Let's Laugh:D

cybercarUID: 141619

If you have good jokes , share with us, and let's laugh:D:D

Me ,first:D

cybercarUID: 141619

Top 10 Funny Store Signs  

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

cybercarUID: 141619

Bad reception  

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

lovelyJJUID: 166927

广泛流传的幽默：看通用汽车老板怎么修理比尔.盖茨

BILL GATES VS GENERAL MOTORS

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry withthe auto industry and stated that :- "If GM had kept up with technology like the computerindustry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to thegallon."

In response to Gates' comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the followingcharacteristics:  

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this,restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down andrefuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But thenyou would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, andtwice as easy to drive, but would only work on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single"general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you inuntil you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radioantenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (nowa GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete thisoption would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GMwould become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn to drive all over againbecause none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

lovelyJJUID: 166927

:D  :D  :D

cybercarUID: 141619

The President''s Puzzle  

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

cybercarUID: 141619

Hans Across Iraq  

Dear Mr. Blix,
Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.

Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 1991, I thought I’d help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few “Dos” and “Don’ts”.

DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless tchotkes to us Third World “savages”. We will remember these tokens as we dance on your bleached bones. I joke!

DO:
Ignore my playful peoples penchant for recreational HAZMAT suit use. Moreover, ignore the glowing, three-tailed rats that are indigenous to Baghdad. While you’re at it, ignore the totally desolate warehouse full of rotting canisters at the corner of Saddam Is Great Avenue and Drown In Blood Yankee Dogs Boulevard.

DO:
Feel free to enter any building, factory, or hospital you desire. And while you’re busy violating my paranoid and fragile egos sovereignty, feel free to double-check the bedpans of the dying, gut the teddy bears of orphans, and pour into the dirt any and all bottles of weapons grade baby formula you might uncover.

DON’T:
Forget your high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction Poking Sticks or Nintendo Gameboys at the hotel. We know that without these useless, aesthetic “tools” you cannot unearth the make-believe stores of plutonium I don’t have hidden underneath my opulent Presidential Palaces that my people willed me to build for my own noble pleasures.

DON’T:
Ignore the cultural relativism we know you studied in your Liberal Arts Colleges. We humble Iraqis have a far different culture than the advanced West. Whereas you respect the differences between languages, cultures and value systems, I want to kill. Kill you, your family, friends, grammar school teachers, the Israelis, whole bunches of Saudis and just for good measure, my new yet treacherous-looking barber Adnan.

DON’T:
Mock our cherished Iraqi way of life. While you might think it barbaric and backward, our seemingly brutal governmental system is based on sound fascistic principles that have helped keep the majority of Arabs in splendid desolate squalor for decades.

I truly hope your stay here is a positive experience. I pray that those of you I do not like do not accidentally get caught in the crossfire of the invasion you are busy inventing!

In Me I Trust,
Saddam

danahUID: 144289

:D:D
laugh first, then the humors:D

FOClUID: 130861

哈哈，这里好！:D

FOClUID: 130861

最初由 cybercar 发布
[B]Bad reception  

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next ..

以下省略...... [/B]

sell to blondes有什么特殊意思吗？怎么看不懂呢～ :(

cybercarUID: 141619

Difference

   "If you tell a man anything, it goes in at one ear and out at the oth-er." she remarked.

"And if you tell a woman anything," he countered, "it goes in at both ears and out of her mouth."

cybercarUID: 141619

　A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
　After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
　The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
　The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

cybercarUID: 141619

Do you know my work?
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
    Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
    "Before I came out," said one, "I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them."
    "You don't know my work," said the other.
    "What is your work?"
    "I'm a policeman."
    "Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, "And do you know my wok?" "No," said the policeman.
     "I'm a writer, I'm always telling stories about things that never happened." ?