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[习作点评] 晹城 同主题练习习作贴 —— The Road to Writing Well [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-9-4 16:54:46 |显示全部楼层
[0622 同主题练习] Issue 59

这题先按照当日的练习要求写了第一段和三个主题句,但用了18min,开头段有写了10min。后来按照老师的提纲和例子重新写了篇完整的,竟然用了50分钟额滴神呐,也包括中间查例子怎么说,挺长时间没写大概手生了。

59) Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


The most essential purpose for scientists and researchers doing their study and research is to benefit the human beings and our earth. Some people claim that scientists and researchers should focus their research on areas that could benefit as many people as possible. Whether this statement hold true should depend on the specific area we discuss. It is reasonable for researchers in engineering. But when it comes to researchers in natural science and social science, there are other factors such as curiosity and caring for the disadvantages that may lead the research.

To begin with, researchers in engineering should focus their research on the projects that could bring benefits to people in a large scale, such as improving the work efficiency of workers in different fields and make high technique available to more consumers. One of the highest paid jobs in the world could be algorithm engineer, who works on improving the efficiency of a piece of code and improving coders' productivity. The improved code could be shorter, easier to test and revise, and especially faster for the computers to run. Google's Project Loon could be another example, which aims to let more people, especially those in rural areas, get access to the internet. For engineers, they should focus on the area that could make more people have access to internet connection and other high techniques.

Nevertheless, it is unrealistic to expect natural scientists to choose their research projects based on whether their research outcomes could help a great many people. One of the purpose of natural science is to satisfy people's curiosity about our earth and the universe. In some more specific areas like astronomy and pure science, many of the researches aim to solve the scientists' problems, such as the Big Bong Theory, which make scientists be clear about the origin of the universe. This kind of research cannot benefit a great many of people, but they are still of great importance since they help people know our world better. Besides, the outcomes of some research in natural science are unpredictable actually. Scientists just do not know where their research outcome could be used. Einstein could never know his achievement in theory of relativity would be used in atom bomb. And how will atom bomb affect the human race depends on other groups of people, maybe politicians.

Furthermore, researches in social science must focus their research work on some small group of people and aim to improve their living conditions, rather than the most general public. To make the society more balanced, they should care about the disadvantages, such as disables and the elderly. The policy about social security must consider the disadvantages as a great part and give them special care. Disables, of course, are small group of people. But they are still important to the society. Scientists in social science should not aim themselves to heal the whole world. Some of the problems related to small group of people deserve the same concern.

In sum, the claim that scientists and researchers should focus their research on areas that could bring benefits to as many people as possible could not hold true in all of the areas. Researchers in engineering should make their projects benefit the greatest number of people. For researchers in natural science and social science, however, they should care about research that could make the nature more clear to human and that could improve the living conditions of the disadvantages, rather than benefiting the greatest number of people.

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发表于 2015-9-5 16:43:42 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 晹城 于 2015-9-5 17:37 编辑

[0623 同主题练习] Issue 34

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



还是按照老师的提纲来写。只是例子另外找的。这篇写了33分钟,不过时间短确实就写得很浅。根据老师的范文再学一些表达~

Para.1
I disagree with the statement that in any situation, progress requires discourse among people who hold contrasting viewpoints. Whether contrasting points of view can lead to progress should depend on the specific situation being discussed. In areas of science and some political issues, discussions among people with contrasting viewpoints dose help the theory or the political issue make a progress. However, in some sensitive areas like religious matter, such debate could lead to greater conflict and even wars.

Revised:
  • the specific situation being discussed -> the specific contexts of the discussion

  • help the theory or the political issue make a progress -> 这句话表达成can promopt learning as we can more critically examine our methods and data with their input 就不会那么浅了

  • such debate ->不知道这里会不会有指代不明的问题,但可以说discussing religious matters with people from different backgrounds


Para.2
To begin with, it is essential for scientists and researchers to have a discussion on the issue that they hold different viewpoints about. Through discourse between people with contrasting positions, they could learn more that is helpful on their own theory. In the past decades, debates among physicians who insisted wave theory and who believed in quantum theory have been lasting for a long time. But it was the debate that helps scientists to develop the “string” theory, which could be a result of reconciling those two contrasting theories. In purely science, actually, a great many of the achievements or theories are developed from discourse of scientists with contrasting points of view.

Revised:
  • it is essential……that they hold different viewpoints about  -> 范文的说法直接是,可以learn more,因为……(discussing with them forces us to examine more critically our own methods and data)

  • 后面例子不同,主要就是学表达了:By exploering the advantages and disadvantages of the method, the researcher can learn a great deal……
    ——提出例子
    ——解释例子(用例子的道理说明论点)

  • 分论点的结论经常可以用有一点逆否命题感觉的句子写:如果只present his study to people who agree with him,那么这样的learning opportunities are not possible.


Para.3
Furthermore, opposing theories in social issues and political issues can also help to establish a better policy. People who hold opposing viewpoints about social issues are often considering different group of people in the society. If the discourse between the two factions could reach to a consensus, it means that the interests of different group of people can get insurance. Legislators are always debate on some issues concerning about different groups of people. Their discussion could help to make the law more advanced and could be fair to more people. Without such discourse, there could always be a group of people whose rights or interests can be easily challenged.


  • ——提出例子:同性恋婚姻支持者从与反对者的辩论中得到启发
    ——解释例子:他们从反对者的态度中学到什么
    ——例子结果:双方都意识到disagreement can be better understood and handled by promoting mutual respect



Para.4
Although discussion among people with contrasting points of view can often lead to progress in areas in science and social issues, there are still some situations in which such discussions are better to be avoided. Take religious matter as an example, people in different factions of religion could have totally different beliefs and such opposing beliefs can never be reconciled. Think of an atheist and a devout Christian, for the former, human, nature and everything in the world could not be created by Jesus, which conflict with the opinion held by the Christians. + Discussion among these two groups of people could not help them make progress, but might lead to stronger conflict.

Revised:
  • 承上启下开头:As the above two examples clearly illustrate, ...hold true so long as people can have a reational and peaceful discussion dispite their different points of view. + Nevertheless

  • + Such conversation may easily turn into an emotional and irritional conflict as both sides could not hold a reational and peachful discussion on such a sensitive topic.



Para.5
In sum, whether the claim that progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view hold true or not should depend on which area to discuss. I believe that scientists and researchers can learn more when they discuss with their colleagues who hold contrasting viewpoints of theirs. Policy and law could be better through discourse among politicians and legislators. Nevertheless, it is better to avoid such debates when it comes to religious matters.


  • In sum, 同意的情况。 Nevertheless, 反对的情况。




每段开头除了常用的那些表达以外:
When it comes to ...
In the context of ...


附:范文issue 49

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