8月7日 argument提纲众包审核

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
― Linus Torvalds

这个周末，我邀请大家参与一个众包（crowdsourcing)的活动--检查我的argument提纲。由于编写GRE作文书已经提上日程，我最近整理了一下argument题库，174道题里除去重复的题目共有86道。然后我写了41篇范文，ETS提供了2篇范文。剩下的还有43篇，我最近写了23篇英文提纲。为了保证这些提纲的质量，现在请大家来审核提纲的内容，看看我的提纲有没有漏掉什么重要的内容或者有什么地方写得不够清晰。

参加方法：
1. 先回帖占一层楼
2. 根据自己的楼层数查看相应的argument并自己列一个提纲
3. 对比自己的提纲和我的博客相应楼层的提纲
4. 编辑自己的楼层，对我的提纲提出意见和改进建议、心得体会、收获等等

2楼：argument 46 博客 465楼
3楼：argument 44 博客 464楼
4楼：argument 43 博客 463楼
6楼：argument 42 博客 462楼
7楼：argument 40 博客 461楼
8楼：argument 38 博客 460楼
9楼：argument 37 博客 459楼
10楼：argument 36 博客 458楼
11楼：argument 33 博客 457楼
12楼：argument 31 博客 456楼
13楼：argument 27 博客 455楼
14楼：argument 13 博客 454楼
15楼：argument 12 博客 453楼
16楼：argument  6 博客 452楼
18楼：argument 63 博客469楼

将来的出版的书中会向所有参与本众包计划同学的寄托ID致谢。

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

Argument 46 以下是老师的提纲
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The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens met the standards as then defined.

But these experts are mistaken when they suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness.

Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit.

Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.

assumption 1: the decreasing percentage of physically fit citizens is not related to the changing standards or the ageing of the population
- perhaps the standards have become higher resulting in fewer people identified as fit
- perhaps people become less physically fit simply because of ageing

assumption 2: levels of ownership of computers accurately reflect the time spent on computers
- maybe people spend more time using computers at work
- maybe people who own computers can better afford time and money for exercises and medical care (ownership of computers indicate socioeconomic classes rather than time spent on computers)

assumption 3: the low expenditures of fitness-related products are results of declining economy and the use of such products is necessary for keeping fit  
- the low expenditure may be a result of high expenditure in the previous years (the products are durable goods)
- people spent less money on the products probably because a new fitness center is opened (substitute for the fitness products)
- the products may not be necessary for keeping fit (people could simply jog on the roads)
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
题目中说

1) “ fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest”

2) " they suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness."

因此题目中暗示的是 more ownership -> more time spent on computers
而结论是 It is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit.
整个的逻辑链是 more ownership -> more time spent on computers -> physically fit, 所以 using computer 不会对健康产生不好的影响。

assumption 2 中的第一个点“maybe people spend more time using computers at work” 说的其实是没有ownership of computer的人也可能spend much time on computers, 感觉这点只是单纯否定了assumption而并不能很好的削弱题目中的结论(using computers has not made citizens less physically fit).

（这点表达起来好晦涩啊，不知道有没有把自己想说的说清楚了o(>﹏<)o，and其实感觉这个评论略牵强了。。）

assumption 3 中的第二个点”people spent less money on the products probably because a new fitness center is opened (substitute for the fitness products)“, 题目中其实有提” fitness-related products and services”, new fitness center我觉得算是services的一种，那么其实也是需要收费的。这里反驳可以写公司或者学校有建健身馆“ companies and schools open free fitness center recently as a benefit for employees and students"，重点强调对大众是免费的，这样才能强调花费的下降。

另外assumption 3 中the products may not be necessary for keeping fit (people could simply jog on the roads)还想到个例子就是网上有很多的视频指导教学什么的，这些也是免费的，所以就不用花钱专门去买健身产品或办健身卡了。

自己写的提纲和老师写的三点基本一致，但是没有老师写的详细 （感觉老师已经包含了所有的可能性），每个假设也只想到了一个点。感觉自己写起来内容可能就不是很充分，论述的力度可能就不是很够。

Stfish的潜水钟UID: 3644101

以下是老师的提纲：argument 44提纲

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a journal on environmental issues.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Over the past year, the Crust Copper Company (CCC) has purchased over 10,000 square miles of land in the tropical nation of West Fredonia.

Mining copper on this land will inevitably result in pollution and, since West Fredonia is the home of several endangered animal species, in environmental disaster.

But such disasters can be prevented if consumers simply refuse to purchase products that are made with CCC's copper unless the company abandons its mining plans.



assumption 1: mining operations will necessarily cause pollution and environmental disaster
- maybe the pollution can be reduced or even eliminated with advanced tech
- the pollution under control may not threaten the endangered animals
- the animals may be spared due to the distance or conservation programs  

assumption 2: consumers can easily refuse to purchase products made of CCC copper
- the manufacturers of the products may not provide such information (difficult to tell)
- the products made of CCC copper may not have close substitutes (consumers have no choice)

assumption 3: the company rely on the domestic consumer market for its revenue and profits
- maybe CCC’s main revenue comes from transaction with large corporations
- maybe CCC mainly exports its copper abroad  

我在提纲中将老师提纲的后面两点归纳为一点，即：the advise about refusing to purchase products that made with CCC's copper is invalid.
因为我觉得这两点对应的都是argument里面的最后一句。

另外我提出了一个新的assumption：The purpose of CCC  to buy the land is mining copper.
- maybe the company wants to change a industry and develop tourism in the land.
- if the company built a natural park in the land, maybe environment could be protected better.
我觉得这一点可以对应argument里面的第一句话。

这是我的一点看法，希望老师能参考一下是否可行。谢谢老师~

448986290UID: 2880024

个人水平有限，说得不对请老师多多包涵。


以下是老师的提纲：

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Argument 43


The following appeared in a memorandum written by the chairperson of the West Egg Town Council.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Two years ago, consultants predicted that West Egg's landfill, which is used for garbage disposal, would be completely filled within five years.

During the past two years, however, the town's residents have been recycling twice as much material as they did in previous years.

Next month the amount of recycled material - which includes paper, plastic, and metal - should further increase, since charges for pickup of other household garbage will double.

Furthermore, over 90 percent of the respondents to a recent survey said that they would do more recycling in the future.

Because of our town's strong commitment to recycling, the available space in our landfill should last for considerably longer than predicted.

   
the amount of garbage reduced due to the recycling programs  
- the amount of materials recycled have doubled but the amount is relatively small compared to the amount of garbage
- the amount of garbage may have increased over the last two years due to the increase of population and economic activities  
- need to calculate the percentage of garbage reduced due to recycling

whether the growth in recycling would be sustainable
- maybe the initial amount of recycled materials was small and it is easy to double
- whether the respondents could represent the people who actually do recycling
- whether the respondents will walk the walk  

whether the residential waste is the main source of garbage
- maybe the tourists produce a substantial amount of garbage
- the manufacturing and construction industries may generate a lot of waste  
- the restaurants   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

个人的心得体会：

1. 第二个论点中的 whether the respondents could represent the people who actually do recycling 表达不是特别准确，我一开始理解的是被访问者不是真正在做recycling的人，觉得这个论据和论点没有关系。读了好几遍之后想到是不是原意是这样： 百分之九十的被调查者回答以后会做回收不代表现在有百分之九十的人在做回收。

但考虑到原文这些人回答的是in the future，总体来说还是觉得不太能证明论点，能不能持续和现在有多少人在做没有很大的关系。仅仅第三点whether the respondents will walk the walk就非常有说服力了。

（另外可以标注一下walk the walk的意思，毕竟是面向大众的出版物嘛）

这里可以找文章中的另一个论据： the amount of recycled paper, plastic and metal may not increase even the charges for other household garbage will double.


2. 自己想的另一个论点：
whether the land avaliable for landfill two years ago remains unchanged now, or in the future.
--the land may have been used for other public facilities such as parks.
--the residents living around these sites may vote against it.

感觉有点在诡辩。
对比自己的提纲和老师的就发现自己对于应该主要去找哪几种类型的论点论据还不是很清楚。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

448986290 发表于 2015-8-6 12:37
个人水平有限，说得不对请老师多多包涵。

谢谢你的意见
我居然看漏了charge double这个点  
根据你的意见我修改了提纲 你再看看

the amount of garbage reduced due to the recycling programs
- the amount of materials recycled have doubled but the amount is relatively small compared to the amount of garbage
- the amount of garbage may have increased over the last two years due to the increase of population and economic activities  
- need to calculate the percentage of garbage reduced due to recycling

whether the growth in recycling would be sustainable
- maybe the initial amount of recycled materials was small and it is easy to double
- whether the respondents could represent the people who actually handle the waste  
- whether the respondents will walk the walk  

how sensitive are the residents to the charge increase
- maybe the charge for garbage is really small relative to disposable income
- doubling the charge may create little incentive to further recycle
- the cost or trouble of further recycling may be higher than the money that could be saved


whether the residential waste is the main source of garbage
- maybe the tourists produce a substantial amount of garbage
- the manufacturing and construction industries may generate a lot of waste  
- the restaurants  

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

Argument 42

The following is a letter to the head of the tourism bureau on the island of Tria.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat to our island and our tourist industry.

In order to stop the erosion, we should charge people for using the beaches.

Although this solution may annoy a few tourists in the short term, it will raise money for replenishing the sand.

Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms.

And since beaches and buildings in the area will be preserved, Tria's tourist industry will improve over the long term.
---------------------------
1. the short-term and long-term effects of charging tourists
--whether people would still use the beaches; if few people use it, little money can be raised
-- whether tourists will keep coming after the beach is not free; if fewer people come, it will lead to the loss of total revenue.

2. the specific conditions of island of Batia, to evaluate whether replenishing sand will have the same effects on T island as B island.
--the original conditions of buildings on B, such as the storm resistance level of buildings, the distance from beach
--the topography of B island, maybe B has more plants and mountains to help building to resist storms.
--the cost of B

3. other factors that might effect T's tourist industry  
T's reputation;
the quality and price of T's service;
the labor cost of T;
infrastructure

----------------------------

把老师提纲中的第二、三点结合到一起了，主要是B的经验是否值得T借鉴，如果知道B和T的情况就可以了。不知道这样可不可以。还有把第一点的二、三项结合了一下，觉得这样比较连贯。

Jerry__007UID: 3642610

占楼

bairongUID: 3607808

先占楼

Argument38) The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.
Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our alpaca overcoat. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand. Also, since the price of most types of clothing has increased in each of the past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company profits will increase.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

老师的提纲
the demand for alpaca coat
- the reason why competitors do not produce alpaca overcoat (maybe the customers are less interested)
- the availability of close substitute (the prices, the fashion)
- the animal protection groups

the willingness to pay higher prices  
-  the sales of other types of clothes after the price spike (maybe the customers bought less clothes)
-  how elastic the demand for alpaca coats is relative to other clothes

the stability of the supply and the costs  
- the cost of the raw materials
- the cost of labor and machinery
- how stable the supply would be

个人的心得体会
（1）the stability of the supply and the costs 这一点是否可以增加一个the quality of fabric the supplier provides，因为题目中提到五年前是high quality wool fabric.
（2）the willingness to pay higher prices  这一点里面接着老师的第一小点，题目中提到的 the phrase "most types" is too vague. We need the information about prices and market for clothes similar to those alpaca overcoats. 我说的这点和老师说的第二小点是可以合并的，因为需求弹性就和相似替代品有关。

不知道行不行，请老师参考~  

雲靉玥UID: 2888572

Argument 37

The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.

Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway.
Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased.
To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city.
Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

老师的提纲：
- Whether the investors would be interested in building factories in the new area  
   - suitable manufacturing projects (market with strong demand for the products)
   - supply of inexpensive skilled labor  
   - safe environment for operating factories

- other reasons why crime rates declined and property tax revenue increased
    - maybe a new police chief was assigned to improve the efficiency of the police  
    - the installation of surveillance cameras
    - funded NGO projects to engage the youth at risk  

- whether the unoccupied houses and apartment could accommodate the displaced residents
   - whether the residents are willing to relocate
   - the ownership of the houses and apartment
   - the conditions of the houses and apartment and the cost of renovation  


我写的提纲：

E1: The factories constructed ten years ago really caused the lower crime rates and more tax revenues.
- the booming economy of the city as a whole, more business opened in the city, better educated citizens might also cause the same result.
- the crime rate might raise significantly in other places where those original residents in the area had moved to.

E2: The result ten years ago can be applied to today’s situation
- the market has changed over years
- the factories constructed ten years ago were near the freeway, so the transportation of the sources and product is convenient and cheap. The new area might not have this advantage

E3: The nearby community has the ability to serve the new residents.
- there might not be enough unoccupied houses
- people might not want to move there as there might be not enough public facilities like school and hospital, and might be far away from downtown where most people are working at.


心得与体会：
感觉我写的和老师的虽然表达不同，但是主要的点应该是大同小异的，只有第一点稍微不太一样。老师对于每个点展开的更全面，而我很多只能想到片面的一点，还是得在思路和语言方面向老师学习。
觉得可以改进的是第二点中，老师只写了关于crime rate的可能，而忽略了税收部分。）另外NGO是啥O。O会不会想的有点点远？）
还有一点不知道是不是我主观的原因，觉得第一个point和十年前的做个比较会更好。

TalaghUID: 3623477

36) The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

老师的提纲
The reasons why East Meria people saw doctors for treating colds infrequently
- maybe the people there cannot afford seeing the doctor and take some OTC medicine for colds (track the sales of OTC medicine for colds)
- perhaps there are fewer children and elderly people vulnerable to colds in EM
- maybe EM people exercise more or take vitamin C everyday
首先，觉得这个evidence的表述可以改进一下，说whether fish is the reason，这样之后说“即使鱼是原因，但是还有blabla”，更有条理的感觉。老师说的几点还是比较有道理的，只要多多指出两个地方人的可能不同特征就好了。我觉得如果给的几个原因，要是彼此之间也有逻辑关系可能会更好，比如：除了食物，其他原因比如锻炼；即使是食物造成差别，可能是蔬菜水果吃更多


The real causes of absences from school and work  
- whether medical certificates have been produced for the absences
- the attitudes of students towards learning in school
- the motivation levels of workers and the working conditions/ compensation in WM
老师可能是按题目给出顺序组织的，但我觉得按内在逻辑顺序组织会更好。接下来谈即便鱼有效，Ichthaid不一定有效，最后说即便Ichthaid有效，cold不是真正原因。这里老师给的几点我学习了很多，之前只能想到cold不是real reason，但不知道怎么分析

The effects of taking Ichthaid on a daily basis relative to eating fish
- fish as a healthy substitute of pork and beef
- the direct effects of Ichthaid on preventing cold (control experiment)
- the potential harm of overdosage of Ichthaid  
这里我和老师的理由给的不太一样。不太明白第一条鱼是肉的良好替代品是啥意思，也没说多吃鱼就少吃肉呀？并且最后一条过量的危害也略奇怪，吃啥过量都有危害的，吃多了有害和抗感冒不有效没啥关系的样子。我觉得说不一定是鱼油有用，可能是鱼肉蛋白。即便鱼油有用，Ichthaid is derived from it，可能有益成分没了，也没有用。但是看了老师第二条后，发现这个第二条一句话就可以概括了，暂时还没想出新理由

总之感觉老师好厉害啊，每个evidence都能想两个可能，我一般差不多只能想两个也只来得及写两个，看来还需要练习啊

附，我的提纲（随手写的，语法一塌糊涂，都不是连贯的句子:$ ）

Evidence showing that it is fish that helps to reduce doctor visiting because of colds.
Expect food, other reason for health such as more exercise
Even food, other eating habits such as vegetable.

Evidence showing that the effect of consuming Ichthaid to prevent cold is equal to consuming fish. Expect fish oil, other part of fish, such as protein, might work.
Even fish oil, Ichthaid, which is derived from it, might not work.

Evidence showing that less rate of cold could reduce absentssism
Even if given reason for absentssim is cold, other reason that can not be told such as skipping class for fun might be the true reason.

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID: 2969217

最近在准备模考，作文可能更多会去练习提纲，占一个楼，将来陆续更新。

supersamUID: 3589628

老师好！不好意思，今天生病了，没有写作文，明天补上。
想问您一个问题，听说新Ｇ和老Ｇ Arguemnt 的区别在于， 老G在于攻击漏洞，而新g 是提出假设，或者看看还缺少什么。 那么，我的思路是这样，为了增强逻辑感，我先在中心段1说第一个疏漏，然后中心段2说：even if 疏漏一不存在，还可能有其他疏漏，然后中心段3说：even if 上一段的疏漏不存在，还可能有其他疏漏。 这是我听一个考老G的人讲的思路，不知道是否适用于新G。  我写的文章:Argu71

锤先森G330UID: 3603995

先占楼，下午来看

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

Argument 13

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty County last year lowered its speed limit from 55 to 45 miles per hour on all county highways.

But this effort has failed: the number of accidents has not decreased, and, based on reports by the highway patrol, many drivers are exceeding the speed limit.

Prunty County should instead undertake the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five years ago: increasing lane widths, resurfacing rough highways, and improving visibility at dangerous intersections.

Today, major Butler County roads still have a 55 mph speed limit, yet there were 25 percent fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past year than there were five years ago.

1)Given that the number of accidents has not decreased, they should also disclose the detail about the accidents like casualty number and death rate under the new speed limit.

2)Many drivers are exceeding the speed limit based on reports of the highway patrol, then how many cases of all the accidents are actually caused or can be avoided if they were under the speed limit.

3)How long it has been since the highway or major roads in Prunty County were built or reconditioned & what  the damage condition of the roads is.

4)What the traffic in Prunty County is like, is the road overloaded with cars and trucks? If the traffic condition in the two county analogous to each other?

5)Has the report policy on traffic accidents changed in Butler County in the past five years, whether there are less accidents taking place in the past year or  merely less of them are reported due to the new policy?

6)Has the traffic condition or the number of cars, people's driving habit and the quality of car remarkably changed in the past 5 years? Whether it is caused by the improvement project undertook 5 years ago?

--------------------------------------------分割线-------------------------------------------

老师的points
the reason why many drivers exceed the speed limit  
- whether the drivers are fully informed about the change
- whether the fines and other punishments for speeding were efficient

这一条我没怎么考虑，应当注意。政策失效的原因也可能是政策没有被有效执行。

the reason why Butler County had fewer accidents
- maybe fewer cars were on the road due to the receding economy
- a driver education program has worked

Driver education program算是一条“干货”知识了，学习了

whether the proposed road improvement would reduce the accidents in Prunty
- the road condition in Prunty
- the causes of accidents in Prunty (related to poor road condition or  not)  

这条我跟老师想得差不多，超速或路面状况是不是事故的主要原因


我考虑的原因里，有几条老师也可以参考一下：
其一，限速标准变更后，即使事故几率没减少，但人员伤亡也许有所改观，那么政策仍然是有效的；
其二，对于交通事故的报道政策是否有变，更少被报道并不意味着事故本身减少了；
其三，过去5年内的车辆性能、驾驶习惯、使用频率（上路次数）是否发生改变？


总的来说，对于政策的执行力度和交通安全宣传教育是我忽视的因素，应当学习老师的思路。

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-6 15:10
谢谢你的意见
我居然看漏了charge double这个点  
根据你的意见我修改了提纲 你再看看

老师我对这里的第三个evidence，有点不一样的看法，说得不对请老师多多包涵！

how sensitive are the residents to the charge increase
- maybe the charge for garbage is really small relative to disposable income
- doubling the charge may create little incentive to further recycle
- the cost or trouble of further recycling may be higher than the money that could be saved

针对原文的理解，可能和老师有点不一样。
Next month the amount of recycled material - which includes paper, plastic, and metal - should further increase, since charges for pickup of other household garbage will double.

我理解的是：由于其他一些垃圾的处理费用要加倍，所以回收物品的数目会增加。Oxford中对pickup的解释是”an act of collecting a person or goods, especially in a vehicle",所以我理解这里的charge是把讲东西收到垃圾车里然后扔掉（扔到landfill)而不是回收再利用所收取的费用。
由于把东西当垃圾扔掉的话收的charge是要double的，为了避免money的损失，所以人们应该更有incentive就做further recycle，所以recycled material的数量才会增加，感觉这是原文想说的逻辑链。

感觉老师的理解是pickup of other household garbage是指回收所收的钱。
于是会得到以下两个论点：
- doubling the charge may create little incentive to further recycle
- the cost or trouble of further recycling may be higher than the money that could be saved