dingka 同主题作文练习贴~~~为二战加油！

dingkaUID: 2453299

英语学习背景：
多年的英语学习业余爱好者，一直觉得自己英语“挺好的”，刚被一战成绩深深挫败。

那些年裸考过的考试：
四六级就不说了，太老黄历
2008年toefl ibt 94， 其中写作19……
GRE一战2015.5.10似乎是多年来唯一准备过的英语考试，一战成绩只有152+163+3。

授权声明：
本人为寄托ID dingka的持有人，现通过本论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本人的所有习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


下次考G时间：
二战9.6 目标157+168+4

dingkaUID: 2453299

目录帖留楼

35楼 6-25 issue 133提纲 未评
32楼 6-24 argument全文 128 已评
31楼 6-23 issue 49提纲 已评
29楼 6-22 issue 59 提纲 已评
28楼 6-19 argument 84 全文 已评
27楼 6-18 issue115 全文 未评
26楼 6-17 argument 28 全文 已评
25楼 6-15 issue65 全文 已评
24楼 6-12 argument 28 全文 已评
23楼 6-11 issue33 全文 已评

Jun 9th        Argument 78      没写
Jun 8th        Issue 113        22楼 给定思路写提纲
Jun 5th        第二周小结        
Jun 4th        Argument 14     21楼 没做   
Jun 3rd        Issue 62          18楼
Jun 2nd        Argument 1      16楼
Jun 1st        Issue 7      
May 29th        第一周小结        
May 28th        Argument 71      
6楼 May 27th issue 13 提纲练习，老师已点评 自己已修改
5楼 May 26th        Argument 32 提纲练习 网友、老师已点评 自己已修改
3楼 May 25th        Issue 15 老师已批改 自己已修改
这是一篇之前写过全文的，拿出来用模板改了改。
May 27th        Issue 13        练习帖
May 26th        Argument 32        练习帖
May 25th        Issue 15        练习帖

dingkaUID: 2453299

15) Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Education is essential for youngsters who are going to step into job markets, and the curriculum they choose during college are germane to their future career. However, it is not justified for educational institutions to encourage students to choose their fields of studies according to the availability of lucrative jobs for varies reasons: Such choices, without a students’ real passion and capabilities in the field they choose, are not guarantee of a future career; the availability of popular jobs may change over time; one of the important mission of education is to select talents with expertise for every industry, not only for those lucrative ones.

germane 这个词我不会用 不知道你用的对不对 风险自负
varies ？

你的回应挑战呢？ be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  
用冒号引出并列的point是很赞的 可以考虑加序号和分号  



Firstly, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee of getting jobs in this area. If a student in lack of basic qualities required in some subject, for example, a student in lack of mathematical skills, chooses to enroll in a financing related program, just because jobs on stock markets and insurance companies are plenty and lubricative, he or she may not be able to finish the study, let alone to achieve his/her primary target, which is to get a popular job.

这里提出lack of basic qualities感觉不是很合适 你可以说 lucrative career往往都竞争激烈 未必由职位  毕竟大学是可以提供相关训练的  你也可以说 学生可能学不好
总之这段太单薄 展开的支持不给力


Secondly, availability of jobs may change even over a period as short as four years. Requirements of talents in an industry which have taken in a lot of fresh blood in the past few years may decline. Take internet industry for instance, in its early years of booming, a great amount of practitioners are needed, hence many colleges expanded their programs related to computer science and internet. However, in a few years, bubbles bursted, and many graduates found it very hard to find jobs in internet industry. Therefore, judging a field of study can't be based on the availability of jobs in a certain moment.

这个point不错 展开也挺好


Last but not least, one of the major missions for education institutions is to select students with passion and talents in every fields, regardless of lucrativeness, and make them into pioneers such as researchers, scholars, and scientists. For example, archeology has never been considered as a major that will lead to jobs as lucrative as those in financing industry. However, a student with highly potentials in this area must not abandon his/her passion simply because it is hard to get high income jobs. Otherwise, a great archeologist to-be might just end up becoming a mediocre businessman. Therefore, it is very important for student to choose majors according to their own interest, skills, and qualities.

最后一句应该放到开头
这段应该回应challenge

To sum up, when choosing their fields of study, availability of jobs in a certain industry is an important reference, however, to fully explore one's potential,  college student must refer to many other aspects, including their interest, capability, etc.

=======================修改版==============================


黑体部分为重写的。

Education is essential for youngsters who are going to step into job markets, and the curriculum they choose during college are important to their future career. However, it is not justified for educational institutions to encourage students to choose their fields of studies according to the availability of lucrative jobs for several reasons: Such choices, without a students’ real passion and capabilities in the field they choose, are not guarantee of a future career; even though some student may not have a clear mind of choosing majors, the univeristy should provide guidance for them to choose the field of study according to their conditions, not according to the lucrativeness of jobs in the fields.

Firstly, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee of getting jobs in this area, hence unversities' encouraging students choosing certain fields may not lead to their intended results. Lucrative jobs are generally competitive and simply studying in a certain field does not mean one can master the knowledge and skills required in the career. For example, if a student enrolled in a financing related program, just because jobs on stock markets and insurance companies lubricative, even after four years of study, he or she may not be qualified to get a lucrative job.

Secondly, availability of jobs may change even over a period as short as four years. Requirements of talents in an industry which have taken in a lot of fresh blood in the past few years may decline. Take internet industry for instance, in its early years of booming, a great amount of practitioners are needed, hence many colleges expanded their programs related to computer science and internet. However, in a few years, bubbles bursted, and many graduates found it very hard to find jobs in internet industry. Therefore, judging a field of study can't be based on the availability of jobs in a certain moment.

认真的想了下回应address chanllenge 改怎么写，此为练习一

Some may argue that a number of student, due to lack of experience, do not have a specific interest or firm decision on which field of study to choose, and the unviersity should provide some guidance on choosing majors. Even this may be true, the university should provide guidance for student to choose the field of study according to their conditions, not according to the lucrativeness of jobs in the fields. One of the major missions for education institutions is to cultivate talents in every fields, regardless of lucrativeness. For example, archeology has never been considered as a major that will lead to jobs as lucrative as those in financing industry. However, a student with highly potentials in this area might need the universities guidance to find his/her real passion. If only encouragement on lucrative jobs are provided, a great archeologist to-be might just end up becoming a mediocre businessman. Therefore, it is very important for universities to provide extensive encouragement for students who are seeking guidance on choosing fields of studies.To sum up, when choosing their fields of study, availability of jobs in a certain industry is an important reference, however, to fully explore one's potential,  college student must refer to many other aspects, including their interest, capability, etc.


=============================2015-7-13=================================
2015年7月13日再写一遍。
练习要求是限时，用王老师思路。


I strongly don't agree with the claim that school and universities should lead student into fields of studies that will prepare them for lucrative jobs, based on two reasons: First, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee to get high-income jobs; second, students who are swayed by their schools to choose some fields but doesn't have interested in them may not end up doing well in their studies and careers. Although one may argue that such policy would help education institutions to build a high-income alumni and to get more donation, but in reality persuading student into certain fields of study would not necessarily benefit the institutions in this way.

strongly don't agree with 表达有问题 have interested in 搭配
build a high-income alumni 搭配

Above all, it takes more than studying heard to ensure one's achieving success in getting a lucrative career, such as personality, communication skills and even luck. When hiring new employees, companies will take a lot more into accounts than academic achievements. Maybe studying in financing will provide some basic qualification for a student during a job interview in a investing bank providing generous salary. However, he or she might be turned down by the employer because of his deficiency in taking pressures or communicating with the team member. Therefore, educational institution’s effort of "preparing students"might only be a job half done.


studying heard 笔误 - 题目是field of study 你这里回应题目做得不够准确
such as前面呼应的什么  
总的来说写的挺好 语言表达不错






Moreover, if a student takes a field of study simply because of his pursuit for high-income jobs, other than genuine interests, he may not do well in the studies. Students who choose a major without considerate thinking might find it difficulty to finish the program because he doesn't have passion in it at all. Even for those who managed to finish his academic studies and get a job, they may found himself trapped in a job he doesn't interested in at all and will not succeed because of the negative emotions.


without considerate thinking  不懂你的意思
find it difficult（y）  
may found语法
doesn't interested语法





One may argue that persuading students to choose majors that could lead to lucrative jobs is a way for the universities to take in high-income alumni and more donations. However, such intentions may not be successful. Students who took a certain field of studies as the institution wished do not necessary achieve success because of lack of interest or other capabilities required by the lucrative jobs. Even for those who get rich through the guidance of the institution, they may hold grudge that the school deprived their real passion and will hesitate when giving a donation.


take in high-income alumni搭配
intentions may not be successful 搭配


All in all, based on the reasons given above, encouraging students into certain fields of studies that will prepare them for lucrative jobs may not be a good idea.


do not necessary achieve - may not necessarily  


as the institution wished 表达
deprived their real passion 搭配
when considering donating money

主要集中在语言表达问题

fishgoUID: 3607599

dingka你好！我来拜读你的issue了

Such choices, without a students’ real passion and capabilities in the field they choose, are not guarantee of a future career; the availability of popular jobs may change over time; one of the important mission of education is to select talents with expertise for every industry, not only for those lucrative ones.
这边是讲的三点分论点，我的理解是 1、如果不考虑学生是不是真正热爱和能够适合一个领域，那么也无法保证未来的工作；2、工作的流行与否也行会随时间改变；3、教育的一个重要任务是为每个领域选择有对应才能的人。我感觉第二点。把工作的流行与否换成工作的赚钱与否会更切题一点。

for example, a student in lack of mathematical skills, chooses to enroll in a financing related program, just because jobs on stock markets and insurance companies are plenty and lubricative, he or she may not be able to finish the study, let alone to achieve his/her primary target, which is to get a popular job. 这个例子举得很好，不足的是这一段篇幅有点短。还有就是，第一段好像忘记提passion了，还是说passion已经包含在basic qualities了呢？

第二段写的很好，例子也很贴切，我怎么就想不出这样的例子呢。。。不过是不是例子占得比重有点大呢，如果能把分析的内容在深化一点，这一段就会更加饱满。

第三段，如果加上一点有才能的学生继续在擅长的领域学习会有怎样的益处的话，会不会更好一点呢

以上就是我的一点看法，欢迎一起交流哈~

dingkaUID: 2453299

如果老师觉得麻烦，也可以在本页直接修改


=============我是分隔线===============

写了assumption 和 alternative explanation两种写作要求的主旨句。当assumption的要求先入为主，所以写alternative explantion要求的时候觉得很是费劲。
求点评批改！尤其是针对写作要求，多谢！

32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.


Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

2 列出argument的结论和主要证据

claim或结论：
In order to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts to insure employees get adequate sleep.

证据01
Nearby Panoply Industries plant has shorter shifts and less on-the-job accidents.

证据02
Expert suggests fatigue and sleep deprivation contributes to on-the job accidents.


Assumption
第一段
In the memo, the vice president suggests that in order to reduce the number of on-the job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts, citing evidence about nearby Panoply Industries’ shorter shifts and less accident, and experts’ opinion on the relations between sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents. However, to evaluate this argument, we need to look into a number of assumptions about comparability of Quiot and Panoply, existence of sleep deprivation among employees in Quiot, and whether shorten shifts will lead to an increase of employee’s rest time.

existence这个词以及后面用的exist 我觉得要换一下 暂时没有想到换什么
这里的重点不是是否存在睡眠缺乏 而在于 睡眠缺乏是否导致意外的原因  
我觉得你找的第二点不够准  
你可以参考一下我写的


中间第一段
The vice president firstly assumes Quiot and Panoply are similar and it is the length of work shifts lead to different accident rate. However, there Panoply may be very different from Quiot in many other aspects that lead to the low accident rate.
P工厂也许使用了更先进的机器，能够进行安全和更高效的生产（这也解释了为何shifts更短），对工人的职业保护做的更到位，等等。

中间第二段
It is also assumed in the memo that sleep deprivation actually exists in Quiot Manufacturing, however, for a 3 shifts factory, employees may only have to work no more than 8 hours and does’t need to sacrifice their bed time for work.
题目中提到了Q工厂目前采用三班倒，按说工人不需要工作超过8个小时时间。虽然专家说缺乏睡眠可能导致事故增多，并没有证据显示，Q工厂的工人一定是缺乏睡眠的。



中间第三段
Even if sleep deprivation is the major cause for accidents, the vice president simply assumes that one hour will be effectively replenish the employee’s sleep, and that can’t be guaranteed.
即使Q工厂确实是因为工人缺乏睡眠导致事故增多，把每个shift缩短一个小时对于严重缺乏睡眠工人不一定足够，工人也不一定会把多出来的一个小时用于睡觉，也有可能用来休闲、玩乐，也许更加影响睡眠。

================================================
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

第一段
In the memo, the vice president suggests that in order to reduce the number of on-the job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts, providing facts about nearby Panoply Industries’ shorter shifts and less accident, and experts’ opinion on the relations between sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents. However, there can be other explanations to the facts about comparability of Quiot and Panoply, existence of sleep deprivation among employees in Quiot, and whether shorten shifts will lead to an increase of employee’s rest time.

中间第一段
Firstly, The vice president thinks Quiot and Panoply are similar and it is the length of work shifts lead to different accident rate. However, another explanation could be Panoply being very different from Quiot in many other aspects that lead to the low accident rate.
P工厂也许使用了更先进的机器，能够进行安全和更高效的生产（这也解释了为何shifts更短），对工人的职业保护做的更到位，等等。

中间第二段
Secondly, alternative explanations also exists when it comes to whether sleep deprivation actually exists in Quiot Manufacturing. For a 3 shifts factory, employees may only have to work no more than 8 hours and does’t need to sacrifice their bed time for work.
题目中提到了Q工厂目前采用三班倒，按说工人不需要工作超过8个小时时间。虽然专家说缺乏睡眠可能导致事故增多，并没有证据显示，Q工厂的工人一定是缺乏睡眠的。

exist这里要换一下 may be proposed


中间第三段
Even if sleep deprivation is the major cause for accidents in Quiot, there could be other explanations on whether one hour will be effectively replenish the employee’s sleep.
即使Q工厂确实是因为工人缺乏睡眠导致事故增多，把每个shift缩短一个小时对于严重缺乏睡眠工人不一定足够，工人也不一定会把多出来的一个小时用于睡觉，也有可能用来休闲、玩乐，也许更加影响睡眠。

dingkaUID: 2453299

5.27日 issue 提纲训练

拖到了深夜才写，状态很不好。一战时考的就是这个题的另一个版本，自己在考场上写的什么我忽然想不起来了。。。


13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


Universities are places where students get fully developed through learning. However, I don’t agree with the claim that every student should be required to take a variety of courses not related to their fields of study. Although learning outside one’s field is important to enlarge students’ horizon and can provide inspiration to their major studies, a compulsory and unified requirement is not suitable for every student. Such requirement will bring unnecessary burden and distraction for students who wish to focus on a certain field of study, and for students who wish to take courses outside their major field for extra credit, quantity and subject of the courses should be decided at their own volition.



Indeed, courses outside one’s main field of study will equip a student with more knowledge and build one’s versatility. However, it is unjustified for a university to enforce a compulsory and unified requirement on every unique student. With different background and prospective, students’s learning habits may vary in terms of the quantity of selective courses from other fields they choose.  Therefore, encouragement and guidence from university on selecting courses would be more appropriate than a requirement.dingka按：上次写的issue题目要求也是要回应challenge， 我没有做到，这次特意注意了这一点，不知道这段是不算是回应challenge了呢？


回应challenge的段落一般放在中间第三段 你都还没阐述你的观点 如何address challenge呢  



Such requirement will bring unnecessary burden and distraction for students who wish to focus on a certain field of study,

For students who wish to take courses outside their major field for extra credit, quantity and subject of the courses should be decided at their own volition.

我觉得这两点应该可以  
那么你的challenge 就得针对这两点 重新想  

==========================修改版========================


5.27日 issue 提纲训练

拖到了深夜才写，状态很不好。一战时考的就是这个题的另一个版本，自己在考场上写的什么我忽然想不起来了。。。


13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


Universities are places where students get fully developed through learning. However, I don’t agree with the claim that every student should be required to take a variety of courses not related to their fields of study. Such requirement will bring unnecessary burden and distraction for students who wish to focus on a certain field of study, and for students who wish to take courses outside their major field for extra credit, quantity and subject of the courses should be decided at their own volition. Even though without such requirement, some student may ignore the importance of studying outside one's major field, alternative policies, such as guidance and incentive plan may lead to better effect.

Such requirement will bring unnecessary burden and distraction for students who wish to focus on a certain field of study.

For students who wish to take courses outside their major field for extra credit, quantity and subject of the courses should be decided at their own volition.

回应挑战练习之二
Some may argue, without requirement, some student may ignore the importance of studying outside one's major field. It is true that some students may be too focused in a certain field of study while other students may avoid choosing courses from other field simply because they want to have more leisure time. However, a compulsory policy may change their behavior but won't change their mind. At this point, an althernative solution may be a encouraging policy to attract students' interests, for example, guidance on how some courses are important and inspiring can be provided together and sometimes incentive plans, such as scholarship and credit rewarding may also effective too.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingka 发表于 2015-5-28 02:10
5.27日 issue 提纲训练

拖到了深夜才写，状态很不好。一战时考的就是这个题的另一个版本，自己在考场上写 ...

已点评

dingkaUID: 2453299

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-28 07:15
已点评

谢谢老师！

dingkaUID: 2453299

Issue 71
王老师给定的提纲，开头和主旨句。自己写作的是黑体的部分。
计时十五分钟，后来超时了一会儿，又改了改语法和错字。

只用了15分钟？-后来超时没注意，大概20分钟展开三段吧。在真实考试中还是不太够用的。


71. The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

---------

According to the letter, Waymarsh should introduce a policy similar to that of Garville to encourage more drivers to share rides with others to solve a perceived traffic problem.  This policy will be better than the road building project proposed by the city council.  To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the surveys indicating the traffic problem, the policy implemented in Garville that is now proposed for Waymarsh, as well as its strengths and weaknesses relative to the road construction plan.  

To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. More evidence on the details of the recent survey and previous state traffic survey would be needed, such as whether interviewees invoved in the two surveys are comparable. If the survey just completed involves interviewees that are very different from that in the previous state traffic survey, in terms of different traveling distance or driving habit, the prolonged commuting time may only be a result of longer distance or low-speed driving, and won’t be reliable to determine that a traffic problem actually exists.

the survey just completed语法 题目中的用法："according the survey just completed"
won’t be reliable to determine 这个主语是什么？ 句子太长就是容易写错，555.以后还是短句为主。




In addition, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garville and how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh. First, to prove that pollution decrease in Garville is directly caused by car sharing, more information would be needed to exclude other possibilities such as governemnt’s tighter control on polltion discharge, and to determine whether commute time actually decreased in Garville, more evidence other than a few commuter’s words would be needed. Second,even if gas coupon rewarding sharing rides(直接写 the rewarding policy好了) is successful in Garveille, more evidence should be presented to prove that people Waymarsh will embrace the same policy, and are willing to trade their privacy and convenience for a few coupon in the long term.


这个分号用得不对
if gas coupon rewarding sharing rides is successful - 语法恩恩恩都需要改。

Finally, we need to compare the cost and benefits of the ride sharing policy with the proposed road construction project. More statistics should be presented to determine which method is more plausible: road building, though with high cost for construction and reimbursing interrupted neighbourhood, can last 50 years; Car sharing subsidies may be cheap at the first year, but it can accumulate to a huge number over 50 years. Cost of the two ways should be studied thoroughly to judge whether the claim is resonable.


这段还不错

可参考下我的范文



In conclusion, while the proposed  policy seems useful, we need to collect more information to address the issues discussed above to evaluate the soundness of the argument.

总的来说写得还可以

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingka 发表于 2015-5-28 15:21
Issue 71
王老师给定的提纲，开头和主旨句。自己写作的是黑体的部分。
计时十五分钟，后来超时了一会儿， ...

已点评

dingkaUID: 2453299

第一周小结：


1. 请尝试回答以下问题对自己目前的学习情况进行反思。这些问题看起来很多，但是会引导你总结目前的学习状况，所以希望认真回答。回答请贴在自己的练习帖并将楼层的链接回复到这里。我会结合各位的答案及习作对大家本周的学习情况做一个总结。这类的小结之前的同学也做过，请点击这里查看。

1）你目前写issue和argument的开头有没有形成自己的套路？有没有什么困难？  
有一些比较成型的想法，但会写的比较慢。
困难的话，就是限时与不限时差距会很大。体现在思想深度，遣词造句，以及typo和语法错误的数量，一限时就很糟糕。

2）写issue的时候使用1+3模型有没有什么困难？其中包括写出有层次的主旨句以及呼应主旨句的主题句？
之前写issue经常会写着写着脑洞大开，修改前面的，这样很浪费时间。1+3模型很好的解决了这个问题，但目前的问题就是一开始定下的几个论点自己写完之后看可能会不太满意，觉得应该可以更好。

3）写argument的时候使用1+3模型有没有什么困难？其中包括写出有层次的主旨句以及呼应主旨句的主题句？
Argument的话我一直觉得容易写散，能够找出批判的一个个点，但不容易有层次地将其表现出来。这周按王老师的提纲展开写的蛮有感觉，但前提是考试的时候能够总结出来这样的提纲吗？

4）issue中间段选取例子和展开讨论例子方面有什么困难或心得体会？
我自己的例子一般都比较低端，都是假设一个人怎样怎样，再加上这周的题目话题比较日常生活，所以觉得还可以应付，如果碰到，政治、法律的题目，例子可能还真的是个问题。目前还没有写过太难的issue题目。

5）argument的中间段展开有何心得体会？困难问题？
同上，如何把argument中间要批判的点整合有层次地批判，而不是一会儿这个一会儿那个，还要练习。

6）tesolchina及其他同学的点评里，你最主要的收获有哪些？
回应挑战的题目要求，我事先几乎没有重视过！！！！发现了一个重大的盲区！

7）本周写全文花了多长时间？25分钟写完全文有什么困难？
没有计时。之前考试时候我设置了8分钟写提纲和主旨句，15分钟展开三个段落，2分钟结尾，5分钟修改的时间分配模式，基本能够完成，但是质量会下降一些。

8）自己的病句属于哪些类型？打算如何改进？
病句都是属于自己生造的句型，觉得理所当然型。改进的方式就是只写十分有把握的句型。

9）博客274楼提到天下文章一大抄，并鼓励版友在多层面上借鉴tesolchina的范文。在这方面你有何心得体会？或者问题困难？
我自己是就是做文字工作的，一方面履行着一大抄的法则，另外一方面也有些不服气，总觉得自己创造的创意更新颖。但在gre写作中自己毫无优势，能抄就抄吧。
觉得困难是，看的范文越多，脑子里塞的东西多，考试时遇到具体的题目，可能只记得几个关键词，不能够很好的抄到，又制约自己的思路，还挺糟糕的。

比如，这周关于学校是否要求学生修专业外选修课的题目，一开始我觉得应该很容易，我在考场上写过一遍了，就开始回忆当时的思路，后来恍然大悟，原来当时写的题目是不一样的（考场上写的是两派观点，采用了平衡的写法），没法直接用于这道题，这一来一去就耽误了不少时间。不知道考过或者做过限时的同学是否有同感？

2. 请往句子加油站订正这几天练习里出现的病句。
马上去

3. 请计算离自己考GRE作文还有多少天，并更新一下学习计划，包括打算写多少篇提纲及全文以及重点要解决的问题。
本周的一个新的想法是打算推迟一下二战的时间到8月中旬。。。。上班实在太紧，学习时间太少，之前因为负气定了一个月以后二战，发现很难实现。唉。  

4. 请自由发挥一些励志鸡汤鸡血。
鸡汤鸡血的都是浮云，考好分数，申请好学校的目标从来不需要怀疑。如何克服惰性和保持自控力是我和自己战斗的永恒主题。

dingkaUID: 2453299

6.1日 issue 7写完提纲之后觉得蛮有道理，后来写全文的时候觉得有点不对啊。貌似我的第三段成了提出建议段，这样在gre写作中能行么？

你写全文又计时么？

7) Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

Of the two views presented, I tend to agree with the later one that government funding on arts may do more harm than good to the prosperity of arts. Though funding from government can boost development of arts and make it more available to people to a certain extent, such promotion may be associated preference of the government and can’t cover all kinds of art. Also, the integrity of art may sometimes be comprimised when political agenda involves in funding art. While a market-oriented mechanism, although maybe flawed, may be a more justified system for the development of art.


such promotion may be associated preference of the government and can’t cover all kinds of art.整句不知道在说啥

when political agenda involves in funding art. 表达

While a market-oriented mechanism, although maybe flawed, may be a more justified system for the development of art.
句子片段

这个开头可以说是非常失败
感觉上个星期都白练了  
你又回到正反合的老路上去了  


It is true that funding from government can provide benefit for both artists and people who appreciate arts. However, such funding are often associated with government’s preference and intention to make arts available to all people, hence it may be limited and can neglect some kind of art that considered too pioneering for most people to understand. Take some avant-garde performance arts for instance, although they can be considered as very brilliant and important by professional artists, maybe neglected by most regular people who can’t appreciate it. Therefore, it is hard for government to fund such kind of arts using taxpayer’s cash.

你这一段主题句就占了一半篇幅  

While a market-oriented mechanism, although maybe flawed, may be a more justified system for the development of art.
这是写的什么句子啊？

这种题目你没把握就不要写全文 写出来浪费时间何必呢？


What’s more, the integrity of arts can sometime be comprimised under the government funding policy on arts, because political agenda that a government holds may influence the ideas of artists. Such examples are plenty in many totalitarian countries where government censors the subject and form of arts,and only arts with the right ideological agenda can be presented to people. In North Korea, fine arts and movies can only be shown when they are themed to present the prosperity of the country, while a slight sign of critism would be considered inappropriate by the government. Such examples can even be found in US during cold-war era, when many movies funded by governments during that time unfairly scolded Soviet Union.

As an alternative solution, a market-oriented mechanism, although not perfect, is a more justified system for the development of arts. Under such policy, arts with real values and good reputation, regardless of popularity at a moment, will be recognized by collectors and the market. What’s more, high price for high-quality arts provides incentive for artists to continue their independant work, while cheap duplicates of arts in the market make them available to regular people as well.



To sum up, government funding may limit the development of pioneering arts and threat the integrity of arts, thus other solutions such as market system should be considered when it comes to funding arts.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingka 发表于 2015-6-1 22:52
6.1日 issue 7写完提纲之后觉得蛮有道理，后来写全文的时候觉得有点不对啊。貌似我的第三段成了提出建议段， ...

已评

dingkaUID: 2453299

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-1 23:09
已评

额谢谢老师。限时写完没修改就是这么个水平。怪不得3分党。我好好思考一下。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingka 发表于 2015-6-1 23:25
额谢谢老师。限时写完没修改就是这么个水平。怪不得3分党。我好好思考一下。

限时写作前要充分的准备和构思