[习作点评] 7月20日 issue 91 同主题练习 [复制链接]

tesolchina
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发表于 2015-7-17 22:27:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-21 23:53 编辑

91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.

警告：仔细读部分同学模仿我的文章后，感觉这道题我写得不是特别好，针对题目里的should和goal的处理不理想，因此希望大家在模仿时自己再考虑一下。

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

修改了一下这篇文章。对于引起的不便表示歉意。希望大家对我写的文章持批判的态度，发现硬伤及时指出。

修改版
In today’s world, the economic development has been constantly driven by the advances of new technologies and the ways we live our lives are regularly transformed by new shifts in technological paradigms.  It is important for us to reflect on the goal of technological development and its consequences.  I agree that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency in a variety of activities.  But whether or not people will have and enjoy more leisure time depends on the roles different people play in the society and the goals they have in their life.

When developing technologies used by students and researchers in higher education, the goal should be to help them work on their academic studies and research projects more efficiently.  One of the major challenges of students and scholars is to keep pace with the increasing amount of scholarships that are now available in digital forms.  Search engines such as Google Scholar and Citation management softwares such as Zotero have enabled the students and researchers to access and manage a large number of research articles efficiently.  Yet, with the blessings of such advanced technologies, students and scholars will not enjoy more leisure time.  With the increasing competition among students and scholars worldwide for places of further education and research funding, expectations are high for better academic performance and research output.  Therefore, it is likely that students and researchers have to work long hours to meet such expectations.

Likewise, the primary concern of advancing technologies for white-collar workers and business managers should also be efficiency, especially when it comets to team work. For example, through teleconferencing enabled by the Internet, people can now work from home by staying in touch with colleagues through microphone and camera, thereby saving the commuting time and increasing the overall work efficiency.  This is, in fact, the primay goal of developing new telecommunication technologies. But this new development, instead of offering more time for people to enjoy their leisure activities, threatens to take away the time they should spend with their families. After all, the boudary between workplace and home has been blurred, with the demand of more work eating away our family time.

The only group of people that actually can enjoy more leisure time as a result of technological innovation is the retired elderly people.  The technological solutions designed for them should have efficiency as the top priority so that more time can be saved for leisure.  By shopping online via stores such as Amazon.com and eBay, the elderly can stay at home and get everything they need by delivery.  Smart refrigerators can help them keep track of the grocery items they need automatically and facilitate the ordering in a much more efficient way. In addition, latest mobile technologies also make it possible for them to do certain body checkup via smart wristwatches, making it unnecessary to even visit the doctor under certain circumstances. The time they saved will go to their favorite leisure activities as they have retired and do not have any commitement to jobs.

In conclusion, it is reasonable to argue that the main goal of technological development is to increase people’s efficiency in doing different things and save our precious time. But for most people who have to work and make a living, they would not be able to enjoy more leisure time but often find themselves working long hours to keep up with the pace of modern life. Yet, for the retired elderly, to live in today’s world full of technological innovation is a true blessing as they can enjoy a great amount of leisure time.

还是贴一篇范文在这里附上分析。如果你上周的语言问题很大，请只写开头段和中间第一段；如果你还需要熟悉思路和例子，请阅读范文后按照我的思路、例子来写；如果你已经有信心独立完成，就别看了，直接写。不管哪种情况，都要计时，因为考场上你只有30分钟。有什么心得体会请尽量记录下来。

这道题其实有点麻烦不仅涉及到科技进步的目标还涉及到这个目标背后的目的所以写的时候要同时处理两个点

In today’s world, the economic development has been constantly driven by the advances of new technologies and the ways we live our lives are regularly transformed by new shifts in technological paradigms.  It is important for us to reflect on the goal of technological development and its consequences.  I agree that the primary goal of technological advancement is to increase people’s efficiency in a variety of activities.  But whether or not people will have and enjoy more leisure time depends of the roles different people play in the society and the goals they have in their life.

开头段我先写了一个背景  其实也可以不写时间省下来检查背景一定要切题不要扯些无关的
题目这句话就是一种反省所以我说反省很重要算是对题目的某种概括吧
然后就提出观点首先肯定前半部分这部分没有分类但是针对后半句对people分类

For students and researchers in higher education, with the advent of the computers and the Internet, a large amount of information for academic studies is just a few clicks away in the form of e-books, journal databases and online courseware.  The development of digital technologies have significantly increased the efficiency of looking up for academic references and accessing the materials for self-directed learning.  But this does not mean that students and scholars will enjoy more leisure time saved by technologies. In fact, with the enhanced efficiency comes the increasing pressure to accomplish more within a shorter period of time. College students are expected to learn as much as they can by pursuing double or triple majors and taking courses in traditional classrooms as well as Internet-based courses delivery platform.  Scholars also have to sacrifice their personal time to keep up with the explosion of scholarly works now available in digital forms and produce their own journal articles to survive in a “publish or perish” world.

这一段针对学生和学者其实第一句不算主题句概括全段更像是铺垫说一个背景
第二句就回应题目的efficiency  回应题目不时或忘啊  注意这里题目只说efficiency 其实没有说做什么的efficiency 留了一个很大的空间给我们来补充要补充就得将问题放到具体的语境里去
这就是分类讨论的意义所在
But这一句就回应了题目中关于leisure这部分
接下来进一步的解释注意后面的讨论是和前面相呼应的

Likewise, white-collar workers and business managers can also work more efficiently as a team via a wide range of new technologies. For example, through teleconferencing enabled by the Internet, people can now work from home by staying in touch with colleagues through microphone and camera, thereby saving the commuting time and increasing the overall work efficiency.  This is, in fact, the primary goal of developing new telecommunication technologies. But this new development, instead of offering more time for people to enjoy their leisure activities, threatens to take away the time they should spend with their families. After all, the boundary between workplace and home has been blurred, with the demand of more work eating away our family time.

接下来针对白领群体科技在这里的作用时提高团队合作效率
然后举例
举例之后不忘回应题目的关键词 goal
然后回应leisure的问题
这个套路和上段是差不多的

The only group of people that actually can enjoy more leisure time as a result of technological innovation is the retired elderly people.  By shopping online via stores such as Amazon.com and eBay, the elderly can stay at home and get everything they need by delivery.  Smart refrigerators can help them keep track of the grocery items they need automatically and facilitate the ordering in a much more efficient way. In addition, latest mobile technologies also make it possible for them to do certain body checkup via smart wristwatches, making it unnecessary to even visit the doctor under certain circumstances. The time they save will go to their favorite leisure activities as they have retired and do not have any commitment to jobs.

再说退休人士这个群体
三个例子网购、智能冰箱、智能手表智能冰箱略偏门这种干货靠的是平时积累相信大家还可以想到其他的
最后还是回应下leisure的问题

In conclusion, it is reasonable to argue that the main goal of technological development is to increase people’s efficiency in doing different things and save our precious time. But for most people who have to work and make a living, they would not be able to enjoy more leisure time but often find themselves working long hours to keep up with the pace of modern life. Yet, for the retired elderly, to live in today’s world full of technological innovation is a true blessing as they can enjoy a great amount of leisure time.

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[习作点评] 7月20日 issue 91 同主题练习 [复制链接]

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