是不是脑子转得慢,还是超时完成…很沮丧啊

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
In this letter, the writer concluded that the numbers of amphibians had sharply declined, based on the comparison of two studies done in 1975 and 2002 respectively. The writer proposed that one explanation for the decrease of amphibians’ population was due to the introduction of the trout into the park’s waters in 1975.	对题目概括
However, we need to explore more details about the two studies such as the observation season or method applied to verify whether there could be any other plausible explanation for the different results. Also, we need to discuss whether there could other factors other than the trout accounting for the decreased numbers of amphibians.	主旨句		decreasing
To begin with, the fact that less species of amphibians and much fewer amphibians were observed in 2002 than the study done in 1975, might not be due to the dramatic decline of amphibian population.	切入点1
Maybe the study done in 1975 was carried out in Spring when the amphibians were more active, while the study done in 2002 was conducted in Winter when the amphibians were inactive due to the hibernation.	其它可能性解释
If that is the case, the contrasting results observed by the two studies can be explained as the result of amphibians’ life habits changing with the season rather than the decrease of amphibian population.	结论		这两句写得不错
Even if the two studies were conducted in the same season, such different results could also be caused by the different method applied to the study.	切入点2
Maybe the study in 2002 has set the high-tech monitor by the water to record the activity of amphibians, but the machine might not be flexible or sensitive enough to record all the traces left by the amphibians. Or maybe the sites of observation chosen are different for these two studies, which could also impact the results.	其它可能性解释	感觉这个不太靠谱 如果是高科技的话 应该比较精准才对 或许你可以说派的调查人数不同
Hence, the different method applied by the study could also bring about the different results.	结论
Moreover, if the amphibians’ population did decline between 1975 and 2002, the root cause could be other factors other than the introduction of the trout.	切入点3
Maybe the habitats of amphibians have been destructed by the increasing entertainment activities such as camping, fishing, or surfing on the water introduced by the park to attract more tourists. Or maybe there occurred the extreme weather such as icy storm, which severely reduced the population of amphibians.	其它可能性解释
Such factors could have larger impact on the declined numbers of amphibians than the trout.	结论
In sum, based on the facts mentioned in the letter, there can be some alternative explanation for the different results of the study as well as the root cause of the declined population of amphibians with more details to explore.	总结	总的来说写得不错

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issue 59 快速练习 （补交作业）

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


Some people claim that sicentists and other researchers should focus their efforts on areas that can bring the benefit to the most people. In my view, it depends on whether or not there is any requirement for the return of investment in the research or any urgent need from the majority to do the research. If there is no limit on the expense, scientists should be encouraged to do the research to driven by the curiority or urge to search the truth of life, which is the spirit of science.

你的主旨句看不出三个point啊


For scientists employed by corporation's research department, there is normally a requirement from share holders for the return of investment in the research. The research should be focused on the areas that are possiblily to bring benefits to the majority people to maximum the market value. 这个分论点偏离了题目的关键词the greatest number of people
公司研发的目标不是造福尽可能多的人 而是提高生产力和产品竞争力 造福消费者和股东  



--例子 ：公司的　R&D部门
解释：R&D部门的设置 本身 就是 为了 公司创造更大 的 价值 ，它的目的和 纯粹的科学研究不同 。在这个功利的目标下 ，所做 的研究 只有尽可能的 对 大部分人有用 ，才能 开拓最大的 产品 市场，给 股东带来利润的 最大化

For scientists in the medical field, when there occurs some new epidemics, researchers should focus on this area as the priority to benefit the greatest amount of people.
例子 ：SARS的出现　
解释　：　虽然药物开发研究都是可以给人类带来益处　，但是当大规模的新型流行疾病出现时，科学家应该重点关注针对这个疾病的药物研发，从而能给　最多的人群带来福音。




For scientists sponsored by some funding or government without limit on the expense invested, they are encouraged to do the research driven by the curiorisity to propel the human progress in the long run.
例子：　天文学家　
解释　：对于地球以外生命的探索，宇宙的起源，可能对于大部分人来说没有什么意义。但如果有足够的经费支持，科学家应该被鼓励探索和研究这些对人类未来发展有深远意义的领域。


我觉得到你这个阶段 应该尽可能的按照范文的思路来写  可以换表达和例子 但是不要自己拍脑袋想提纲

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Issue 15 ( 题目要求 address the challenge to your position)
15) Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose
fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree
with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address
the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge
your position.

原文中间段最后一个主题句
For students who can't afford the tuition fee and even need to graduate to
financially support their family, the instituion should recommend them to
choose the major which can help them to find a lucrative job after graduation.
This is also one of the education's purpose to help people make a better living
for their family and get rid of the poverty。

老师点评
这里要回应题目关于挑战的要求
可以就用这个点 但是要调整一下

修改 ：

For students who can't afford the tuition fee and even need to graduate to
financially support their family, it might be a good idea for the instituion to
encourage them to study for a lucrative career, to help them get rid of the
poverty. However, the major leading to lucrative career might change with the
time against the fast speed of social progress. Students who follow the
institution's recommendation might be jobless after graduation

Issue 1３ ( 题目要求 address the challenge to your position)
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses
outside the student's field of study
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree
with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address
the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge
your position.

原文中间段最后一个主题句
Admittedly, it will take some of students' limited time and efforts to join other
courses. To avoid the overloaded study, the university should set up the
minimum requirement of other courses taken with good orientation.

老师点评
关于address challenge 要有适当的句型和动作
要首先提出可能的challenge 然后再address
你这里的动作不明显

修改 ：
Some people may argue that the requirement to study  other varied courses in addition to the students' major, will occupy too much time and prevent students' from doing deeper research in their own field. In my view, the best way is to set up a minimum requirement on the additional courses taken, and leave the choice to students to decide whether or not to take more courses outside of their major or ,insteadily, take further research in the field.
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Issue 33
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible,
but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree
with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In
developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which
the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these
considerations shape your position


原文主题句1

For ordinary people, the more general or basic knowledge acquired, the
easier to find a way to handle that thing based on the knowledge. (主题句
1） People are often panic or puzzled when they face the unknown thing. Once
they can know what it is and how to handle it , things are no more mysterious
but comprehensible for them. Take the frequent earthquake in Japan as an
example. （例子）Japanese start to learn the basic knowledge of earthquak
from the primary school. They are well informed what is earthqualke like and
what might happen after earthquake. Based on those knowledge, they set up the
emergency service and practice the regular drills to get them well prepared in
case of the real earthquake. （分析）Their quick recovery from the large
earthquake has proved the more knowledge they get, the better they understand
and handle the earthquake.（总结）

点评
主题句的语法有问题
panic是动词
这个例子相当一部分内容都在说对灾难的具体准备 已经不局限于知识 而
结果是better preparedness而不是better understanding 因此我觉得这个例子
用在这道题是不太合适的 例子需要能够将原命题的思路具体展开 这里的
思路是
对某件事人们的理解曾经是有限的或者不理解 - 人们获得了新
的知识- 因此事情变得更能理解了
你的例子应该严格按这个思路展开

修改：
For ordinary people, the more general or basic knowledge acquired, the
easier to find a way to handle that thing based on the knowledge. (主题句
1) For example, the ancient people, who had no idea about the cause of earthquake, could only use all kinds of myth to explain this dreadful natural disaster. In the Greek myths, it was believed that Poseidon was the God and cause of the earthquake; In Japanese mythology, here was a giant catfish living under the sea, causing the earthquake by turning around. Hence, many Japanese worship the catfish, hoping no more earthquake. However, by learning the basic knowledge of earthquake, people have got better understanding of this natural geographical phenominon. And then, based on that knowledge, people have prepared and executed BCP plan to well fight against the earthqualk. From this perspective, more knowledge about earthqualke do bring this natural disaster more comprehensible.

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先占楼

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78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

提纲
Here comes the debate whether people’s attitudes are more decided by immediate environment or society. In my understanding, the immediate environment normally refer to the family or social community in which people get direct influence on their attitudes; while the society could refer to  the government or social media which often have indirect impact on people’s attitude. From this perspective, for kids whose most social activities are within the sphere of family or social community, their attitudes are more decided by immediate environment. But for adults whose social interaction is much more complex and get more exposure to the social media, their attitudes are more decided by society.

这里的界定有问题 我们之前讨论过了 也许将immediate situation or surroundings理解为influence of family members还是可以的
但是社会refer to 政府或社会媒介就肯定不对 你只能说社会通过这些机构来间接影响人的态度

kids 用children


For kids, their attitudes are more decided by the family or community where they grow up.  At the incipient stage of personal development, kids are somewhat like the white paper , with each stroke painted by their parents or carers. 育儿专家,指出父母和看护人的生活态度往往决定了孩子的态度. 英国有调查结果说,教育程度越高的家长,他们的孩子会更热爱阅读,与人交往的能人也更强.

这里没有对态度具体化 对什么的态度  这样你的整段都会很空洞 不好展开 （这属于主题句不合适）


For adults, with all kinds of involvment in the society as social members, their attitudes are more determined by the government as their social leader. 社会的价值取向, 政治立场, 跟政府的导向都很有关系.举例同性恋婚姻的立法,影响了很多人对此的态度.  

态度由政府决定 开玩笑吧 social leader这个概念用在政府上也不对   

Moreover, adults’ attitudes are more likely to be impacted by the social media, which can apply the commerical advertisment, speech from some experts, or special reports with videos to change people’s attitudes gradually. 举例广告,新闻报道的影响力.


主题句里没有出现社会
apply the commerical advertisment搭配