theoneneo的作文练习贴

theoneneoUID: 3622097

本人（寄托论坛用户theoneneo）在此声明，授权寄托论坛用户tesolchina使用本人所写GRE作文习作用于教学研究等目的。
本人在此所发GRE作文习作均为原创。

不知如何设置一个阅读权限呢？不用高了15就行，只求不被ETS检索到。

covan834UID: 3580369

appreciate it

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 1: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

What distinguishes human from other animals? Tool. We humans invent tool, use it and improve it, making tool one of our greatest glories – technology. As technology develops, it not just helps people, no matter scientists or publics, solve problems but also facilitates our ability of thinking.

facilitates our ability of thinking这是全段唯一回应题目的地方 但是搭配不当  
没有1+3模型的痕迹啊  


Hubble Space Telescope is a masterpiece of human technology and a powerful tool to observe the mysterious universe. By the advantage of being in the space, Hubble can capture the light from the deepest space in universe that no telescope on earth could see. While solving the problem of being screened by atmosphere and clouds, Hubble allows astronomers to research far more complicated questions like finding earth-like planets or the origin of universe. All these questions require more thinking than ever.

Hubble并不能solve problems  
这段的例子还不错 但是用来解释观点的笔墨太少了  而且你段落开头没有点出分论点 会让读者很很抓狂的
另外就是你没有从例子中提炼观点 只是就事论事 hubble代表的是什么 它的故事说明了什么道理？



While one Hubble is looking toward outside, hundreds of satellites are aiming at the earth. GPS, consists of dozens of satellites, makes possible that to pinpoint over the entire earth. With the advent of internet and smart phone, people can easily get their locations via map apps. Though GPS has made the acquisition of coordinate effortless, the using of map certainly demands careful mind. Understanding roads and marks in map, looking for stores around and scheduling driving paths are all highly active brain activities. People are kept thinking when using map.

people是指谁
如果是靠GPS导航的司机 他需要动脑筋思考么  

It is true that without GPS the locating would be more challenging and would need more bandwidth of mind. But the difficulties would prevent publics from using map apps and would even not have map apps at the first place. In such case, the thinking ability of publics to use map would be lost.

GPS the locating 什么意思
不懂你这段在说什么



Speaking of smart phone, it has significantly shaped the way people communicate. By the strength of 24x7 connectivity to network and the numerous social apps, we can reach everybody with just a few finger effort. Communications have never be so easy, even my grandmother has recently got a smart phone for herself. Looking at my elder relatives chatting with each other – they send texts, share photos and talk about news – using smart phones, I have found they are more knowledgeable than before. Even my grandmother knows about Gangnam Style.


段落间完全没过渡啊 开头shaped the way people communicate跟ability to think有毛线关系啊  你这写得太任性了吧


Technology and our reliance on it does not merely solve actual problems for us, it emancipates the mental power to focus on more complicated situations, more relatively high-level questions. Dealing with those questions, the ability of humans to think for themselves will not deteriorate but greatly improve.

Word统计字数408 words，第一次动笔写没有限时。

疑问求指点：
1. Issue作文可以完全赞同或者反对题目的观点吗？比如这题Issue 1我就完全反对题目观点，我认为technology会improve thinking，然后举例也只用来支持我的观点了。之前看李建林的5.5里面写Issue文都是正反合的套路，也不管写作指引，个人感觉处理得过于简单，有些题目似乎两面都写也矛盾。
2. Issue作文是否应该复述题目的statement呢？比如写I don't agree the statement这样的语句？这篇Issue 1因为我是反对题目的statement的，就没有在作文里复述它，我也不想自己的文章里出现一个我不赞同的理论，所以文中就只按自己的观点写东西了。
3. 目前我看了王老师6分教学贴的一部分，觉得分情况讨论和1+3这两个方法很好，分三种情况作为中间的三个意群段，再加开头段和结尾总结段，文章似乎就成了。不知道这篇练习作文是否完全符合1+3模型？自觉第一段没有怎么提到后面将要分开讨论的3种情况，这样写可以吗？刚写完的时候发现是“0+3”，检查的时候给这一句加了插入语企图以此代表后续的3情况。As technology develops, it not just helps people, no matter scientists or publics, solve problems but also facilitates our ability of thinking.
4. 在写三种情况里面的后两种时，我没有明说GPS或者smart phone是technology，解决了定位不方便或者沟通不方便的Problem，而是写的GPS或者smart phone使得定位或者沟通更easy，这样算不算跑题？Issue文需要把这些观点很直白的写出来吗？
5. 写完自己回读全文，感觉首段-中间、中间-尾段的衔接有点生硬。1+3模型再结尾的结构是不是都这样呢？

其它：
1. 个人情况，还没考过GT，在IT行业某外企工作5年了，做软件测试。工作上都是用英文但是也只是写邮件为主，简单没有什么深度。
2. 第一次写GRE作文，想了半个小时，然后写了一上午，Word写的还有拼写辅助。真实考试30分钟以现在这速度直接挂了，希望可以通过练习提高速度。
3. 写的时候斟酌句子用词，突然有种在做GRE填空题的感觉。一句话写到某处停下来，脑子里就在想前半句的某个词的同义词，可惜不是填空题没有备选项可以看。

theoneneoUID: 3622097

tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-8 20:20
Issue 1: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to thin ...

感谢老师的指点！我写得太隐晦了，没有明确的说出每段的观点，这跟我最初构思时的提纲也不一致。看来在写的过程中，有些东西不知不觉就变了味了。

针对老师提的问题，我做了比较多的改动：
1. 首段加了一句提到后面3种情况，不知这样算不算实现了1+3的1呢？
2. 中间三种情况每段开头都增加了一句观点句，直白说出我的意思，确实感觉文章结构显得更清楚了。
3. 中间三种情况每段末尾我也补充了一句结论专门回应题目，不知道是否必要？会不会显得啰嗦呢？我又想ETS的机器评分的时候，检测到这些语句会不会认为我是在点题然后给我好评？
4. 结尾段跟开头段看着差不多，内容也重复。这样的结尾段也许能讨好机器？

Issue 1
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

What distinguishes human from other animals? Tool. We humans invent tool, use it and improve it, making tool one of our greatest glories – technology. As technology develops, it helps people solve problems and not hampers but enhances our ability of thinking. This can be seen from scientists, publics and people around us.

For scientists, the reliance on technology solves existing problems and offers to them new issues which require more thinking. Hubble Space Telescope is a masterpiece of human technology and a powerful tool to observe the mysterious universe. Unlike other telescopes on earth which have the trouble of being screened by atmosphere and clouds, Hubble is free of such vexation. By the advantage of being in the space, Hubble can capture the light from the deepest space in universe that no telescope on earth could see. This allows astronomers to research far more complicated questions like finding earth-like planets and the origin of universe. All these questions require more thinking than ever. The astronomers’ ability of thinking has no possibility to deteriorate via the reliance on Hubble.

For publics, the reliance on technology brings convenience to their lives and promotes their thinking while they use the technology. The advent of GPS has made realistic that to pinpoint locations over the entire earth. With the assistance of navigation devices which receive signals from GPS, users can easily get their locations. Hence one would not get lost any more. Though GPS and navigation devices have made the acquisition of coordinate effortless, the using of map certainly demands careful mind. Understanding roads and marks in map, looking for stores around and scheduling driving paths are all highly active brain activities. Users are kept thinking when using map and thereby the ability of thinking would not deteriorate.

For people around myself, the reliance on technology intensifies their interactions and sharpens their minds. By the strength of connectivity to network and numerous social apps, smart phones have rendered communication never be so easy. Looking at my elder relatives chatting frequently with each other – they send texts, share photos and talk about news – using smart phones, I have found they are more knowledgeable of new things than before, even my grandmother knows about Gangnam Style. From them, I have witnessed the reliance on technology whets the ability of thinking.

Technology and our reliance on it does not merely solve actual problems for us, it emancipates the mental power to focus on more complicated situations, more relatively high-level questions. Dealing with those questions, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely improve.

字数统计428

theoneneoUID: 3622097

参照issue 1的问题，我修改了之前写的另外一篇练习，想请老师指导，谢谢。

Issue 3
Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Different educational institutions have different principles in their teaching activities, hence they have different responsibilities toward students. To dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed is a serious affair. Whether an educational institution has such a responsibility depends on the principle of the institution. Educational institutions like career training schools, art interest cultivation schools and universities are not the same on this matter.

hence 前后断句
is a serious affair 句子结构  serious affair 选词
art interest cultivation schools什么鬼  汉英直译




For career training schools, they surely have the responsibility. The principle of career training schools is to impart practical technologies and skills to students, to make them adequate for future jobs. Likewise, the purpose of students who enroll at career training schools is also primarily based on their job prospects. For these students, the success of study counts on obtaining a job in the future. For example, a male student would like to choose study belongs to a female exclusive field, he might not get a job in that field after graduation. This would conflict with his basic purpose of going to a career training school – finding a job. So the school has a responsibility to dissuade him from doing that.

principle 选词 这里是指goal吧
impart technologies搭配
purpose- based on 搭配
success counts on 搭配
choose study belongs句子结构
现在哪里有女性专属的职业啊  而且题目的意思是个人不太可能成功的 例子不合适啊


In contrast, training schools which aim at cultivating students’ interests of art don’t have such a responsibility. Providing colorful courses for students and boosting their enthusiasms for music, painting, dancing and other forms of art, are the primary principles of these schools. To the students, the excellent experience from art study weights much more than the success in art field. Most of them don’t expect to become an artist or start an art career through the study. These schools have no necessity to prevent their students from choosing inappropriate fields.

colorful courses搭配
weights 动词用法
have no necessity搭配



As for universities, they don’t have such a responsibility either. The major principle of universities toward students is cultivating students’ ability to study and research. And this is too the major purpose of the students. Though some students might choose to learn in fields in which they might not fit, they could gain the ability of studying and researching from college. With excellent ability, students can establish splendid careers in other fields after graduation. As we see, not all students make professions in the fields they majored in universities. Thereby, universities don’t have the responsibility to check students’ selections.

没有具体例子啊
make professions搭配
check students’ selections 搭配

你基本上还是处于想怎么写就怎么写的阶段 写一个句子出来根本不考虑这句话这个说法之前有没有见过   
你不要以为学了分类讨论就能把文章写好 分类之后对具体分论点的设置以及中间段的论述都很关键
建议你模仿我的范文 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ge=13#pid1779113433

Someone may argue that considering the economic cost and the time cost, universities should dissuade students from studying in unsuitable fields. This viewpoint misplaces the importance of training field specialists and cultivating students’ ability. Because the latter one is always more valuable for university students.

Holding to responsibilities is crucial for educational institutions. The discrepancies among the principles of educational institutions decide the different responsibilities they have. Anyway, thinking for students’ best interests is the one that matters most.

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theoneneoUID: 3622097

我又练习了一篇issue 20，分类虽然跟issue 3放在一起，可是题目的观点差别还是很大啊，完全是新写的了。这题有2个观点，我支持第一个反对第二个，似乎不好分三种情况或者用1+3的结构来写，不知我这样先支持观点一再反对观点二可以么。

Issue 20
Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

Why do students go to college? Someone may say for getting a job after graduation. It’s true that mastering professional knowledge and being adequate for career is important, but that’s not the most critical purpose. Students go to college primarily in order to cultivate their ability to study and research. For this purpose, college students should base their choice of a field of study not on the availability of jobs in that field, but on only their own talents and interests.

When the field of study is selected based on only talent and interest, the ability of a student can be maximized. Because the major and the courses are something the student likes and being good at, his or her enthusiasm can be greatly spurred, his or her potential can be considerably exploited. By the enthusiasm and potential, an excellent performance of study can be expected for the student and normally that would come true. Hence, the ability of the student gained from college learning would surely be strong. With outstanding ability, the worry of whether the student can get a job is definitely redundant.

For example, a student who likes math and chooses math as the major in college may be seen as hard to get a job in that field. Though the student might not become a mathematician, he or she could find the position in banks, software companies or educational institutions. Once possessing extraordinary ability, the student could establish a splendid career.

On the other hand, someone believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field. This point views the chance of getting a job with higher priority than the ability to study and research. It misplaces the weight of the two aspects. When consideration of job availability or other similar situation forces a student to compromise, to give up the field in which he or she has the greatest potential, the student loses the opportunity to maximize his or her ability. A loss might not be possible to make up.

For instance, a student who loves literature but chooses computer science as the major just because the plenitude of jobs in IT industry may not fit the major at all. He or she may not get a good performance in the study and may even drop out. His or her ability would not be as strong as it from studying in the favorite field. Clearly, in this case the choice of field of study does not meet the student’s interest.

So, college students should choose field of study only by their own talents and interests. Doing this accords with the very purpose of students enrolling at college – cultivating ability to study and research – and with the best interests of students.

字数统计：466

theoneneoUID: 3622097

加上了需要批改的标签。这几天还写了几篇，我还需要先自己改一改。

另外求帮忙设置一个帖子阅读权限，我怕被ETS看到，谢谢了。

theoneneoUID: 3622097

今天参考范文练习了一篇要求address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position的文章。我给每段加了标签，感觉这样列提纲和写全文结构都很清楚。
自觉目前最大问题就是耗时实在太严重，一边写一边做同义词替换和编辑，从提纲到全文花了我3个小时。莫非只有把所有题目都写完才能过作文关？愁啊。

Issue 94
The effectiveness of a country's leaders is best measured by examining the well-being of that country's citizens.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

My Stance:
Agree the claim only in specific condition.

My Point:
During different times, the measurements of assessing a country’s leaders are different. It cannot indiscriminately be the well-being of the citizens. In peace time, the leaders’ effectiveness are best evaluated by the well-being of the citizens; in war time, the leaders’ effectiveness are legitimately measured by the victory of war; when a nation is fighting for independence, the leaders’ effectiveness are definitely judged by the success of independence.

Case 1:
In peace time, the well-being of the citizens is the best standard to evaluate whether the leaders are effective. Because in halcyon period, developing economy is certainly the primary goal for a country. And the growth of economy and the prosperity of nation are ultimately reflected by the improvement of well-being of citizens.
For example, China’s economy has remarkably developed in the past 30 years and now it’s the world’s second largest economy. The living of people in China has also greatly improved – this can be seen from the increment of income of workers, the number of cars sold every year and other facts. Despite many issues China is still facing, the leaders of China surely are effective under examining of the well-being of the country's citizens.

Case 2:
In war time, the victory of war is the legitimate way to measure the leaders’ effectiveness. Because in war period, winning the war is, of course, the first priority for a country. War can wreak havoc to a country and its people with great casualty and loss. Ending it through victory is the most efficient method to stop the harm of war.
During the World War II, Churchill led the resistance of Britain against the invasion of Nazi Germany and eventually defeated the enemy. Though British people suffered a lot during the war, Churchill was irrefutably deemed as an effective leader.

Case 3:
When a nation is fighting for independence, the success of independence is the definitely criterion to judge the leaders’ effectiveness. Because in such period, achieving autonomy is no doubt the highest target for a country. An autonomous nation is the biggest dream of the citizens living in colonies.
For instance, Washington led the revolt of America against the ruling of Britain and finally declared the independence of the nation. Though the rebellion against British ruler brought war to American people, the feat of accomplishing history mission unquestionably made Washington an effective leader.

Challenge:
Someone may argue that the purpose of a country to attain independence is to ameliorate the lives of its people, then the effectiveness of leaders of independence is also best measured by examining the well-being of its citizens. This point misconstrues the core purpose of national independence – freedom, fairness and justice for all its citizens. For country’s leaders, there are many alternative means other than pursuing national independence that could improve the well-being of the citizens. So, the effectiveness of leaders of independence is still best judged by the success of independence.

Conclusion:
In summary, the primary missions of country’s leaders are different in specific situations. No single standard is adequate to assess all the leaders. Only by examining the achievements of their primary missions, can we measure the effectiveness of a country’s leaders.

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