第一篇arguement，来点评的都是小天使=3=

刘迎UID: 3647976

题目：
     The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.
"Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens met the standards as then defined. But these experts are mistaken when they suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness. Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."

要求：Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

正文：
    The argument cannot make a verified claim against the experts’ opinion, for the assumptions they built on are not reasonable. It wrongly assumes that the level of computer ownership reflects the usage of them, the consumption of fitness-related products and services is a proper indicator for how active people are into exercise, and that the decease of expenditure on those products is because of economic condition.
     First of all, in claiming the regions which has the best fitness level is where computer ownership level is high, the arguer assumes that ownership is equal to usage. In that case, people who own computers are more likely to use them, and the more computers are being personally owned in the area the more usage there will be for individuals in that place. Clearly, this claim is not true for two reasons. On the one hand, lots of people using computers at work do not buy personal computers of their own. For example the accountants need to use computers 8 hours everyday when they work-which will decrease their fitness level- but many of them do not buy computers. Thus the level of ownership cannot indicate the usage of them. On the other hand, if the level of ownership is calculated by the total number of personal computers divided by total number of citizen, there is a good chance that some people can own several computers and the actual portion of people who have personal computers are low. In that case, people in that area may not use computer most and this can explain their higher level of physical fitness.
     Second, as the arguer tries to make his or her own explanation, he or she wrongly assumes that the fitness-related products and services people buy is can show how much they exercise, however the relationship is not so certain. People may change their way of exercise from indoor activities and fit club that need those products and services to other forms, for example running, climbing and balls, which acquire less professional products and services. Besides, the decrease in expenditure can also be the result of a lower price. Therefore, the lower expenditure is not a good indicator of citizens’ less exercise, as the arguer assumes.
      Finally, even if the decrease in those expenditure relates to less fitness activities, we cannot assume that economic condition is the reason behind it. There can be other reasons for the decreased consumption. For instance, it is because people in Corpora lose their interests in physical activities that they stop buying products and services related to them. If this is true then the recover of economy will do no help to their fitness activities. Even though we concede that economic condition is the reason for less fitness activities, the future recovery of economy may still not bring the recovery of fitness, since people will probably have changed their lifestyle. That is, when people are accustomed to less fitness activities in their daily lives it is hard to pick up exercises when they eventually have the money to do it. Hence the arguer’s suggestion may not be useful because of those wrong assumptions.
       In conclusion, because of the those invalid assumptions, the argument is not convincing in reputing the experts’ idea and explaining reasons of Corpora’s citizens’ decline in physical fitness.   

岳然UID: 3654715

写得很不错啊，语言方面除了一些细小的语法错误和不地道的表达以外总体非常流畅。
我觉得中间论述部分不是必须要三段式，像最后一段从Even though we concede开始完全可以另起一段。看起来会更舒服一点。
还有一个明显的assumption你没有写，current standards和then defined standards是否一致的问题，对于LZ这种能够冲击5分甚至6分的选手来说，不应该放过任何一个得分点

刘迎UID: 3647976

岳然 发表于 2015-10-23 03:44
写得很不错啊，语言方面除了一些细小的语法错误和不地道的表达以外总体非常流畅。
我觉得中间论述部分不是 ...

谢谢点评！
关于漏掉的这个assumption我可能想太多了。我觉得原文的主旨是在反对experts的看法，而“健康标准”是在experts的观点中出现的，不是arguer本人的看法，所以犹豫要不要写呢。

岳然UID: 3654715

刘迎 发表于 2015-10-23 11:52
谢谢点评！
关于漏掉的这个assumption我可能想太多了。我觉得原文的主旨是在反对experts的看法，而“健康 ...

哦哦你说的有道理，是我没仔细看。不过，arguer在他的论证中，也默认居民的fitness level的确下降了，说明他也作出了这样的assumption。如果事实证明fitness level是由于不同的standard造成的话，那么之后关于economy的论述就被weaken了

刘迎UID: 3647976

岳然 发表于 2015-10-23 16:14
哦哦你说的有道理，是我没仔细看。不过，arguer在他的论证中，也默认居民的fitness level的确下降了，说明 ...

有道理

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

原文：Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit.  
你写的
First of all, in claiming the regions which has the best fitness level is where computer ownership level is high, the arguer assumes that ownership is equal to usage.  
这句话大概的意思是对的 但是ownership is equal to usage这个句子很有问题   而且前面半句里所说的也不是原作者的claim  

你可以参考下我的提纲
assumption 1: the decreasing percentage of physically fit citizens is not related to the changing standards or the ageing of the population
- perhaps the standards have become higher resulting in fewer people identified as fit
- perhaps people become less physically fit simply because of ageing

assumption 2: levels of ownership of computers accurately reflect the time spent on computers
- maybe people spend more time using computers at work
- maybe people who own computers can better afford time and money for exercises and medical care (ownership of computers indicate socioeconomic classes rather than time spent on computers)

assumption 3: the low expenditures of fitness-related products are results of declining economy and the use of such products is necessary for keeping fit  
- the low expenditure may be a result of high expenditure in the previous years (the products are durable goods)
- people spent less money on the products probably because a new fitness center is opened (substitute for the fitness products)
- the products may not be necessary for keeping fit (people could simply jog on the roads)

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

另外 新G的要求是讨论假设成立与否对论证是否成立的影响 而不是要你一开始就指出假设是错的