dingchenchen-2015AW写作训练

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

6月24日

ISSUE 34  快速练习 (6月23日快速练习 )

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

用时:30mins
TS
Some people believe that progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view in any situation. I don't agree completely with this opinion because that whether to have discussion is up to different circumstances. It's unnecessary for scientists who make progress of theories independently to have discussion with other scientists who have contrary points of view. Nevertheless,  when one progress, such as in biological field and public policy,  concerns majority of people's benefits within a country or even the world, it's necessary and critical to discuss the progress with people having contrasting views.  
这一段我分了两类，一类是关乎个人成败的，如物理学家独立建立了一套理论，这个可以是他们独立完成，不需要讨论。第二类是关乎大多数人的利益的，这个必须需要慎重的讨论，比如生物上的转基因，还有政治上的体制改革，如下文的高考改革。


ts1
There is unnecessary to discuss with people holding contradict ideas for one progress in developing science theories. Because that whether the progress will be right or wrong will not bring disaster for any people, the only harm is that scientists will be frustrated if the theory failing to explain one phenomenon. 例子是牛顿与胡克的矛盾并没有阻止牛顿在物理学发展上的贡献。
ts2
Progress in biology, especially in gene field that relates highly to practice, certainly requires serious discussion among other scientists who have contrasting points of view. Nowadays GMO and clon technology affect significantly people's food security and morality. 说一下转基因食品给人们的健康带来的不确定性以及潜在的危害。
ts3
In political field there is necessary to discuss progresses of policy with other politicians who hold contrasting points of view, in order to benefit the greatest number of people. 比如高考改革也是深化体制改革中的一项，这个也是经过严密的讨论才最终定下来的。

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

issue 57 练习

issue57)  The main benefit of the study of history is todispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different frompeople who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain yourreasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might nothold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

para.1	作用	内容点评	句子点评
I do not agree with the statement that  studying history is to dispel the difference between people who are living  nowadays and people who lived in earlier times.	表明自己观点
In fact, nowadays people’s material life and mental life have  indeed significantly changed with progressions of society. In addition,  through studying history we could learn that we should not be too absolute  toward some achievements of modern people.	主旨句1+2+3	最后一个点在这里不用说的太具体 需要强调一下学习历史的教育功能	too absolute选词
para. 2
To begin with, with the progressions of  science and technology modern people’s material life has changed greatly  comparing with our ancestors’.	主旨句1
Nowadays people live in an easy circumstance, such as having  secure place to live, owning fixed homes, having abundant food and nutrition.	解释		easy circumstance选词
Especially after industry revolution, people’s life level improved  greatly as productivity was increased enormously by machines.	举例		life level 选词 不知道你在说啥
And higher the productivity is, cheaper the commodities are.	解释例子
Therefore people can buy higher quality commodities than before by  costing the same money.
It is clear that people’s material life is different from their  ancestors and changed profoundly.	总结	你这个内容有点离题了 题目说的是people are different 所以我的文章讲的都是people的内在特点 而你却是说的外在的生活
para.3
In addition, modern people’s mental life is  different greatly from the people who lived in earlier times.	主旨句2
Take the building of the people’s republic of China as example.  The feudal society of China has last for 2,500years, and during this period  empire has absolute power and the royal course was strict.	举例	在国外 新中国建立被视为 大陆沦陷 呵呵
Royal numbers were born with privileges superior to peasants.	解释
On the contrary, ordinary people almost have no chance to enter  the royal class and they never dared to deny the categorical privileges.
However with the dissemination of freedom and democracy people  began to fight for egalitarian.
Ultimately the chairman Mao ended the feudal society and built the  people’s republic of China with a new ideology system for everyone’s  benefit.		孙中山先生表示辛亥革命的时候毛还是个少年 西方人对毛的态度你到了美国就知道了 尽量别提他就是了
para.4
As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our  ancestors is not an illusion.	总结上面的不同
Thus one of benefits of studying history is to recognize the  differences in order to be modest towards achievement that modern people have  made in that future people might develop highly in several aspects and be  different greatly from our achievements today.	主旨句3	这里没有将主旨句里other benefits的意思写出来啊
For example, people once believed in Aristoteles’s theory of  freely falling body, but in several centuries later, Newton proved this  theory wrong and then developed a new theory.	举例
Though  Newton’s theory seemingly can explain well about the motion of freely falling  body, we cannot guarantee that this theory would not be challenged in future.
Therefore we should be modest towards the achievements that  seem to be wonderful today.	总结
para.5
In  conclusion, I do not agree with the statement in that modern people are  indeed different from those lived in earlier time in term of material and  mental life; in addition, the benefit of studying history is to understand  these differences and be modest towards achievements that humans have made.	总结三个主旨句

这篇写的不太好也不要气馁，因为这道题挺难写的。

*************************************************************************************

6月25日  issue 57 快速练习

57）The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

用时：40mins
I agree that the main benefit of the study of history is to figure out the similarity between people living now and people lived in earlier times in the fields of politics and psychology science, these fields have obvious regularities to follow to manage a country in order and to cure people suffered from metal disease. Nevertheless, it's beneficial for biological sciences to discern differences that may reveal the course of human's evolution between people living now and people who lived in earlier times.

figure out the similarity 搭配问题
people lived in earlier times 句子结构
第一句需要断句  
不太能理解你Nevertheless后面这句话的意思   这道题在讨论研究历史的好处 你为什么会扯到生物科学？


In political field, it's important to find out similarities between people now and past from study of history, thus regularities or means of management concluded from typical history events can bring patterns to follow in some special situation for politicians. 比如任何一个安定的时代，执政者们都是考虑了大多数人民的利益的。一旦违背这个规律，就会发生动乱。

注意断句



Additionally, it's essential for psychologists to summarize similarities between people who living now and live in earlier times from different disease cases, thus they can find efficient ways to cure patients. 心理学家要研究某一类人的行为模式，这样才能可能找到治愈方案。比如弗洛伊德的精神分析疗法。



However, in biological field, finding differences between people now and past is vital to explain evolution of humans by studying history and heredity of genes. 对于人类的进化和基因的遗传，生物学家需要找到过去的人和现在的人们的不同之处。


你的第二和第三个中间段完全离题

CandyisthebestUID: 3626719

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-6-25 18:27
6月25日  issue 57 快速练习

57）The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion ...

楼上的童鞋我来咯~~



political field可以举例再实在一点，我在习作里面有一段也是写political field，我用的例子是一战、二战~

精神分析疗法这个我还特意去百度了下呃。。。。不过我不太清楚这个为什么不仅要研究现在人，还要研究过去人才能找到治愈方案。如果是按一类一类病患来分的话，和issue说的按时间前后来分好像不太一致~


生物学家这个例子感觉还蛮贴切的！高中学的什么隔代遗传blablabla~这个例子很好！！

以上是我的个人看法啦，希望对你有一定的参考作用呦~

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

ISSUE 13 7-15同主题练习
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

用时25mins

句子	作用	内容点评	句子点评
para.1
Given the fact that nowadays versatile employees are more and more  popular among employers, I agree with the statement that students should be  required to take various courses in other fields of study.	提出观点		versatile employees 什么意思 popular？ sought after
On one hand, students can have different perspectives from other  disciplines to improve their specialties study.	主旨句1		specialties study 搭配
On the other hand, graduates can develop their citizenships by  taking courses outsides fields of study.	主旨句2	主语不对 毕业生怎么take course
While some may argue that it is useless for students' future  careers by taking courses outsides their major, it does benefit students'  future careers development by practicing their many skills.	主旨句3		第二个it指代不明
para.2
To begin with, by taking a variety of courses in other fields  students can gain different perspectives form these courses.	主旨句1		gain perspective 搭配 from
Take the students in education as example.	举例
By taking courses in computer science and technology, education  majors can learn latest technologies worldwide, which may improve education  effective and be helpful for their future teaching careers.			improve education  effective不懂
Through courses on psychology, education students can learn about  how people learn and what factors affects the efficiency of learning.
Thus they can reexamine the majors from different angles and  better understand education majors they are learning.	总结		reexamine the majors -搭配 understand majors 搭配 understand the issues in the field
para.3
In addition, students can also become more responsible citizens  able to make informed decisions on social issues by taking courses in other  fields.	主旨句2		who are able to
Students in arts and politics, for example, can better understand  how technologies transformed the society we are living and make good use of  them by taking courses in science technology.	举例		living in good use of them指代 science technology?
Students in math and natural science can gain  more insights into debates on political issues through courses in politics  and history.	举例
Therefore it is helpful for a society to cultivate many  well-educated people by the requirement proposed.	总结	要回应本段中心
para.4
Some people may argue that taking courses outsides fields of study  is useless and has no benefit to students' career development.	可能的挑战
I would argue that students will have many  benefits by taking a variety of courses in other field.	主旨句3	这里的benefits要强调是career相关的才算回应挑战
Taking writing in English, for example, can help students majoring  in science and politics to sharpen their writing skills as well as  communication skills, which are necessary for effective communication in  nearly any job they may take.	举例		断句
Thus it is also beneficial for students' future careers to take  courses outsides of majors.	总结
para. 5
In  conclusion, it is helpful for students' academic study, development of  citizenship and careers by taking a variety courses outsides fields of study.	总结

语言表达有进步
==========================句         子        修        改=========================
谢谢老师细致的点评~

Para.1

Given the fact that nowadays versatile employees are more and more popular among employers, I agree with the statement that students should be required to take various courses in other fields of study.

versatile employees 什么意思popular？ sought after

Given the fact that the world is more and more competitive, I agree with the statement that students should be required to take various courses in other fields of study.

On one hand, students can have different perspectives from other disciplines to improve their specialties study

specialties study 搭配

On one hand, students can have different perspectives from other disciplines to improve their major studies.

On the other hand, graduates can develop their citizenships by taking courses outsides fields of study.

主语不对 毕业生怎么take course,  outsides

On the other hand, students can develop their citizenships by taking courses outside fields of study.

While some may argue that it is useless for students' future careers by taking courses outside their major, it does benefit students' future careers development by practicing their many skills.

第二个it指代不明

While some may argue that it is useless for students’ future careers by taking courses outside their major, taking lessons in other fields does benefit students’ careers development.

Para.2

To begin with, by taking a variety of courses in other fields students can gain different perspectives form these courses.

gain perspective 搭配from

To begin with, by taking a variety of courses in other fields students can gain different perspectives from these courses.

Take the students in education as example. By taking courses in computer science and technology, education majors can learn latest technologies worldwide, which may improve education effective and be helpful for their future teaching careers.

improve education  effective不懂

Take the students in education as example. By taking courses in computer science and technology, education majors can learn latest technologies worldwide, which may provide students with new method to conduct researches in education.

Through courses on psychology, education students can learn about how people learn and what factors affects the efficiency of learning. Thus they can reexamine the majors from different angles and better understand education majors they are learning.

reexamine the majors -搭配
understand majors 搭配
understand the issues in the field

Through courses on psychology, education students can learn about how people learn and what factors affects the efficiency of learning. Thus they can understand their study in education better from different perspectives.

Para.3

In addition, students can also become more responsible citizens able to make informed decisions on social issues by taking courses in other fields.

who are able to

In addition, students can also become more responsible citizens who are able to make informed decisions on social issues by taking courses in other fields.

Students in arts and politics, for example, can better understand how technologies transformed the society we are living and make good use of them by taking courses in science technology.

living in
good use of them指代 science technology?

Students in arts and politics, for example, can better understand how technologies transformed the society we are living in by taking courses in science technology.

Students in math and natural science can gain more insights into debates on political issues through courses in politics and history. Therefore it is helpful for a society to cultivate many well-educated people by the requirement proposed.

要回应本段中心

Therefore it is helpful for a society to cultivate many responsible people and develop their citizenship by the requirement proposed.

Para.4

Some people may argue that taking courses outsides fields of study is useless and has no benefit to students' career development. I would argue that students will have many benefits by taking a variety of courses in other field.

这里的benefits要强调是career相关的才算回应挑战

Some people may argue that taking courses outsides fields of study is useless and has no benefit to students' career development. I would argue that taking a variety of courses in other field if beneficial for students to develop their careers.  

Taking writing in English, for example, can help students majoring in science and politics to sharpen their writing skills as well as communication skills, which are necessary for effective communication in nearly any job they may take.

断句

Taking English writing courses, for example, can help students majoring in science and politics to sharpen their writing skills, which are necessary for effective communication in nearly any job they may take.

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

ISSUE 7
7) Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.


参照王老师范文写的提纲

para.1	作用	内容点评	句子点评
Nowadays arts play an important role in people’s daily life as they can provide entertainment and arts education.	艺术的作用
On the one hand, I agree that government funding of arts can ensure many ordinary people have a chance to enjoy arts and meanwhile flourish arts.	对艺术的好处
On the other hand, government funding may also threaten the integrity of the arts as many arts may sacrifice their peculiarity to cater the government for funding.	对艺术的坏处
In my opinion, government should sponsor arts indirectly by an independent committee as an available solution to the potential threat of the integrity of arts.	解决方法
para.2
First of all, government funding is essential to benefit arts and people in that it provide financial support for artists who are poor but talent to continue pure arts and also provide an opportunity for ordinary people to enjoy high quality arts.	对艺术的好处
这里没有例子，直接是论述的
para.3
On the other hand, government funding would also threaten the integrity of arts because that some artists may compromise their arts value to government’s value other insisting their original belief in order to get government funding.	对艺术的坏处
例子是政治对艺术的影响
para.4
Given the conflict between the need of government funding to flourish arts and the threat of government support to the integrity of arts, I would suggest that an independent committee in neutral political way to sponsor government funding can be a good solution.	解决方案
例子是Hong Kong Arts Development Council

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

话说你在我的微信群里么？

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-5 17:47
话说你在我的微信群里么？

老师，我加了你的微信。微信群号是什么？是你的ID吗？

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

ISSUE 62 提纲
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

刚开始审题的时候对demands that are placed on them有些糊涂，感觉这个demands的概念很笼统。刚开始自己审题的时候觉得无论什么领域的leader都需要考虑demands啊，看了范文和同学的作文后发现我的这个想法不好写，找出每个领域的leader具有的特殊的性，就可以否定demands了。

我还是觉得分领域比较熟悉，参照Kssandra的写了提纲。

TS
Whether the statement holds true or not true depends on the fields that leaders belong to. In the fields of politics, leaders need skillful experience to deal with tough political affairs rather than demands placed on them. Similarly, leaders in academia can be effective with professional training in place of meeting any demands. Nevertheless, it is necessary for leaders to response to demands for them in social movement.  

ts1
Without being tested by demands for leadership, people are often voted to be leaders in politics as they have extraordinary experience to deal with tough political affairs.
政治上主要是处理政治事务的能力。

ts2
In addition, leaders in academia can also be competent because of professional training and expertise that are necessary for the leadership position.
学术上主要是专业能力，比如主持项目的能力、学术水平等。

ts3
However, in social movements, it is important for a leader to meet the demand placed on them.
马丁·路德·金的Civil Rights Movement（借用Kssandra的）

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-6-17 10:17
我之前写了两篇ISSUE，这是第一篇，等以后熟悉了老师的写作模式了之后再来修改。
如果大家有时间可以帮忙看 ...

你写的这道题好像是老题库的题目

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-6 22:16
你写的这道题好像是老题库的题目

好像是的啊 。
刚开始写ISSUE的时候不知道从何下手，于是就跟同学一起写了两篇，也没考虑是不是新G题库里的题目。后来看了老师的帖子，就开始练习老师的练习贴了。

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

ISSUE 113 提纲

113）Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.        
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.        

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.


这道题的思路跟ISSUE 57有点像啊。ISSUE 57的题目如下。
57）The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
——ISSUE 57 老师在写这个的时候思路是，先写现在的人和过去的人不一样，从精神生活和物质生活两方面来写（ts1+ts2），最后再写历史的benefits是什么（ts3）。
——ISSUE 113的思路是，先定义great nation，然后依据给的定义来讨论，首先是welfare不是great nation的good indicator（ts1），然后从现代和历史的角度来谈achievements of elites是great nation的good indicators（ts2+ts3）.



按照老师的思路来写提纲：

para.1	作用	内容点评	句子点评
Before discussing the issue in the statement, great nation should be defined clearly first of all.
In my opinion, a great nation should have made far-reaching influence on modern world for the development of society or humankinds.	定义great nation
Given the definition of great nation, welfare may not be a indicator of a great nation, and achievements that elites made in modern society or in history can be better indicators of a great nation.	主旨句1+2+3
para.2
To start with, welfare is not a good indicator of a great nation in that the welfare may because of fluent natural resource or invasion of other nations other than development of technology or science, which can improve welfare of most nations in the world.	主旨句1
一些富裕的国家是靠对外侵略或天然资源富有的，这并不能促进世界的进步，因此不能算作great nation	例子
para.3
In modern society, great nation with achievements of elites in the fields of science, technology and arts can not only benefit the development of itself, but also can enhance the progress of other nations worldwide.	主旨句2
比如科学的进步可以促进各个国家的研究，造福每一个人	例子
para.4
When looking back of the history, similarly, we will find that elites’ achievements have significant impact on development of the world.	主旨句3
比如我国古代的四大发明。	例子

RevrieRiverUID: 3470313

welfare is not a good indicator of a great nation in that the welfare may because of fluent natural resource or invasion of other nations other than development of technology or science
------------------------------
这句话语法不通哈，句意不明晰

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

RevrieRiver 发表于 2015-7-7 23:00
welfare is not a good indicator of a great nation in that the welfare may because of fluent natural  ...

谢谢点评~~：）
这一句是有些混乱，可能源于断句不清。我来改一下：
Welfare is not a good indicator of a great nation, because a nation can gain welfare based on fluent natural sources or by invading other country's welfare, which can not enhance the development worldwide and benefit other countries.
这个样子断句是不是更清楚些？

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

ISSUE 33  提纲
33) As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


ISSUE33和ISSUE109是同一个类型的题目。我也来审一下ISSUE33这个题：
——ISSUE33题目的观点是，当我们知识获得地越多，我们的理解不仅没有加深，反而增加了理解的复杂性和困惑。知识增多带来的坏处。并且根据题目的要求，我们要分情况讨论——好、坏都要讨论到。
——ISSUE109更是明确提出了，要好、坏两个方面必须讨论到。

对于这类题目，不能出现自己的观点前后矛盾的情况，这个是我以前常犯的毛病。但是分情况来讨论自己的立场是很必要的，也是不会出现自相矛盾的情况的。

我的句子也存在很多问题，慢慢地改吧。我发现我一写长句子就容易出现句意模糊的情况，因此我要尽量用短句子把我的意思表达明白再说。
我发现老师的范文中有很多好的句型，哈哈借用借用~~

para.1	作用	内容点评	句子点评
Whether more knowledge will be more comprehensible or complex depends on the group of people we are talking about.	表明要分情况讨论
For general people who usually utilize the results of science, the more knowledge they have, the more convenient their life will be.	主旨句1+2
However, for scientists who devoted themselves to explain natural phenomena and solve puzzles, they may be complex and find that nature is mysterious when they learn more about the nature.	主旨句3
para.2
In natural science, there is no doubt that many results of research bring a more comprehensible understanding about the world we are living and much convenience to live in an easy way.	主旨句1
爱因斯坦质能方程E=mc^2揭示了物质蕴含的巨大能量，可以为现在面临的能源短缺提供一个选择，比如核能发电等。还有爱迪生发明了电灯泡，给世界带来了光明。	例子
para.3
In addition, many researches in society science also make us more comprehensible about phenomena that are too normal for us to realize the deeper meaning and meanwhile bring us a new angle to solve problems.	主旨句2
老师列的那个microeconomic theory的例子是我没听说过的，挺新奇：驾驶员系好安全带更容易给行人带来安全隐患。	例子
para.4
While many researches in both nature science and society science have greatly advanced understanding of the natural world and the human society, studies in nature science are far less certain about the world as they have already known it.	主旨句3（句型借用老师的）
我觉得这段可以用牛顿经典力学和相对论之间的发展，比如伽利略否定了亚里士多德关于自由落体运动，最终形成了牛顿力学，后来爱因斯坦发明了相对论，当物体运动的速度小于光速时，相对论理论和牛顿的理论符合了，那么爱因斯坦的相对论是否会最终取代牛顿的经典力学呢？这个还是未知。	例子

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昨天老师点评，我的para2中的观点有问题，“In natural science, there is no doubt that many results of research bring a more comprehensible understanding about the world we are living and much convenience to live in an easy way.”我的这句的重点在对科技成果的应用上，并没有说明“知识增多可以带来更深的理解”。我发现我的首段也存在这个问题。
在审题的时候，对关键词的把握也是非常重要的，否则的话很容易写跑题。

明天再改吧。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-8 20:35
ISSUE 33  提纲
33) As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more ...

In natural science, there is no doubt that many results of research bring a more comprehensible understanding about the world we are living and much convenience to live in an easy way.

这句话已经和题目的主旨偏离了  
注意题目的关键词 再仔细看看
这道题我有写的 你看看我是怎么回应关键词的