dingka 同主题作文练习贴~~~为二战加油！

dingkaUID: 2453299

49) Claim: We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from those whose views contradict our own.
Reason: Disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
抄题

	———动作分析———	———内容点评————	———语言点评————
Knowledge can be obtained through many ways and learning from other people is an important way for us to expand our horizon.	打酱油，凑字数
However, I don't agree with the reason and the claim that learning from people sharing the same views has much more advantages.	提出观点
Disagreement can lead to motive in exploring into a certain field, aside from a bit of stress.	主旨句前半部分，反对reason		lead to motive 选词 motivate people to ...
And in human's history of acquiring new knowledge in both natural science and social science, it is always important to learn from different opinions.	主旨句后半部分反对claim
Disagreement, aside from creating stress for certain people, usually lead to one's curiosity and motive to find out more about a certain subject to	主旨句1
尊重知识的人来说，没有那么玻璃心，不同意见或许有压力，但更多带来的是进一步研究的动力。没想出例子，可以随便举个生活中不服输的例子吗？
In natural science, in the history of learning the world we live in, disagreements and debates have played an important role.	主旨句2
举例子，地心说和日心说，当时的人们都认为地心说，如果大家只从意见相同的人那里学习，恐怕我们今天还停留在中世纪
In social science, such as political science, in many cases, new understandings and knowledge are acquired through other people's disagreement.	主旨句3 我个人觉得这段 已经写废掉了。因为我完全想不出有说服力的例子555
虽然不同政治流派互相争议，但他们却在争议中总共同进步。

从全文的框架来看 你的中间第一段的角度和后面按学科分类不太一致
地心说和日心说的例子 也没有涉及到人与人之间的交流和讨论 估计你对那段历史了解也有限吧  
没有例子的话 确实很难写好  




reason和claim是否成立取决于双方能否在科学、理性的框架下讨论。

在科学研究领域，和不同观点的同行讨论可以更好的检验自己的理论以及从对方那里学习新的研究视角。具体例子可以是定性研究和定量研究学者的交流。

在商业投资领域，听一下不看好某个项目的人的意见能帮助我们更全面的考虑这个项目的优缺点，避免不理性的投资。  

但是，对于迷信伪科学的人，就没什么好说的。比如相信星座的人总可以从星座描述中找到符合事实的地方，但是其实这是一个模凌两可的封闭系统。比如那些相信圣经的每句话都是真理的狭隘的基督徒，见到他们最好呵呵一下算了，跟他们讲进化论、讲宇宙学就是浪费时间。


这是我之前写的提纲你可以看看


你也可以考虑从科学、政治和宗教三个方面来写
When it comes to issues in science and research, talking with people from different POVs can promote learning as we can more critically examine our methods and data with their input. It is also important to discuss political issues with people holding contrasting opinions as we may learn how other stakeholders think about the problems.  Nevertheless, discussing religious matters with people from different backgrounds often leads to more disagreement, confrontation and embarassment as people seldom change their religious beliefs that are at the core of their identities.  


---丁卡按---谢谢老师的修改，我会按照你的思路在尝试写一篇test an argument的。

dingkaUID: 2453299

128) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.
One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits further.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

这篇应该是练习GRE写作以来写的最快字数最多的一篇了。本来是限时写提纲，后来觉得感觉不错就写全文了。用时30分钟，结束后略微改了几个拼写和表达。
找到感觉了？

para1	———动作分析———	———内容点评————	———语言点评————
In the letter, the owner claimed that restricting water flow in all Sunnyside Towers apartments will increase their profit, and such argument are based on the assumption that there will be considerable savings from the flow adjustment and the facts that only a few complaints are reported.	概括题目		正文请不要用彩色 汗
However, to evaluate the argument, more evidence would be needed, such as the actual change of water usage before and after the adjustment, a more specific research on customer's opinion, and even if the adjustment did save cost in the first 3 buildings, more evidence would be needed to determine whether it will have the same effect in the rest 9 buildings.	主旨句		a more specific research 这个和evidence such as 搭配有问题 断句
para2
To begin, with, we do need evidence on whether the water usage is actually lowered in the first 3 buildings where the adjustment conducted.	主旨句1		was actually ... conducted选词
It is true that restricting maximum water flow will lower the water usage for showers in a certain timeframe, however, for people using bathtub, the amount usage of water per bath is not decided by the water flow but the size of the tub.	其他可能之一	这里讨论的重点应该是改装后人们行为相应的改变 因此你应该提出改装后人们可能改为盆浴 因此用水量为比较少	断句
And when the water pressure of a shower head is low, some people might lengthen their shower time to ensure that they are cleaned through the shower.	其他可能之二		thoroughly cleaned
Therefore, to determine whether there's saving through less water usage, actual reading of water meter need to be presented.	总结。。。这句好像有点多余
para3
Moreover, we need more information on customer's opinions on the adjustment to evaluate whether this adjustment will lead to profit increasing.	主旨句2		profit increase
Only a small percentage of customers who are unsatisfied with the service will go to the management office and complain, but when asked whether they like the change or not, a lot more customers might will express their dissatisfaction.	其他可能	注意hedging 情态动词用法	断句
Thus the complaints the company received could represent much more people who have issues with them. And those who didn't complain might leave the apartment and cause more financial loss to the company.	其他可能对argument的影响	the complaints the company received could represent much more people不太懂这句话的逻辑
para4
Even if the water flow adjustment did save money in the first 3 buildings, we need more evidence that it will be just as effective in the other 9 buildings.	主旨句3	这个点不靠谱 应该考虑改装的成本
It is possible that the first 3 buildings are equipped with just shower heads while most apartments in the rest buildings are equipped with bathtubs, or it is also possible that the rest 9 building are luxury apartments and people living in them have higher requirement on water pressure in the shower heads.	让步，其他可能
In such occasions the adjustment that has resulted in a considerable savings in the 3 buildings might have no effect in the other buildings at all.	解释其他可能对结果的影响
para5
To sum up, to evaluate the argument that the adjustment of water flow will bring more profit to the company, we need more evidence: the actual water usage reading, customer's real opinions on the adjustment, and the comparability of the first 3 buildings and the rest 9 buildings.	结尾

刘小帆童鞋UID: 3606137

dingka 发表于 2015-6-24 11:41
128) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to  ...

你好，dingka，我是新加进这个活动的。所以第一次评论别人的作文。评论不好的地方还望你见谅。

***********************评论*****************************
第一自然段里“will increase their profit” profit要不要加s好一点。因为原题干给的是复数形式。主旨句提到的三个点跟我的想法差不多。不同的是，我把你提到“顾客的想法调查”换为了“一个月的时间很可能不足以使得顾客发现这个节流措施的缺点”；

第二自然段，主题句里，“to begin with” 标点符号打多了，where引导的从句里，adjustment要不要使用被动语态，被施行（我不确定）。总结句里“actual reading of water meter need to be presented.” 如果是actual reading做主语，是单数主语，那么need要加s吧？或者直接用被动语态。就是is needed.

第三自然段，总结句中“Thus the complaints the company received could represent much more people who have issues with them. And those who didn't complain might leave the apartment and cause more financial loss to the company”。有点不是很懂。不过等王老师怎么说吧。只是我个人感觉逻辑性好像有一点点脱节。

第四自然段，主题句“Even if the water flow adjustment did save money in the first 3 buildings, we need more evidence that it will be just as effective in the other 9 buildings. ”，先说数字问题，我记得没错的话，在十以下的数字均用单词表示。十以上采用具体数字（我学雅思的时候，慎小嶷老师讲的）。所以这里的3和9用three和nine比较合适。其次就是we need more evidence后面，其实你想说的应该是evidence来“支持”这个措施在其他九栋楼里也会有效。所以evidence后面用to show that或者to demonstrate that？我看一些范文里是这么写的。还可以跟we need evidence to prove that....

结尾段：同样的数字问题（3和9）

*******************************************************************

dingkaUID: 2453299

刘小帆童鞋 发表于 2015-6-24 20:12
你好，dingka，我是新加进这个活动的。所以第一次评论别人的作文。评论不好的地方还望你见谅。

****** ...

非常非常感谢你细致的点评！

dingkaUID: 2453299

只写了个提纲。
133) Claim: Knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions today.
Reason: The world today is significantly more complex than it was even in the relatively recent past.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

	———动作分析———	———内容点评————	———语言点评————
When making a decision, one's experiences is quite important.	概括题目	注意是past experience 要回应题目关键词
Therefore, I agree with the reason that the world becomes more and more complex while I don't agree with the claim that knowing the past has little help to important decision making today.	阐明观点
One can always learn a lesson or two from ancestors and their experiences when it comes to important decision making in choices in scientific research, in social policy making, and when making a personal decision, one's values inherited from the family will also provide some insights.	主旨句	分了三个方面讨论 挺好
para2
First, although science development has make the research much more complex even week by week, however, learning the past researches in a certain field is essential a researcher's decision making on choosing research method and field.	主旨句1		although和however不能一起用
例如，在一个生物学家再决定选取个人的研究领域时，对于这个领域此前的研究工作的了解对于其做决定非常有必要		你要考虑这段如何展开  为什么知道前人工作 对于现在的决定有帮助 这其中的道理在哪里 这是干货 你要准备好
para3
Second, when it comes to social policy making, learning the previous policy and history will bring more insights about the culture and tradition of the people there and help to achieve better decision making.	主旨句2
例如在一个华人较多的地区做决策，可以参考以前的决策者的经验，考虑到华人社会的风俗习惯，以及社区的特殊文化，这个时候，学一点中国历史也显得非常重要。		我觉得你这里展开的内容太过抽象 我估计你实际写的时候会遇到困难 可能卡在历史、风俗这类大的话题上   没有更加具体的例子 我估计你这段很难写好 你可以试试
para4
Moreover, an individual will also benefit from knowing the past when making some personal decisions.	主旨句3
过去 的人物的智慧，无论是古希腊哲学家对人生的描述，还是刚刚过世乔布斯对年轻人的忠告，对于一个面临重大决定的人来说，都也许会有重要的帮助。		问题同上 没有具体的例子 你或许可以说一下择偶  比如某人如果有家暴的历史  那是绝对不能嫁的   乔布斯的忠告明显偏题啊
para5
To sum up, the world is moving forward fast day by day, one can always learn from the past when it comes to decision making in science researches, policy making and personal choices.	结尾

134) Claim: Knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions today.
Reason: We are not able to make connections between current events and past events until we have some distance from both.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

刘小帆童鞋UID: 3606137

dingka 发表于 2015-6-26 01:29
只写了个提纲。
133) Claim: Knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions  ...

你好，dingka我来帮你评一下作文。

第一段，one‘s experiences是复数，系统词你用了is。
其次，正式学术写作中，一般不缩写（貌似有争议）。所以建议你将don’t写成do not。

第二段。has make，语法错误。
另外，is essential a researcher's decision making.....这里是少了介词还是？我有点看的不是特别懂。看老师怎么说吧。

第三段，额，如果是我，主旨句的最后一部分我会写成help to make a better decision.或者help to make a more informed decision.

第四段，无。

第五段，第二个分句中is moving作了动词成分，第三个分句里 can always learn也作了动词成分。而且两个分句之间是逗号，这样一个句子里有两个动词成分了吧。是不是要断句？

dingkaUID: 2453299

7月14日

重写argument 32
今天的心得是，老师展开段的技巧，经常碰到展开段无话可说，没有逻辑的情况，这样的模板很好用。

这一段的基本步骤
1. 提出假设 （A是B的主要原因）
2. 指出可能有其他原因
3. 具体举例指出其他原因
4. 指出如果其他原因成立的后果 （the implications are for the argument）

全文计时写作30分钟完成。改了一些拼写。



32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.




In the memo, the vice president suggests to shorten works shifts, in order to reduce on-the-job accident. The argument is based on facts such as comparison with nearby Panoply plant and expert's opinions on relations between accidents and lack of sleep. However, to evaluate the argument, several assumptions need to be examined, such as the reasons of Panoply's less accident, effect of shortening work shifts, and cause of accident in Quiot.

To begin with, it is assumed that Panoply has less on-the-job accident simply because of the shifts are shorter there. However, there could other possible explanations that could account for the difference. For example, the number of workers in the Panoply may be much less than that in Quiot and the accident rate may be even higher although the number of accident cases are smaller. It could also be possible that the work in Quiot is much more dangerous than that in Panoply and workers in Quiot are easily to get hurt because of the nature of the job. In these scenarios, shortening work shifts would neither change the size of the staff or the nature of the job and therefore won't lead to less accident.

Moreover, the vice president also assumes shortening work shifts will provide more rest and sleep time for the workers. But he/she has neglected the possibilities that workers’ fatigue and sleep deprivation may be caused by other reasons other than long work shifts. For example, workers' sleep deprivation may be caused by other things such as their addiction to online games or part-time jobs after work for more income. Therefore, shortening work shifts may not help them to get sufficient sleep but just get more time to play games or doing hard work.

Lastly,  it is assumed that the cause of on-the-job accident in Quiot is fatigue and sleep deprivation. However, other possible causes, such as poor working conditions, lack of occupational training may also lead to the same consequences. And the solution offered by the vice president will not help to change these issues and therefore won't reduce the number of on-the-job accidents.

To sum up, the argument that shorten work shifts will reduce on-the-job accidents are based on several assumptions on the reasons of Panoply's less accident, possible effect of shortening work shifts, and cause of accident in Quiot. And these assumptions need to be examined to make a cogent argument.

dingkaUID: 2453299

7-15作业
晚上状态很一般，按照老师的思路写有一些难度，因为不是特别明白比较专业的例子和citizenship的概念。下次如果按照制定思路写可能还需要再仔细点看范文



13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.



As job markets become more and more competitive, holding a college degree is no longer a guarantee for employment, 断句therefore, college students should fully develope themselves by taking in a wide range of knowledge. I agree with the claim that universities should require students to learn extensively outside their field of study for several reasons: students' major field of study would be benefited, more knowledge helps to build a sense of citizenship, and learning in different fields will benefit student's future career.

develop拼写benefit的不是major field of study 而是 study of major field
build sense 搭配
这里用分号好些


To begin with, a student's major fields of study will benefit from taking courses in other fields. It is true in many occasions that studies and researches in one field can be inspired by methods or knowledge in other fields. Take students major in studying languages for example,断句 taking courses on computer science will provide them knowledges and techniques on computation and programming and these courses will enable them to use computers as tools to conduct linguistic researches, such as using data mining on text analysis. The more they learned from other fields, the richer would their resources be.

field- benefit 搭配
knowledge不可数
resources 选词 toolkits



Furthermore, through learning extensively in many fields, one can build a sense of citizenship, which is an important mission for college students aside from academic learning. For students majoring in art, nature science courses will provide them better understandings on the basic theories of the world; while for sciences and engineering major students, taking courses on history, politics and literature, will help them understand and participate in democratic policymaking.

natural science ...
better understandings on the basic theories of the world这个和citizenship有啥关系呢


Some may argue that students should only focus on their own field of study to ensure they are well prepared for getting a job in this field. However, taking courses in other majors may also greatly help students in the future job markets. According to statistics, a large proportion of graduates will work in at least two industries in the first 5 years after graduation. For example, a lot of biology researchers could turned out working in wall-street,断句 in their cases, the courses on finance, economics taken in universities could largely help them fit in to new positions. As a Chinese old saying goes, knowledge can never be burden.

statistics from where?
最后那个翻译的中文名言估计歪果仁不懂   
这段的核心干货不太合适  转行的毕竟是少数吧



All in all, taking a variety of courses outside one's field of study has many advantages. It could benefit a student in his own field of study, in building a sense of citizenship, and also help accustoming themselves to the requirement of different jobs.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

楼主何时回归？